Pick Your Poison!
by CzarThwomp
Summary: Blaise Debeste wakes up one day to find that he has the power to twist and bend reality at will, so he decides to use this newfound power to get his revenge on the Phoenix Wright cast in the most amusing way that he can think of: a game show where you, the reader, list ways to punish characters from this series in a probably comedic fashion.
1. Preface and Rules

**Disclaimer: The Ace Attorney franchise is property of Capcom. I, the writer of this fanfic, do not own the characters or am associated with the company in any way, shape, or form in the production of this non-canonical, non-profit fanfic.**

* * *

A large puff of smoke forms as Blaise Debeste materializes out of thin air onto a stage in a television studio, where there is no live audience, to a snazzy jazz style theme song. After the 30 second song ends, Blaise stares into the nearby camera and begins to address the viewers with a big grin on his face.

"Hello ladies and gentlemen, thanks for tuning in to my new game show: Pick Your Poison! Y'see, just this morning, I woke up in my prison cell only to realize that I have somehow gained the power to bend reality to my will. Y'know, you should have seen the look on the guard who helped me realize that I had these powers when I accidently turned his body inside out.

After this realization, I was debating on how to use my newfound powers: Y'see, I could use them to get revenge on those who've wronged me in the past, I could use them to make humanity submit to my will, or I could even use them to take over the universe, y'know. So in the end, I decided on an idea that would let me get my revenge and achieve world domination at the same time: create a game show where I torture characters from the Phoenix Wright Universe."

Blaise then starts to play with his lighter.

"The rules to game show are so simple that even my idiot son could understand them:

1\. You, the viewer, can submit your comments to specify which characters to torture and the method of how it will be done. Using my powers, I have captured every character in this series, dead or alive, past or future, none of that stuff matters, y'know, if their a character from this series, then their being held in the back room.

2\. Due to time constraints, we'll do three to five requests per episode and there will be around ten episodes this season."

3\. My powers are boundless, y'know, so I can do anything that you could possibly imagine. However, there are a few exceptions that will be stated in Rule #4, y'see.

4\. When posting your comments, please keep them at a T rating or lower. I may be a maniacal, heartless douchebag who just recently acquired reality bending powers, but even I can't prevent this show from getting canceled if material that is too lewd is shown, y'know.

5\. If you post multiple requests, only one of them will be used for each episode. Y'see, I want to give as many different people the chance to give their input to this show.

6 Y'know, I'm not an idiot like my son, Sebastian; I know that I'm not well liked, so there will probably be comments that will ask me to punish myself. If that's the case, then I will just simply subject Sebastian to your request instead."

7\. No OCs allowed. Y'see, I find OCs to be confusing and irritating in this kind of setting, so I won't allow them."

Blaise then waves to the camera.

"Well folks, I'll see you soon for our first full episode of Pick Your Poison!"

A large puff of smoke forms as Blaise disappears into thin air.

* * *

 **I'm just going to make a summary of the rules stated above for clarification purposes.**

 **1\. 'Pick Your Poison!' is a game show where you, the reader can list ways, through the Reviews Section or by PMs, that you would like to see any characters in the Phoenix Wright series suffer. If a character is canonically included in the series, then they can be included, regardless of their time period of origin or if they are dead or alive.**

 **2.** **For this fanfic, 'episodes' refer to chapters. In other words, this fanfic will be about 11 chapters long.**

 **3\. Think of this as gameshow version of the classic party game 'Truth or Dare', except with only the dare option available and with all of them being some form of punishment; hence the name of the show where you're picking the characters' "poisons" or punishments. Blaise can use his newfound powers to do anything to any character. After each episode, Blaise will heal all physical wounds that the characters may have endured. The only thing limiting you is your imagination and the stipulations found in Rule #4.**

 **4\. Keep all comments at the level of a T rating or lower. I will not be posting any material that could get this fanfic pulled or that will get me in trouble. Also, try to make the punishments have an overall comedic tone. Notice how this fanfic is categorized as just "Humor." If I wanted to write about truly horrifically gruesome punishments, then I would of included "Horror" when categorizing this story**

 **5\. If you post multiple requests, I will only post one of them in each episode. I want to give as many different people as possible to post their ideas.**

 **6\. Since Blaise is hosting the show, any punishments directed at him will be given to his son, Sebastian.**

 **7\. I will not be including OCs, also known as original characters. I feel that in this kind of setting, OCs can make the fanfic feel cluttered and confusing for the reader.**


	2. Episode 1

Blaise's theme song then plays as he appears on his studio stage in a puff of smoke. "Hello viewers, it's time for the first episode of Pick Your Poison! Now let's see what punishments that I get to subject my lovely guests to."

A jar with a bunch of notes in it then appears on a table in the center of the stage.

"The first suggestion is…" Blaise says as he reaches into the jar and then pulls out a note. "Pearl, Sebastian, Kay, Maya, and Sebastian again."

A look of disdain spreads across Blaise's face as he pulls out his lighter and begins to play with it. "Y'know, that's great and all, but I need actual punishments that you want to me to subject those characters to. Since that one wasn't complete, y'see, we just won't count it."

Blaise then reaches into the jar again and pulls out another note. "Several guests would like to see Edgeworth get a new detective… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen that shows footage of Edgeworth sitting in his office and sleeping at his desk.

Edgeworth then wakes up and rubs his forehead "Whew… It was only a dream. Chairman Debeste won't be subjecting me to strange and unusual punishments."

Edgeworth's phone rings and is greeted by Gant upon answering it. "Hey Worthy, are you busy? I'm sending Gummy to your office with some evidence that I need you to look at."

A look of confusion then spreads across Edgeworth's face. "Chief Gant? Shouldn't you be in prison?"

Edgeworth can then hear Gant clapping on the other end in amusement while laughing. "Good one, Worthy! But no, I finished my business there and have returned to my desk. I'm just letting you know that he's coming by."

Before Edgeworth can think of how Gant is the Chief of Police and not in prison, he hears a knock at the door.

"Come in." Edgeworth says in a calm voice as he begins to read a case file that is on his desk.

The door then opens and hears a voice that he wasn't expecting. "Edgeypoo, I've brought you some evidence for your next trial."

Edgeworth then looks up from the case file out of shock and sees Oldbag, who has Gumshoe's body shape and is wearing Gumshoe's normal outfit.

"Oldbag! I demand that you tell me what you have done with Detective Gumshoe this instant!" Edgeworth says as he points at the older woman.

Oldbag then blushes and waves her hand. "I don't know what you're talking about Edgeypoo, sir, I'm Detective Dick Gumshoe. But how I do love your gumption; it just makes me want to squeeze the life out of you with one of my world-famous Granny Hugs!"

Oldbag then slowly approaches Edgeworth with her arms outstretched as he back up against the window behind his desk. As Edgeworth eyes search the room for a way to escape, he notices a replica of the Samurai Spear, which he acquired during Will Power's trial, picks it up, and points it at Gumshoe/Oldbag.

"This world… it was created by Blaise Debeste! That wasn't a dream; if anything, then this is the dream, a world where I am punished! Any way I look at it, I will be punished regardless of my actions, so I might as well go down fighting!"

Edgeworth then attempts to stab Gumshoe/Oldbag with the spear, but before the spear hits her, Sebastian Debeste appears right in front of her and the spear stabs him instead. "Why did you stab me, Mr. Edgeworth!? I'm capable!" Sebastian says with tears in his eyes as he is teleported away.

Gumshoe/Oldbag then pauses for a brief moment out of confusion for what has happened, thus allowing Edgeworth to escape the office. Edgeworth, knowing full well that Franziska was more than a match for Oldbag, rushes to his "big" sister's office with Gumshoe/Oldbag in hot pursuit.

When Edgeworth reaches Franziska's office, he barges in and is horrified to see that another Oldbag, that is wearing Franziska's outfit, is sitting at her desk. "Edgeypoo, it's not polite to foolishly barge into other a person's office like this."

"Where's Franziska!? What have you done with her, you demented old crone!?" Edgeworth yells as his eyes widen in disbelief.

Franziska/Oldbag then whips Edgeworth with her whip. "Edgeypoo, how can you be so foolish and not recognize me, Franziska von Karma?" Franziska/Oldbag then gets up from her desk. "Now come her and give me a hug, you foolish fool."

Gumshoe/Oldbag then bursts into the office. "Edgeypoo is mine, pal, I saw him first!"

Edgeworth then recoils back in horror at the sight of two Oldbags. "Nggghhoooo! This can't be happening!"

Edgeworth then pushes his way past Gumshoe/Oldbag and rushes out of the office. Edgeworth then tries to search the Prosecutor's Office for anyone who isn't Oldbag.

Unfortunately for Edgeworth, every prosecutor: Payne, Klavier, Blackquill, and even Godot were all apparently turned into Oldbag. As Edgeworth runs out of the Prosecutor's office with all the Oldbags chasing after him, he notices that all of the pedestrians on the street were turned into Oldbag. Edgeworth then checks the prison in hopes of finding a person who wasn't Oldbag to help him.

Unfortunately, Edgeworth was wrong and upon entering the prison, Tigre/Oldbag, upon seeing Edgeworth, punches her way through the bars of her prison cell and reaches the terminal to free all of the other prisoners, who were all Oldbags, who then proceeded to chase after Edgeworth with the rest of the Oldbags.

Edgeworth then remembers that when he spoke to Gant, he sounded like his normal self, so Edgeworth then rushes off to the Precinct in order to enlist Gants help. When Edgeworth enters Gant's office, he is relieved to hear Gant, who is sitting in his chair with the back turned towards Edgeworth in a way that the young prosecutor can't see his face, talk to him in his normal voice.

"So what brings you to my office, Worthy? Do you want to go for a round of swimming?"

"There's no time for swimming, Chief Gant! It seems that every person on Earth is turning into some creepy elderly woman who stalks me and I need you to help me get to the bottom of this.

"That is a problem, Worthy…"

"Thank you, Chief Gant. It's good to know that there is at least one normal person left on this planet." Edgeworth says with a sigh of relief.

Gant then turn around in his chair to face Edgeworth as his appearance and voice transforms into that of Oldbag right before Edgeworth's eyes. "That means that I'll have some completion for your affections, Worthypoo."

Edgeworth, knowing that wherever he runs, wherever he hides, there will be billions of Oldbags chasing him, runs to and trembles in a corner of Gant/Oldbag's office while the Oldbags approach him with hungry eyes.

"No! No! Noooooooooo!" Edgeworth screams as the Oldbags finally grab onto him.

The Oldbags then put Edgeworth in a gallows where every Oldbag in the world, which is the entire Earth's population, except Edgeworth, take form a line where each Oldbag gets to kiss Edgeworth on the lips for five whole minutes.

After three hours of having to kiss Oldbags, Edgeworth is blinded by a bright light. When he regains his sight, he sees that he is back in his holding cell in the back room of Blaise's television studio. Edgeworth then huddles in the upper right corner of his holding cell and rocks back and forth as he quietly and gently sobs to himself.

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise as he grins at the success of his punishment. "Y'know, I think that I did a pretty good job with that one. Time for the next punishment…"

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "Okay, this one is from And26169 and their suggestion is to make the end of Bridge to Turnabout a little more interesting, y'see. Y'know, as a warning, this one will contain slight spoilers, so if you haven't seen this case and you don't want to be spoiled, then don't read this part." A large, trollish grin then spreads across Blaise's face. "What a minute, why do I care about your feelings? Hell, I don't even care about my idiot's son's feelings, y'know. In Bridge to Turnabout, Godot murdered Misty Fey after she channeled the spirit of Dahlia Hawthorn, as part of their plan to foil Morgan Fey's plan to have Pearl channel Dahlia to kill Maya. Now all of you who have never played this game have been spoiled…" Blaise then tugs on his beard as he begins to cry fake tears. "and there's nothing you can do about it!" Blaise then stops crying and starts playing with his lighter. "Enough lollygagging; let the punishment commence!"

Blaise then turns on a screen that shows Maya standing at the witness stand in a courtroom where Phoenix is the defense attorney and Godot is the prosecutor.

The judge then begins to speak in a slower, more intimidate voice than normal. "Mr. Wright, if Miss. Fey didn't murder Elise Deauxnim, then who did?"

Phoenix then presents Pearl's profile. "The killer is obviously Pearl Fey. She perceived who she thought was Dahlia Hawthorn as someone who could ruin her grand scheme to have me and Maya be in a romantic relationship. She then went on to pin the crime on Iris to further her diabolical plan by having Dahlia's twin sister convicted." Phoenix says in a strange voice that is deeper and slower than normal.

"Objection! Pearly would never murder anyone! Plus, from what I know, Pearly never knew who Dahlia or Iris were and didn't know whether or not they had any interest in Nick!" Maya yells while pointing at Phoenix in the same way that he has pointed at many a witness.

The judge then slams his gavel. "Objection overruled. I feel that the court now has enough evidence to declare a verdict. For the murder of Elise Deauxnim, I declare Perl Fey…" The judge's eyes then glow red as his voice becomes incredibly deep and gravely and he grows in size until he takes on the form of the nightmare judge as he declares his final verdict. "GUILTY!"

The judge then slams his giant gavel which causes the very ground beneath Pearl, who is standing in the center of the courtroom, open, revealing an endless abyss, as several red hands reach up from the abyss and grab Peal in an attempt to drag her into the void.

"Save me, Mystic Maya! You're my only hope!" Pearl screams as tears fall down her face while she is holding on to the edge of the abyss for dear life as the hands try to pull her in.

Maya then rushes over to the abyss to save Pearl, but she is too late as she sees her little cousin fall into the abyss, her screams of terror fading away as she falls lower and lower into the abyss. Maya, in shock, just kneels by the abyss and sobs.

The judge then slams his gavel again. "Onto the next item on our agenda: making burgers illegal."

"W-Why burgers…?" Maya utters while still crying as she sniffles.

Phoenix then takes on a form similar to the nightmare judge, but he retains his normal size and features. "Burgers contain trans fats which are unhealthy. Thus, if we make burgers illegal, then the world will be a better place."

The judge then nods. "Agreed. The court declares that burgers are now illegal."

The judge then slams his gavel and at that moment, all of the burgers in the known universe fall into the abyss, never to be seen again.

"Is there anything else on the agenda for today?" The judge asks with a look of pure malice on his face.

"There's one last item, Your Honor…" Phoenix says with his normal confident grin. "the illegalization of "Steel Samurai". You see, "Steel Samurai" and all of its merchandise inspires the youths of today to imitate the violent behaviors and actions of the show. Thus, if "Steel Samurai" is made illegal, then crime rates will decrease."

The judge once again nods his head in agreement. "I see your point, Mr. Wright. The court declares that anything pertaining to "Steel Samurai" is now illegal."

The judge then slams his gavel, with Maya crying as she helplessly watches everything pertaining to "Steel Samurai", from trading cards to DVD sets, and even Will Powers himself, being dumped into the abyss.

Just when Maya thinks that it can't get any worse, the judge then glares at her with a look of scorn and disdain in his glowing red eyes. "Maya Fey, for being and advocate of the now-illegal burgers and "Steel Samurai", the court sentences you to an eternity of cleaning Mr. Wright's toilet."

The judge then slams his gavel as two shadow-like beings with glowing red eyes, which resemble Mike Meekins, drag Maya out of the courtroom as she violently kicks, screams, and cries in protest.

Maya is then blinded by a bright light and when she regains her sight, she sees that she has been returned to her holding cell in the studio. As Maya stand in her cell, whimpering and trembling, Phoenix, who is sharing the cell with her approaches and hugs her.

"What happened to you, Maya?"

"Pearly…! Burgers…! Steel Samuraaaaaaii-iii-iii!" Maya then starts to uncontrollably cry.

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise as he pulls another note out of the jar. As Blaise reads the note, he chuckles to himself. "This next one comes from JordanPhoenix and, y'know; I think that this one will be fun. Like with the others, I don't want to spoil too much, y'see, but let's just say that it involves Kristoph going to the doctor for a checkup. Without any delay, let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen that shows Kristoph entering the Hotti Clinic for a physical. As Kristoph is sitting in the waiting area, he is approached by Director Hotti.

"Excuse me… Are you, Kristoph Gavin?"

"Yes, yes I am. How may I help you?" Kristoph says in his normal cool and collected voice as he flashes his normal grin.

"It's time for your physical. Uh-huh…" The 'director' says as he scratches himself and fidgets.

"Okay… Can you show me to my room then?" Kristoph says with hesitation in his voice.

Hotti then leads Kristoph in to a small room that is only big enough to contain a single bed. Once the two men are inside, Hotti locks the door from the inside with a key that he quickly shoves into his pants, and not the part containing his pockets.

Hotti then stares at Kristoph with his normal creepy wide eyes and disturbing smile while the two men remain motionless and silent. Kristoph, whose left eye and the left corner of his mouth are twitching out of anxiety, decides to break the silence.

"Do you mind if you not stare at me like that? It's making me feel rather uncomfortable."

Hotti, without saying a word, slowly approaches Kristoph, with his right arm extended outward and his fingers fidgeting, as he tries to touch the disgruntled man in front of him. Kristoph, in response, slowly backs away from the 'director' until he is on the bed. Hotti then uses some rope that he's been carrying in his pocket to tire Kristoph's wrists to the bedposts, thus restraining him.

"Someone help me! I'm being held hostage by some perverted old man who, by the way, I am starting to think isn't a real doctor!" Kristoph yells with uncharacteristic terror in his voice. For a megalomaniac like Kristoph, this was poetic justice: being tortured and at the mercy of some demented man who would was probably do unspeakable acts to him.

"No one's gonna help you. Uh-huh… I locked the door from the inside and key is in my undies… You're more than welcome to try to get it. Uh-huh…"

Kristoph then winces at the thought of reaching in that man's… personal area. "W-What are you going to do to me?" Kristoph says as his eyes widen and he starts flailing his legs in some vain attempt to escape.

Hotti, ignoring Kristoph, walks over to the young man's hair and begins to lightly stroke it. "Your hair… it's so soft… so smooth. Uh-huh…" Hotti then begins to sniff Kristoph's hair. "And it smells like lavender… What do you put in your hair to make it smell so good?"

"I don't believe that is any of your business. Now please desist or I will have you convicted of sexual harassment, you vile man." Kristoph says with a snarl as his glares at the 'director'.

Hotti then perks up with excitement. "Ooh, it seems like we have a fighter… I like fighters. Uh-huh…" Before Kristoph can respond, Hotti presses his left index finger on Kristoph's lips and shushes him. "Mayne some music will calm you down…"

At that moment, Klavier materializes into the room with his electric guitar, which is hooked up to an amplifier."

"Achtung bro, I'm going to rock your world!" Klavier then punctuates the sentence with his normal hair flip.

Upon seeing his brother, Kristoph's uneasiness for the perverted 'director' is quickly being replaced by his irritating little brother showing up out of nowhere, most like to play his godawful rock-and-roll 'music' for him, no doubt.

"Klavier, for the love of all that is good and pure, don't play me any music and untie me from this bed." Kristoph says with irritation, and a hint of desperation in his voice.

Klavier shakes his head. "Nein bro, I was called here to give you my longest performance ever." Klavier then extends his right arm in a formidable pointing gesture. "Achtung, let's rock, bro!"

Klavier then starts playing "Guilty Love" on his guitar as Hotti strokes Kristoph's platinum blond hair. After four hours of having to endure the agonizing torture of listen to his brother's hit 'song' in conjunction with Hotti stroking his hair, Kristoph, the Coolest Defense in the West, was finally pushed to his breaking point, a feat that was hard to accomplish.

"GaaaaaaaaAAAAAAaaaaHHHHHhhhhhhh!" Kristoph screams at the top of his lungs as his head convulses and the room shakes as his hair rises into the air and flutters in the air like a roaring fire. After Kristoph finishes screaming, his now-unbraided hair, which Hotti goes back to stroking, is slumped over his shoulders as his body violently twitches and he clenches his teeth. After making sure that his brother is done with his outburst, Klavier goes back to playing "Guilty Love."

In his mind, Kristoph is thinking _Calm down Kristoph; at least it can't get any worse…_ Unfortunately for Kristoph, it gets worse when Apollo materializes into the room and is doing his Chords of Steel on and endless loop, which is actually rivaling the volume of Klavier's guitar.

"Mr. Justice, may I inquire as to why you are doing your irritating exercise here? Also, can you please help me get out of this wretched place?"

Apollo, who is blankly staring at Kristoph, ignores his old mentor and continues with his endless loop of "I'm Apollo Justice and I'm fine!"

Kristoph then scowls at his former student. "Apollo, listen to me!"

"I'm Apollo Justice and I'm fine!"

"Apollo!"

"I'm Apollo Justice and I'm fine!"

"Apollo!" Kristoph says as he becomes even more aggravated.

"I'm Apollo Justice and I'm fine!"

"Are you even listening to me, Apollo!?"

"I'm Apollo Justice and I'm fine!"

At that moment, Kristoph realized that for the first time, he didn't have control over the situation. For the entirety of his life, he had always strived for control. In fact, that's why he became an attorney in the first place: to be able to easily gain control over people and situation just through his wit and air-tight logic; but for the first time in his life, Kristoph was in a situation where he could do absolutely nothing to gain control. The punishment was made more agonizing by the fact that two of the people who had made him powerless, Apollo and Klavier, he considered to be invaluable puppets that would always do his bidding, no matter what he had done. For him, this feeling of powerlessness that he was feeling right now was like the Misham Trial, only worse due to the fact that Apollo and Klavier were doing their most irritating activities with him as their captive audience. Not to mention, that perverted 'director' would not stop stroking his hair.

After having to endure 30 more minutes of this torture, for the first time in his life, Kristoph cried. Like everything about him, his crying was soft and controlled as a thinly veiled attempt to try to mask his agony and to show the world that nothing could drive Kristoph Gavin, the Coolest Defense in the West, to cry.

At that moment, Kristoph was blinded by a bright light and when he regained his sight, he was back in his holding cell, which he shared with Klavier. Klavier, seeing his brother crying hesitantly approaches the broken man.

"Bro, are you… crying?" Klavier asks with genuine concern in his voice, looking at him not as the megalomaniacal, sociopathic madman he saw during the Misham Trial, but rather as the older brother who he had aspired to be like during his youth.

Kristoph, hearing his brother's question, wipes the tears from his face and responds in his normal calm and collected tone of voice. "I'm fine, Klavier… I-I just got a little dust in my eye, that's all…"

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise. "Funny thing about this punishment; y'know how I had Kristoph tied to that bed? Well, I used to do that to Sebastian whenever I had to leave the house alone instead of calling a babysitter, y'see. I wasn't going to waste $20 on my idiot son's wellbeing. Sure, I'd bribe and blackmail his teachers when he was in school to get good grades, but matters in my own home are where I draw my line. It may not look it, but I have principles, y'know. Anyways, that's enough rambling from an old piece of cola like me… It's time for the final punishment for this episode."

Blaise then reaches into the jar and pulls out the final punishment. As he reads it, a big, sadistic grin spreads across his face as his brow diabolically furrows. "This next punishment is from a guest and they are suggesting my favorite punishment yet: Subject Sebastian to as much punishment as humanly possible." Blaise then tugs on his bears as fake tears pour out of his goggles. "Y-Y'know, T-This punishment… i-it's making me cry tears of joy." Blaise then empties his goggles as he calms down. "Y'know, this punishment makes me feel like a kid in a candy store. Let the punishment commence."

Instead of this punishment being shown on a screen, a colossal waterslide with many hazards appears in the center of the stage with Sebastian, who is shaking like a leaf in the wind out of anxiety, standing at the top of the waterslide.

Blaise then grins in anticipation of seeing his idiot son suffer. "Y'see, I'm going to explain Sebastian's punishment for the nice people at home so that way they are fully prepared. When I clap my hands Sebastian will be sent down this waterslide, which contains many sheets of paper on it. On the way down, Sebastian will be subjected to one of the worst injures ever experienced by man: the papercut. Have you ever had a papercut, because they hurt like hell, y'know? Well, for those that can testify about the pain of a papercut, imagine receiving hundreds of them at practically the same time; that, viewers, is what Sebastian will experience. And it doesn't end there, when Sebastian reaches the bottom of the slide, he will land in a pool containing a mixture of lemon juice, rubbing alcohol, and spearmint, y'see. Sebastian will be forced to endure the burning pain of the liquid on his cuts for five whole minutes. And if you thought that it couldn't get any worse, after Sebastian's time in the pool is up, he will be restrained to a table and will be aggressively tickled. I know that this sounds weird, but Sebastian is very ticklish, y'know, so this will be effective. Then, after tickling him for about ten minutes, I will burn him with my lighter for another ten minutes. With the formalities out of the way, let's have some fun."

Blaise then claps his hands and Sebastian is forced down the waterslide. As Sebastian goes down the slide, he is constantly yelping in pain due to the many papercuts that he is receiving. When he reaches the bottom of the slide, he land in the pool of lemon juice, rubbing alcohol, and spearmint which feels like a vat of acid due to it burning his papercuts.

"Help me, Pops! This liquid strings my papercuts!" Sebastian yells out while tears trickle down his face. Blaise, who is actively ignoring his son, is humming the "Toreador March" while laughing to himself.

After Sebastian's five minutes of torture in the pool are up, he is taken out and is strapped to a surgical table and several large, imposing guards begin to tickle his hands and feet with feathers. During the tickling segment, Sebastian is crying tears of laughter but also tears of embarrassment on account of him wetting his pants from laughing so hard.

As Sebastian's urine trickles out of his pants and onto the floor, Blaise bursts out laughing. "Oh my God! I actually made the little idiot wet himself! Guess you folks get an extra bonus in this episode." Blaise then approaches Sebastian, who is still crying while being tickled, and decides to belittle him some more. "Y'know Sebastian, I thought that I had successfully potty-trained you when you were four, but I guess you're too much of an idiot to even get that right."

Blaise then has the guards stop tickling Sebastian as he takes out his lighter and begins to burn Sebastian with his lighter. With each tap of the lighter to his skin, Sebastian yelps and cries in pain while Blaise laughs and savors the moment.

After Blaise has had enough of burning Sebastian, he warps his son back to his holding cell. Shortly afterwards, Blaise hears a beep from a nearby monitor. "Y'know folks, I would love to continue with this episode, but that sound means that we're all out of time, y'see. I am Blaise Debeste, and I thank you for watching "Pick Your Poison!"

Blaise a puff of smoke then appears on stage as Blaise Debeste vanishes into thin air.


	3. Episode 2

Blaise's theme song then plays as he appears on his studio stage in a puff of smoke. "Hello viewers, it's time for the second episode of Pick Your Poison! Now let's see what punishments that I get to subject my lovely guests to."

A jar with a bunch of notes in it then appears on a table in the center of the stage.

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out a note. After reading it, a look of irritation spreads across his face. "Y'see, I don't know whether you want to punish me, the characters, or the human population in general with this; but y'know, who am I to argue…" Blaise then starts playing with his lighter as he reads the punishment aloud. "Apparently, a guest wants me to unleash Redd White's irritating personality unto the courtroom, y'know. Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen which shows Phoenix, Edgeworth, Gumshoe, and the Judge starting a trial.

The Judge starts the trial. "Is the defense ready?"

As Phoenix is about to say yes, his hair turns purple and his suit turns pink. "Do you know who I am, Mr. Judge. I am Phoenix Wright, so of course I'm always absapositivelutly ready." Phoenix responds in a condescending tone.

"O-Of course, Mr. Wright!" The Judge nervously says as his eyes widen. "What about the prosecution?"

"The prosecution is ready…" Edgeworth slams his hand on his table. "But more importantly, what is wrong with you, Wright? This is unusual behavior, and knowing how you act, that is an understatement."

Phoenix shakes his head at Edgeworth and flashes him a condescending grin. "I don't know what you're conceiveptualating, Mr. Edgeworth, but I inasurate you that I am indeed my usual, wonderful self." Phoenix then punctuates his sentence by flashing several rings that have just appeared on his fingers.

Edgeworth's suit and hair then turn into the same colors as those of Phoenix's. "I'm aserinsistating that you are acting completely absurd to my fabulously insightful self." Edgeworth says in a similarly condescending tone.

Phoenix flashes a condescending grin. "Coming from a mere prosecutor like you, that insult meant nothing. Try again later when you have the inteleprestigeability to converse with me on my level of intellect."

Edgeworth condescendingly shakes his head. "You must be inconfusebriated if you think that I'M the worthless one when, in all actuality, YOU'RE the worthless one, you plebian defense attorney."

The Judge, who is now has a purple beard and is wearing a pink robe, slams his gavel. "Order, order in the court! I will have order in my posifantabulous court! Mr. Edgeworth, Mr. Wright, I will not tolerate this rediconveludicrous bickering. Now, the prosecution may call forth its first witness."

"The prosecution will sumquestualate a mere detective from the local precinct, Detective Dick Gumshoe."

Gumshoe, whose hair is purple and trench coat is pink, steps up to the Witness Stand.

Edgeworth flashes his newly-acquired rings. "Witness, please furnish me with the title of your personage and the profession that you follow."

Gumshoe flashes an irritating grin. "What kind of sad peasant of a man are you if you don't know the fabulous nature of me, Detective Dick Gumshoe?" Gumshoe shakes his head. "Well, luckily for you, my inferior acquaintances, I'm feeling compassionous today, so I will enlighten you to the very nature of my being. I'm Detective Gumshoe, a detective who is employed in the Homicide Division."

"Thank-you, Detective, can you please inforluminate us to the facts of this goriffic display of violence that has recently transpired?"

"The murder transpired on December 4th at 8:00 p.m. The victim, a man of the personage Idon Vannaknow, was goriffically stabbed to death with a kitchen knife. The body was founoticed in the victim's apartment at 8:15 p.m. and we, the fantabulous police, arrived five minutes later."

The Judge flashes his rings. "How goriffic a murder it was... Mr. Wright, you may now cross-examine this lowly witness."

Phoenix condescendingly nods his head. "Why must such a fabulously brilliant attorney such as me be demeaned with such lowlitiful cases?" Phoenix shrugs his shoulders. "Oh well, I guess that this is the cross that I must bear… Witness,-"

Blaise then immediately turns off the screen and starts rubbing the bridge of his nose out of irritation as he transports Phoenix, Edgeworth, Gumshoe, and the Judge back to their holding cells. "Ok, I think that we get the gist of how this would continue. Y'know, Redd White's irritating vocabulary makes Sebastian look semi-competent... Anyways, let's move on to the next punishment."

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out a note. After reading it, a smile spreads across his face. "This next punishment should be a bit more fun for all of us, y'know. Y'see, opalander would like to see little von Karma get a taste of her own medicine. Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen where Franziska is sitting in the Defendant's Chair in a courtroom. Serving as the prosecutor, Phoenix is standing at the Prosecutor's Table in his normal blue suit but instead of an attorney's badge, he is wearing a prosecutor's badge. In his right hand, he is holding a bullwhip.

Franziska, who is confused by the situation, nervously looks over to the Defense's Table to see who her attorney is, but to her horror, no one is there.

The silence in the room is disturbed by the Judge banging his gavel to start the trial. "Order, order in the court. The trial of the State vs. Franziska von Karma will now commence." The Judge says in a cold, deep, cynical voice.

Recognizing the voice, Franziska turns to look at the judge and reels back in shock upon seeing that the judge for this case is her father, Manfred von Karma. "P-Papa… Why am I here? And more importantly, why are you the judge?" Franziska whimpers as she stared up at her one and only role model in life as an awkward silence fills the courtroom.

The silence is then broken when Phoenix whips Franziska. "The foolishly foolish defendant will remain quiet and orderly for the remainder of the trial. As for why you are here, Franziska von Karma, you are being charged for the felony of being an imperfect fool who has shamed the von Karma family name."

Manfred then flashes a cynical grin. "Thank-you, Mr. Wright. I take it that the prosecution is ready."

Phoenix places his hands on his hips as he straightens his poster and proudly nods. "Yes, Your Honor, the prosecution is ready and since I'm on this case, then you know that I'm always wright."

Franziska then lets out an irritated sigh upon hearing that bad pun from Phoenix, which he responds to by whipping her. "It was a joke, you foolish fool, so laugh." Phoenix punctuates his sentence by reading his whip.

Franziska, realizing that her own whip is missing, swallows her pride and awkwardly laughs at the bad pun.

"Is the defense ready?" Manfred sternly asks.

There is no response from the Defense's Table. "If the defense is absent, then that must me that Miss. Franziska von Karma is-"

Suddenly, an awkward voice yells out to the courtroom. "Wait! The defense is here!"

Everyone in the courtroom then directs their attention to see Sebastian Debeste, who is wearing an attorney's badge, walking up to the Defense's Table. "Sorry I'm late; I got lost on my way from the bathroom. But enough of that…!" Sebastian readies his baton. "I, Sebastian Debeste, debsete attorney, am ready to prove that Miss. Von Karma is incapable."

"We already know that she is incapable, Sebastian Debeste." Phoenix says with a smug voice.

Upon realizing that Sebastian Debeste is her only hope, Franziska cups her face in her hands and screams out of frustration. "Can I just accept my guilty verdict now?"

Phoenix shakes his head. "Sorry, Franziska von Karma, as a Wright, it's my sworn duty to prove your absolute guilt to this court."

"Mr. Wright, is your first witness ready?" Manfred asks Phoenix.

"Yes, Your Honor. The prosecution would like to call Detective Dick Gumshoe to the stand."

"The prosecution may bring forth its witness." Manfred says and then slams his gavel.

Gumshoe then steps up to the Witness Stand. "Witness, what is your name and occupation?" Phoenix asks.

"I'm Detective Dick Gumshoe, a homicide detective for the local precinct, sir." Gumshoe says with his normal positive attitude.

"Good. Detective Gumshoe, you were the detective working for Franziska's first two cases in this country, correct?" Phoenix punctuates his sentence by gripping at the sleeve of his suit.

"Yes, I was the detective for both cases."

"And what, pray tell, was the verdict for both of those trials?" Phoenix says as a cynical smile spreads across his face.

"Both of those trials ended in full acquittals, sir." The crowd then begins to murmur upon hearing this news.

Phoenix puts his hands to his hips in a triumphant manner. "Thank-you, witness; as the Court is now aware, Ms. Von Karma lost two consecutive court cases in her career as a prosecutor. Therefore, the prosecution feels that there is no reason to further prolong this foolish trial."

"Objection!" Sebastian yells while pointing his baton. "In both of those cases, the defendants were clearly innocent, thus, my client isn't at fault. Plus, Ms. Von Karma's involvement in those trials resulted in the true culprits being convicted."

"Objection!" Phoenix yells with his signature finger point. "You little idiot… Everyone knows that a prosecutor's one and only purpose is to get a guilty verdict for the defendant; whether they are innocent or not is beyond the point. Since Ms. Von Karma was so foolish as to allow those defendants to be acquitted, she has failed as a prosecutor."

"Excellent argument, Mr. Wright." Manfred says while evilly smiling at Franziska, who is helplessly squirming in the Defendant's Chair.

Phoenix then bows to Manfred and extends his right arm towards Sebastian as Franziska had done to countless defense attorneys. "Thank-you, Your Honor, but I'm only getting started. For my next witness, I summon the defendant's adopted brother, Miles Edgeworth."

Edgeworth then replaces Gumshoe at the Witness Stand. "Witness, please state your name and occupation for the Court." Phoenix commands while prepping his whip.

"I am Miles Edgeworth, a prosecutor for the Los Angeles court system." Edgeworth says with a calm and indifferent look on his face.

"Mr. Edgeworth, please describe to the court all of Ms. Von Karma's shortcomings when she was growing up." Phoenix sternly asks while he grips the sleeve of his shirt.

Edgeworth nods his head. "With pleasure… The Franziska's first flaw occurred when she was 4 years of age and she told our father, Manfred von Karma, that she loved him."

"Objection!" Franziska yells while she pounds her fist on the Defendant's Chair. "Is it a crime for a girl to love her father?"

Phoenix whips Franziska with his whip, causing the young woman to recoil in pain. "Ms. von Karma, love is a foolish emotion that is felt by weak-minded fools. Now you will keep your foolishly foolish mouth shut or risk being held in contempt of court." As Franziska slumps down in her chair, holding back the tears in her eyes, Phoenix gestures Edgeworth to continue with his testimony.

"As Franziska began her schooling, we could already see signs of her imperfections; for you see, whenever she would begin a school year, she would always accidently walk into her classrooms from the previous years and then would run off to cry in the bathroom out of embarrassment. She would say that this was due to her being "frazzled" but we all knew that this was her imperfect nature showing.

Learning wise, Franziska fared no better than finding her classrooms; some examples include, her not properly being able to read time until she was nine years old and how at the age of ten, she could only read at a ninth grade reading level, unlike I, who was reading a twelfth grade reading level by that age. But perhaps the piece de resistance is that until she was 14, Franziska was unable to wipe her own bottom after a bowl movement."

"Objection!" Sebastian yells while pointing his baton. "I'll give you the first three examples, but that last argument is perfectly executable on Ms. von Karma's part. You'd never think it, but I didn't learn how to wipe myself until I was that age and there's nothing wrong with me. In fact, I turned out to be debeste attorney here." Sebastian says with a big, goofy grin on his face as a large wet spot begins to form in the crotch area of his pants. "Uh-oh… I have to go to the bathroom!" Sebastian says as he runs out of the courtroom.

Phoenix then lets out a deep, cold, gravely laugh. "It doesn't matter if that pathetic fool of an attorney is present or not. This trial is effectively over. Wouldn't you say, Judge?" Phoenix says in a noticeably deeper voice.

Manfred nods his head. "Agreed. Franziska von Karma, for the crime of being an imperfect fool, the court finds you… GUILTY!" Manfred yells as he slams his gavel as a cynically grins at Franziska. "You are no daughter of mine…" Manfred says in a booming voice that fills the entire courtroom with its disdain.

Franziska, upon hearing the one phrase that she hoped that she would never hear her father say, starts to cry. "Papa! I'm sorrrryyy!"

Phoenix then utters a demonic laugh as his voice changes to a more demonic tone overall. "How pathetic, the foolish girl is now crying and blubbering like the foolishly foolish little fool that she really is! And you know what the saddest part is: deep down, she actual has feelings of affection for that foolish defense attorney, Phoenix Wright. To love an attorney would be to stand against the very nature of the von Karma family."

Franziska then stands up. "What foolish nonsense are you uttering? Why would you insult Phoenix Wright when he is you!?" Franziska yells while tears flow down her cheeks and her eyes become red from crying.

Phoenix then whips her and maniacally laughs as he turns into his dark nightmare form. "If you actually believe that I am that foolishly pitiful, weak fool of an attorney, then you are an even bigger idiot then Sebastian Debeste. For you see, Franziska von Karma, I know you better than anyone because I AM you." As he is talking, he slowly approaches Franziska.

Franziska then gets out of the Defendant's Chair and runs to the other side of the room. "N-No… You're not me because I'm me!" Franziska cries out to the demonic creature that is still approaching her.

Phoenix then whips her again. "Foolish girl, I have been a part of you since birth. I am the version of yourself that you strive, but fail, to become every day. Even from the moment you were born, your father saw you as a failure. Why do you think that he adopted Miles Edgeworth, the son of his worst enemy?" Phoenix says with a big grin, revealing multitude of jagged, pointed fangs.

Franziska vigorously shakes her head as she slumps into a nearby corner and clutches her torso. "No…! You lie! Papa never despised me for being a girl!"

Phoenix then puts his hands to his hips. "Don't hide it, Franziska von Karma. You and I both know that that thought was your first clue to your imperfection; and from that first flaw, I was born, and as you grew, so did I. You may think that you and Miles Edgeworth are better people now that you both are more truth-oriented, but I'm still here. I am the version of you that you have always wanted to become, but could never be; and for that, you shall be punished!"

Phoenix then walks over to Franziska, grabs her by the neck with his left hand, and slams her against the wall. Phoenix then raises his whip, which becomes engulfed in blue flames, and begins to repeatedly whip her. With each lash of the whip, Franziska feels an unbearable burning pain that makes her whimper and cry salty tears. As she cries, Phoenix laughs and proceeds to whip her harder, which makes her scream and cry even more.

As this increasingly painful cycle of whipping and crying continues, Franziska begins to blackout from the pain. Before she is completely unconscious, she is blinded by a bright light and when she regains her sight, she is back in her holding cell with all of her physical injuries healed. Franziska then runs to her cell's bed and cries into her pillow.

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise. "Y'know, I'm pretty proud of how I punished little von Karma. Fun fact, I actually based that bit with Sebastian wetting his pants off of how he was growing up. Y'see, up until he was 15, my little idiot of a son did not know how to gage when to use the bathroom. Y'know, it would be funny if it weren't so pitiful…" Blaise then bursts out laughing. "What the hell, it's still funny, y'know!" Blaise then calms down. "Anyways, enough about Sebastian, on to the next punishment…"

Blaise then reaches into the jar, and to his horror, it's empty. Blaise then starts to play with his lighter. "Did you guys think that this would make me angry? Y'see, unlike my idiot of a son, I'm actually prepared and I have a few punishments up my sleeve."

Blaise then ponders over what punishment he should do next and after a few seconds of thinking, grins as the idea hits him. "I've got a good one for Pearl Fey… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen that shows Phoenix and Maya talking in his office. Suddenly, Pearl bursts into the office.

"Mr. Nick! Mystic Maya! I got you a gift!" Pearl says with a big grin as she excitedly hops up and down.

"What is it Pearls?" Phoenix asks as he tilts his head out of intrigue.

Pearl pulls two movie tickets out of her robe and then goes back to excitedly hoping. "I got you and Mystic Maya tickets for the Steel Samurai/Pink Princess romantic comedy movie that being shown today." Pearl cups her cheeks in her hands as she begins to blush at the thought of Phoenix and Maya having a romantic outing. "Hopefully you two will get some romantic alone time."

Maya playfully ruffles pearl's hair. "Sorry, Pearly, as much as I love the gift and would like to go, I have other plans tonight with my new boyfriend."

Pearl then covers her mouth as she gasps in shock. "What are you talking about, Mystic Maya? Mr. Nick is your beloved special someone."

Maya giggles at the thought of dating Phoenix. "Nah, Pearly, I started dating a guy just a few weeks ago that I feel that I have a real connection with: He's classy, loaded, and loves the Steel Samurai as much as I do. He's my soulmate."

Pearl then roles up her right sleeve and clenches her fist as a small scowl spreads across her face. "Who is he!? Who is the man who stole you away from Mr. Nick!?" Pearl growls at her older cousin.

Maya clasps her hands together as a grin spreads across her face. "Well, he'll be here in a bit to pick me up for our date, so you can meet him then." At that moment, someone knocks at the office door. "That must be my new man now to take me out for Burger Time!" Maya says with a mischievous smile.

Maya then opens the door and sees Edgeworth standing in the hallway with a bouquet of roses. "Edgey-wedgey, come in! Pearly wanted to meet my new boyfriend." Maya says playfully as she pulls Edgeworth inside the office and closes the door behind him.

"Maya-Papaya, you're looking ravishing as always. I brought you these roses, though sadly their beauty is nothing when compared to yours." Edgeworth then hands Maya the roses and then they amorously hug each other.

Pearl then stomps over to Edgeworth and Maya, who are still hugging. "Mr. Edgeworth, how dare you betray Mr. Nick, your childhood friend, by stealing his beloved Mystic Maya!?" Pearl yells as she sternly points her finger at Edgeworth. Realizing that they are still hugging and are ignoring her, Pearl starts to punch, slap, and kick Edgeworth multiple times.

Realizing that her attacks are having no effect on the lovey-dovey couple before her, Pearl runs up to Phoenix to in the hope that he can end this madness. "Mr. Nick, Mr. Edgeworth is stealing Mystic Maya away from you! You have to stop him!" Pearl pleads as she tugs at Phoenix's suit.

Phoenix then flashes Pearl a soft smile. "Don't worry, Pearl, Maya can date whoever she wants. It doesn't matter to me since I got a new girlfriend myself."

Pearl then flashes Phoenix a death scowl. "What!? Who is this vile woman!?"

At that moment, another person knocks at the office door. Phoenix then opens the door and sees Franziska standing in the hallway. "Franzy-wanzy, it's so good to see you!" Phoenix says with a sickeningly sweet tone of voice.

Franziska then steps into the office and closes the door behind as she begins to slightly blush. "My, my, Feenie… you're looking as handsome today, but then again, when aren't you handsome?"

"Mr. Nick! How dare you betray Mystic Maya, and with Scary Prosecutor Lady, nonetheless! You should be ashamed of yourself!" Pearly yells at the attorney.

Phoenix and Franziska then begin to hold hands. "I'm sorry, Pearl, but Franziska and I are in love. The heart wants what the heart wants…" Phoenix tells the distraught young girl as he and Franziska hug in the same amorous fashion that Edgeworth and Maya are engaging in at the moment.

"No, your heart wants what I want and what I want is for you and Mystic Maya to be together Mr. Nick!" Pearl yells as she stomps her feet. "And why shouldn't you two be together? You two have gone through so much together and are the only family that I have…" Pearl says as she tilts her head downward in sadness.

Unfortunately for her, Phoenix and Maya are too transfixed on their current partners to even listen to Pearl, and to make matters worse, Phoenix and Maya are now making out with their respective partners.

"Stop it! Stop that this instant! This wasn't supposed to happen! Why won't you both stop!? Pearl cries as she repeatedly punches Phoenix's back. However, instead of Pearl's yelling stopping this make out session, it only causes the two couples to start kissing each other more fervently.

After ten minutes of this, Edgeworth stops kissing Maya, gets down on one knee, and pulls a ring out of his pocket. "Maya Fey, would you make me the happiest man in the world by becoming Mrs. Maya Edgeworth-Fey?" Edgeworth asks in a nervous voice as his cheeks become a shade of bright red.

Maya clasps her hands and nods as her cheeks turn just as red as Edgeworth's. "Yes, Miles, a thousand times yes! Take me as your Pink Princess, you handsome Steel Samurai!" Maya squeals. Edgeworth then places the ring on Maya's ring finger.

"No, Mystic Maya! You're not supposed to marry him; you're supposed to marry Mr. Nick! I will never acknowledge this marriage!" Pearl yells as she scowls at the happy couple.

Maya then scowls back at Pearl as she puffs her cheeks out of anger. "Pearly, I've had enough of your insolent attitude towards my Snoodle Oodle! I love Mr. Edgeworth and as your older cousin and mother figure, I don't have to listen to anything you say! Now be quiet while Snoodles and I savor this moment…" Maya and Edgeworth then go back to making out with each other.

Shortly after that, Franziska stops kissing Phoenix and gets into the marriage proposal position that Edgeworth was in just a few minutes earlier. "Phoenix Wright, will you become Mr. Phoenix von Karma?" Franziska asks in a soft tone of voice.

"Your wish is my command, my queen…" Phoenix responds to the female prosecutor. Franziska then puts the ring on Phoenix's ring finger.

"No! No! NO! This is where I draw the line! Mr. Nick, you can do so much better than Scary Prosecutor Lady! I can kind of understand why Mystic Maya would fall for Mr. Edgeworth: He's smart, toned, and has an exotic accent, but what's appealing about that THING over Mystic Maya? Mystic Maya's warm, bubbly, and is a delight to be around while Scary Prosecutor Lady is cold, cynical, and makes me want to gag!" Pearl rants to the contrasting couple.

Franziska then whips Pearl. "How dare you insult me, the great Franziska von Karma, like that in front of my Snuggle Bear, you foolishly foolish little girl!? Franziska yells as she proceeds to whip Pearl several more times before stopping to hug Phoenix, who is now crying.

"P-Pearly, I'm hurt… I can't help it that I love my Hunny Bunny with all of my heart. She's my soulmate: She's strong, independent, and like a chocolate candy, underneath her cold, hard shell is a warm nougaty center." Phoenix cries to Pearl.

Maya then jumps into Edgeworth's arms and fondles the back of his neck. "Come, Poko-Poko! Let's go somewhere without Pearly's negativity and start making a gazillion babies!" Maya excitedly tells her new boy toy.

"Yes, Piki-Piki, to start a family with you would be my greatest achievement in life." Edgeworth responds in the same excited tone as he runs out of the office with Maya in his arms.

"Please don't do it, Mystic Maya! He isn't you're special someone!" Pearl yells at them as she rushes over to the door to see if they actually listened to her; but alas, when she peeks out into the hallway outside the office, Maya and Edgeworth are nowhere to be found. When Pearl turns around, she sees Franziska carrying Phoenix over her shoulder, not unlike how one would go about transporting a sack of potatoes.

Pearl, with tears in her eyes which were reddened from crying, rushes over to Franziska's back so that she can look Phoenix, who is resting his head on the young prosecutor's strong, stiff shoulder, in the eye. "Please, Mr. Nick, it's not too late… You could still win back Mystic Maya's love if you find her and tell her how you feel. I don't pair you two together out of selfishness, but rather, I see how happy you make each other every day; not to mention, you and Mystic Maya are the only family I have that hasn't tried to use me… Mr. Nick, you're like a father to me because you teach me stuff and protect me when I'm in danger; Mystic Maya is like a mother to me because she's kind and compassionate and actually loves me for who I am." Pearl starts to actively cry as she tries to rub the tears out of her eyes. "But if you two marry other people, then you won't be together as often and I'll lose my only family. So if you won't marry Mystic Maya, who I know that you love, for you, then do it for me, the little girl who deserves at least one beam of hope in her sad life…"

Despite pearls melodramatic speech, Phoenix is unfazed as he lightly strokes Franziska's hair. "I'm sorry, Pearl, but Maya and I are just friends. I respect your opinions, but this is my life that we're talking about and I want to live it with the one woman that I love. And about the part about you being alone: life's hard, but you have to learn to roll with the punches."

Franziska then strokes Phoenix's cheek as a soft, warm smile spreads across her face. "Come Lil' Chesnutt, we must go and create a new generation of von Karmas."

"Whatever you say, Malady…" Phoenix sweetly responds.

As Franziska begins to walk out of the office, she is stopped by Pearl clinging to her leg in a last-ditch effort to preserve her innocent romantic fantasy. "Don't take Mr. Nick away from me, Scary Prosecutor Ladyyyyyyy!" Pearl screams at the top of her lungs as tears stream down her cheeks.

Franziska then shakes Pearl off of her leg and then proceeds to whips the little girl in the face with her whip in her free hand, leaving a welt on her face as Pearl lays sobbing on the cold office floor. Seeing that Pearl is no longer an issue, Franziska leaves the office and closes the door.

Pearl then looks around the office and is forced to deal with her greatest fear: being alone, with no family or friends to even so much as acknowledge her existence. With her loneliness sinking in, all Pearl can do in response is cry… cry in the vain attempt that maybe; just maybe, someone would hear her sobs and would come to help her.

"Mystic Maya… Mr. Nick… Don't leave me alone… Please… Don't leave me alone." Pearl cries in the cold, silent office where the only noise, besides her sobs, is the hum of the old AC unit in the office. Suddenly, Pearl is blinded by a bright light and when she regains her sight, she is laying on the floor in her holding cell with Phoenix and Maya standing over her with looks of concern on both of their faces.

"Pearls, are you alright? You were crying and mumbling something in your sleep." Phoenix asks Pearl as he helps her off of the floor.

"S-so you both aren't dating Mr. Edgeworth and Scary Prosecutor Lady?" Pearl nervously asks, afraid to hear the answer.

"Me? Date Franziska? Pearls, in order for that to happen, I'd have to be bound and gagged in some abandoned warehouse." Phoenix jokingly says.

A mischievous smile spreads across Maya's face. "Yeah, Mr. Edgeworth's a great guy, but there's no way that he could fulfil all of my womanly needs. I mean, he would probably make me eat snooty food, like cucumber sandwiches, and wouldn't let me eat burgers all the time."

Pearl starts hopping up and down out of excitement. "Yay! It was only a dream! You two are still dating!"

"Actually, we're both still single, Pearls." Phoenix says while scratching the back of his head.

The show then focuses back on Blaise. "Ah, young love… I never was a fan of it, y'know. Y'see, I only got intimate with a woman once and it resulted in Sebastian being conceived. Y'know, if they really want to promote abstinence, they should promote the following PSA: If you have sex, then you'll be stuck with an idiot son that your idiot of a late wife named after a clown down that she thought was actually alive until she was 30!" A large flame emerges from Blaise's lighter as he clenches his teeth in rage.

"No, I'm not joking; Sebastian's mother was such an idiot that Sebastian acts like a genius compared to how she was. Y'know those 'Yo mama is so stupid' jokes? Well, I kid you not; Sebastian's mother probably did every one of those stupid activities at least once during our marriage, y'know." A big grin then spreads across Blaise's face. "Yelling into an envelope because she wanted to send a voice mail? She did it, y'know. Putting paper on our television so that she could watch pay per view? Yep, she did it. One time, she even sat at a stop sign and waited for it to turn green. Now, I may hate my Sebastian because he is a whiny, stupid, spineless boy, but at least he knows how a stop sign works. Yep, any stupid act that you can think of, my late wife probably did it at least once. "

Blaise then pulls out his lighter and starts playing with it. "Now, I know what you're probably thinking: 'Blaise, if you hated her so much, why did you marry her and have a child with her?' The answer is quite simple, really: her family was wealthy and I married her with the sole intention of killing her for her family's wealth plus the money that I'd get from her life insurance, y'see. Sebastian, on the other hand, was the unintended result of a defective condom."

Blaise then starts crying while tugging on his beard. "So here I am, stuck with an idiot son, who is named after the idiot clown doll of my late wife, taunting me of what could have been. H-Here comes the waterworks…"

Blaise hears a beep from a nearby monitor and stops crying. "Well, it appears that today's episode is over and good thing to, the thought of my idiot late wife has put me in a bad mood, y'see. I am Blaise Debeste, and I thank you for watching "Pick Your Poison!"

Blaise a puff of smoke then appears on stage as Blaise Debeste vanishes into thin air.


	4. Episode 3

**A/N: To whom it may concern: I'm experimenting with a new format with lines to better segment the sections of the chapter. With that little notification out of the way, enjoy the fanfic.**

* * *

Blaise's theme song plays as he appears on his studio stage in a puff of smoke. "Hello viewers, after spending some time trying to repress the horrible memories that I have of my late wife, it's time for the third episode of Pick Your Poison! Now let's see what punishments that I get to subject my lovely guests to today."

A jar with a bunch of notes in it then appears on a table in the center of the stage.

Blaise then reaches into the jar and pulls out a note, which he then proceeds to read with a confused look on his face. "Red498 would like to see a prosecutor named 'Winston Payne' get punished…" A look of irritation forms on Blaise's face. "I don't know what crap you're trying to pull on me, Red498, but I'll have you know that we don't take lightly to prank requests on this show. Did you really think that you'd fool me with that request? I'm not stupid like Sebastian, y'know. I know for a fact that there is no prosecutor in this series named 'Winston Payne.'"

A stagehand then nervously runs up to Blaise. "Um, sir, I think that they're referring to the pathetic, high-pitched man in Cell 17-D."

"That pathetic excuse for a human being is a prosecutor? I thought that he was a janitor, y'know. Are you sure that he's the guy that Red498 wants to see punished?"

"I-I think, sir… S-Sorry, I have to go… make sure your mini-fridge is stocked!" The Stagehand says as he quickly runs as far away from Blaise as quickly as possible, afraid that he would end up like the last stagehand that was near Blaise when he was irritated.

Blaise shrugs his shoulders and starts playing with his lighter. "Doesn't matter to me, y'know… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen which shows Winston Payne prosecuting a trial, squaring off against his self-appointed 'rival', Phoenix Wright. In the courtroom, the mumbling of the crowd is silenced as the Judge slams his gavel.

"This court sees no reason to prolong this trial. This case is extremely clear. I see no room for misinterpretation of the facts. This court finds the defendant, Nicholas Apun… Not Guilty. This court is hereby adjourned." The Judge then punctuates his sentence by slamming his gavel.

Phoenix shakes his head. "Another easy victory against Payne; and either I'm getting better at this, or he's becoming more and more pathetic." Phoenix says as Maya high-fives him.

"Yeah Nick, you really wiped the floor with Payne! How about we celebrate with some burgers, your treat?" Maya says with a mischievous smile on her face as she tugs on Phoenix's sleeve.

At that moment, Lana Skye angrily barges into the courtroom and storms up to Winston. "Payne, I was watching that trial from the Prosecutor's Lobby and I am appalled by how pitiful you performed during this trial. This is an all-time low, even for you." Lana states as Payne, with sweat dripping down his brow, takes a step back to create some space between him and the angry chief prosecutor.

"M-Ms. Skye, it's not my fault. Wright was too skilled with his shrewd manipulation of the evidence and his badgering of the witness. Maybe the defendant was truly innocent." Winston says as he cracks a nervous smile to perhaps lighten the mood.

"The defendant was seen brutally stabbing the victim in that alley by both the witness and that security camera, the tape of which was submitted as evidence. The defendant, who was arrested after trying to silence the witness, had the victim's blood all over him and was spouting off how much he hated the victim. Not to mention, the murder weapon was the hook that the defendant had for a left hand." Lana says as she counts off the examples on her fingers. "How is that an innocent man!? That case was practically handed to you on a silver platter!"

"In my defense, that man didn't look all that suspicious." Winston says as he starts to regain his composure.

"What sane, culpable individual walks around Los Angeles with a bloody hook for a left hand and hangs out in alleys!?" Lana says as she angrily clenches her fists.

"For all we know, he could be a pirate. But don't worry; I'm sure that I'll win my next case." Winston says with a smug smile as he taps his forehead.

Lana slaps her forehead and shakes her head out of irritation. "The thing is, Payne, there won't be a next time for you."

Upon hearing this, Winston starts to break out in a nervous sweat as he starts fidgeting. "W-What do you mean by that, Ms. Skye?"

"Look, Payne, this case marks your 500th consecutive loss, and as the policies of the Prosecutor's Office dictate, you are unfit to be a prosecutor and as such, you must turn in your badge by the end of today."

Winston then starts stomping his feet and flailing his arms. "But I'm Winston Payne, the Rookie Killer! You can't fire me! I MADE this city's Prosecutor's Office what it is today!" Winston yells in a smug, whiny voice oozing with apprehension.

"I just did." Lana retorts as she puts her hands to her hips to emphasize her point.

"Well, I hope that you're proud of yourself, Ms. Skye, because you've just made the biggest mistake of your career, for a prosecutor of my caliber only comes by once in a lifetime."

"Don't worry Payne, for we have already hired your replacement. In fact, here he comes now…" Lana says as she points to Money the monkey, who has just entered the courtroom and is approaching them.

Winston then starts to sweat as he slightly hunches over. "A-A monkey? How on God's green Earth is a monkey fit to hold the title of 'prosecutor', let alone fill the void left by my absence?"

"For your information, Payne, Money here has actually managed to get a criminal convicted during his most recent trial, which is more than I can say for you." Lana sneers at Payne as a small smile spreads across her face.

At this moment, Winston comes to the realization that this is the end of his career. It was no big secret that he was not all that respected; that the other prosecutors would make jokes behind his back and even to his face when they were feeling especially bold. But Winston didn't care; he loved being a prosecutor and felt that by taking the cases that other prosecutors felt were too small for them, that he was important. But now he realizes that all of his cases were against novice attorneys, greenhorns in the world of law while he was a veteran of the field. That's why no one respected him: he was like that kid in elementary school who was held back three years and used his physical maturity to bully the younger kids.

Things weren't always like this for Winston: he had a full head of thick hair, he married the girl of his dreams, and he had a daughter who went on to become the successful CEO of the Gatewater Group. Hell, he even managed to win the competition to name the hotdogs in the courthouse vending machine, which is still used to this day. But his world was taken from him by one vile, heartless, busty monster of a woman known only as Mia Fey.

After that fateful day when he received his first defeat at the hands of Mia Fey, and lost his hair as a result, everything started to fall apart. Since his hair was one of the cornerstones of his confidence, Winston became more timid and withdrawn, and he started to lose more trials as a result. At home, Winston became so clingy in a pathetic attempt to receive praise that his wife proceeded to divorce him and kick him out of the house.

Now, due to high alimony payments, Winston is living in a rundown apartment in a rough part of town, where he is mugged almost every day, and has to survive off of instant noodles, but unlike Gumshoe, he at least has the dignity not to reveal that fact. The only remaining light in his life is the fact that his daughter, Mona Payne, has always loved him and respected him as prosecutor, not because he of a win streak, but because he was one of the few honest prosecutors in his Prosecutor's office that was honest, one of the 'good guys.'

That's why she was a fan of the Blue Badger and made it the mascot of her company's theme park: because it allowed her to brag to everyone of how her father taught Phoenix Wright how to be an ace attorney, which lead to her company becoming an overnight juggernaut. Even though she would love to invite her father to live with her, she knows that it would take the last bit of his pride from him and she couldn't bring herself to do it. That's why Winston views himself as important, that's why he embraces his title of 'Rookie Killer', not for himself or his fellow prosecutors, but so that he can truly be a man that his daughter can be proud of.

As Winston stands in front of Lana, perfectly still with a stiff back and wide, unblinking eyes, thinking about the evens of his life, his trance is broken when Lana reaches into the pocket of his suit and removes his prosecutors badge.

Winston, realizing that even his daughter will disown him now, falls on his knees and screams at the top of his lungs as his face reddens. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Winston continues to yell as his voice becomes more and more high-pitched and shrill as his remaining hair flies off of his head.

At that moment, the entire courthouse begins to shake and all of the windows in the building start to shatter. As Winston continues to scream, every glass object in Los Angeles begins to shatter. Soon after that, the shrill sound of Winston's voice causes birds to fall out of the sky and people to start dying in the streets. Winston's frequency eventually gets so high that an earthquake radiates from the courthouse that is powerful enough to destroy all buildings in a 40 mile radius. After ten minutes of this screaming, Winston looks around the devastated courtroom to find everyone around him is dead.

Winston then feels his head, which is now completely bald. "My-my hair… It's… all gone." Winston says in a sullen voice as he curls into a ball and starts crying.

Suddenly, a SWAT team bursts into ruined building and restrains Winston. "Winston Payne, you are under arrest for the destruction of Los Angeles and the deaths of 10.2 million people!" The man who is restraining Winston yells.

As Winston is being dragged away by the SWAT team, he is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell.

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise, who is playing with his lighter. "I hope that was the right guy, but even if it wasn't, it's no skin off my back, y'know. Anyways, let's see if the next punishment involves anyone that I actually know…"

Blaise then reaches into the jar and pulls out a note. After reading it, he chuckles to himself. "Y'see, now this is more like it. FranzyPearlfan would like me to give Larry Butz his just deserts…"

Blaise then turns on a screen where Larry is sitting in a pub, drinking a beer as he talks to the weary bartender, who has had to listen to Larry whine every time a girl dumps him, which means that he practically sees Larry every week.

"Damn Miharu! Why'd she leave me? Why do they all leave me? I'm a nice guy: I pamper them, and complement them, and write them charming letters, but yet they keep dumping me!" Larry yells as he quickly downs the beer. "Another beer, Barlow…" Larry sullenly says as he rubs his watering eyes.

"Look, Butz, I understand where you're coming from. Sometimes life ain't fair and you get thrown for a loop more time than you can count. But just remember, if those broads can't appreciate you for who you are, then they're not worth keeping around." Barlow calmly says as he polishes a mug.

Barlow then hands Larry another beer as the young, dejected man begins to sob. "Who am I kidding, Barlow? I'm gonna die alone or worse, have to become gay like Edgey and wear his poufy tie-thing while I drink tea and read books!"

"Don't look now, Butz, but I think that girl's eyein' you up…" Barlow says as he points to a table on the other side of the pub where Lauren Paups is nervously alternating her gaze between Larry and her soda.

Larry quickly combs his hair with his fingers as he lets out a nervous sigh. "I'm going in…"

Larry then walks over to Lauren's table and upon seeing him, Lauren stops sipping her soda and nervously looks down at the wood gloss of the table as her cheeks turn bright red. "Oh my God, that hot guy is at your table, Lauren! Say something to him… H-Hi, I'm Lauren… Lauren Paups." Lauren meekly says to Larry, who is smiling at her.

"What a coincidence, my name happens to be Larry. So Lauren, I see that you have a Band-Aid on your elbow. Did you get it when you fell from Heaven, my angel?" Larry asks in the savviest voice he can muster.

"He's so witty, Lauren. He's the perfect guy to help you get over your ex-boyfriend. Hopefully he'll ask you out…" Lauren nervously thinks out loud.

A big grin then spreads across Larry's face as he realizes that this nervous girl in front of him, who has no internal monologue, is head-over-heels for him and all he has to do is ask her out. "Lauren, it seems that I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?"

Lauren then nervously nods her head as she writes down her phone number on a nearby napkin and gives it to Larry and Larry does the same with his number. "So Lauren, how about we get some dinner and discuss our interests?"

"I-I… I need some space!" Lauren yells as she runs off out of sight in a nearby alcove.

Larry, proud of having received a woman's phone number, proceeds to Leave the pub with a skip to his step and a big, goofy grin on his face. But little does he know that as he is leaving, Lauren is watching him from the alcove.

"Why are you so cowardly and shy, Lauren!? Now that hot stud muffin of a man is going to leave you and find another girl!" Lauren yells as she takes out a pair of scissors and almost cuts off her right bang of hair. "No, Lauren! You can't let your fear tie you down! That's how you got in trouble with Lance. You need to be assertive with that hunky dreamboat and show him how much you want him…" Lauren then begins to dreamily star at her lollipop ring. "Yes, that's what you'll do. And then he'll have no choice but to love you forever and ever and ever…"

The next morning, Larry is woken up by the sound of his alarm clock going off. Larry groggily rubs his eyes as he turns off his alarm clock, but is then wide awake when he smells something that he never thought that he'd smell in his apartment: home cooked food.

Larry then jumps out of his bed and takes a baseball bat out of his closet. Larry then sneaks out of his room and then jumps out into the kitchen area with his bat raised high in the air, ready for a fight. But to Larry's surprise and confusion, instead of seeing a burglar, he sees Lauren making him pancakes.

"G-Good morning, Larry. I made you pancakes. I hope that you don't mind…" Lauren nervously says as she grips the frying pan that she is holding.

Larry may be the type of guy who likes it when girls cook for him, heck he likes it when girls are nice to him in general. But even Larry has boundaries and a girl breaking into his apartment is a big no-no.

"I appreciate this Lauren, but how did you get in here? And more importantly, how did you find my apartment?" Larry asks her as he starts to nervously sweat.

"I-I just followed you here from the bar and then snuck in through the fire escape. Why, did I do something wrong?" Lauren asks as she pulls out her scissors and contemplates cutting her right bang of hair.

"Lauren, even I know that it is wrong to break into a person's home. Now can you please leave my apartment? I'll be more than willing to take you out on a date later today."

"He's going to dump you, Lauren! You should have been more assertive! Now it's time for plan B…!"

A confused look spreads across Larry's face. "Plan B? What tha-"Before Larry can finish his sentence, Lauren knocks him unconscious with a frying pan.

When Larry regains consciousness, he is in his bed, wearing only his underwear, and his wrists are tied to the banisters of his bed. As Larry flails his body in an attempt to free himself, Lauren, who is wearing just a bra, panties, and her lollipop ring, enters the room.

"Good, he's awake. Now it's time to make your move, Lauren…" Lauren thinks out loud as she slowly walks towards Larry, licking her lips in excitement of what's going to happen next.

Lauren then climbs onto the bed and proceeds to nibble on Larry's ear; and while Larry would normally enjoy this sort of behavior from girls, it's a different story when crazy ones knock him out and tie him to his bed.

Larry then thinks to himself. _"What would my ex-girlfriends do if I ever did this to them…"_ But he doesn't know the answer to that question because unlike this balls-off-the-wall insane woman, he at least knows not to hold them hostage. Sure, he might send them love letters that may come off as blackmail, but that only causes mild disgruntlement. On the other hand, what's happening to him right now is sexual assault, and not the good kind that he watches on his favorite websites on lonely Friday nights, but rather, the bad kind.

Larry knows that this girl is insane and that he needs to drop her like textbook, however, given the situation he's in at the moment, one wrong move could result in his throat being spliced with a pair of scissors. "Yo, Lauren… Can I tell you something?" Larry asks while trying to put on a brave face as he nervously sweats.

"Yes, Lare-Bear…?" Lauren asks as she licks her lollipop ring, which she is actually still wearing.

"I don't know how to tell you this, but I am voracious in the bedroom and if I start doing anything with you, then you might get hurt."

"He's so selfless, Lauren. You need to make sweet love to him now. He deserves it…"

Larry, seeing that that failed to scare her off, decides to be more aggressive. "Lauren, I don't want to have a relationship with you. You are a crazed, psychotic girl that I wish would untie me!" Larry yells at the nervous girl.

"Not only is he selfless, but he's also honest. How did you get such a good man, Lauren? You have to make sure to never let him go!" Lauren says as she stairs dreamily at her lollipop ring

Lauren then proceeds to start making out with Larry as he continues to try and free himself from the ropes that are confining him to his own bed. Unfortunately for him, Lauren really did a good job with the knots and he is unable to escape.

Lauren then proceeds to slowly remove Larry's underwear. "I-I hope that you enjoy this as much as I will…" Lauren says to Larry as she starts to blush.

"I can already tell you that I won't. Someone! Anyone! Nick! Edgey! Pearl! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE!" Larry screams at the top of his lungs. But unfortunately for him, no one comes.

Before Lauren can do anything else to him, Larry is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell.

Thankful that he has escaped that demented woman, Larry begins to contemplate his life. "Is this how most women view me? As some weird pervert? Well no longer, from this day forth, I, Larry Butz, vow to be civil and respectable to all women." Larry proudly states as Franziska approaches him.

"What foolishly foolish nonsense are you rambling on about now, Larry Butz?" Franziska seers as she puts her hands to her hips.

"So Franzy, since we're in this cell, do you wanna model for my book?" Larry asks with his normal, creepy smile, which Franziska responds to by repeatedly whipping Larry while yelling insults that utilize a large variety of 'colorful' vocabulary and many, many variations of the word 'fool.'

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise, who has a big grin on his face. "Now, I know what you're thinking: 'Blaise, isn't that sort of material lewd and inappropriate for this kind of show?' And to that, I will respond by stating how that was the censored version, y'know. Y'see, the original version would have had a naked Larry Butz being chased through the woods by Hotti and Kudo; the ending of which would involve acts done to that idiot would have been something straight from 'Deliverance.' But I digress, time for the next punishment."

Blaise then reaches into the jar and pulls out a note, which he then reads. After reading the note, Blaise begins to play with his lighter. "This punishment could be fun… Y'see, a guest would like Ray Shields to learn the true evils of hugs. Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen which shows Ray finishing a visit with Horace Knightley in the Detention Center in preparation for the latter's impending trial. As Ray walks out of the Visitor's Room and into the adjoining hallway, he can't help but feel a sense of déjà vu, as if this had all happened before, but he can't put his finger on why.

In his contemplative state, Ray accidently bumps into Kathrine Hall, who is going to the Visitor's room to see Masters. Out of courtesy, Ray takes off his fedora and bows. "Ms. Hall, I'm so sorry about that. How about I give you an apologetic hug to compensate? Ray says as he stretches out his arms and gives the actress a warm smile.

Kathrine nods in agreement and Ray hugs her, the actress that he had been harboring affectionate feelings towards for the last 18 years. As he hugs her, he savors the smell of her hair, which has the aroma of milk chocolate and nougat; which is how he imagined her hair would smell.

Suddenly, Rays' feeling of joy is robbed from him when he is forcibly kissed on the lips. When Ray breaks away from the kiss, he sees that Kathrine is no longer there and that he is now hugging some weird blond lady who is wearing a coat made out of foxes.

Out of fear, Ray quickly wriggles free from Patricia's vice grip hug and then backs up against a nearby wall as he takes deep breaths. "Who are you!? Where's Kathrine?" Ray says as his eyes bulge out.

Patricia and the white fox that she has with her then smile at Ray with a look of lust in their eyes. "There is no Kathrine, honey, only me, Patty Roland! Now come over here so that we can get more… familiar…" Patricia purrs as she slowly approaches Ray.

"Now, Uncle Ray likes a good hug once and a while, but this is quickly entering stranger danger territory." Ray says as he puts his arms out in order to block the prison warden's advances on him.

Hearing the commotion in the area, the real Patricia Roland enters the area. "Just what is going on in-" Patricia stops talking out of shock from seeing another her. "Darling, I LOVE your hair. And that fox coat… It's absolutely divine!"

Kathrine/Patricia then stops pursuing Ray as she begins to chat with the real Patricia. Seeing his chance, Ray quickly flees the hallway and escapes the Detention Center. Once he outside, Ray looks back to make sure that none of the Patricia Rolands are chasing after him.

As Ray is quivering out of nervousness, a ten year-old Trucy Gramarye approaches him. "What's wrong, mister?"

"U-Uncle Ray's just a little on edge. I'll be fine, though…"

Trucy then flashes Ray an excited grin as she starts bouncing up and down. "You know what, Mr. Ray; you need one of my world-famous Super-Duper Omega Mega Ultra Supreme Trucy Hugs!"

Upon hearing Trucy's request, Ray calms down a bit and gives Trucy a reassuring smile. "You know what, your right, little girl…" Ray says as he gives Trucy a hug.

As soon as Ray wraps his arms his arms around Trucy, she suddenly Morphs into Oldbag.

"Get off of me, whippersnapper!" Oldbag screams in Ray's ear, which causes him recoil back and fall on the ground in shock.

"What the hell!? Uncle Ray doesn't want to hug you!" Ray screams as he gets himself off of the ground.

"In response to this, Oldbag starts seething as she clenches her teeth and fists and gives Ray the death glare. "Why I'd never…! The youth of today, insulting a lovely woman such as myself. Why can't every man be like my Edgey-poo? Now HE'S a man with class and style; unlike you, you shaggy hipster!"

Ray, fearing the possibility of Oldbag assaulting him, puts his hands in front of his body as his eyes widen. "No offense, but it's just that you're kind of… grody…" Ray whispers the last part of that sentence as he braces for whatever this enraged elderly woman staring him down is about to do to him.

At this point, Oldbag goes into her Hyper Oldbag Tirade Mode. "That's the issue with this generation: They can't appreciate beauty when it's right in front of them! And it's not like you're so attractive with your long, poufy hair and that sad, shaggy beard! And who are you trying to fool with that fedora!? A fedora is a MAN'S hat for manly men and not pathetic whippersnappers like you. If you want to see a real man, you should see my Edgey-poo: Edgey-poo's refined, well-spoken, and has a great sense of style! If Edgey-poo saw how you were treating me, then he would teach you a thing or two on how to act like a REAL gentleman! I-"

Oldbag notices that Ray had run away during her rant. "That's another thing: If Edgey-poo saw that I was talking, he would have the common decency to listen to every word that I'd have to say!" Oldbag yells as she shakes her fist.

Meanwhile, Ray is running as fast and far away from Oldbag as he possibly can. "There's no way that I'd stick around for that. Uncle Ray may be crazy enough to hug every pretty girl that he comes across, but he has the common sense to avoid an endless tirade."

Ray then continues running until he reaches the Prosecutor's Office. "If anyone knows what's going on with my hugs, it's Greggory's son." Ray says as he rushes up to the 12th floor of the building and bursts into Edgeworth's office, where the dapper prosecutor is talking with Kay.

"Mr. Shields… I wasn't expecting you here today." Edgeworth says as he stares in bewilderment at Ray, whose face is flushed and is gripping the doorframe with both hands.

"Hugs… Cursed…" Ray pants as he walks into the office; but as Ray walks towards Edgeworth, he notices Kay. "Hey, how'd you like to help Uncle Ray with an experiment?" Ray desperately asks as he rushes at Kay.

Before the young girl can say anything, Ray hugs her and almost immediately, she turns into Victor Kudo, who forces Ray off of him by pelting him with birdseed. "Get off of me, you sissy-man! Back in my day, men didn't hug other men in public!"

Edgeworth, in shock, alternates his attention between Ray, who is profusely sweating, and Victor, who is now furiously eating his birdseed. "S-Shields…! What on Earth did you do to my assistant!?"

"Look Miles, Uncle Ray can't help that his hugs are cursed! Maybe it's only the case with women…" Ray says as he starts to slowly approach Edgeworth.

"N-No! Get away from me! You're not going to do to me what you did to Kay!" Edgeworth yells as he tries to run away from Ray.

Unfortunately for Edgeworth, Ray catches up to Edgeworth and hugs him, which causes the young prosecutor to turn into Jean Armstrong. "Your 'air is so soft, and your beard is so silky, monsieur…" Jean says as he caresses Ray's hair and face.

Ray then pushes Jean away from him. "No! Sure, I was able to tolerate that perverted warden, that angry, grody woman, and even that angry old man…"

Victor starts throwing birdseed at Ray. "I am not old!" Victor yells to the disgruntled attorney.

"But hugging that… THING is where Uncle Ray draws the line!" Ray yells as he points an angry finger at Jean, who is now flashing Ray his most seductive stare.

"Oh, but monsieur, I can't 'elp it that the 'andsome men are attracted to moi…" Jean says as he starts shaking his torso in a disturbing fashion.

"Oh and when does that happen? After they blind themselves to avoid looking at you?" Ray asks in a snarky manner.

"When they notice that I am blocking la only exit to le office..." Jean says as he moves in front of the office door, thus preventing Ray's escape. "And if you would like to leave, monsieur, then you'll have to give me une grande hug and a kiss on each of moi cheeks. Otherwise, la escape, she will be impossible, non?" Jean says as he slowly and seductively walks towards Ray, who is frantically looking for a way to escape the office.

Ray then notices the window behind Edgeworth's desk. "I'm coming, Gregory…! To join you in that Golden Courtroom in the Sky, where hot girls hugs are always willing to hug and the chocolate is always sweet…" Ray says as he dashes towards the window, with Jean chasing after him.

As Ray is about to reach the window, he is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell, but before he realizes where he is, he dashes right into the holding cell's wall; which causes his nose to start bleeding as he falls to the ground.

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise as he plays with his lighter. "Y'know, I feel that punishment could be extended to men everywhere because we don't like hugging ugly women, y'see. That's right, I said it: the best woman to hug is a hot one with a rockin' bod." A big grin then spreads across Blaise's face. "That's one thing that my ex-wife had going for her. Sure, she had the personality of a dry sponge and was dumber than Sebastian, but boy, was she hot. Y'see, she had the full package: voluptuous breasts, slender figure, and an ass that was jelly because jam didn't shake like that. Plus, since she was 26 when I married her, her body was in its prime."

Blaise then starts crying as he tugs on his beard. "But this story doesn't have a happy ending y'know… Because after I tapped her, m-my condom malfunctioned and she became pregnant with my useless idiot son… God, he's such an idiot..." Blaise says as he empties the tears from his goggles. "And then after Sebastian was born, not wanting her to make him as stupid as she was, I felt that it was the right time to make her disappear. Needless to say, given Sebastian's personality, it's genetic… But enough about me, time for the next punishment."

Blaise then reaches into the jar and pulls out a note, and reads it. After Blaise finishes reading the note, he chuckles to himself. "A guest would like to see a punishment that involves Phoenix Wright experiencing some law and order…Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen, which shows Phoenix anxiously sitting alone at the defense's bench as Maya, who is scowling at Phoenix, and her lawyer, Edgeworth, sit at the plaintiff's bench. After a few seconds, Franziska, who is wearing a judge's robe, enters the courtroom and seats herself at the judge's bench.

Franziska then cracks her whip. "Order in the court; it's time for the next episode of 'Judge Franziska.' Will the plaintiff please give the court a quick overview of its case?"

Edgeworth stands up and bows to Franziska. "Certainty, Your Honor. My client, Ms. Maya Fey, would like to sue Mr. Phoenix Wright for, to quote her, 'being a stingy, old coot that won't let me use his credit card whenever I want.'"

Franziska then brandishes her whip. "Plaintiff, I would normally never accept a foolish case of this magnitude, but for Phoenix Wright, I'll make an exception…" Franziska cynically says with a grin.

Phoenix then stands up and points his finger at Edgeworth. "Objection! The defense feels that this case should not be held due to the fact that my assistant can't take no for an answer."

Franziska then whips Phoenix. "Don't push your luck, foolish attorney. Speaking of which, where is your attorney, or will you try to foolishly defend yourself like the foolishly foolish fool that you are?"

Phoenix starts tugging at the collar of his shirt. "Since you said before the show that I wasn't allowed to defend myself, I called the Grossberg Law Firm and they are sending me an attorney as we speak…"

At that moment, Larry bursts into the courtroom and goes over to the defense's bench. "Sorry I'm late, got into an argument with my now-ex-girlfriend, Janay; but don't worry, because the defense is here!" Larry, who is wearing his casual clothes, says with a nervous smile as he flashes a thumbs-up.

Phoenix rubs the bridge of his nose as he sighs. "Larry, why are you here? I asked Grossberg to send me an attorney, not you."

"Well, apparently none of the lawyers at the Firm felt that this case was worth their time, so they went with the next best option. Don't worry Nick, I'll get you outta this in a jiffy, or I'm not worth the five bucks they paid me to defend you!" Larry says as he grins and waves his arm, which is covered by his sleeve.

"Larry, you aren't even a lawyer. How do you expect to be a credible attorney if you aren't even certified?"

Larry flashes his lapel, which has a cardboard attorney's badge attached to it. "Is that proof enough for you that I'm Larry Butz: Ace Lawyer Dude, Nick?" Larry says with a smug grin as the corner of his mouth twitches.

"Larry, that 'badge' is made of cardboard… Who do think you're fooling?

"They don't know that, Nick."

Edgeworth slams his hand on his desk. "Objection! Your honor, this simpleton is clearly not a lawyer. As you can see, his badge is clearly made out of cardboard."

Franziska whips Edgeworth. "Objection overruled, Miles Edgeworth. I shall continue this foolish sham of a trial out of my own curiosity. Plus, when will I ever get another opportunity to see Phoenix Wright in this much discontent?" Franziska says with a condescending smirk on her face as she playfully wags her finger. "The plaintiff may call forth its first witness."

Edgeworth shrugs his shoulders. "I would like to call Ms. Pearl Fey to the Stand."

Pearl then steps up to the Witness Stand. "Witness, please state your name and occupation."

"I'm Pearl Fey and I'm a spirit medium-in-training." Pearl says in her normal polite tone of voice.

"Now Ms. Fey, can you please describe to the Court how Mr. Nick has been treating Mystic Maya as of lately?"

Pearl then rolls up her right sleeve and clenches her fist. "While I do believe that Mr. Nick is a good man, he does not know how to properly treat a lady. For example, last week was Valentine's Day and Mr. Nick did NOTHING for Mystic Maya: no card, no candy, only nothing! He didn't even try to make love to Mystic Maya, even after I went through the trouble of buying him his special condoms from the store!" Pearl yells as she slams a box of condoms that reads "Lil' Centurion XXXXS Condoms: Little sheaths for Little Swords" on the witness stand.

Upon seeing the box of condoms, everyone in the courtroom, except Edgeworth, bursts out into laughter while Phoenix grips his head out of embarrassment. "There is no place like home, there is no place like home, there is no place like home." Phoenix chants to himself, hoping that this is all just some horrible nightmare.

Franziska then cracks her whip and the Courtroom quickly becomes silent. "The court would like to admit the Defendant's foolishly foolish condoms into evidence for future blackmailing purposes." Franziska says with a snigger.

*Lil' Centurion XXXXS Condoms added to the Court Record.*

"The plaintiff feels that it has gained the necessary information from the witness." Edgeworth says with an indifferent expression on his face.

Phoenix then pulls at his hair as he thinks about his situation. "Thankfully, there aren't any cross examinations on this show, so things can't get any worse…"

"The Defense would like to call Mr. Phoenix Wright to the Stand!" Larry confidently says as he flashes a thumbs-up.

"But then again, with Larry, there's always a possibility." Phoenix thinks to himself as he clenches his teeth and sweat drips down his brow.

Phoenix then takes Pearl's place at the Witness Stand. "Mr. Wright, if that's your real name, please explains what you were doing at 5:00 P.M. on the date of November 18th, 2003."

"I don't know, I guess eating dinner with my parents after finishing my homework… I really don't remember." Phoenix says as he scratches his chin in an attempt to remember that specific day of his childhood.

"So he doesn't remember…" Larry slams his hands on the Witness Stand. "Or perhaps he doesn't WANT to remember!"

"What are you talking about, Larry!?" Phoenix says with eyes widened from shock.

Larry then pulls out a female doll. "Where on this doll did they touch you?" Larry yells as he points to the doll.

"Larry, how is this supposed to help my case…? Plus, how is that doll supposed to represent me when it's clearly female?"

"Witness, need I remind you that you are under oath? Now stop running away from your past and tell the court where on this doll those bad, bad men touched you!" Larry says as he shoves the doll in Phoenix's face.

At this point, Edgeworth, who is actually feeling sorry for Phoenix, decides to intervene. "You're out of order, Butz! What gives you the right to badger the witness, who is YOUR own client, nonetheless?"

"I'm out of order!? You're out of order, this whole court's out of order, the candy machine in the Defendant's Lobby has been out of order for the past month!" Larry yells with a tomato red face as he flails his arms.

Franziska then whips Larry. "Larry Butz, as much as I like seeing Phoenix Wright get tortured, if I see one more foolish outburst from you, then I will hold you in contempt of court. Do I make myself clear?"

Larry confirms by silently nodding his head as he breaks out in a nervous sweat.

Franziska cracks her whip. "I feel that there is no need to continue on with this foolish trial. Does the Plaintiff have any closing arguments?"

"None needed, Your Honor." Edgeworth calmly states as he clenches his sleeve.

"And the defense?"

"Kill me, kill me now…" Phoenix mumbles to himself as he grips his head.

"This court finds the defendant, Mr. Phoenix Wright… foolishly guilty. As punishment, the defendant must give in to all of the plaintiff's current and future financial demands, no questions asked. The court is adjourned!" Franziska says as she cracks her whip.

At that moment, Phoenix is surrounded by hundreds of Mayas, all of whom are tugging at his suit with mischievous grins on their faces. "Buy me burgers! Buy me Burgers! C'mon Nick, buy me burgers so that we can watch Steel Samurai!" All of Mayas constantly say, creating a cacophony of whinny demands.

"Noooooooooo!" Phoenix yells as he is blinded by a bright light, and when he regains his sight, is back in his holding cell.

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise. "I know what you're thinking: 'How would Pearl know about sex?' Well, it's all in the context of the punishment, y'know. Y'see, if there's a universe where Larry Butz can pose as an attorney and little von Karma becomes a television judge, then anything's possible… Except, of course, having it where Lil' Centurion condoms do their job instead of instead of impregnating your late wife and giving you an idiot son!" Blaise yells as he clenches his lighter, causing a pillar of fire to erupt from his lighter and his beard to catch on fire as a result. Blaise then quickly uses the tear water from his goggles to extinguish the fire on his beard. "Anyways, let's move on to the next punishment."

Before Blaise can reach into the jar to pull out another note, he hears a beep from a nearby monitor.

"It seems that today's episode has come to a close. I am Blaise Debeste, and I thank you for watching "Pick Your Poison! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to make sure that stagehand restocked my mini-fridge, because if he didn't, he's gonna disappear."

A puff of smoke then appears on stage as Blaise Debeste vanishes into thin air.


	5. Episode 4

**Disclaimer: All material presented in this non-canon, non-profit fanfic belongs to it's proper owners.**

* * *

Blaise's theme song plays as a puff of smoke appears on stage, but Blaise isn't present. After a few seconds, Blaise materializes into the room. "Hello viewers; sorry I'm a little late. Y'see, My mini fridge was short three grapes, so I had to make that stagehand disappear for not restocking it as he said he would. Anyways, it's time to start the fourth episode of 'Pick Your Poison!'. Now let's see what punishments that I get to subject my lovely guests to today."

A jar with a bunch of notes in it then appears on a table in the center of the stage.

Blaise reaches into the jar and proceeds scowl and seethe in anger as he reads the note. "JordanPhoenix would like to see me punish that son of a bitch Wocky Kitaki. That little bastard egged my house once, so I'm gonna put him through his personal hell, y'know! Let the punishment commence!" Blaise yells as he clenches his lighter, causing a large flame to emerge from it.

Blaise then turns on a screen which shows Wocky Kitaki, who is on a giant cloud, checking out his surroundings with a look of confusion on his face as he notices that he is in a town filled with many colorful buildings and a large white castle in the distance. "What the heck? What is this whack place? Did I die and go to Heaven? Because if that's the case, then they made a mistake since I'm a hardcore o.g. and not some goody-two-shoes." Wocky pouts as he walks around the town.

Suddenly, a group of large bears, each a different color with a different symbol on their chests, approaches Wocky. "Hello Wocky, we're the Care Bears, and I'm their leader: Tenderheart. We know that you want to be a hardcore gangster, but we hope that you enjoy your stay at Care-a-lot." An orange Care Bear with a heart on his stomach calmly says as he approaches Wocky to shake his hand, but the disgruntled wannabe gangster rejects this gesture of kindness by taking a step back.

Wocky, upon realizing that he is in some cloud city with talking bears that know who he is, becomes understandably unnerved. "What kind of drugs am I on and how do you know my name, homes?" Wocky asks with a look of confusion.

Tenderheart puffs out his chest in pride as he confidently points to himself. "We're the Care Bears; it's our job to know everything about everyone… mostly through social media and watching you while you sleep."

Wocky begins to look around, trying to find an exit so that he can go home to his parents. "So where's the exit to this place? I've gotta get back to my turf and make sure things are running smoothly?"

Tenderheart softly shakes his head. "Sorry Wocky, we put it to a vote earlier today and have decided to keep you in Care-a-lot forever and ever so that you can learn how to truly care for others."

"Hell No! Ain't no way in hell that I'm staying in this gay, sissy-ass candy land! I'm straight up gangster and if my posy sees me here, then my rep'll be ruined!" Wocky yells as he clenches his foxlike teeth, leaning forward with his hands on his hips to show his assertiveness.

All of the Care Bears gasp in shock upon hearing Wocky's outburst. "Wocky! You just said a swear! That kind of language is unacceptable here! We know that you're angry, but please apologize for your crude language." Tenderheart scolds as he wags his finger.

"I say what I want, when I want because I'm o.g., bizzzoy! And if you gotta problem with that, then you can just shut your mouth or I'll pop a cap up your rainbow ass, because I'm gangster!"

Tenderheart puts his hands up in front of his torso to signify that he doesn't want any conflict. "There, there, now, Wocky. I'm afraid that if you continue this behavior, then you may not like what will happen to you…" Tenderheart says in a stern tone of voice while flashing the young mobster a look that means business.

Wocky crosses his arms as a smug grin spreads across his face. "What'll happen? You'll make me a plate of cookies and read me a bedtime story?" Wocky then pulls out a steel pipe that he's been hiding in his jacket's sleeve. "Now, all you whack bears gather around for a little game of Disappearing Bears…"

The Care Bears all line up side-by-side and stare menacingly at Wocky. "Care Bears… prepare to stare!" Tenderheart orders, which the rest of the Care Bears respond to with an affirmative nod.

"How's staring going to hurt a hardcore o.g. like me? I'm Wocky Kitaki; I'm straight up gangster, fo shizzl-AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHH!" Wocky screams out in agony as he is hit by several rainbow beams of colored lights being emitted from the Care Bears' stomachs.

As the Care Bears continue to fire their beams of light at Wocky, he falls to his knees from the pain. "How is an o.g. like me being harmed by sissy-ass rainbows!? This ain't ri-AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHH!" Wocky screams as the Care Bears increase the power of their light beam attack. Eventually, the pain becomes so unbearable that Wocky drifts into unconsciousness, at which point, the Care Bears stop their onslaught.

Tenderheart then walks over to Wocky's knocked out body that is sprawled on the ground. "Don't say that I didn't warn you, Wocky…" Tenderheart says as he shakes his head. "Perhaps a stay in Care-a-lot Prison is just the thing he needs to help him reform his attitude."

When Wocky finally regains consciousness, he notices that he is in a cold, dark, prison cell and through the bars of the cell, he can see Tenderheart, with his hands on his hips, giving the boy a cold, stern look. "Look whose finally awake…" Tenderheart states.

"Wha-Where am I…?" Wocky says in a tired voice as he uses the bars on his cell to get off the ground.

"You're in Care-a-lot Prison, an area built specifically to teach uncaring punks such as yourself the true meaning of caring."

"Whatever, homes, I'm straight up gangster; a stay in the Pen can only improve my rep, fo shizzle." Wocky says with a voice and face that exudes confidence.

"Glad you see it that way. Just think happy thoughts like that as you get to know your cellmate, Grizzle…" Tenderheart cynically says with a smirk on his face as he walks away from the area.

"Grizzle…?" Wocky says with a look of apprehension and confusion on his face.

At that moment, Wocky hears a low growl and a puff of hot air hit the back of his neck. Wocky then slowly turns around to see a large, bright orange Care Bear, which resembles Furio Tigre, standing right in front of him with a glare on his face. "Well, well, well, look what we got here: fresh meat…" the Furio bear says in a playful yet intimidating tone.

Seeing the large creature standing before him, Wocky, who has always talked a big game but was really a soft person inside, begins to cower as his knees shake like gelatin. "I-I ain't afraid of you… I-I'm straight up gangster!" Wocky yells in a high-pitched voice as he tries his best to not wet his pants.

The large Care Bear then lets out a hearty, monstrous roar of a laugh. "Youse a gangsta? Ha! That's rich! I'm Grizzle, da deadliest Care Bear in Care-a-lot and da big boss in this cell. And as da big boss, I think that I ought to show you how we 'share' and 'care' in this prison." Grizzle, who is flashing Wocky a disturbing grin, says as he slowly approaches the young gangster, who is pressing his back to the cell's bars.

"W-Whoa, homes, g-get back!" Wocky says; but to no avail, Grizzle ignores him and keeps approaching him.

When Grizzle reaches Wocky, he grabs the young gangster and rips his shirt off, revealing his smooth, toned chest, which the large Care Bear proceeds to lick like a lollypop.

"N-No! I don't play like that, homes! Let me go!" Wocky protests as he flails in an attempt to free himself from Grizzle's strong grasp; but alas, Grizzle is too strong and Wocky is too weak.

Grizzle then proceeds to tear off Wocky's pants, leaving the mobster in only his Bad Badge tighty-whities. "This ain't gangster! Thais ain't ganger at all, fo shizzle!" Wocky screams, with his eyes widening in fear as Grizzle gives him with a hungry look.

Grizzle then forcefully pins Wocky's back to the stone-cold floor of the cell. "No! No! NOOOOOOOOOO!" Wocky yells with terror in his voice as Grizzle leans in to kiss him.

However, before the hulking Care Bear is able to kiss him, Wocky is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell and is reclothed. "I'm back… I managed to escape that crazy-ass bear…" Wocky says to himself as he breaths a sigh of relief.

Unfortunately for Wocky, his relief is short-lived when suddenly; a large paw grips his shoulder. Wocky then slowly turns around, and to his horror, he sees that the paw belongs to Grizzle. "Don't count your eggs before they hatch, kid. Now da real fun begins…!" Grizzle sneers as he flashes Wocky a demented, hungry look.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Wocky screams as Grizzle drags him to the back of the cell.

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise, who is maniacally laughing as he witnesses the little brat who egged his house suffer for his transgression. "Don't worry; I may remove Grizzle at the end of the episode… emphasis on 'may'. But y'know, I think that little brat's punishment serves as a powerful reminder never to mess with me. Y'see, if you're not an idiot like Sebastian, then you'd probably figured out that I'm the type of guy who will devastate your life if you so much as look at me the wrong way."

Blaise then starts playing with his lighter. "Take von Karma, for example. Y'see, one day, we passed each other in the hallway and he had the gall to tell me to put my prosecutor's badge in my pocket because it's not 'fashionable' to wear it on my lapel. Needless to say, I took offense to that suggestion and saw to it that a fake autopsy report was forged for one of his cases without him knowing it; thus, making one of his cases of foul play so blatant that I could easily give him a penalty and tarnish his precious record, y'know."

Blaise then starts crying and tugging at his beard. "You should have seen the dumbstruck look on his face. It was so pathetic that thinking about it brings a tear to my eye, y'know…" Blaise then empties his googles of tears as a big grin spreads across his face. "And y'know what the best part was? Von Karma took out his frustration that day by killing Gregory Edgeworth; which worked out for me because that meddling attorney was due to disappear, so von Karma saved me some work, y'see. But enough about me; time for the next punishment…"

Blaise then reaches into the jar and pulls out a note. "FranzyPearlfan would like to see our good friend Apollo watch a special show… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen which shows Apollo entering the Wright Anything Agency for work, but the only person there is Trucy, who is giving Apollo an excited, warm smile as she bounces on her tippy toes. "Hey Trucy, where is everyone? Mr. Wright sent me an e-mail to come to the agency for some urgent business." Apollo asks as he looks around the office with a look of confusion.

"Daddy didn't send you that e-mail Polly, I did. I need you to watch my new magic routine that I've been working on!"

Upon hearing this, Apollo's face changes from one of confusion to one of irritation as he rubs his unusually large forehead. "You made me rush over here, thinking that there was some state of emergency, for a magic trick. And here I thought that it was something serious: like your father getting in another car accident or Athena trying to make us exercise and/or diet." Apollo sternly states to the young magician girl, who has become offended by that statement.

Trucy puts her hands on her hips as she flashes Apollo a deadly, yet oddly cute, scowl. "Polly! Anything relating to magic is totally serious! Since you came all the way here, how about you watch my show?" Trucy says in a perky voice with a big grin on her face as she pulls out a magic wand.

"No. I'm leaving" Apollo responds matter-of-factly.

Apollo then turns around and heads towards the door, but before he can open it, he feels something heavy grab onto his right leg. When the young attorney looks down to investigate, he sees Trucy clinging to his leg and flashing him her best pouty face. "Please watch my show, Polly. Pleaaaaaaaaaaaassseeeee!" Trucy asks as her lower lips does a tiny tremble.

"No means no, Trucy. Now please get off of my leg or I will practice my Chords of Steel outside your bedroom at five in the morning." Apollo says, knowing full well that if there's one thing that Trucy loves more than magic and food, its sleep.

Trucy, realizing that her current method isn't working, gets off of Apollo's leg and gets back up on her feet. "If you don't watch my show, then I'll tell Daddy that you were mean to me and he'll fire and kill you!" The magician girl says with an even more aggressive scowl that signifies that either Apollo submits to her will or all hell breaks loose.

"Trucy, do you seriously think that Mr. Wright would fire me, let alone murder, just because I was 'mean' to you? I know that the guy loves you with all of his heart, but I think that he has more rational than that."

"Don't be so certain, Polly. Just take a look at what Daddy did to the other bad, bad men who were mean to me…" Trucy says in a disturbingly bubbly voice as she points her magic wand to a nearby wall, which has the heads of Sebastian Debeste, Ray Shields, and Larry, all with a look of fear on their faces, proudly mounted on the wall.

Apollo, who is now aware of what his boss is capable of when angered, begins to profusely sweat. "Trucy, how long has your father had these 'trophies'?" Apollo nervously asks as his voice cracks a little.

"He put those up just yesterday… and those are only three of them; the rest are in his closet. Just remember Polly: don't underestimate a level 83 daddy, or you're going to have a very bad time… So do you wanna see my magic show, Polly?" Trucy says in her normal, happy tone of voice.

"Where do I sit…?" Apollo responds; trying to take the path that won't make him experience his boss' wrath.

"Just sit in your chair, Polly." Trucy says as she cheerfully points to the attorney's small chair.

Apollo then, upon Trucy's instruction, takes his chair to the center of the room and then proceeds to sit in it. Trucy then stands a short distance away from Apollo as she begins the show. "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, are you ready for magic?"

"No." Apollo says in a snarky manner as he crosses his arms in protest.

"Well too bad, because you're getting magic and you're gonna like it!" Trucy says in a sickeningly sweet voice as she pulls out her magic panties. "Now let's see what mysteries my magic panties hold…"

Trucy than reaches into her magic panties and pulls out a live scorpion. Trucy, like any rational, young magician would do, throws the scorpion into Apollo's lap as she screams in terror, which he then quickly shoves off. The scorpion then skitters to the other side of the room.

Trucy rubs the back of her neck out of embarrassment. "Sorry Polly, let's try that again…!"

Trucy reaches into her magic panties again, and this time she pulls out a pitcher of hot Godot Blend #102 coffee, which is so hot that she throws it up into the air and it lands on Apollo's face, scalding him with the dark, bitter beverage; which causes him to scream in agony.

At that moment, sensing that good coffee has been spilled, Godot bursts into the office and rushes over to the area of interest. "Who did this foul crime against coffee?" Godot sternly says as he tries to salvage the coffee that is dripping off of Apollo and onto the floor with a thermos.

Trucy quickly points to Apollo, who is still focused on how badly this coffee is burning his face. "So, pointy locks, what's your name?" Godot asks Apollo as he sips some coffee from a mug that he's holding as the latter cleans his face off.

"I'm Apollo Justice, a lawyer at the Wright Anything Agency." Apollo says, still preoccupied with his facial burns.

"Well Injustice, just remember: never give a sword to a man who can't dance." Godot says with a smirk. But before Apollo can respond, Godot dumps the contents of his mug on Apollo's head, which causes the young attorney to scream out in pain again, and then leaves.

Apollo then uses some tissue in his pocket to clean the coffee off of his face. "Who the hell was that!?" Apollo asks in shock.

Trucy shrugs her shoulders with a confused look on her face. "I don't know. Maybe he's one of Daddy's friends... But that's not important." Trucy says as she begins to reach into her magic panties to try the trick again.

"Objection! I refuse to participate in this torturous magic show any longer." Apollo says as he begins to get out of his seat; but before he can, Trucy waves her magic wand, which causes restraints to appear on the chair's arms, restraining Apollo to the chair. "What's the big idea, Trucy!? Release me this instant!" Apollo yells as he struggles to free himself from the chair.

Trucy then puts her magic panties away as she rummages around a nearby trunk for her next trick. "Sorry Polly, but I need you to stay for the entirety of the show. Now where are those props…? Ah! There they are…" Trucy says as she pulls several knives out of the trunk. "Feeling confident in my aim?" Trucy playfully asks with a wink as she slowly walks towards Apollo, who is starting to cry in fear.

After 15 minutes of painful magic, Apollo is a wreak: his normally sharp spikes are reduced to short nubs due to a close call with a knife throwing trick, he reeks of urine due to Trucy's bunny tinkling on him during different trick, and his clothes, save his underwear, have disappeared due to a vanishing trick gone haywire. Apollo is shaking in his chair, fearing what else the demented magician has in store for him as she prepares her final trick. The only thing keeping Apollo from breaking is the thought that at least it can't get any worse.

Apollo's thoughts are interrupted when, to his horror, he sees Trucy approaching him with a chainsaw. "Time for the final trick, Polly! For this trick, I'm gonna cut you in half, and then put you back together again!" Trucy excitedly says with a devious grin as she revs up the chainsaw.

Apollo, seeing how based on Trucy's track record for this show she could very easily kill him, decides that if he's going to try to escape, it's either now or never. Apollo, using every ounce of strength in his body, breaks free of the chair's restraints and quickly leaves the office, with Trucy in hot pursuit.

As Apollo runs down the hallway towards the stairway, he notices that with each step, the hallway is getting longer and longer; thus making it endless. To make matters worse, Trucy has pulled out Mr. Hat, who is carrying a steel pipe, and is gaining on the distraught man.

"Come back here, Polly, I wood love for you to see the rest of the performance!" Mr. Hat yells as he and Trucy slowly, but surely, catch up to Apollo. Eventually, Trucy and Mr. Hat catch up to Apollo and the puppet swings the pipe at the attorney's left kneecap and breaks it.

"AAAAGGGGGHHH" Apollo yells as he falls to the ground in pain. Mr. Hat then uses this opportunity to use the pipe to break Apollo's right kneecap. Apollo, dazed by the pain, rolls onto his back as Trucy stands in front of him with her chainsaw, which is running.

"Get ready for the greatest magic trick you'll ever see!" Trucy yells as she swings the chainsaw at Apollo; but before he can be harmed by it, he is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell.

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise. "I actually got the idea of Apollo's knees being broken by a steel pipe from an incident during my childhood, y'know. Y'see, Gant, von Karma, and I were childhood friends; and before you ask, von Karma lived in my and Gant's neighborhood for a few years."

Blaise then starts to play with his lighter. "Anyways, one Saturday, I had stolen my pop's lighter and was trying to be cool by bring a piece of paper and flicking the remaining charred bit away. So I do it, but the charred piece goes into this one kid, Magnifi Gramarye's, backyard and it lands on his cloak, which was being hung out to dry, and destroyed it. Knowing his anger streak and capabilities with his magic boxers, we tried to get him a new cloak a.s.a.p. so he wouldn't beat the crap out of us, y'see. So, long story short, after a failing to get a replacement cloak due to poor enunciation on von Karm's part, Magnifi discovered that we destroyed his cloak when we tried to get rid of it, so he broke von Karma's kneecaps with a steel pipe."

"And ever since that day, von Karma had to walk with a cane, y'know." Blaise then tugs at his beard as he starts crying. "Y-You should have seen how von Karma begged me to help him, y'know… I-It's sad enough to make me cry." Blaise then empties the tears from his goggles. "Too bad I was busy running away from Magnifi. Anyways, onto the next punishment…" Blaise says as he reaches into the jar and pulls out a note.

Blaise then pulls out a note and reads it and after he finishes, a grin spreads across his face. "Ultra would like to see Maya engaged in a little game of cat-and-mouse… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen which shows Maya, who is wearing a Pink Princess costume, walking through a swamp. "Why am I walking through this swamp in a Pink Princess costume? I like the Pink Princess and all, but this costume is soooo hot!" Maya whines as she tries to take off the costume's mask, but to her dismay it won't come off.

"C'mon! I want out of this stuffy costume! It's hot in here and I won't be able to eat burgers with this stupid mask on!" Maya pouts as she tries to remove the mask, which refuses to budge.

Maya's attempts of removing the mask are interrupted when she hears some nearby bushes rustling. "W-Who's there?" Maya nervously asks as she turns to face the bushes, preparing herself for a confrontation by raising her fists and bracing her body. However, when she turns around, the bushes have ceased rustling; and with a shrug of her shoulders as she lowers her guard, Maya continues walking.

As Maya is walking, she is being watched by a mysterious being from the trees, shrouded by shadow, whose only sound is his slow, deep breaths of excitement. Suddenly, Maya stops walking when she notices a burger that is on top of a pile of leaves. "Oooh, I really, really want that burger, but my mask won't come off…" Maya then raises her finger as an idea comes to her. "I know! I'll just break off the mouth of the mask! But enough of that, it's burger time!" Maya squeals in excitement as she pounces at the burger.

The second Maya reaches the burger and grabs it; a net which was hidden beneath the leaves captures her and suspends her from a tree branch right above her. As Maya wriggles in the net to try to free herself, she hears a creepy laugh as Sal Manella, who is wearing a strange, lightweight suit of armor, appears out of thin air by deactivating his cloaking device. "At last, Pink Princess, I have found you!" Sal says with a creepy voice on his face as he undresses Maya with his eyes.

"I'm not the Pink Princess! This is just a costume that won't come off! So can you help a girl out and get me out of this net?" Maya pleads as she continues to try to free herself from the net, but to no avail.

Sal then taps his left shoulder, which causes a three barrel gun to emerge from his armor's shoulder plate. "That's of little importance, Pink Princess. All I need to do is to fire a tranquilizer dart at you to subdue you and then place you in glass case in my layer for preservation." Sal then tilts his head upward as he ponders the possibilities. "I can see it now… You'll look so schmexy right next to Franzy, the bisexual barbarian from the hit porn film 'Franzy's Whippity Whip Trip', which is based on the hit book of the same name written by hit author Laurice Deauxnim." Sal remarks as he aims a laser from the gun at Maya.

However, before Sal can fire at Maya, she manages to break free of the net and rushes into the forest as a cynical smile spreads across Sal's face. "Oh, we got a fighter. That'll make this much more rewarding because you know what they say: when they're about to crack, they're better in the sack…" Sal says as he chases Maya into the forest, his mouth watering in excitement for catching his prey.

As Maya is running from the perverted hunter, she quickly hides in some nearby bushes. When Sal reaches the area shortly after her, he is unable to see her. "Think you can hide from me? Ha! That's rich. Let's see you hide from my… bewb visor!" Sal says as he pushes a button on his armor that causes a visor to appear over his face that allows him to scan the vicinity for any creatures that have breasts.

As Sal scans the area, his visor reads 'NO BEWBS…', but when he finally looks at the bush that Maya is hiding in, the visor reads 'BEWBS!' as the bush turns a bright yellow orange. "I got you now, Pink Princess!" Sal yells as he fires a sleep dart into the bush, which misses Maya as she quickly jumps out and runs further into the woods.

As Maya runs through the woods, she reaches a clearing that upon rushing through, almost falls off a steep cliff, but stops herself from running before she runs over the edge. Frantically looking around, Maya tries to find a path that will allow her to continue her escape from Sal, but unfortunately for her, as far as she can see, there is no way around the cliff. Before she can come up with a different plan, her entire body, excluding her head, is entangled in a net that that hit her from behind, causing her to fall to the ground on her back.

As Maya tries to escape this new net, a large pink tentacle emerges from Sal's suit as he slowly approaches Maya with a disturbing smile on his face. Maya, who fears what Sal plans to do with that tentacle, trembles and softly whimpers to herself. Surprisingly, Sal uses the tentacle to remove the Pink Princess mask that was stuck on her head, which she responds to by taking some deep breaths, due to a combination of being able to breath some fresh air and what sick, twisted fantasies Sal is going to act out on her.

Suddenly, two more tentacles emerge from Sal's armor and to Maya's surprise and delight, they start feeding her burgers. "Yay, burgers! If this is all that's gonna happen, then I won't complain." Maya confidently replies as the tentacles continue to feed her burgers.

As the tentacles feed her more and more burgers, Maya begins to notice how her Pink Princess outfit is starting to gradually get tighter. "Umm… I really like burgers and everything, but I'm starting to get a little full. Can you please stop?" Maya sheepishly asks, but Sal ignores her while the tentacles continue to feed her burgers.

After about ten more minutes of being forced to eat hamburgers, Maya is literally bursting out of the Pink Princess costume as she continues to grow fatter and fatter, rounder and rounder by the very second. "Stop! I'm full! Why are you forcing me to eat all these burgers?" Maya yells as she becomes so morbidly obese that the net that was restraining her breaks, but it is a bittersweet victory, for she is unable to get up as the tentacles continue to force her to eat more hamburgers.

"Since you were such a challenge, Pink Princess, I'm going to make you my primary waifu; thus, I need you to be bigger and fatter, for larger women turn me on. Yes, you're coming along just fine…" Sal says as he licks his lips and pants while beads of sweat drip down his greasy face.

"HELP ME!" Maya yells in a high-pitched, shrill scream; hoping that by some miraculous chance, someone would come and save her from this sick monster of a man; and sure enough, Phoenix rushes out of the forest, panting, and heads towards Maya as Sal stops the tentacles from feeding Maya more burgers.

"Maya! I heard you scream for help, what's wro…" Phoenix says as he stops in his tracks upon seeing an obese Maya on the ground, trying to get up as Sal stares at her, undressing her with his ravenous, hungry eyes.

"H-Help me, Nick!" Maya pouts; but to her surprise, instead of feeling pity for his friend or trying to help her, Phoenix starts laughing and pointing his finger at her. "It's not funny, Nick! That bad man is trying to fatten me up with burgers!"

Phoenix wipes a tear forming in his eye as he continues laughing. "S-Sorry, Maya… It's just that I always knew that this sort of thin would happen. But look on the bright side; I don't have to take the bus anymore, on account that I can just use you as a hopper ball! HAHAHAHAHA!" Phoenix yells as he falls on the ground laughing as he fervently kicks his legs in giddy.

Suddenly, Pearl bursts into the area and upon seeing her crying, obese cousin, shoots her a glare of pure rage, contrary to the Phoenix's laughter. "Mystic Maya! How could you let yourself go like this!? How do you think you can satisfy Mr. Nick looking like this?" The little girl pouts with her hands on her hips.

Maya then starts crying at Pearl's accusation. "P-Pearly, this isn't my fault. That creep forced me to eat burgers until I looked like this!" Maya says as she struggles to lift her large, flabby arm to point at Sal.

"So you're trying to please that guy so you can run off with him and dump Mr. Nick!?"

"Pearly, I don't know this guy. He's been fattening me up against my free will. You have to believe me! I would never ever abandon Nick." Maya pleads to her cousin, who is not buying it.

Pear indignantly rolls her eyes at Maya. "Riiight, Mystic Maya. So if you're not in a relationship with that guy, then why is he hugging you?" Pearl says as she points to Sal, who is on top of Maya and is hugging her.

"Get off of me! I don't want to be with you!" Maya yells as she tries to push Sal off of her, but to no avail.

Pearl shakes her head. "Mystic Maya, as your cousin, I've always wanted what's best for you, but how do you repay me? By letting yourself go and running off with a guy who's not good enough for you. You don't deserve a man as good as Mr. Nick, which is why I'm now setting him up with a woman worthy of his greatness: Ms. Scary Prosecutor Lady!" At that moment, Franziska comes out of the woods and starts making out with Phoenix, much to Maya's horror.

Maya then starts to contemplate her situation. Pearl had spent so much time trying to pair her and Phoenix up because she would confide in Pearl how she secretly had romantic feelings for the attorney: his protective nature, his patience with all of her quirks, his cute facial expression when he was flustered. For Maya, she secretly yearned that one day Phoenix would stop seeing her as his deceased boss' kid sister that he had to babysit and instead see her as a mature woman who he could be in a relationship with.

On some nights, Maya would have a recurring dream where she would come into the office for work when, without warning, Phoenix would sweep her off of her feet with a charged kiss and put her on her desk as they would begin to undress each other. Phoenix would then proceed to ravish her with his toilet brush and that weird blue stuff that turns the toilet water blue as he tells her how much he loved her, how much he needed her.

But now that Maya was in this state because of that creepy director, Phoenix was now in love with Franziska. Sure, Sal might be the man who has brought life to several of her favorite shows, but he holds no candle to her boss, who she feels could never love a woman like her; and why should her? She isn't anything special: she doesn't have Franziska's intelligence and strength, or her sister's appealing form, or Iris' sweet and tender personality. All she has is her love of burgers and the Steel Samurai.

Maya's thoughts are then interrupted when Pearl uses her superhuman strength to lift Maya's large, rotund body above her head. "You're no cousin of mine!" Pearl utters with pure venom as she tosses Maya off of the cliff. As Maya falls to her doom, she is blinded by a bright light and when she regains her sight, she is back in her holding cell with her original body shape.

* * *

The show then focuses on Blaise, who is re-reading Ultra's note to make sure that he did everything that he wanted to do for Maya's punishment. "I know that Sal normally speaks with some weird diction, but I felt that for the sake of my sanity, he should speak like a normal person, y'see. And speaking of things that aren't normal, it seems that Ultra has a question for me. 'What type of child would you have preferred over Sebastian?'"

Blaise then starts playing with his lighter. "Y'know, I never wanted any children. But if I had to pick a personality type, I would prefer them to be like Kristoph Gavin or Dahlia Hawthorne. Y'see, unlike my idiot son who I only keep around as a tax deduction and a source of bone marrow, Kristoph and Dahlia would be the type of people who I could properly utilize my influence and actually make me proud."

Blaise then starts crying and tugging on his beard. "But alas, fate was not so kind to me and gave me an idiot son who is so stupid that when his teachers told him to 'go green' for Earth Day, he actually painted his entire body green. I-It's sad enough to bring a tear to my eye, y'know…"

Blaise then empties the tears form his goggles. "Enough talking about what could have been. Let's move on to the next punishment…"

Blaise then reaches into the jar and pulls out a note, which he then proceeds to read with a cynical, sadistic grin on his face. "opalander would like to see Sebastian in a universe filled with bloodthirsty people. I'm going to have fun with this, y'know. Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen where Sebastian is walking without a care in the world through the Big Tower to go to Justine Courtney's office. "You wanted to see the best prosecutor, Justine?" Sebastian says with a smug grin on his face as he bursts into the office.

Upon entering the office, Sebastian sees Justine, who has a tired look on her face, sitting at her desk which has an opened bottle of aspirin on it. "Sebastian, I know that this is awkward, but do I look good?" Justine says in a tired voice as she rubs her forehead.

"You look nice like you always do, Justine." Sebastian says with his usual smile, unaware of the minefield that he is walking in.

Justine slams her gavel on her desk and shoots Sebastian a death glare. "Don't you lie to me, Sebastian!" Justine yells at Sebastian, causing the young prosecutor to take a step back and tears to form in his eyes.

"I'm not trying to brick you, Justine! You really do look nice!" Sebastian says as he nervously grips his baton.

"How dare you attempt to deceive a representative of the Goddess of the Law? You and I both know that I look so ugly today, or are you really as big an idiot as your father claims?" Justin growls at Sebastian, whose knees are starting to shake.

"Why are you being so mean to me, Justine?" Sebastian asks in a scared voice, unaware of what he did to unleash Justine's wrath.

Justine starts angrily panting as her nostrils flare. "Sebastian, I'm tired, crampy, and bloated. Now go to the Prosecutor's office and get me 12 bags of Ogboo Cheesy Puffs from the tenth floor vending machine or I will bludgeon you with my gavel in the name of the Goddess!" Justine says as she readies her gavel with a look on her face that shows that she is dead serious.

"But Justine, didn't you already eat enough?" Sebastian nervously asks as he points at dozens of empty snack packages, chip bags, and boxes of chocolate scattered around the office.

"Are you calling me fat, Sebastian? Because from the sound of it, you think that I'm some fat bloated slob!" Justine says while trying to hold back tears.

Sebastian then tries to remedy the situation, but because of Sebastian's way with words, it can only get worse. "Not at all, Justine. It's just that there are all the packages of food around the office, so I just assumed that you ate them all. Plus, now that you mention it, you do look a little bloated at the waste…"

Sebastian, noticing how Justine is looking even angrier, is getting even more nervous as he starts to talk quickly with no pause. "Not that you look fat, it's just that you told me what you thought and since you're so smart so I always accept what you say as fact and is that a red spot on your chair-?"

"Go! Go! Gooooooooo!" Justine interrupts as she repeatedly bangs her gavel on her desk; to which Sebastian responds to be running out of the office while softly whimpering.

When Sebastian reaches the vending machine, he notices that it's glass covering is broken and all of its snacks are missing. Knowing that Justine will literally murder him if he returns emptyhanded, Sebastian thinks to himself 'What would Mr. Edgeworth do in this situation?' and comes to the conclusion that he needs to use logic and investigate the area to determine what happened to the snacks.

As Sebastian searches the tenth floor, he notices that the door to Franziska's office is slightly open and that there are strange noises coming from inside. Sebastian, being the ever curious and naïve man that he is, opens the door with absolutely no hesitation and is shocked to see Franziska, who is wearing a Proto Badger sweatshirt, sitting at her desk ravenously devouring a large multitude of snack foods.

Upon hearing the door creek open, Franziska stops eating and looks up to glare at the nervous intruder, who looks like he is going to wet himself, who has the audacity to enter her office. "What do you want, you foolish excuse for a prosecutor?" Franziska snarls as she brings her snacks closer to her in case Sebastian had the gall to try and take them.

Sebastian then notices that Franziska has a few bags of Ogboo Cheesy Puffs on her desk. "W-Well, I was just wondering if you'd be willing to share some of your bags of Ogboo Cheesy Puffs… if it's not too much trouble, that is." Sebastian meekly requests as he nervously grips his baton, scared of how Franziska will react.

Sure enough, Franziska whips him without hesitation. "Why would I do something foolishly like that, you foolishly foolish fool? These are MY snacks and I will be eating every last one of them."

"But the best share because sharing is caring. Plus, you already have so many snacks; so would it really be so bad if you gave me some?" Sebastian meekly protests, forgetting how this topic ended with Justine.

Franziska constantly whips Sebastian, causing him to fall on the ground in pain. "Are you calling me fat, Sebastian Debeste? Because I am NOT fat! I am a perfect prosecutor with a perfect body who can't help but feel bloated on this foolish day and just so happens to feel hungry. I'm allowed to enjoy myself with a few snacks once and a while because I am a perfect prosecutor, whereas you are a pathetically foolish fool of a prosecutor who has the foolishly foolish thoughts of a foolish fool that foolishly has no foolish common sense and doesn't know when to keep his foolishly foolish mouth shut because he is a fool!" Franziska yells as she continues to whip Sebastian who on the ground, crying, as he musters up his strength and quickly crawls out of the office.

Once out of the office, Sebastian slams the door shut. "What kind of badness has come over Justine and Ms. von Karma? Maybe Mr. Edgeworth can deform me of what's happening sine he knows everything." Sebastian says to himself as he heads to the twelfth floor of the building.

When Sebastian enters Edgeworth's office, he sees Edgeworth sitting on his couch with Kay, who is in her pajamas with her hair unkempt, as they watch 'Dirty Dancing'. When Sebastian enters the office, Edgeworth flashes him a look of anguish. "Mr. Edgeworth, Justine and Ms. von Karma have been really, really mean to me today and I don't know why." Sebastian says as tears stream down his face.

"Look Debsete, this is a bad time to be in the Prosecutor's office for all of the women here are… How can I put this delicately…? In sync with each other. It may be too late for me, but you still have time. Just run as fast and as far away this place as humanly possible." Edgeworth says in a voice filled with agony.

"But Mr. Edgeworth, you're a super prosecutor. You can do anything that you set your mind to. Isn't there some way you can save us from this?" Sebastian nervously asks Edgeworth.

Edgeworth gets up from his seat on the couch and grabs Sebastian's shoulders. "Prosecutor Debeste, if there was any way for me to solve this issue, do you think that I'd allow Kay to force me to watch 'Dirty Dancing' for the past seven hours. At this point, I'm just praying for some angel of mercy to appear and put me out of my misery. No matter what I do, nothing pleases Kay. I give her chocolates and she yells at me. I watch any movie she wants with her and she yells at me. I complement her and she yells at me and tells me not to complement her; but when I don't complement her, she yells at me and complains that I don't complement her enough. Don't you get it, boy? We're doomed! DOOMED!" Edgeworth yells with wide eyes filled with panic as he vigorously shakes Sebastian's shoulders.

Edgeworth's rant is then interrupted by Kay getting up off the couch and tugging his shirt sleeve. "Mr. Edgewooooorth, you promised that you'd watch 'Dirty Dancing' with me; so why aren't you watching 'Dirty Dancing' with meeeee?" Kay asks in a sad, tired voice with tears in her eyes as tugs on Edgeworth's sleeve.

"Run Debeste, save yourself!" Edgeworth yells as Kay drags him back to the couch.

Sebastian does just that by running towards the office door, but before he can leave, Justine and Franziska, who are both angrily glaring at Sebastian with their respective weapons of choice readied, block the office door, thus preventing Sebastian from escaping.

"Sebastian, where are my Ogboo Cheesy Puffs that I told you to get? I'm hungry!" Justine demands.

"And you still haven't apologized for calling me fat, you foolishly foolish fool!" Franziska chimes in as both women slowly enter the office, causing Sebastian to slowly walk backwards as they approach him.

Eventually, they back Sebastian against a wall and with no other options, Sebastian starts swinging his baton at them as he cries in the hope of repelling the two angry women who are still approaching him; unaffected by his feeble attacks of self-defense. When they finally get close enough to him, Justine starts bludgeoning Sebastian with her gavel while Franziska constantly whips him while yelling many insults, all of which include some form of the word 'fool'. Eventually, Kay joins them in hurting Sebastian by constantly kicking him due to his screams interrupting 'Dirty Dancing'. As Sebastian begins to black out from the pain, he is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell.

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise, who is grinning. "I think I outdone myself with that one, y'know. That's why I'm glad that Sebastian was born a boy, y'see."Blaise then starts playing with his lighter. "Yep, if I had to deal with this sort of stuff with Sebastian, then I would have made disappear a long time ago, y'know." Blaise then hears a beep from a nearby monitor. "Looks like we're out of time, y'know. I am Blaise Debeste, and I thank you for watching 'Pick Your Poison!'."

A puff of smoke then appears on stage as Blaise Debeste vanishes into thin air.


	6. Episode 5

**Disclaimer: The song "Anaconda" is property of Nicki Minaj. I, the writer of this non-profit fanfic, do not claim ownership of this song, nor do I want to.**

 **A/N:** I am so sorry that it took me almost a month to post this episode; I've been busy with other matters. Yes, the disclaimer is true; I actually used "Anaconda" as a punishment in this episode after having to repeatedly listen to it to make witty remarks on the lyrics. Yet again, I am so sorry for the wait and I hope you enjoy Episode Five. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to cry in the corner after having to listen to that 'song'.

* * *

Blaise's theme song plays as he appears on the stage in a puff of smoke with a puzzled look on his face. "Have you ever got the feeling that you forgot something but you don't know what it is? Y'see, ever since I concluded the last episode, I've been getting the nagging feeling that I left something unresolved."

Blaise then starts tugging at his beard as fake tears fill his goggles. "Speaking of which, we're already on the fifth episode of Pick Your Poison. We're already halfway done with this series; i-it's enough to bring a tear to my eye, y'know…"

Blaise then empties his goggles of tears and remains motionless and speechless for a few minutes as the jar of notes doesn't appear on the table in the center of stage like it normally does.

"Now, I know what you're thinking, but this is intentional, y'know. Y'see, during JordanPhoenix's punishment last week, I noticed how her note requested that I also punish that miserable excuse for a human being Mike Meekins. Since the rules state that only one punishment per person each episode, I had to decline it in favor of her other candidate;" A large grin spreads across Blaise's face. "but this week is different. Come on out, 'lovely' assistant!" Blaise yells with a snap of his fingers.

At that moment, Mike Meekins, who is wearing a pink bunny costume with a flashing, beeping, collar around his neck, runs onto the stage, carrying the jar of notes with him. As Meekins is approaching Blaise, he suddenly trips and falls to the ground, shattering the jar in the process. As Meekins cries on the ground, Blaise responds by slapping his forehead in irritation.

"This right here is a perfect example as to why I chose this as Meekins punishment, y'see. No punishment that I or any other human being can conceive could ever come close to be worse than the existence that this loud, pathetic, waste of flesh currently lives. He's like a like a sadder, wimpier, more irritating version of Sebastian that I want to throw trash at, y'know." Blaise says as he proceeds to throw a crumpled up newspaper at Mike, who then proceeds to cry even harder as he gets up off of the ground.

"I'm sorry, sir! I'll try harder next time!"

"Now, you may be wondering how I plan to keep Meekins from running away like the timid little wuss that he is, but I already took care of that, y'know. Y'see, if Meekins tries to escape the show, then that collar around his gullet will issue an electrical shock that will be very painful to him, but very amusing to me. The best part of having Meekins as my assistant is that since no one likes him; I can abuse him to my heart's content and people will praise me, y'see. Like this…" Blaise then smashes an empty glass bottle over Mike's head, causing the man to cry out in pain as he grips the wounded area.

"Y'see, that's what happens when I'm pissed off. So if you ever cross me or talk out of line, there'll be more where that came from, y'know. Now get off of my stage, I'm sick of your face!" Blaise yells with a scowl on his face as he points to the backstage entrance.

Meekins, still shaken up from being hit with the bottle, just stands motionless, with his posture perfectly straight and stiff, as he cowers on the stage. "Are you deaf, boy? GO!" Blaise yells as he causes a large flame to emit from his lighter. Mike then quickly rushes off the stage without saying a word.

Blaise then snaps his fingers, which causes the jar to repair itself, the notes to be placed back in the jar, and the jar to be placed on its normal table and then reaches into the jar and pulls out a note, which he then reads. "Billyboy would like to see Matt Engarde get the punishment that he so rightfully deserves… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen which shows Matt Engarde being escorted out of the prison by a police officer.

"Ok Engarde, you've done your time, so you are free to go." The officer says in an indifferent tone.

"N-No! I've been a bad, bad man! I think that I need to stay for at least another decade to fully learn my lesson." Matt says in a shaky voice as he brushes the hair out of his right eye, which along with the left, are quickly darting around the area.

"You know Engarde; you're the first prisoner that I've ever seen that wants to stay in prison. Normally, when an inmate is released for good behavior, they're jumping for joy."

Matt grabs the officer's shoulders with a firm grip. "Look man, those other prisoners aren't in the same danger that I'm in out here. Do you know who's after me? Shelly de Killer. That's right, I have an infamously ruthless assassin out for my blood and my only safety is behind the walls of this prison." Engarde drops to his knees, grabs the officer's legs, and starts crying. "Please don't leave me to die at the hands of that monster!"

"Engarde, you've been in this prison for nearly a decade. What makes you think that de Killer would waste his time waiting for a person like you to get out?" The officer says as he calmly shakes Matt off of his legs.

Matt gets up off of the ground and stands with his back slightly hunched as he begins to sweat. "You don't understand, I betrayed de Killer and he vowed to dedicate his life to hunting me down and if he's as true to his word as they say, then I'm toast."

A glimpse of a small grin can be seen on the officer's face before he returns to his indifferent expression. "Now that's a horse of a different color now, isn't it? Don't worry; I'll personally escort you back to your house so that you're safe from de Killer."

"Don't you have to get permission or I have to call someone?"

The officer nonchalantly waves his hand. "Don't worry about it. I'm a police officer, defending those in need is what I'm paid to do. So let's stop wasting time and get moving." The officer says as he walks away from the prison, which Matt responds to by following him and directing him to his home; which is able to be easily reached on foot from their location.

As Matt and the officer are walking towards the ex-television star's house, the policeman is noticing how Matt is walking at an incredibly slow pace behind him, dragging his feet as he carefully scans his surroundings, and decides to stop to confront Matt on this.

"Why are you so frightened, Engarde? Don't you want to get home?" The officer asks in a noticeably irritated voice with a hand on his hip.

"I just thought of something: What if de Killer is in my house waiting for me to go back?"

The officer places a firm hand on Matt's shoulder. "Don't worry Engarde; I know for a fact that de Killer isn't at your home."

"A-And how do you know that?" Matt asks with a voice of apprehension, having a pretty good feeling about what's going to happen next.

A grin spreads across the officer's face as he leans in closer to Matt, his hand still on the young man's shoulder. "Because I am de Killer..." The officer whispers in a disturbingly calm voice.

The officer then uses his free hand to grab and tear off his face, which was a mask, to reveal his normal face. "And I never break my promises." de Killer sates as he quickly pulls out a butterfly knife and stabs Matt in the neck, instantly killing him.

de Killer then releases the shoulder of Matt's limp corpse, allowing it to drop to the ground like a rag doll as it bleeds out. As de Killer takes out one of his calling cards to place next to Matt's body, a golden light envelopes Matt's body as his wounds are healed and is brought back to life.

Matt then quickly picks himself off of the ground and scowls at de Killer. "OW! I thought that you'd be merciful and kill me quickly, not stab me in the neck and then let me die slowly. God, this hurts like hell!" Matt complains as he rubs the afflicted area.

"H-How? That blow should have killed you. This won't due at all…" De Killer notes as he pulls out a revolver and shoots Matt in the heart; killing the man a second time as he falls onto the ground.

Like before, Matt is revived by the golden light, but this time he feels a sharp pain in his chest in addition to the one in his neck. "Look de Killer, don't you think that I've suffered enough? Can't we call it even with you stabbing me in the neck and then shooting me?" Matt pleads with a nervous smile as he yet again gets back on his feet.

"Negative, Mr. Engarde. I am a man of my word and if I vow to kill you, then that is what I plan to do. So I guess that I have to try a little bit harder…" de Killer notes as he pulls out a grenade and tosses it at Matt; and sure enough, the explosion kills him, but he is yet again revived.

de Killer pulls out a crowbar. "I guess that I have to do this the old fashion way." de Killer says as he bludgeons Matt with the crowbar. The assault kills Matt, but he is then revived immediately after.

At this point, Matt's body, despite looking healthy, is in serious pain from being stabbed, shot, bludgeoned, and even facing an explosion. "de Killer, please stop! You have probably killed me with every weapon in your arsenal; so I think that continuing to kill me is pointless." Matt says in a raspy voice that has been weakened by pain.

de Killer sniggers to himself. "Poor, naïve Mr. Engarde… What makes you think that I have run out of methods? As an assassin, I have always followed two rules: put complete trust in my client and always be prepared. Here's an example of the latter in action."

De killer pulls out a remote control and pushes a button. Matt then hears a rumbling and, much to his horror, he sees a boulder that is 20 feet in height rapidly rolling towards him; but before he can react, the boulder rolls over him, squishing him like a bug. But yet again, he is revived.

At this point, de Killer is noticeably and understandably furious. A scowl is plastered on his normally collected brow as his face reddens and his nostrils flare. "Congratulation, Mr. Engarde! You are the first person in the history of my long career as an assassin who has managed to push me to my limit. And for your reward, my persistent little victim, you get to be the first person that I unleash my big guns on. I am sorry, but you have forced my hand…!" de Killer yells as he stomps off to a nearby bomb shelter.

Almost immediately after that, de Killer uses a laptop to launch several heavily armed nuclear missiles at Matt. As planned, the missiles kill Matt, but also raze the entire city of LA to the ground. Like with the other times, Matt is revived; though unfortunately for him, he is in so much pain that he is unable to get up.

"I-I think it's over. I don't think that even de Killer can top a nuclear strike. I'm finally safe…" Matt says with a sigh of relief.

Unfortunately for Matt, his relief is short-lived as he sees a massive space station, about the size of the Earth, which is in the shape of de Killer's head, in the sky above him; which causes the ex-television star to wet his pants as he starts to softly whimper.

Suddenly, the large monocle on the space station's face begins to glow green as a ball of energy begins to grow. After a few seconds of charging, the ball of energy is condensed into a laser which is then fired at the Earth; where upon impact, the planet is destroyed in a large explosion by the powerful weapon.

As de Killer celebrates his victory, Matt floats through the vacuum of space; in a constant cycle of death and revival until he is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell.

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise, who is pondering something while constantly clicking his lighter. "For the life of me, I can't put my finger on what I'm forgetting. I guess this is what Sebastian feels like every day, y'know…"

Blaise then puts his lighter away when he notices that the studio camera is filming. "Oh, sorry about that; I was just thinking about something, y'see. Anyways, time for the next punishment."

Blaise then reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "DJJ680 would like to see me punish Kristoph by making him listen to music by…" Blaise furrows his brow in confusion as he reads the note. "What the hell is a 'Nike Manage'!?" Blaise says as a large flame bursts from his lighter. "Is it another one of those dime a dozen pop singers that everyone is raving about nowadays? Y'know, they say that I'm soulless for taking part in a presidential assassination and traumatizing my son beyond repair, but I at least don't produce horrid, ear bleeding music that I claim to be good. Y'see, back in my day…"

Meekins then quickly rushes out from backstage, at the request of the stagehands that said some very nice things to him, and approaches Blaise.

"Uh, sir… Her name is actually pronounced Nicki Minaj. And yes, she is a pop star." Meekins nervously says as he slightly raises his index finger to prove his point; which is a vain effort on account that his finger is shaking more wildly than he is.

Blaise, who is clenching his teeth, slowly turns to face Sebastian and meets the poor man's eyes with a wild, disturbing stare that could kill. "What did I say about talking to me out of line?" Blaise asks in a surprisingly calm voice.

"Well, I-" Before Meekins can finish, he is interrupted by Blaise slapping him with a used tampon so hard that it knocks the wimpy officer onto the ground.

"Now get off of my stage before I really get mad!" Blaise yells at Meekins, to which the latter responds to by quickly crawling backstage on all fours.

A sadistic grin spreads across Blaise's face. "Y'know, if Blinky Magoo really is one of these newfangled pop stars, then this punishment should be really fun… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen which shows Kristoph in a theater, sitting in a chair, front and center to a large stage, with his wrists and legs restrained, thus preventing him from escaping. "What is the meaning of this? And why am I restrained to this chair?" Kristoph calmly asks, maintaining his collected composure, as he wriggles his wrists and legs in the hope of freeing himself.

Suddenly, the lights in the theater dim as two large, bright beams of light shine onto the stage. "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the Blaise Debeste Theater is proud to present to you Sticky Maloof and her hit song, 'Anaconda'!" An announcer proudly proclaims as a young woman in a revealing outfit walks onto the stage.

"'Sticky Maloof'? 'Anaconda'?" Kristoph deeply sighs in irritation. "It's Nikki Minaj and I know that you are aware of its pronunciation." Kristoph says as he furrows his brow.

The pop star and her backup singer then begin to sing 'Anaconda'.

 _My anaconda don't_

 _My anaconda don't_

 _My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun_

"Please tell me that this goes against my judgment in that it is not an obvious sex statement."

 _Boy toy named troy, used to live in Detroit_

 _Big dope dealer money, he was getting some coins_

 _Was a shooter with the law, but he lives in a palace_

"One time, I actually defended a man named Troy who was from Detroit. Unfortunately, he was not wealthy and kept on begging me to give him my socks for his 'collection'." Kristoph shudders at the thought.

 _Now that's r-r-real, gun in my purse, bitch I came for us to kill_

"Are you taking volunteers?"

 _I'm high as hell, I only took a half of pill_

 _I'm on some dumb shit_

"Given the lyrics in this 'song', that's a given." Kristoph starts to fidget in his restraints as he is starting to lose his patience.

 _Say he don't like em boney, he want something he can grab_

Kristoph slowly tilts his head back out of awkwardness. "Ok, I really don't wish to know about Troy's sexual fetishes."

 _This dude named Michael used to buy motorcycles_

"'Used to buy motorcycles? Why isn't Michael selling motorcycles anymore? I'm legitimately curious now about Michael's change in hobbies and what his current one is now."

 _Dick bigger than a tower, I ain't talking about Eiffel_

Kristoph cocks his head in disgust as he glares at the singers. "I swear, if I hear one more crude mention of sexual intercourse or genitalia in this miserable excuse for music that makes my boorish little brother look refined, then I'll-"

 _Pussy put his ass to sleep, now he calling me Nyquil_

"MiiiiiiiiiinnnnnaaaaAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaJJJJJJJJJJJJ!" Kristoph screams at the top of his lungs as his normally well-groomed hair becomes disheveled and waves around above his hair like the wild flame of a candle while his head violently convulses from side-to-side.

Unfortunately for Kristoph, the singers just ignore his screams and continue on with the song as if nothing happened.

17 minutes later, the song has been repeated five times, almost six. At this point, Kristoph is frozen mid-scream with his now-frizzled hair hanging straight down over his shoulder, his head titled back as a stream of saliva runs out of the corner of his mouth.

 _Oh my gosh, look at her butt_

 _Oh my gosh, look at her butt_

 _Oh my gosh, look at her butt_

 _Look at her-_

Blaise then immediately turns off the screen as he drops to his knees and begins puking into a trash bin. After a few seconds of purging his system, Blaise stands up and sends Kristoph back to his holding cell.

"DJJ680, you are a being of pure evil for subjecting me, or anyone else, to Sticky Masseuse, y'know! Y'see, I knew it was going to be bad, but not THAT bad. Meekins, get in here!" Blaise punctuates with a stomp of his foot.

Meekins immediately rushes over to Blaise and stands with perfect posture before his angry employer. "What do you desire from me, sir?!" Meekins says with a salute.

Blaise plays with his lighter. "Make a note for me to never use pop stars like Inky Porridge or Mayday Rara in any future punishments."

Meekins pulls a planner out of his costume, writes down Blaise's order, and then quickly runs off the stage as Blaise resumes with the show.

* * *

"Before I forget, I would like to thank the Phantom for playing the role of Whisky Forage. Y'see, he's been a big help by playing certain characters that are not from this series, such as Barlow from Episode #3. Anyways, in order to forget about that horrendous song that only someone as dumb as Sebastian would enjoy, let's move onto another punishment." A big grin spreads across Blaise's face.

Blaise then reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "John Doe would like to see Apollo's manhood go down the drain… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen which shows Apollo in his room as he prepares for his day with his Chords of Steel in front of his mirror.

"I'm Apollo Justice and I'm fine!" Apollo yells in a voice that is slightly higher-pitched than normal, which the young attorney ignores and continues with his exercise.

"I'm Apollo Justice and I'm fine!" Apollo yells as his voice increases in pitch to a Mezzo-soprano.

As Apollo's anxiety levels increase upon hearing his voice increase to such a feminine pitch, the young attorney tries to calm himself down.

With each round of his contra, Apollo's body becomes increasingly feminine. First, his hairdo, including his two horns, changes into a long, flowing hairstyle that goes just past his shoulders. The next round then causes his figure to become slimmer and curvier. The next round causes his outfit to transform into a blouse and miniskirt with stiletto heels as his chest develops a C-sized blossom.

As Apollo stares at his new female form in the mirror, he can't help but scream and slap himself in the face to make sure that this isn't some horrible nightmare. After three painful minutes of slapping himself, the young attorney pulls down his skirt in the hopes that everything south of the boarder was unchanged; but alas, Apollo now has the anatomy of a young woman, and worse yet, he has to go into work and face Phoenix and Trucy. As if he wasn't already ridiculed enough there for his hair and Chords of Steel.

After getting to the Anything Agency and spending ten minutes struggling to climb the five flights of stairs in stiletto heels, to which he wonders how on earth girls walk in these things, he enters the Agency, where Trucy is playing with Apollo's stapler while Phoenix is cleaning the toilet.

"How many times do I have to tell you NOT to play with my stapler, Trucy!?" Apollo yells at Trucy out of a combination of having been instantly turned into a girl and the fact that Trucy had already broken three of his staplers that month.

Trucy, instead of defending herself, just stares at this strange woman whose glaring at her. "What are you talking about, Miss? This is Polly's stapler and you're not Polly."

Apollo slaps a hand to his abnormally large forehead. "Trucy, I'm Apollo."

Trucy closes her eyes and shakes her head in a similar fashion to her adoptive father. "No, Polly is a boy with boy parts and as a result, he is unable to be my new mommy." An excited smile spreads across Trucy's face. "You, on the other hand, are prime mommy material. Daddy! There's a potential mommy for me here to see you!" Trucy yells as she bounces up and down on her tippy toes.

Phoenix stops cleaning the toilet and walks out of the bathroom holding his toilet brush over his shoulder. "Like I said before Trucy, I'm flattered that you care about me, but I don't want to get back into the da-aa-aaaa…" Phoenix manages to stutter out as he stares wild-eyed at the now-female Apollo.

Phoenix then straightens his hat with his free hand as he approaches Apollo with a suave smile. "What can I do for you, ma'am?" Phoenix spots Apollo's attorney's badge on the young person's lapel. "Judging by that badge, I can assume that you wish to work as a lawyer here under my guidance. And if that's the case, I can assure you that you're more than qualified for the job." Phoenix says with a grin on his face as he stares longingly into Apollo's eyes, which makes the young attorney cringe.

Phoenix is snapped out of his trance by Trucy tugging at the sleeve of his hoodie. "But Daddy, what about Polly? If we're going to make a big decision like this, then shouldn't we ask him for his opinion first?"

Phoenix shakes his head. "Why should I run it past Apollo when he's MY employee/protégé? Given the fact that he's ten minutes late at this point, he should consider himself lucky if I don't just fire him and give his job to this stunning young woman right here…." Phoenix says as he gingerly grabs Apollo's hands.

Apollo, who is screaming on the inside, manages to get his hands free from his boss' and takes a step back as the ex-attorney undresses him with his eyes. "Mr. Wright, this may seem crazy, but I was turned into a girl this morning. I'm Apollo Justice and I'm not fine!" Apollo yells with clenched fists.

Phoenix just gives Apollo a look of confusion. "I'm sorry ma'am, but I'd think that I'd know my own protégé if I saw him, and trust me, you're too fine to be him…" Phoenix takes a step towards Apollo.

Apollo realizes that it's futile to reason with his obviously horney boss and that at this point, it would be better to just find a way to get out of the office without hurting Phoenix's feelings, or even worse, facing Trucy's wrath for refusing to be her ne mommy.

"I appreciate the offer Mr. Wright, I truly do, but I have many more law offices that I have to visit; so if you don't mind…" Apollo scurries over to the office door, but before he can leave, Trucy runs in front of him and block the exit by standing in the doorway.

"Even though you won't work for my daddy, won't you consider going out with him on a date? Despite his appearance, Daddy was actually a really, really good attorney, so he could give you lots of pointers if you date him." A hopeful smile spreads across Trucy's face in the hope that this girl will agree.

Phoenix starts to blush a little bit as he rubs the back of his head with his free hand. "I don't mean to brag or anything, but I was the only attorney to ever best the infamous Manfred von Karma; in addition to re-establishing the jurist system."

"On top of that, my daddy is so strong and muscular from years of working out that you could shred cheese on his six-pack abs!" Trucy chimes in.

Phoenix waves his hand. "I'm not THAT buff…" Phoenix takes off his hoodie to reveal his rock-hard pecks and six-pack abs. "See…? If you want to know, I gained this physique through minor exercises: jogging, lifting weights, swimming, cleaning the toilet…" Phoenix shows Apollo the toilet brush. "It's a very, very dirty toilet." Phoenix seductively says as he poses with the brush.

Phoenix walks up to Apollo, leaving only a few inches of space between them. "But if you date me, then this brush can be used to clean more than just toilets, if you know what I mean…" Phoenix whispers into Apollo's ear as he lightly strokes the toilet brush across the young attorney's cheek.

With the level of disturbing officially reaching critical overload, Apollo forcibly pushes Trucy to the ground as he rushes out of the office. As he tries to rush down the stairs to get to the exit, Apollo forgets that he is still wearing stilettos and falls down all five flights of stairs, but thankfully, he doesn't sustain any serious injuries.

Apollo walks out of the building thinking what his next course of action should be? He heard from Phoenix about how his old childhood friend, the new Chief Prosecutor, is a chivalrous man who treats everyone with honor and respect; so Apollo heads off to the Prosecutor's Office in the hopes that he'll be able to find some sanctuary.

Unfortunately for Apollo, while he was in the building, his car's motor was stolen and all of the busses and cabs in the city are out of order, so he has to make the trip on foot, in these painful stilettos, no less. Seriously, how do girls walk in these things? As Apollo walks to the Prosecutor's Office, he runs into Wocky Kitaki.

"Damn gurl, you be lookin' fine. How'd you like to roll with a straight up o.g. like me?" Wocky says as he assertively leans forward.

"I really wouldn't." Apollo curtly says as he keeps moving.

As Apollo continues on his way, he keeps running into guys who try to flirt with him, each one creepier than the last.

The first one after Wocky is Machi Tobaye. "You jelly… cause jam no shake like that." Machi says in broken English as he snaps his fingers. Apollo just ignores him and keeps on walking.

The next one is Larry Butz. "Hey I'm looking for treasure, can I look around your chest?" Larry asks with his normal seedy smile as his lower lip twitches. After slapping Larry's cheek, which causes the pitiful man to run away crying, Apollo continues on his way.

The next one is Victor Kudo, who greets Apollo by giving a firm slap on his derriere. "How would you like to hear the story of how I killed fitty five men in my London casino back in my youth over a cup of frapachinno?" Victor asks as his hand slowly descends towards his crotch. In response, Apollo runs faster than he has ever run before.

When Apollo finally reaches the closed door of Edgeworth's office, he knocks on the door out of courtesy. "Hello, is anyone in there?" Apollo asks, but receives no response.

Apollo then tries to open the door, and to his surprise, it is unlocked and easily opens for him. Even though it the lights are off and the blinds are closed, the young attorney decides to at least give himself some form of asylum from the creeps outside.

As soon as Apollo steps into the office, a set of pink lights turn on, basking the entire office in a reddish pink hue as a heart-shaped disco ball descends from the ceiling and classical music begins to play.

Edgeworth then begins to communicate with Apollo from somewhere in the office. "Wright told me that you were ravishing…" Edgeworth, who is only wearing a black bowtie and a tight, maroon speedo, comes out from behind the door and wraps his arms around Apollo's waist. "But 'ravishing' is a bit of an understatement. I would attribute you, my dear, unto a goddess whose beauty is incomprehensible. Before I met you, I was a cold, stoic man who couldn't stomach affection. But you have changed my life and I want you to be with me for its remainder." Edgeworth then softly kisses Apollo's neck to punctuate his sentence.

With a high-pitched scream, Apollo runs down all 12 flights of stairs and through the front entrance of the Prosecutor's Office with Edgeworth hanging on to his torso for dear life while begging for the young attorney to stay with him as he sings 'You are My Sunshine'.

Fortunately for Apollo, when he exits the building, while unwillingly dragging Edgeworth, Daryan Crescend is standing outside the entrance and uses his nightstick to remove Edgeworth from Apollo's torso; which causes Edgeworth to scurry back into the building as he tries to hide his tears.

"Thanks for helping me out there, Detective Crescend." Apollo says with a smile on his face, happy that for once in this miserable day, a guy actually interacted with him because of genuine concern.

Daryan crosses his arms, which causes his extreme pompadour to slightly bounce. "That's great and all, but you're under arrest."

Apollo recoils from shock. "What!? Why!?"

"It would be a real shame if anything were to happen to that pretty little face of yours. Just get into the car, and no one gets hurt…" Daryan says as he flaunts his nightstick.

Apollo. Knowing that things can only get worse from here, enters the nearby squad car that Daryan is directing him to without any issues. Daryan then gets in the driver's seat and takes him to the local prison. Once there, he escorts Apollo into an empty interrogation room and has him sit in a chair placed in the center of the room.

"Detective Crescend, why did you arrest me?" Apollo asks with a calm composure on the outside, but is screaming on the inside in regard to the impending pickup line that he knows will be said.

Daryan grabs Apollo's hands. "Ma'am, you are under arrest for stealing my heart. You have the right to remain beautiful and if you don't have a date, then one will be provided for you."

Apollo flashes Daryan a look of disdain for that pickup line that he could see coming from a mile away; but to Daryan's credit, the pickup line wasn't as bad as Apollo thought it would be… it was even worse. "I would never go out with a guy like you in a million years, corny pickup lines or not."

Daryan, being the ever persistent rock star that he is, pulls out his bass guitar. "Don't say that, Coochie Bear. I'm Daryan Crescend, bass guitarist of the Gavineers, so I'll serenade you're beautiful ears with my equally beautiful music until I've won you over."

Before Daryan can begin serenading Apollo, Klavier bursts into the interrogation room with a face redden from anger as his nostrils flare. "Dude, not cool! What makes you think that this is alright!?" Klavier yells as he assertively points his finger at his bandmate.

Apollo sighs in relief. "Thank you, Gavin. At least one person has decency."

"I thought that we agreed to let the lovely fräuline here decide which one of us she'll go out with, ja? So Fräuline Wollüstig, who would you rather go out with, the lowly base player who still sleeps with a nightlight or the lead guitarist/singer who has a six figure salary? Klavier asks as he flicks his hair for appeal.

Apollo then uses this opportunity to get up and bolt out of the interrogation room, leaving Klavier and Daryan in a state of confusion.

"Daryan… What just happened?"

Daryan scratches the back of his neck. "I don't know, Gavin. I think that we were just… rejected."

"But we're the Gavineers! No fräuline has ever rejected our handsome good looks and suave dispositions."

Daryan sneers at Klavier. "Except that one detective that works under you."

"Ja, maybe this fräuline is the same way and loves Snackoos more than me, if that's even possible." Klavier pulls out a bag of Snackoos from his coat pocket. "Good thing I always carry around a bag to taunt Fräuline Detective with when her daily supply runs low."

As Apollo runs through the prison in an attempt to find an exit, he accidently runs into an open, dimly lit solitary confinement cell… Solitary Cell #13, to be exact.

"I didn't expect any visitors to my cell, let alone one whose beauty is unparalleled by no other." Kristoph remarks as he emerges from the back of the cell with steely look in his eyes as some light nearby light reflects off the man's glasses, making him look even more threatening.

When Phoenix hit on him, Apollo was creeped out. When Edgeworth hit on him, Apollo was disturbed. When Klavier and Daryan hit on him, it was unsettling. But his psychopathic, ex-mentor who is a serial killer hitting on him is a whole new horrifying level of terror; for you see, Apollo knows a side of Kristoph that most people don't, a much darker, deadlier side. At the start of every week, Kristoph would bring a new girlfriend to the law firm and introduce her to Apollo and by the end of the week, that same girl would be found dead. The method of death varied from girl to girl: some were poisoned, some were bludgeoned, some were strangled, and some were even drowned. Anyone could put two and two together and know exactly what happened; which is why Apollo is using all of his willpower just to keep from wetting his skirt.

Kristoph adjusts his glasses. "I'm getting ahead of myself; I am Kristoph Gavin, ex-attorney at law, and how are you doing on this fine day?" Kristoph finishes with his usual cold, yet oddly warm, smile.

"I-I'm not fine!" Apollo nervously chirps.

Kristoph chuckles to himself. "Strange, that sounds like a phrase that my old protégé Apollo would say. Ah, Apollo… He was such a good student, always dedicated and hardworking, until he was stolen from me by that wolf in sheep's cloths known as Wright…" Kristoph grumbles as he clenches his fist.

Kristoph then grabs Apollo's hands and cups them with his soft, cold hands. "But judging by that attorney's badge on your lapel, you have come to seek my guidance on how to become a skilled lawyer, correct?"

Before Apollo can answer, Kristoph lightly puts a finger to the young attorney's lips. "You don't have to answer, for I accept you as my student… and my lover."

In the distance, Kristoph and Apollo can hear Klavier and Daryan whistling and shaking a bag of Snackoos as they constantly yell "Fräuline Wollüstig".

Kristoph clenches his fist. "Curses! It would seem that my nudnik of a little brother has come to steal you away like how he stole my girlfriend when I was in high school, several of my girlfriends when I was in college, and our parents' love when he was born." Kristoph says as he pulls Apollo into a tight hug that he is unable to escape from.

Kristoph pulls a knife out of his pocket. "Don't worry, my dear, for you will be mine…" Kristoph stabs Apollo in the back. "Forever…" Kristoph says as he drops Apollo's limp, bleeding body drop to the ground.

As the life drains from Apollo's body and his sight begins to become fuzzy, he sees Kristoph standing above him, licking his lips as he adjusts his glasses. Before Apollo's vision is completely lost, he is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell with his body and outfit returned to their proper forms.

The show then focuses back on Blaise. "Wow. That punishment went on waaaay longer then I thought it would, y'know. Guess I got carried away. Y'know, the worst part of that punishment would be getting hit on by Wocky Kitaki because at least with all of the other guys, they have something to offer, such as wealth with Kristoph or influence with Klavier. People like Wocky and my late wife, on the other hand, are only good for quick sex, which is what I had Grizzle do to him in the last episode, y'see."

Blaise snaps his fingers. "Now I remember…"

Meanwhile in Wocky's holding cell, he is running around in his Bad Badger briefs while Grizzle chases after him. "Why the hell is this gay-ass bear still chasin' me, homes? I did my punishment! I did my nickel like a straight up o.g., fo shizzle!"

Blaise laughs and shakes his head. "I forgot to remove Grizzle from Wocky's holding cell at the end of last episode, y'see. No harm done, I'll just get rid of Grizzle with a single snap of my fi-"

Blaise is interrupted by a beep from a nearby monitor. "It seems that we're all out of time for today's episode. Y'know, I could have sworn that we had more time, but I guess time just flew by with Apollo's punishment. Don't worry about Wocky; I'll remove Grizzle from his cell when I get around to it, y'see. I am Blaise Debeste, and I thank you for watching 'Pick Your Poison!'"

Blaise a puff of smoke then appears on stage as Blaise Debeste vanishes into thin air.

* * *

 **A/N:** Wollüstig is German for voluptuous. I just want to take this time to thank everyone who has commented on this story. You guys are debeste! On a side note, I'm going to be posting the first chapter of a parody fanfic soon where Pearl and her companion, Shoe, find themselves on a journey to get back to LA while avoiding the wrath of the Wicked Witch of the Prosecutor's Office.


	7. Episode 6

Blaise's theme song then plays as he appears on stage with a big grin on his face. "Hello viewers and welcome to the sixth episode of 'Pick Your Poison!'. Now, you may be wondering why I look so happy and before you ask, no, I did not just beat Sebastian into a bloody pulp; I did that right after the last episode ended, y'see. No, the reason that I'm so happy is that while I had to remove Grizzle from Wocky's cell, I found a much better replacement for him, y'know…"

Meanwhile in Wocky's holding cell, Wocky is sitting in a chair, with his arms and legs restrained so he can't move, while Jean Armstrong styles Wocky's hair into a more feminine look.

"I'd rather take the gay-ass bear than this creep, fo shizzle. At least Grizzle didn't put some smelly-ass crap in my hair!" Wocky grumbles as Jean rubs some spearmint/honeydew moisturizer in the boy's hair, to which he responds to by trying to jerk his head away.

Jean firmly grabs Wocky's chin with his large, muscular hands to keep him from moving. "Nonsense, monsieur; you're 'air, she is sad like un chien with la mange! When I am through with you, you will have la 'air that brings all les boys to le yard!" Jean says while wiggling his torso from side-to-side.

"Damn! You makin' Grizzle look butch. Now listen here, I don't want no boys in my yard, cause Wocky Kitaki don't roll that way. I'm gangster!" Wocky snaps as he attempt to bite Jean's arm.

Blaise then snaps his fingers, which causes Meekins to rush onstage with the jar of notes, place it on its normal table, and scurry offstage.

"Without further ado, let's get this stated." Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out a note. "Apparently, thepudz would like to see Apollo live a healthier lifestyle… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen which shows Apollo resting on the Anything Agency's couch while eating a bag of potato chips and reading a comic from the Funny Pages.

"Oh Fillmore, if only you knew what my Mondays are like…" Apollo chuckles to himself as he eats another chip.

Suddenly, Athena, who is wearing a bright yellow tracksuit, bursts into the office with an energetic grin on her face.

Apollo, who is too lethargic to sit up, tilts his head in Athena's direction. "Hey, Athena… Don't you have any colors other than yellow in your wardrobe?" Apollo playfully muses, still giddy from reading his favorite comic, 'Fillmore'.

"I can't help it that I like yellow, Apollo. It's my favorite color and when I run around in my tracksuit, I like to pretend that I'm a sentient lightning bolt! Like this…"

Athena then proceeds to quickly run around the office while constantly yelling 'Zing!' at the top of her lungs.

Apollo, who is trying to enjoy one of his few breaks, but hearing Athena's obnoxiously grating screams makes his hands tremble with irritation, his brow furrowing as he tries to focus on his comic. After three two minutes of this, Apollo throws his newspaper onto his lap and glares at Athena while still lying on the couch.

"Do you mind!?" Apollo utters through closed teeth as he tries to contain his anger.

Athena then immediately stops. "Sorry Apollo, it's just that when I finish my morning jog, I feel like I'm going to explode with energy!"

"Well if you're going to explode, then just get it over with so I can get back to my comic strip." Apollo grumbles as he goes back to reading his comic. "Oh Fillmore, how you try to ship that annoying Manel off to Amman never ceases to make me laugh!" Apollo chuckles to himself.

Athena stomps her foot and glares at Apollo with fury in her eyes. "Laugh it up while you can, Apollo, because while you're sitting on this couch growing man boobs, I'm working out and getting a rockin' bod!"

Upon hearing this attack on his lifestyle, Apollo calmly puts his newspaper down on the nearby coffee table and gives Athena a stern look. "First off, they're not man boobs, they're love handles. Second, this is totally a viable exercise regime. By constantly reaching into this bag and eating chips, I am strengthening my wrist and jaw muscles and by constantly laughing at Fillmore's humorous anecdotes, I am improving my cardio."

"Apollo, if you're not going to take your health seriously, then I guess it's up to me!" Athena says with a smile while flashing a peace sign.

Apollo smirks and rolls his eyes. "And just how do you plan to that? Get me a gym membership? Well, sorry to break it to you, Athena, but if it didn't work when Trucy gave me one last Christmas, then it won't work now."

Athena diabolically laughs, much to Apollo's confusion. "It's nothing like that, Apollo. Basically, I'm going to give you an ultimatum: run for your life or die where you lay!" Athena fiendishly states as she pulls out a shotgun and aims it at Apollo.

Apollo recoils in shock. "You're insane!" Apollo yells while pointing a shaking finger at his deranged co-worker, who is giving him a sinister grin that rivals that of Kristoph and whose left eye is twitching.

Athena shakes her head. "No, Apollo. If I were insane, then I'd shoot you right here and now; but since I'm a woman of honor, I'm gonna to give you a ten second head start, staaarting… Now!" Athena points the muzzle of her gun at Apollo's large forehead.

"Y-You can't do this, Athena. Exercise doesn't work that way!"

"That may be, but you've already wasted three seconds and counting."

Apollo, realizing that Athena will actually kill him if he does nothing, jumps off of the couch and runs out of the office.

After seven seconds of waiting, Athena cocks her gun and takes a deep breath. "The hunt is on…"

In that time, Apollo has managed to reach the ground floor and exit the building as he pants and leans against the Anything Agency's front wall as he stops to catch his breath. "*huff...* *huff…* Athena was right… I really am out of shape. At least I have a few seconds to rest before she gets down-"

"There's no escape, Apollo!" Athena yells as she jumps through the office's front window and lands on her feet, unscathed, and creates a small crater in the road where she lands. Athena then proceeds to once again aim her shotgun at Apollo.

"Her-AAAAGGGGHHH!" Apollo screams as he bolts away from the building while Athena fires multiple shots at the red-cladded attorney, who constantly dodges by running in a zigzag formation.

Athena, always one who loves a good challenge, grins and punches the palm of her hand. "I guess Apollo won't be as easy as I thought. No matter, I don't he'll last long against the big guns!" Athena pulls out a Gatling gun and proceeds to chase after Apollo.

As Apollo runs down the sidewalk, he notices how there are no cars driving by or any other people in general vicinity, so he has no ne to turn to for protection from his psychotic, fitness-crazed coworker. This issue is compounded by the fact that his phone isn't working for some strange reason, so he can't even call the police. Fortunately, through the combination of his erratic, zigzag running and Athena's bad aim, he's been able to keep himself alive. Just as Apollo starts to feel confident about his chances of survival as he tries to call the police again, one of Athena's bullets actually hits his hand, causing him to drop his cellphone as a sharp, burning pain rushes through his entire body.

Realizing that he can't keep running with this pain in his hand, Apollo scurries into a nearby alley and hides in a trashcan. Soon after, Athena looks into the alley and activates the mood matrix in an attempt to find any signs of fear, and therefore Apollo. As Athena scans the area, she can find no traces of fear.

Athena turns off the mood matrix. "Weird, I could have sworn I heard someone's fear here. Guess I have to check the old fashion way…" Athena pulls out a dagger as she slowly searches the entirety of the alley, excluding the trashcan that Apollo is hiding in; in part that even Trucy wouldn't pick such an obvious hiding spot.

For once in his adult life, Apollo is grateful for Kristoph on account of his ex-mentor constantly teaching him how to suppress his emotions when the need arises, thus, as long as Apollo remains calm, Athena will never find him.

As Apollo leans back in the trashcan to catch his breath and celebrate his victory, he feels some warm, lumpy object underneath him that's constantly squirming. Out of discomfort, Apollo tries to push the object down in an attempt to get it to remain still. Unfortunately for him, the object is actually a disgruntled Victor Kudo, whose pants are around his waist and is holding a magazine, who rises up so that he is face-to-face with the young attorney.

"What the hell, kid? Can't a man tickle his pickle to the ladies section of the Sears Catalogue in peace!?" Victor yells at Apollo who screams and topples over the trashcan with a loud thud as he tries to get away from this old creep as fast as humanly possible.

Unfortunately for Apollo, Athena hears the commotion and resumes chasing after the terrified attorney who runs out the other side of the alley. Frantically looking around for where he should run off to next, Apollo notices a skateboard lying against a nearby wall. Even though he has never even touched a skateboard in his entire life, Apollo picks up the skateboard and proceeds to ride it downhill on a nearby street.

Seeing that her flabby, yet surprisingly agile, prey is escaping her, Athena pulls out a four barrel rocket launcher and fires four heat-seeking rockets after Apollo.

As Apollo races downhill, slowly getting used to riding a skateboards, he hears a soft high-pitched hum behind him getting progressively louder with each passing second. When Apollo turns around to see the source of the sound, his jaw drops at seeing four rockets speeding towards him. Apollo, knowing that those rockets are coming in too fast, has no chose but to dodge them.

Apollo barley dodges the first rocket by quickly lying on the board stomach-first on the skateboard while the projectile soars over his head, slightly clipping his iconic horns upon passing, and crashes in front of him. Apollo then jumps to his feet as he skillfully dodges the second and third missiles with a quick left and right turn respectively. For the final missile, Apollo manages to dodge it by pulling off an epic ollie, thus causing the rocket to crash and explode bellow his skateboard as he safely lands in front of it.

Since Athena hasn't been chasing him down the hill, Apollo feels that perhaps the worst of it is over, but like every other time he thought that in his life, it manages to get worse; for out of nowhere Apollo sees Athena aggressively speeding towards him in a Mack truck.

Athena squeezes the life out of the steering wheel as she glares daggers at her terrified prey. "No fair, Apollo! That's not a proper form of exercise!"

"Cheater, cheater pumpkin eater!" Widget angrily chimes in.

"And an 18-wheeler is!?" Apollo complains as he skates even faster in an attempt to escape Athena.

Surprisingly enough, Apollo is actually able to stay ahead of Athena's truck, but unfortunately for him, his luck runs out when he encounters a sharp turn in front of a nearby building. When Apollo tries to clear the turn, he flies off of his skateboard and into the wall of the building in front of him. Apollo turns around in horror to see Athena speeding towards him even faster with a crazed smile on her face as Widget's monitor lights up bright green with the same evil smile that Clonco has whenever Aura shocks him.

Before the truck can crash into him, Apollo is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his vision, he is back in his holding cell.

Apollo, seeing how he is safe, sits down on the floor and takes a deep breath. Apollo's peace is short-lived, however, when Athena taps him on the shoulder; to which he responds to by screaming and running over to the other side of the cell.

"Get away from me!" Apollo yells, trembling as he points a shaky finger at his confused co-worker.

Athena slowly approaches him. "I'm only asking because you were talking and screaming to yourself in your sleep. You know, you'd sleep better if you did some exercise during the day."

"N-no, I'm fine!" Apollo quickly gets on the floor and starts doing pushups. "See? I'm exercising so that I can be healthy!"

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise. "As you can probably tell by my handsome physique, I work out on a pretty regular basis, y'know. My main form of exercise before my arrest was running away from Sebastian whenever he wanted to talk to me about his problems or when he wanted a hug." Blaise starts playing with his lighter. "After I was sentenced to prison, my regiment changed to swimming with my next-cell neighbor and childhood friend, Gant, to get him to shut him up. It's not pleasurable, but I can't wear my leather by just eating snack cakes all day, y'know. As much as I'd love to talk about myself, I have to keep the show moving, y'see."

Blaise then reaches into the jar and pulls out another note and upon reading it, pumps his fist and laughs. "Finally, I've been waiting so long to do this punishment, y'know. Y'see, a guest would like to see Sebastian be tried for his crimes… Let the punishment commence!"

Blaise then snaps his fingers, which transports him to the judge's bench in a courtroom, followed by two bailiffs, who are both him, transporting Sebastian, who is crying, to the defendant's chair where he is forcibly seated.

Sebastian gives Blaise a look of fear as tears well up in his eyes. "Pops, I'm scarred! Why am I here?" Sebastian bends his baton out of fear.

Blaise silences Sebastian by slamming his gavel. "The court is now in session for the trial of my idiot son, Sebastian. Is the prosecution, who is almost as handsome and intelligent as me, ready with their opening statement? Blaise directs his attention to the prosecutor's bench, which is being occupied by a slightly more muscular version of himself.

The muscular Blaise starts playing with his lighter. "The prosecution is ready, Your Honor. Y'see, the stupid, useless defendant is on trial for the crime of being criminally stupid. Though one only needs to take but a single glance at him to see that this is true, y'know."

"The court would like to commend the prosecution on such an eloquent opening statement, y'know. Is the defense ready with their opening statement?" Blaise directs his attention to the defense's bench, which is completely empty.

Sebastian takes a minute to nervously look around the room before he finally realizes his current predicament. "Pops, I don't have an attorney. It's almost like whoever farmed me for this crime rigged the trial against me!" Sebastian starts crying and sniffling.

Blaise slowly claps his hands with a deadpan expression on his face. "No, really? As the sadistic host of a show that specializes in punishing people, my main goal is to make your life as pleasurable as possible, y'know." Blaise says in an overtly sarcastic voice that any regular person would pick up, but unfortunately, Sebastian isn't one of those people.

Sebastian confidently points his baton at Blaise. "Exactly, Pops! That's why we have to go out there and bring this madman to justice before they twist the trial even more."

Blaise slaps his forehead and shakes his head. "I was being sarcastic, you little idiot! Of course this trial is rigged against you because a fan submitted it as a punishment. Hence, you're not going to get an attorney in this trial that will end in your utter humiliation, y'see!" Blaise yells as he clenches his lighter, causing a large flame to erupt from it.

"But that's not flair!" Sebastian whines.

Blaise starts pulling his beard and starts fake crying. "Well life isn't 'fair', y'know!" Blaise empties the tears from his goggles. "But I'm feeling generous today, so I'm going to give you the gift of allowing your fate to be determined by a trial of my peers." Blaise directs Sebastian's attention to the jury, which consists of 12 Blaises, all of whom are glowering at Sebastian.

Blaise then slams his gavel. "With that settled, the prosecution may call forth its first witness."

Muscular Blaise sighs as he shoots a quick dirty look at Sebastian before directing his attention towards the real Blaise. "If that little idiot is finally done complaining, the prosecution would like to call Justine Courtney to the stand."

Justine is then brought to the witness stand by two Blaise bailiffs.

"Witness, state your name and occupation to the court." Muscular Blaise commands as he fiddles with his lighter.

Justine takes a brief second to survey the room before flashing Blaise a look of pure disgust. "Debeste, out of all the punishments that you've done on this 'show', this has got to be a new low, even for you. What kind of father would issue their son this kind of punishment?"

Blaise grins and shakes his head while flashing Justine an excited, sadistic look that sends slight chills up her spine, though she tries her best not to show it, especially in front of this madman. "Who said that this punishment was specifically for Sebastian? All the note said was to put Sebastian on trial for being criminally dumb; it didn't say that I had to limit it to only him, y'know."

Justine, knowing exactly that look on Blaise's face means, decides to ask him the obvious in the hope that perhaps she is wrong. "And so you decided to also punish me?" Justine puts her hands to her chest, as if bracing for a powerful blow.

"Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner! Yes Justine, I also plan to punish you, not only for how you betrayed me in 'Forgotten Turnabout', but also because limiting this to just Sebastian would be kind of pointless, y'know. Y'see, this is no new information for Sebastian at this point in his life, so I'd essentially be beating a dead horse… a very stupid, naïve dead horse that I hate, y'know. But for you, Courtney, since you actually care for my son, this punishment actually has meaning, y'see. That, and because for as long as I've known you, I've always wanted to do this…"

Blaise then snaps his fingers which makes Justine's clothes disappear, living her completely nude; though black censor bars prevent any of her private areas from being seen.

Blaise scowls at the censor bars as he attempts to light his lighter, but his lighter refuses to ignite. "Damn it, I forgot about those. Curse you family friendly entertainment!"

"Debeste, how dare you do something so inappropriate in the sanctuary of the Goddess of the law!?" Justine protests as she grabs the censor bars and wraps them around her body as a makeshift outfit.

Blaise, upon hearing this lets out a condescending laugh. "Y'see, Courtney, since we're in a realm of my creation, I outrank your little Goddess."

Muscular Blaise chimes in. "So if you don't want any issues with the law, I'd suggest you comply and state your name and occupation to the court. And I wouldn't backtalk His Honor anymore if I were you, y'know; just remember what happened to the last person who angered His Honor while he was holding a gavel. They-"

"I know, 'disappeared'. And so what if you kill me, Debeste? You and I both know that you'll just revive me for future punishments." Justine says with a stoic expression, knowing that the only outcome that would result from her temporary death would be Sebastian's punishment being shortened.

But contrary to Blaise getting angrier, as Justine expects, he just smiles and chuckles to himself as a malicious, sinister idea enters his mind. "Well, if that's how you feel, Justine, then I bet you wouldn't mind if I had some fun with John."

Blaise then snaps his fingers and in the middle of the courtroom, a tank filled with sharks appears and dangling from a rope above said tank is Justine's adoptive son, John Marsh.

"John!" Justine gasps as she sees her beloved adopted son dangle above the tank of ravenous sharks; and although he has a stoic face that gives him the appearance of being merely inconvenienced by this whole ordeal, as his mother, Justine knows that he's really crying on the inside.

Blaise starts playing with his lighter. "So as you can see, Courtney, unless you cooperate, then your son won't live to see the third grade."

"I'm 13, gramps!" John yells, causing him to sway in the air as he wriggles in anger.

"See John, this is why you should eat your vegetables. Otherwise, psychotic madmen will mock your height." Justine says in a warm, yet stern, voice, briefly putting her son's predicament aside so as to instill some motherly advice.

Blaise, being a single father, chuckles upon hearing the topic of finicky eaters. "Y'know, if you're having trouble getting your son to eat his vegetables, then I can be of assistance. Y'see, at first, Sebastian didn't want to eat his vegetables, but I eventually found a way to get him to cooperate; and all you need is a hammer, a clamp, and a washcloth. First-"

"Objection!" Muscular Blaise yells, clenching his fist and squeezing the life out of his lighter, which is now spewing a large flame. "As much as I'd love to engage in pointless chitchat, we have a trial to run, y'know. So could the witness please state their name and occupation?"

Justine sighs, knowing that she has no choice, lest she sees her son killed before her very eyes. "My name is Justine Courtney and I am a judge."

"Good!" Muscular Blaise sneers. "So how long have you known the worthless defendant, Courtney?"

"Three months."

"Now, since the defendant has done and said so many different things over the course of his life, please state his most noteworthy incidents for the court."

Justine takes a deep breath to mentally prepare herself. "By no means do I actually believe that Sebastian has less than average intelligence, but that doesn't mean that he hasn't said and/or done any… questionable things…" Justine glances over at the witness chair and sees tears welling up in Sebastian's eyes, obviously feeling betrayed by his best friend/mentor.

The sound of Blaise banging his gavel returns Justine to the topic at hand.

"As I was saying, I first met Sebastian when he arrived at the Prosecutor's Office for his first day of work. Being assigned as his investigative partner on behalf of the P.I.C., it was my duty that day to give him a tour around the Prosecutor's Office. The tour was going along without any issues until we reached the office of Prosecutor Klavier Gavin; at which point, I jokingly told him that Prosecutor Gavin's nickname was the Casanova Prosecutor, on account of his tendency to date and break the hearts of many a young woman; and upon hearing this, Sebastian ran down the hallway, flailing his arms, and screaming 'Prosecutor Gavin's a marauder! He kills women by breaking their hearts!' at the top of his lungs as he proceeded to run into the door leading to the stairwell."

Justine is interrupted by the sound of Blaise, Muscular Blaise, and the jury of Blaises laughing at Sebastian's naivety.

After all of the Blaises calm down, Justine continues with her testimony. "Then, there was the time when I took him shopping at the mall for a new pair of shoes and the power in the mall went out, on account of a storm, while we were riding up the escalator. Noticing that the elevator was no longer working, I proceeded to walking up it as if it were a normal flight of stairs and when I reached the top, I was expecting to find Sebastian right behind me; instead, he was standing in the middle of the escalator screaming for help. When I asked him why he was just standing still, he responded by telling me that he can't move since the escalator wasn't moving. I then told Sebastian that since a motionless escalator is just a regular stairway, to which he rebutted, 'Justine, since I'm the best, it's quite obvious that a motionless escalator isn't a flight of stairs because an escalator is an escalator and not stairs.'"

Upon hearing this, all of the Blaises are howling with laugher.

After all of the Blaises once again calm down, Justine picks up where she left off. "But perhaps Sebastian's saddest moment was this one time when I was driving him and myself to a crime scene and I noticed that he was acting abnormally solemn. Being the caring person that I am, I asked him what was troubling him and he told me how his beloved pet had recently died and that he wanted to get it cremated. Seeing how there was a pet crematorium on the way to the crime scene, I decided to take Sebastian there to fulfil his wish. So we enter the crematorium and the man at the counter asks Sebastian to present his pet, and lo and behold, Sebastian, with a haughty grin on his face, places a pet rock on the counter that he named 'Rocky Rockerson'."

The All of the Blaises start laughing, pounding their fists on their respective table surfaces, with a few of them even gasping for air from laughing so hard.

As the Blaises continue laughing, Justine looks over at Sebastian, who is lightly sobbing in the defendant's chair. "Why'd you betray me, Justine? I've gotten used to this sort of treatment from Pops, but not from you. I thought that you were my fiend!" Sebastian wails at the top of his lungs; which causes the Blaises to laugh even harder.

Justine puts her finger to her lips and shushes Sebastian. "I also see you as a 'friend', Sebastian, and I really didn't want to do this, but I can't go against your father who is currently threatening my son's life." Justine distraughtly says as she points to John, who is currently giving everyone in the court an over-the-top pouty face.

"Hey gramps, can you at make yourself useful and give me some milk? I can't function without my milk!" John yells as he scowls at Blaise; to which the corrupt ex-P.I.C. chairman responds to by throwing a carton of milk at the boy which bursts upon impact, drenching his head with milk.

Blaise slams his gavel. "I believe that the court has gathered enough evidence for this trial, y'know. Has the jury reached a verdict?"

One of the Blaises in the jury stands up. "We have, Your Honor. Y'see, the jury find the worthless, idiot of a defendant Sebastian Debeste…. Guilty!" The juror Blaise says with a devious grin on his face.

"In that case, I sentence Sebastian to be thrown into a meat grinder." Blaise says as he slams his gavel, which causes a giant meat grinder to appear in the courtroom.

Blaise then snaps his fingers which warp Sebastian right above the meat grinder, where he then falls into it screaming. Upon hitting the blades, a moderate amount of Sebastian's blood bursts out of the top of the meat grinder similar to how lava erupts from a volcano; which causes all of the Blaises to start cheering.

Blaise then calms down the other Blaises by slamming his gavel. "Y'know Courtney, I'm gonna let your son go… right into the meat grinder!" Blaise jovially yells as he snaps his fingers, which causes John to be warped above the meat grinder and killed the exact same way that Sebastian executed.

"JOHN! Debeste, you are the sickest, most twisted, heatless psychotic bastard that I have ever had the displeasure to know! I swear to the Goddess of the Law that you will pay dearly for this!" Justine yells in a distraught voice, hyperventilating at the shock of seeing her son gruesomely killed in front of her.

Blaise, who is enjoying every second of this, sneers at Justine. "I know; ain't I a stinker?" Blaise says in a kidding matter as Justine glares at him with eyes like daggers.

Blaise shrugs his shoulders. "Since we're here, why not make Wocky's day a little worse?"

Blaise snaps his fingers which causes Wocky, whose hair has been styled into a perm, to be warped above the meat grinder and then die just like Sebastian and John before him.

"Alright, I think that's enough fun for this punishment, y'know." Blaise states as he snaps his fingers, which causes Sebastian, Justine, John, and Wocky to be returned to their holding cells and warps himself to the show's stage.

* * *

Blaise directs his attention to the camera. "Y'know, I think that was the best punishment yet; at least for me, that is. But as much as I'd love to continue torturing Sebastian, I have to keep the show moving and spread the pain around, y'see."

Blaise then reaches into the jar and pulls out another note; which upon reading leaves him with a puzzled expression on his face. "Y'know JordanPhoenix, I'm flattered that you believe in my abilities, but how in God's name do you expect me to effectively punish a bland character like Iris Hawthorne? I mean, if it wasn't for her sister, you wouldn't even remember her…"

A large, sinister smile spreads across Blaise's face. "I think I've got it! Yup, that should do the trick… Let the punishment commence.

Blaise then turns on a screen which shows Iris, who has just been released from prison, happily riding the bus as she returns home to Hazakura Temple. When she gets to the temple, she runs off the bus and to the main hall with a big grin on her face, where she sees Bikini, whose back is turned to Iris, sweeping the floor.

"Sister Bikini, I'm finally home!" Iris chirps.

Bikini, with a warm smile on her face, turns around to face Iris; but as soon as she sees Iris, her smile changes into a stern look of hatred and disdain. "I don't know how you've returned, but I won't allow you to defile this temple with your evil presence again."

Iris gives Bikini a confused look, unaware of what she had done wrong. "Sister Bikini, it's me, Iris. I was just released from prison, so I've returned to resume my duties to Hazakura Temple."

Bikini glares at Iris. "Do you take me for a fool, demon? Anyone could deduce your identity by your hair color. Now leave this sacred area before I send you back from whence you came!" Bikini threatens as she extends her broomstick towards Iris.

"But-"

"OUT!" Bikini yells, to which Iris responds to by scurrying out of the temple, tears flowing down her cheeks as she feels the pain of being chased away by the only mother figure that she had ever known.

As soon as Iris is back outside the temple, she begins to walk at a slower pace as she thinks about what has just happened.

"Why would Sister Bikini not want me in the temple? Was it because I took part in Mystic Misty's death? No, Sister Bikini knew that it was out of my control. But if that's not it, then what could it be…?"

As Iris walks by a nearby puddle, she takes a quick glance at her reflection and is horrified to see that her hair has somehow become the exact shade of red as her deceased sister. Realizing that this was what Bikini was angered by, Iris decides to head into the city to dye her hair black in order to solve this issue.

When Iris gets to a salon in the city, she is able to easily get a dye job with no wait; but alas, after the procedure is done, her hair is still the same red color as her evil twin sister's. Distraught, Dahlia goes to several more salons, but the outcome remains consistent in that her hair is still red.

Iris, who is unsure of what to do, goes to seek help at the Prosecutor's Office from Godot, who was just released from prison; and hopefully, since his vision is distorted in regards to the color red, he may not confuse her for Dahlia like Bikini had.

When Iris reaches the closed door of Godot's office, she meekly knocks the door to see if he's in there. "Come in." Godot replies, obviously involved with some kind of work. When Iris nervously enters the office, she sees Godot reading some papers.

"Mr. Godot, I-I don't mean to be a burden, but I need your help with an issue I'm facing." Iris nervously asks.

When Godot looks up from his papers, his response is taking a few deep sips of his coffee. After a long pause, he finally decides to speak. "And why exactly should I help the witch that tried to murder me and my kitten's sister? Godot bitterly asks as he takes another sip of his coffee.

"Mr. Godot, it's me, Iris. I'm not my sister; you have to believe me!" Iris irritably exclaims to the prosecutor.

Godot shakes his head. "Look, my vision may be screwed up, but I can recognize the woman who killed me, especially when she's wearing the same outfit she wore on that day."

At that moment, Iris looks down and notices that her acolyte robe that she was wearing has been turned into the dress that Dahlia always wore. Seeing how she is uncanny to her deceased sister and thus has no chance of convincing Godot otherwise, flees from the office to avoid another confrontation.

As Iris walks the streets of LA, she ponders if there's anyone that she knows that won't mistake her for her sister and then it hits her; if there's one person in this whole world that could differentiate her from Dahlia, it would have to be her Feenie. If he could tell that they were two different people back when he was a naïve college student, then he can do it now. So with a newfound hope, Iris makes her way to Phoenix's law firm.

When she enters the office, she sees Phoenix, Maya, and Pearl watching the 'Steel Samurai' on their television; although judging by the look on Phoenix's face and the fact that Maya is holding the back of his neck with one hand, he really doesn't want to be doing this.

Upon seeing this side of Phoenix, Iris clasps her hands and looks upward with a warm smile as she is reminded of the time when they were dating and Phoenix drew for her a picture of a dahlia flower and said 'A dahlia for my Dahlia." when he presented it to her. Sure, the drawing looked like a purple cotton ball and the gift was unbelievably corny, but it was the thought that counted. She can still remember how kind and loving he was to her every day that they were together and the guilt that came of not telling him the truth after he was acquitted for her sister's crime. If only she had been braver that day and had been honest, then she could have saved him a lot of heartache and who knows, maybe they would have still been dating.

As she thinks about what could have been, Iris is snapped back to reality by the reason as to why she's at the office in the first place: to get Phoenix's help for her current problem.

Iris nervously walks over to Phoenix and weakly taps him on the shoulder. "Feenie…" Iris meekly says as Phoenix turns around and then jolts back out of shock.

"H-How…?" Phoenix says with wide eyes and a voice filled with terror.

For Iris, this angst is not out of place for Phoenix since he has always been an introverted man; which is one of his endearing qualities that makes her want to eat him up. "Well, I got out of prison and I need your help with a problem that I'm having." Iris says in a warm, sweet voice to calm Phoenix down.

Phoenix quickly turns to make sure that Maya and Pearl are safely behind him before he flashes Iris his bravest glare. "Help with what? Hiding the body of your most recent victim? Killing my mentor's little sister as revenge? Finding new ways to use my emotions as a means to an end and then ripping my heat out of my chest and stomping it into dust when you're done!?" Phoenix yells that last part through clenched teeth as he tries his best to hold back the tears that are welling up in his eyes.

Iris tenses up in an attempt to appear smaller. "What are you talking about, Feenie?"

"Stop pretending that you have something to hide and tell us who's channeling you, Dahlia!" Phoenix bitterly states while folding his arms.

Upon hearing that even Phoenix can't tell her apart from her sister, Iris starts to lightly sob. "Feenie, it's me, Iris! You have to believe me!"

Maya throws a hamburger at Iris, which hits her dress and leaves a ketchup stain behind. "The power of burgers compels you! Outta this office, evil spirit!" Maya yells as she continues to repeatedly throw hamburgers at Iris.

"Please Feenie; you're all that I have left!" Iris wails as Phoenix pulls a revolver out of his suit and aims it at Iris.

"W-What's that gun for?" Iris nervously asks as she points at the weapon.

Phoenix cocks the gun. "Oh, this? It's just something that I bought to deal with psychotic, manipulative people like you. Tell Manfred von Karma 'screw you' for me when you get back to Hell."

"Feenie, I-" Before Iris can finish her sentence, Phoenix shoots her in the heart, causing he to fall limp on the ground.

"Feenie…" Iris weakly says as the life drains from her body and her vision goes dark; but before she dies, she is blinded by a bright light and when she regains her sight, she is back in her holding cell.

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise who is rubbing his left temple. "Sorry if that punishment was a bit bland and short; but y'see what I had to deal with. That whole final section with Phoenix sums up Iris' whole character arc in a nutshell, y'know. And if any Iris fans try to dispute me on this, then look through all of her dialogue during 'Bridge to Turnabout' and you'll notice how 99.99% of Iris' dialogue pertains to how much she loves Phoenix and/or guilt about Dahlia's crimes. The other .01 percent of dialogue is that bit where she tells Edgeworth how Larry's 'love letter' frightened her; which was actually kind of funny since it slightly livened up her character for all of five seconds. Y'see, that girl is almost as bland as Sebastian is stupid, and no one is stupider than Sebastian, y'know."

Blaise then takes a deep breath to calm himself down. "Perhaps the next punishment will be more amusing…" Blaise states with enthusiasm as he reaches into the jar and pulls out another note, which causes him to grin upon reading it. "Thus must be the Hawthorne episode of 'Pick Your Poison!' because DJJ680 would like to see Dahlia learn just what kind of person she truly is… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen which shows an arm bursting through the ground in a dim alley, followed by another arm until eventually Dahlia manages to pull herself out of the ground and is finally able to roam the world of the living once more.

Dahlia takes a good look in a broken window pane at her new body, which is the exact same as her old one down to the dress that she always wore. "I live once more!" Dahlia yells in a shrill voice as she starts to cackle. "But what's the point in having a new body if I'm not going to use it to kill those who have wronged me in the past…? Starting with my weak, pathetic sister." Dahlia growls as she walks out of the alley and makes her way to Hazakura Temple.

When Dahlia gets to Hazakura Temple, she makes her grand entrance by thrusting the doors open, creating a loud thud when they hit the wall, only to be greeted by the empty main chamber. Dahlia then proceeds to look for Iris and after a few minutes of searching the temple, finds Iris sweeping the floor in a nearby side room.

"Guess who, Iris?" Dahlia sneers at her twin.

Iris turns to face Dahlia and gives her a cold, stoic look. "Hello, sister." Iris says in a voice as cold as her expression.

Dahlia starts to become nervous upon noticing that Iris' body is more muscular than she remembered. "Is it me, or did you start working out?"

Iris cynically laughs at Dahlia's question. "Well, what else are you supposed to do in prison?"

Dahlia rolls her eyes. "Oh please, Iris, you and I both know that you couldn't last a day in prison. I bet you probably just sat in the corner crying while the other girls made you their bitch."

"On the contrary, Dahlia, I killed a woman during my sentence after she badmouthed my Feenie by calling him 'Porcupine-Head'." Iris states matter-of-factly as he approaches her sister, who in turn slowly backs away.

Despite the fear induced by her sister's personality change, Dahlia continues to try to put on a brave face, which isn't helped by her profuse sweating. "Iris, you know very well that I can easily strike you down if you try anything."

"Dahlia, that may have worked for most of our lives, but during my time in prison, I've heard about many criminals who were sent to the same prison that I was in; people who were able to achieve their goals and so much more before they were brought to justice; unlike you who couldn't even be successful at even one of her original crimes. Now get out of my home before I do to you what I did to the last girl that hurt my Feenie!" Iris demands while pulling out a knife; to which Dahlia, who knows that she is at a disadvantage, responds to by storming out of the temple.

Dahlia then makes her way into the city to get her revenge on Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey for how they and that hag Mia Fey humiliated her. Thankfully, since those two are inseparable, she'll be able to kill two birds with one stone.

When Dahlia reaches the law firm, Phoenix and Maya are leaving for the day to head back to his apartment; but before they can leave, Dahlia walks in front of them and blocks their path. "Long time no see, Phoenix. Time for me to finish what I've started." Dahlia flashes a sadistic grin as she pulls out a knife.

Instead of Phoenix crying in fear like she expects, he and Maya burst out laughing. "Y-You're going to kill me? Good one, Dahlia!" Phoenix slaps his knee in laughter.

Dahlia glares at Phoenix. "This is not a joke, you idiot! I'm going to kill you! Right here, right now!" The vengeful redhead snarls.

Phoenix rolls his eyes. "Oh please, you tried to kill Godot and failed, you tried to kill me and failed, and you tried to kill Maya and royally failed. The only time when your plan actually succeeded was when you killed your stepsister, but that was just to cover up your failed kidnapping plan."

"Well, I-You- At least I managed to kill off Doug Swallow before he could rat me out to anyone!" Dahlia pouts. At that moment, Matt Engarde, who was just released from prison, is walking by, but the second he sees Dahlia, he turns around and quickly runs off in the opposite direction.

Dahlia, indignant from being humiliated by Phoenix Wright of all people, storms of to deal with the next person on her list; the worthless defense attorney who couldn't get her acquitted during her trial: Kristoph Gavin.

When Dahlia reaches Kristoph's law firm, she sees Kristoph walking towards his car. "Guess who's back, Gavin!?" Dahlia yells as she approaches Kristoph.

Kristoph, being the mostly calm and collected man that he is, turns to face Dahlia and greets her with a warm smile. "Ah, Miss. Hawthorne, what a surprise to see you here; I thought that you were hanged in prison."

Dahlia scowls at the attorney. "Yes, and it was all because of YOUR shoddy skills as a defense attorney! I remember how you were so confident about getting me an acquittal when we met at the Detention Center, but all that changed three minutes into the trial when that von Karma guy had you shaking like a leaf. But now that I'm back, I'm going to make you feel my pain!" Dahlia grins as she pulls out her knife.

Kristoph shakes his head. "I was not 'shaking like a leaf' that day, Miss. Hawthorne. Oh no, it was actually the opposite of that. I would liken my loss that day to a tactical retreat where I knew that going up against Manfred von Karma would result in me loosing no matter what I did. Plus, you were charming, had an eerily calm demeanor, and had flashes of contempt: all classical signs of a psychopath; I should know; and because of that, I knew that you'd eventually slip-up during the course of the trial, so I thought to myself 'What's the point of even trying?'"

Dahlia's pupils disappear as she gives Kristoph the Fey Death Glare which was perfected by her mother. "I wouldn't have been caught if you would have actually done your job!"

Kristoph, who is completely unfazed, gives Dahlia a look of pure contention. "While you are beautiful and ruthless, both traits that I love in a woman, it does not excuse the facts that your logic is often flawed, your plans are reckless, and your sloppy methods are on par with something that I'd expect from my foolish little brother. In fact, you are so pathetic that words alone are not enough to describe my feelings. There's only one form of expression powerful enough for me to voice my thoughts…. song! Hit it!"

Suddenly, Dahlia and Kristoph are transported to a theater where Klavier starts to strum a song on his guitar as Kristoph starts to sing.

 _Come and listen well, Hawthorne._

 _You are only just a thorn._

 _You were nothing since the day you were born._

 _You're only really good for porn._

Dahlia turns away from Kristoph. "I won't even dignify that with a response."

 _I see that you think that you're hollow,_

 _just because you've killed Doug Swallow._

 _But in reality, you're just stale_

 _because the only thing you're good at is to fail!_

Kristoph lets Klavier play a brief guitar solo before he resumes singing.

 _Fail, fail, that is you!_

 _You really have no clue._

 _It doesn't matter what you spew_

 _because we all know it to be true._

"All of my plans haven't been complete failures. I've been able to get revenge on multiple occasions." Dahlia protests.

 _If that's what you really think,_

 _you must be the missing link_

 _because there are other criminals than just you,_

 _so I'll only present just a few._

Suddenly, Manfred von Karma appears on the stage.

"Hit it, von Karma!" Kristoph enthusiastically commands.

 _My name Manfred von Karma_

 _and perfection's my_ _dharma._

 _I kept my record strong as I had longed_

 _until that fateful day when I was wronged._

 _Wanna ask me how I got even?_

 _Simple, I just killed the man and left his son grievin'!_

Manfred then disappears and Damon Gant appears in his place.

 _I was known as Chief Gant._

 _I used to make the criminals sweat and pant._

 _I used blackmail to force Lanny to agree_

 _so that both the police and prosecutors would bend to me._

Gant clasps his hands together. "So Krissy, gone swimming lately?" Gant start clapping his hands as he disappears and is replaced with Quercus Alba.

 _Quercus Alba is who I be._

 _I ran a smuggling ring that none could see._

 _And if any tried to get in my way,_

 _They'd experience the end of the father of Kay._

Kristoph then makes every criminal in the series, with the exception of Dahlia, to appear on the stage to sing the final verse of the song.

 _Fail, fail, that is you!_

 _You really have no clue._

 _It doesn't matter what you spew_

 _because we all know it to be true._

Kristoph then sings solo for the rest of the song.

 _You fail._

Dahlia scowls. "I think that's enough."

 _You fail!_

"Stop it!" Dahlia screams.

 _You fail!_

"STOOOOP!" Dahlia screams at the top of her lungs while covering her ears.

 _You faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiillllll!_

At that moment, several fireworks go off and a giant, flashing, red neon sign that reads 'Fail' lights up behind Kristoph as Klavier closes out the song with a few final notes.

After the Klavier finishes playing, Kristoph, with a warm smile, pushes a button on a nearby wall that causes the floor to open up beneath Dahlia; causing her to fall into dark, bottomless abyss. As Dahlia falls to her doom, she is blinded by a bright light and when she regains her sight, she is back in her holding cell.

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise. "I would like to thank Norma Deplume for writing the lyrics to Kristoph's musical number. Y'see, I'm not that good at writing musical numbers, so she was a big help, y'know."

Blaise then starts playing with his lighter. "Y'know, Dahlia may be less bland than her twin, that doesn't make her the biggest failure in this game series. Sure, I may give my idiot son a lot of grief for his stupidity, but at least he somewhat learns from his mistakes, y'know. Dahlia, on the other hand, never learned from her mistakes, thus making her a massive failure in my book. Y'see, the only way for a woman to be a bigger failure than Dahlia Hawthorne would be if she had a low enough self-esteem to want to date Sebastian. Thankfully, no girl in their right mind is that pitiful; hence why my ugly, worthless son will die alone like the reject that he is."

Suddenly, Mike Meekins runs onto the stage.

Blaise throws a used tissue at Meekins. "What is it, Meekins? Can't you see that I'm in the middle of talking about my useless son?"

Meekins nervously twiddles his thumbs. "Umm, sir… According to our research, you're wrong about your son's appeal with the fans."

Blaise cocks his head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Apparently, a lot of the female fans find Sebastian to be adorable."

Blaise stars to fiddle with his lighter, which isn't igniting. "Then those girls really need to get their eyes and brains examined, y'know. Anything else?"

"In addition, many people ship Sebastian with Kay Faraday!" Mike yells as he stiffens his body in preparation for Blaise's wrath.

Blaise starts to pull on his beard and fake cry. "T-That poor girl! H-Here comes the waterworks…"

Meekins interrupts Blaise's crying. "Um, sir? Didn't you try to have her convicted for a murder that you yourself committed?"

A large flame is emitted from Blaise's lighter as he scowls at Meekins. "Y'see, that's different. I would never subject any woman to a life of misery with Sebastian! That's a fate that I wouldn't even wish upon my worst enemy, y'know."

Blaise is interrupted by a beep from a nearby monitor. "It seems that we're all out of time for today's episode. Good thing, too, because I'm going to take some time to research this Sebastian x Kay matter myself. Y'see, if it turns out that poor girl is being shipped with my idiot son, then I'm going to send her a muffin basket as an apology. As always, I am Blaise Debeste, and I thank you for watching 'Pick Your Poison!'"

A puff of smoke then appears on stage as Blaise Debeste vanishes into thin air.

* * *

 **A/N:** Hey guys, I hope that you liked this episode. The hardest part of writing it was the musical number in Dahlia's punishment, which was the first musical number that I ever wrote. If you're curious about the beat and tempo, I based it off of swing music with a 'dun dun dun-dun-dun' type of thing going.


	8. Episode 7

**Disclaimer: As always, all material used in this non-profit fanfic belongs to their respective owner/s.**

 **A/N:** I am sorry for making these last few episodes of 'Pick Your Poison!' a monthly thing. For the past few months, I have been dealing with some personal issues in my family that have given me less opportunities to write than normal. Thankfully, the issues have been resolved, so I believe that it will take me less time to make future episodes for this fanfic. I want to thank all of you guys for your patience and the punishments that you have submitted. I hope that you enjoy this next episode.

* * *

Blaise's theme song plays as he appears on stage with a look of terror on his face as he stares blankly ahead. "What has been seen cannot be unseen…" Blaise mumbles to himself before shaking his head, focusing his attention back on the gameshow that he is hosting.

"Hello viewers and welcome back to the seventh episode of 'Pick Your Poison!'. Remember how I told you that I'd research this whole Sebastian x Kay nonsense? Well, I just finished doing that and I learned a valuable lesson from it, y'know. Y'see, the internet is one f***ed up place filled with horrors so foul that it makes me want to cry tears of agony!" Blaise emphasizes this by tugging on his beard and fake crying.

Blaise then empties his goggles of tears. "Y'see, I may be a demented psychopath has ruined countless lives and has taken great delight in torturing his son for 17 years, but at least I'm sane enough not to draw art depicting my useless, moron of a son being intimate with the likes of Kay Faraday and Hugh O'Connor, y'know. Hell, those weren't even the worst I saw; y'see, that honor would have to go to a picture that I found where Sebastian is on top of Edgeworth doing what appears to be sexual assault; as if Sebastian would have the wherewithal of what to do in that kind of situation…"

Blaise starts playing with his lighter. "Regardless, I have decided to spare my sanity and put that behind me, y'see. As I promised last episode, I have sent Kay, as well as Hugh and Edgeworth, a muffin basket to apologize for having to experience the pain of being shipped with Sebastian. With that little rant done, let's move onto what everyone came her for: the punishments."

Blaise then snaps his fingers, which causes Meekins to rush onstage with the jar of notes, place it on its normal table, and scurry offstage.

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out a note. "Y'know, I'm kind of surprised that it took this long for this punishment to be suggested. Y'see, DJJ680 would like to see the Judge get a taste of his own medicine for once… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen which shows The Judge, who is trembling, sitting in the defendant's chair of a nightmarish courtroom. At the defense and prosecution benches sit nightmarish versions of Phoenix and Edgeworth respectively, both of which look exactly like the Nightmare Judge, with the only difference being that the two attorneys retain their normal sizes. In the gigantic judge's bench sits the massive Nightmare Judge himself. There is a slight murmur in the audience that is quickly silenced by the loud slam of Nightmare Judge's large, shadowy gavel.

"The trial of Earth vs. The Judge is now in session for the crime of being criminally weak-minded and fickle. Does the prosecution have an opening statement?" Nightmare Judge asks in a deep, gravelly voice to Nightmare Edgeworth.

A smile revealing a series of sharp, jagged teeth spreads across Nightmare Edgeworth's face. "The defendant is guilty. End of story."

Nightmare Judge slams his gavel. "This court sees no reason to further prolong the trial. Nor is there any need for more time to decide the case against the defendant. This court finds the defendant, The Judge… GUILTY!"

Nightmare Judge slams his large gavel with enough power to cause the floor in the middle of the courtroom to cave-in, revealing the same bottomless abyss from the first episode; and like what happened to the last convicted victim that this happened to, several red hands emerge from the pit and grab the Judge.

As the hands slowly pull him towards the abyss, the Judge struggles in vain to free himself. "No! Mr. Wright, you're my attorney, so save MEEEEE!"

"Objection!" Nightmare Phoenix yells at the top of his lungs as he unleashes his famous pointing pose. "Granted, the defendant might be a fickle, senile old man-"

"Way to pour salt in my wounds, Mr. Wright! And after all I've done for you!" The Judge yells in a betrayed tone.

"Let me finish, insolent pest…!" Nightmare Phoenix snarls through clenched teeth. "As I was saying, even though the defendant may be as the prosecution describes him, he has always made the right verdict in the end."

"That changes everything. I hereby state that the defendant is now not guilty." Nightmare Judge slams his gavel which causes the red hands to stop pulling the judge into the abyss.

"Objection!" Nightmare Edgeworth yells out. "You have a point, Wright; but recall the numerous occasions, when you had clearly proven your client's innocence and even had the defendant himself believing you; but just as victory was in the palm of your hand, the defendant would change his view to agree with the prosecution due to intimidation from their part."

"Lies!" The Judge furrows his brow. "You paint me as some corrupt crook, Mr. Edgeworth. Name one time when I had done this.

"June 21st through the 22nd of the year 2017; the trial of a certain Ms. Maya Fey. During the trial in question, you allowed Franziska von Karma to practically run the trial, despite Wright's concrete evidence and reasoning, out of fear of said prosecutor. What do you have to say to that?" Nightmare Edgeworth sneers.

"Well you- I bet you can't name three more instances!" The Judge untactfully protests as sweat trickles down his brow.

Nightmare Edgeworth pulls out a sheet of paper that he begins to read off of. "Where do I begin: The numerous trials that you showed bias in favor of Dahlia Hawthorne due to her looks, allowing Manfred von Karma to push you around due to your fear of him, and by allowing Furio Tigre to impersonate Wright, with an obviously fake cardboard badge, and not even bring it to anyone's attention because of said mobster's aggressive demeanor."

Nightmare Judge shakes his head. "I change my mind. The defendant is once again guilty." Nightmare Judge slams his gavel again which causes the red hands to resume pulling The Judge into the abyss.

"But what about double Jeopardy?!" The Judge cries out in terror as he flails his now airborne legs.

"Screw double jeopardy! This is my court and I do and say what I want. For that outburst, I herby declare the defendant doubly guilty! Now the defendant will be thrown into a bottomless abyss where he will have to listen to modern music for all eternity." Nightmare Judge slams his gavel which causes 'Anaconda' to be heard coming from the abyss.

"Objection! My client has a beard!" Nightmare Phoenix says with a proud grin.

"Why didn't you start with that? The defendant is hereby not guilty!" Nightmare Judge slams his gavel which stops The Judge from being dragged to his doom.

"Objection! My last name starts with an 'E'!" Nightmare Edgeworth retorts.

"How did I not see this before!? The defendant is guilty!" Nightmare Judge slams his gavel which causes The Judge to continue being dragged into the abyss.

"Objection! The defense's bench is made of mahogany wood!" Nightmare Phoenix says with gusto, hands placed firmly on his hips.

"This changes everything! Not guilty!" Nightmare Judge slams his gavel which halts The Judge's sentencing.

"Objection! The sky is blue!" Nightmare Edgeworth bellows as he throws his arms in the air like he just doesn't care.

"Guilty! Guilty! GUILTYYYYYYY!" Nightmare Judge yells as he repeatedly slams his gavel, thus continuing The Judge's sentencing.

This song and dance of 'guilty' and 'not guilty' verdicts continues as Nightmare Phoenix uses compelling arguments such as "The sun is yellow", "I like pie", and "I have to use the bathroom". Though no matter how riveting Nightmare Phoenix's points are, none can deny the effectiveness of Edgeworth's infamous logic bringing forth such enlightening points such as "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day", "I found a shiny penny on the sidewalk", and "Through deductive reasoning, since I have skin and all lemons have skin, I therefore must be a lemon."

As this goes on, The Judge lightly sobs as he keeps getting jostled around by the red arms with each change of the verdict. After an hour of this torture, The Judge is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell.

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise. "Say what you will about His Honor, but if he wasn't so fickle and weak, I wouldn't have been able to get away with half of the crap that I did in my time in the courtroom, y'see. Y'know, if you thought that von Karma's three minute trials were impressive, then you should have seen my one minute trials where I'd abuse the plea bargain system to get a full conviction. Y'see, all I had to do was convince the criminal to agree to a plea bargain in exchange for a reduced sentence, reveal all their secrets to me over a plate of cookies and a cup of hot cocoa, and then reveal it all, along with the evidence, a moderate amount of it being forged, during my opening statement."

Blaise starts laughing a hardy chuckle as he pulls on his beard and starts fake crying tears of laughter. "You should have seen the stupid looks on the faces of those defendants and their respective attorneys, y'know! They all had that same dumb expression on their faces that Sebastian had on his when I told him that two plus two equals four, y'know!" Blaise empties his goggles of tears as he regains his composition. "Let's move on to the next punishment, shall we?"

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "Apparently, opalander would like Phoenix to reunite with some old friends… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen which shows Phoenix walking down the street with Maya, minding his own business, as his perky assistant rants to her boss about the 'Steel Samurai' movie that they had just finished watching.

"That was the worst movie I have ever seen! First of all, they made the mistake of calling the Steel Samurai's horse the Hydrogen Horse when clearly its name is the Strontium Steed! What kind of drugs where they on to make such an obvious mistake!? And then when the Steel Samurai is fighting the Evil Magistrate on Takifuji Bridge, they had the audacity to have the Steel Samurai defeat the Evil Magistrate with the Tsunami Strike while they were fighting under a NEW moon. Everyone knows that the Tsunami Strike is only effective when used under a FULL moon. Plus, in the show, the Evil Magistrate's power is, like, a gazillion million times stronger under a new moon thanks to his Katana of Darkness. He managed to destroy Daidarabotchi, the Steel Samurai's giant Robotic Rabbit friend who guarded the Lunar Ruins, with one slash of his sword in Episode #33, for crying out loud! So no matter how much I love the Steel Samurai, he should have been destroyed in that battle. Don't you agree, Nick?" Maya flashes her boss a look of anger as she puffs up her cheeks.

Phoenix, who doesn't understand, let alone care, enough to pay attention to Maya's tirade, is snapped out of his thoughts with his assistant's question. "I don't know why this is such a big deal to you, Maya. It's only a movie based on a t.v. show; there are going to be slight inconsistencies, so you have to learn to deal with it. At least the fight scenes where pretty cool, right?" Phoenix asks with a nervous grin as he can see Maya seething with anger as her face gradually becomes redder.

"It's that kind of thinking that made them feel that it was okay to force in some cliché backstory of how the Steel Samurai and Evil Magistrate were childhood friends! Everyone knows that the Steel Samurai met the Evil Magistrate at the Yakamushi Dojo when they were 16 and became bitter enemies when Kimiko chose to be with the Steel Samurai over the Evil Magistrate!" Maya pouts.

Phoenix lightly taps Maya on her shoulder in an attempt to calm her down. "Well what do you want me to do about it?"

Maya utters an ear bleeding shriek as she starts jumping around and stomping the ground. "I want my Steel Samurai back! I want it! I want it! I waaaaaaaaaant it! I'm gonna to march over to Global Studios, find every last person responsible for that horrible movie, and tear their freaking heads from the rest of their freaking bodies! Then, I'll…"

Maya then proceeds to describe every horrid act that she plans to do with the production crew's corpses in explicit detail, much to Phoenix's horror.

"Finally, I'll grind up their bodies, make them into hamburgers, and eat them as a snack!" Maya says in a disturbingly bubbly voice as she flashes Phoenix her normal mischievous grin.

Phoenix just stares at Maya silently with a disturbed look as he thinks to himself, " _Note to self, never get on Maya's bad side."_

Maya, realizing that she maybe went a little overboard with her geezer boss, decides to comfort him. "Sorry Nick, it's just that I love the Steel Samurai soooo much! He fights for good and justice, but doesn't have to wade through a sea of red legal tape like you do. If only superheroes were real…" Maya cocks her head to the side as she thinks of the possibility.

"Did someone say 'hero?'" A man in a skintight red and blue outfit, which covers his whole body, and a mask with white, pupiless eyes asks.

Maya clasps her hands together as she squeals in excitement. "Spiderman! You're real!?"

"Yes, but not in your universe. You see, I'm from Earth-616, an entire different dimension from yours; but I'm not here to talk about interdimensional workings. No, I'm here because I have some unfinished business with Spikey." Spiderman says as he points to Phoenix.

Maya gasps. "You know Spiderman, Nick? So you don't hesitate to tell me all about how your toilet cleaning fetish, but knowing freaking Spiderman is what you decide to keep from me?" Maya indignantly asks with her hands to her hips.

Phoenix flashes Maya another look of confusion. "What are you talking about? Don't you remember last month we took part in that multiverse fighting tournament; you were my partner when we fought against Spiderman and several other superheroes; not to mention that strange white wolf and that red robot that we were forced to team up with."

Maya glowers at Phoenix. "Yeah, I remember that day. That was when you said that you were going out to the store for milk and disappeared for an entire week… So you're telling me that while I was busting my butt keeping YOU'RE office clean and making sure YOU'RE paperwork was all in order, you were off hanging out with the likes of Spiderman and Ironman?! NOT FAIR!" Maya yells as she stomps her foot.

Phoenix nervously takes a step back to put some space between him and his fuming assistant. "Don't look at me like I'm the bad guy. You were there helping me with every battle I was in."

"Actually Phoenix, that was a stagehand who was assisting you, not Maya." Spiderman chimes in.

"'Stagehand?' Those were epic battles to the near-death, not some stage show." Phoenix objects.

"Phoenix, do you honestly think that a powerless person with no battle experience such as yourself could go toe-to-toe with the likes of Wolverine or Dr. Doom?" Spiderman shakes his head. "This is an annual stage show that we heroes and villains do to let off some steam. You just happened to be invited to this most recent one and due to your lack of abilities, we went easy on you… by a lot."

Phoenix slumps over and lets out a deep sigh over his deflating ego. "So why did you come here Spiderman? To crush my self-esteem?

"You didn't let me finish, Wright…" Spiderman says in a sterner voice. "While we went easy on you, you proceeded to return that kindness by throwing a knife in my face; so I'm going to even the score by kicking your ass!" Spiderman readies his fists for battle.

Before Phoenix can respond, Spiderman shoots a web out of his hand that sticks to Phoenix's torso.

"Get over here!" Spiderman snarls and with one quick flick of the wrist, brings Phoenix right in front of him.

Spiderman then proceeds to attack Phoenix with a barrage of lightning-fast punches as the poor attorney struggles to retain his dignity by not screaming like a little girl, and instead chooses to scream like a little boy.

"Go Spiderman! Kick his ass!" Maya cheers as she pumps her fists.

Phoenix flashes Maya a look of anger mixed with the pain of being repeatedly punched. "Who side are you on, Maya!? Don't forget whose been buying you burgers for all these years."

"Yeah Nick, but Spiderman can fire those awesome webs! Not to mention, he has that cool skintight costume that he can pull off. If you ever tried to wear a costume like that, your flabby old man gut would spill out of it like a muffin." Maya bluntly responds with a smile on her face.

"Well, can Spiderman do THIS…?" Phoenix musters all of his energy and kicks the web slinging hero in the gonads, causing him to fall to the ground in pain.

"No fair… below the waist… is off-limits…" Spiderman gasps as he tries to fight the intense pain coursing through his entire body.

Phoenix, seeing Spiderman in such a vulnerable state, runs into Vitamin Square to escape his aggressor. However, Spiderman, given his superhuman capabilities, gets up shortly after and chases Phoenix into the park.

When Spiderman enters the park, he sees that the only other person there is Victor Kudo, who is busy pelting the nearby pigeons with birdseed. Spiderman taps Kudo on the shoulder, which causes the short-tempered old man to turn around and begin huffing.

"Excuse me, sir; I'm sorry to bother you, but have you seen a man-" Spiderman is cut of when Kudo pelts him with his birdseed. "Ow! What's your problem? If you'd just let me finish, then you'd know-"

"Oh, I already know what you're gonna ask me, boy. It's all the same with your kind…" Victor curtly states as he pushes his big, red nose.

"'My kind?' I don't understand what you're implying, sir."

"Do I have to spell it out for you, boy? I'm not going to help you find a man that's willing to do sexual acts with you. The degenerate youth of this generation…! Back in my day, if a man had you're mindset, they'd stay in the closet and die there!" Victor comments as he throws another fistful of birdseed at Spiderman.

"You think that I'm… That is ridiculous! What would give you the idea that I prefer hotdogs over oysters? I'm a toned man who wears a colorful, skintight costume and ensnares men in a white, sticky substance…. NO! I didn't mean for it to come out like that! I-" Kudo then begins to repeatedly pelt Spiderman with his seemingly never-ending supply of birdseed.

Phoenix, who was hiding behind one of the large plastic oranges, emerges from his hiding spot, and with a quick chuckle at Spiderman's expense, quickly flees the park.

Once outside of the park, and certain that Spiderman is no longer chasing after him, Phoenix breaks out into a ridiculously stiff victory dance, which includes a corny finger waggle. Unfortunately for Phoenix, his victory is short-lived when The Hulk lands on the street in front of him with a loud thud, leaving a moderately sized crater in the area where he landed.

"Hulk smash puny lawyer like bug! Hulk make puny attorney cry!" Hulk grunts as he rushes at Phoenix, who is now wide-eyed and whimpering.

Hulk then grabs Phoenix with one hand and holds him right up to his face, the green behemoth exhaling bursts of warm air in the attorney's face, as he squeezes the life out of the blue-suited man.

As Phoenix feels his innards being crushed like a tin can, his life flashes before his very eyes: the classroom trial, when he was defended by Mia, the numerous hair insults, and every slap from Pearl. Suddenly, he is snapped out of his trance by a high-pitched, familiar voice.

"You let go of Mr. Nick this instant, you big meanie!" Phoenix and Hulk turn to where the voice is coming from to see Pearl, wearing a scowl on her face as she rolls up her right sleeve.

"Who you to challenge Hulk?" Hulk snarls, spraying Phoenix's face with spit.

"I'm Pearl Fey and you can't kill Mr. Nick. He's not allowed to die until after he marries Mystic Maya and has a gazillion bazillion babies with her; though you probably wouldn't understand the concept of love because you're a big, smelly brute who lacks proper grammar!"

"Hulk teach puny girl respect! HULK SMASH!" Hulk throws Phoenix off to the side and then proceeds to charge at Pearl like a raging bull.

Contrary to what most people would do in this situation, Pearl stands her ground. When Hulk gets in range of the little spirit medium, he unleashes a powerful punch aimed towards her face; however, much to Hulk's horror, Pearl manages to effortlessly grab his fist with one hand and squeeze it to the point where the green monster of a man is whimpering in pain.

Pearl then proceeds to grab Hulk and lift him above her head before slamming him into the ground. Pearl then proceeds to get on top of Hulk and unleash a deadly barrage of her infamous slaps that Phoenix knows all too well. Phoenix, seeing that Hulk will not be bothering him anytime soon, decides to get moving before any other heroes show up.

As Phoenix walks down the street, he feels confident that if he could survive a confrontation with The Hulk, then he could survive anything. However, like with everything in his life, Fate has ways of making Phoenix's day go from worse to utterly abysmal.

Phoenix feels the wind in the area getting stronger as dark clouds consume the blue sky and the earth bellow his feet starts to rumble. Phoenix then hears a hearty laugh as Thor, Norse God of Lightning, descends from the sky, a burst of lighting and thunder announcing his presence as he raises Mjolnir proudly in the air.

"You've got to be kidding me! Spiderman and Hulk, I can understand; but freaking THOR?!" Phoenix yells as his body tenses up.

"Wright, your destruction at my hand is not for my own pleasure, but for the honors of Spiderman and Hulk." Thor sternly states in a booming voice as he points the head of his mighty hammer at the timid blue-cladded mortal before him.

"Hey, they attacked me first! I was only defending myself." Phoenix retorts as he points his thumb towards himself, his courage returning to him.

Thor slowly shakes his head. "You dare to talk back against a God of Asgard? Prepare to feel the full power of Mjolnir!" Thor yells as he launches a continuous beam of lighting from his hammer, zapping Phoenix with tremendous amounts of electricity.

As Thor's attack persists, it becomes gradually harder for Phoenix to keep conscious, however before Phoenix passes out from the pain, Thor stops his attack to block an incoming arrow flying towards him.

"An arrow?" The Asgardian scoffs. "What foolish mortal would think that a mere arrow would harm-"

"THOOOOOOOOORRRRRRR!" A loud, bellowing scream can be heard piercing the air, interrupting the God of Lightning mid-question.

Much to Thor's shock, and apparent horror, Aristotle Means, who is shirtless and is wearing his Spartan helmet hairdo, approaches the god with a vicious scowl and his spear ready for battle.

"Specter of LA…? I killed you! This should not be!" Thor protests, followed by another burst of thunder and lightning from the skies above.

"Oh, but it is, Thor. I fought my way out of the underworld and through a series of events too extensive to explain in detail, I have acquired this!" Aristotle show the large white fang attached to his spear.

"A fang from Jormungand? You plan to kill me, Specter of LA? Well, try as you might, but I shall cherish your slow, painful demise." Thor growls through clenched teeth.

Without a moment's notice, Aristotle jumps at Thor with blinding speed, stabbing his shoulder with Jormungand's fang and causing the god to drop Mjolnir. The loss of Thor's mighty hammer causes both him and Aristotle to continue their fight on the ground.

Phoenix, not wanting to get involved in this conflict any further, limps away from the battle and into a nearby alley to nurse his wounds.

Just as phoenix yet again feels that the worst is behind him, he is once more proven wrong when Batman lands in front of him.

"I'm Batman!" The Cape Crusader yells at the top of his lungs. "So Wright, you thought that you could escape me? That takes guts… Guts that I'm going to smear against the concrete when I'm done with you!"

"Batman? You're from DC, not Marvel. What reason do you have to want to beat me up?" Phoenix whines in a matter similar to how Maya complains about cleaning the toilet.

"I'm Batman; I make my own rules and if I want you beaten to a pulp, then that's just what I'm going to do." Batman states nonchalantly as he grabs Phoenix by the shirt collar.

Batman then proceeds to pummel Phoenix to the brink of unconsciousness. Just as Phoenix starts to blackout, he is blinded by a bright light and when he regain his sight, he is back in his holding cell.

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise. "Boy, did that punishment take some work. Y'see, I was never a big Marvel fan, so I had to look up the Marvel heroes in this comic, so if the personalities seem a bit off, you know why. As for the part with Aristotle getting all violent like that, I saw on the internet that Thor was being compared to this guy called Kratos, who upon researching, bears a lot of similarities to Aristotle, y'know: pale skin, scar above right eye, affinity to using any mean to get what they want, etc.; I couldn't resist making it ol' Aristotle the 'God of Law.' Who knows; maybe someone will write a story pertaining to that…"

Blaise starts playing with his lighter. "Enough of the behind the scenes tour, let's get this show rolling."

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "Cassandra would like to see Klavier Gavin get a makeover… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise then turns on a screen which shows Klavier standing in his bathroom, getting himself gussied up before going to work. Klavier has just finished applying his face makeup to cover-up a few small blemishes that he's been hiding and takes out his comb to start brushing his hair.

Klavier looks into his mirror, flashing himself his most seductive grin. "Herr Gavin, you are looking more and more handsome each day, ja? Can't disappoint my fans by keeping this luxuriously thick mane unkempt."

Klavier plays his air guitar at the thought of his rock star image. "I'll give my hair one stroke of the brush for each fräuline that is head-over-heels for me; though I'll have to count off by factors of 1,000 since I have so many beautiful fräulines in my fan base." Klavier sneers as he begins to slowly run his brush through his silky, blond hair.

"1,000 fräulines… 2,000 fräulines… 3,000 fräulines…" Klavier counts out loud with every stroke, a few of his hairs falling out which go unnoticed by the foppish rock star.

With each stroke and 1,000 fräulines, more and more of Klavier's hair begins to fall out and by the time he reaches 50,000 fräulines, he is completely bald, much to his horror.

Klavier unleashes an earsplitting screech. "Nein! My beautiful hair! What has happened to my beautiful hair!? How will my fans react to this? If they find out that I'm bald, they'll be upset and my music career is fertig! And to make matters worse, since I'm so fashion-conscious, I'll become the laughing stock at the Prosecutor's Office and precinct for this hair loss! My life is over!" Klavier starts to hyperventilate but calms himself down after a few seconds of deep breathing.

A warm, hopeful smile spreads across Klavier's face. "It won't be so bad. I'd like to believe that I'm a nice guy: punctual, hard-working, kind, all that good stuff, ja? So it's only fair for me to assume that they'd show nothing but maturity and understanding towards my plight…"

After a grueling commute to the Prosecutor's Office, a humiliated Klavier storms into his office and slams the door to block out the loud, shrill laughter of Franziska as she cracks her whip with giddy. Klavier, upset with his powerlessness in this situation, grabs his face in his hands and lets out a muffled scream. Suddenly, the now-bald prosecutor hears a soft knock at his door.

Klavier stomps towards the door. "I swear, if this is another wisecrack that my shinny noggin is a crystal ball, Fräuline Whippet, then so help me, I'll…!" Klavier flings open the door to reveal Daryan standing at the entrance.

"Or what, Gavin? Let me see my reflection in your head?" Daryan smirks, stroking his pompadour.

Klavier shakes his head as he stares daggers at his bandmate. "Auf wiedersehen, Daryan…" Klavier tries to close the door but Dayan holds it open and steps inside the office, closing it behind him.

"I was just bustin' your balls, Gavin. This is the first time I spoke with you all day; so I felt that it was my duty as your friend to check up on you after I learned about your… situation." Daryan calmly says as he puts a hand on Klavier's shoulder, which the young prosecutor brushes off.

Klavier sighs. "I'm not mad with you, Daryan, just this whole ordeal. You don't know how much pain I've had to endure just on the commute up here. I've been laughed at, called mean names, and had trash thrown at me; and that was just Fräuline Detective. Not to mention, Detective Gumshoe tried to draw a smiley face on the back of my head; like he's so high and mighty with his instant noodle exclusive diet and body odor; and Fräuline Whippet's snide comments that she'd punctuate by whipping me."

"Trust me Gavin; we all have our crosses to bear. See this…?" Daryan points at his large pompadour. "You don't know how much of a pain in the ass this thing is. Every morning I have to spend three hours washing and styling it and every night I have to put it in a fruit net and sleep upright so that it doesn't droop. And if you think that those little jokes about your noggin being shiny are bad, then try having to hear jokes about how your hair looks like a giant dick!" Daryan growls through closed teeth as he gestures at his pompadours form.

Klavier chuckles. "We didn't nickname you Overcompensating Ollie for nothing."

This time, it's Daryan's turn to sigh. "The point is that you're lucky to have lost your hair, Gavin. There isn't a single day where I don't contemplate just shaving my pompadour off; but I know that if I do, it'll just grow back. Sure, people might make a little joke here and there, but they'll get used to it. As for girls, I can't guarantee that they'll swoon over you quite like they used to, but how they'll react will probably be better than them asking if they can have sex with your hair." Daryan grumbles the last part out as he crosses his arms.

Klavier pats Daryan on the shoulder. "Thanks for the pickup, dude. You're right, it can only get better from here on out!"

At that moment, the overcast clouds that have been covering the skies above the building part, allowing a beam of sunlight to enter through Klavier's window and bounce off of his shinny head and into Daryan's eyes, causing the detective to scream in agony as his head violently explodes, blood spouting from his headless neck like water from a geyser as his limp body falls to the ground with a thud.

"Daryan! I'm so sorry!" Klavier yells, shedding a single tear as he grips the fallen detective's corpse.

Hearing the loud noise and Klavier's scream, Ema, armed with her trusty Snackoos, bursts into the office.

"F-Fräuline Detective! I can explain!" Klavier stutters as Ema scowls at him.

"What is there to explain, Fop? Your chrome dome has just killed a man and you must be brought to justice, and not the big forehead kind. Now put your hands in the air and remain motionless or I will use Snackoo force against you!" Ema primes a Snackoo and aims it at Klavier's head.

Without any warning, Klavier attempts to rush Ema and escape the office, but she counters his escape by halting him with a barrage of Snackoo fire. Even though Ema's junk food of choice isn't a deadly projectile, it's hard enough to cause a moderate amount of pain if one is hit; which explains how Ema is able to keep Klavier pinned down on the ground.

"Achtung Fräuline Detective, I'm not an animal, I'm a human being!" Klavier objects as he tries to shield his face from the Snackoo bombardment with his bare hands.

"No, you're a glimmerous fop, which makes you a creature even lower than an animal." Ema retorts as she manages to get close enough to slap a pair of handcuffs on Klavier's wrists. Ema then leads him out of the Prosecutor's Office where he is loaded into a police van to be taken to the nearby prison.

On the way to the prison, Klavier tilts his head down to look at the ground and reflect upon his sad situation; which allows for another beam of sunlight to be inadvertently reflected off of his shinny head and into the eyes of the van's driver and causes him to crash the van. The impact kills the two officers who were at the front of the van while Klavier is left unscathed, allowing Klavier to escape. Klavier, realizing that his baldness has made him a monster unfit to live in society, runs off to live in isolation as to never hurt another person with his curse ever again.

Many hours later, it is close to midnight and Apollo, having heard about Klavier's arrest and escape on the news, seeks to find his friend to learn the full truth about the situation. After spending a few hours searching the streets of LA for the wayward prosecutor/rock star, Apollo is about ready to give up until he suddenly hears the soft sound of an acoustic guitar playing the 'Phantom of the Opera' theme from a nearby abandoned theater that has fallen into a state of disrepair.

When Apollo enters the dusty, old theater, he notices how the only light on in the entire main preforming area is a single stage light shining on a mysterious figure playing the song that he heard earlier on the large stage in the center of the room. The figure is a man dressed in a purple cloak and a paper bag covering his entire face, with the exception of his eyes. Though despite the man's best efforts to disguise himself, Apollo is able to tell that he is none other than Klavier.

"Prosecutor Gavin? Is that you?" Apollo asks as he strains his sensitive eyes to see in the dark room.

Klavier reels back as he lets out a deranged cackle. "Prosecutor Gavin? There is no one here by that name, for I am… the Wraith!" Klavier then proceeds to flee to the catwalks above the stage via a nearby ladder.

Apollo, determined to help his friend, follows him up the ladder and chases him through the mazelike catwalks. After a few minutes of chasing Klavier, Apollo manages to corner him against a window, the only light source being muffled moonlight from the overcast night skies, in a side room.

Klavier defensively puts his hands in front of his paper bag as Apollo slowly approaches him. "Stay back or your next step could be your last! For no one can comprehend the terror induced by… the Wrai-" Klavier is interrupted by Apollo pulling off his paper bag, revealing his bald head.

"Stay back, Herr Forehead! I am a monster!" Klavier yells, tears welling in his eyes.

"Prosecutor Gavin, you're not a monster. So what if you lost your hair, it's not like it's the end of the world. If it bothers you so much, then just buy a wig."

Klavier shakes his head. "Nien, Herr Forehead, for you see, if I bought a wig, I'd be living a lie; a lie where my baldness is not a curse that haunts me every waking moment. For you see, my baldness has already taken the lives of three innocent people. Thus, Herr Forehead, I must live the remainder of my days here as a freak; an outcast who is a pitiful shell of his former self; awaiting the day when death releases me from this torment with its sweet embrace and makes the world pure once more!"

"Prosecutor Gavin, those 'murders' where purely accidental and are no more criminal than if someone were struck by lightning. So if by some means they try to incarcerate you, I will personally defend you in order to clear you of these unreasonable charges because you're Klavier Gavin and you're bald AND fine!" Apollo yells in his Chords of Steel voice.

"Y-You're right, Herr Forehead. Thank you…" Klavier says in a tone of relief.

Unfortunately for Klavier, his moment of celebration is cut short when he and Apollo notice the fait orange glow of fire from outside the window accompanied by faint, angry murmurs that grow louder by the second. The two lawyers look out the window and, to their horror, see a large lynch mob, with torches and other weapons, being led Ema, who is holding a club with a bag of Snackoos tied to the end. Ema, in order to rally her mob against her arch nemesis, starts to use Klavier as a scapegoat for all problems.

"Now, I know that some of you here may have reservations about killing the fop, which is completely understandable, but his death will bring everlasting happiness and peace to our land; for the Fop's the one responsible for telling you that you've had one too many burgers…!"

"That monster!" Maya, who has a bag filled with stale hamburger buns, yells.

"The one that keeps special someones from being together…"

"That bad man needs to be punished!" Pearl, who only needs her hands as weapons, yells.

"The one that sullies your toilet after you've spent the last three hours cleaning it…!"

"His head shall make a fine edition for my mantel!" Phoenix yells as he raises his toilet brush in the air.

"The one that reschedules your favorite anime show for a later timeslot, but you are unable to change the recording time on your DVR because you are already at work…!"

"That horrid creature shall pay dearly for crossing me!" Edgeworth yells as he brandishes his Samurai Spear.

"The one that posts the secret to magic tricks on the internet…!"

"His ass is grass!" Trucy yells as she pulls 2 machine guns out of her magic panties.

"So who do we want dead?"

"The Fop!" Everyone in the mob yells.

"And when do we want him dead?"

"NOW!" The mob responds.

"GET HIM!" Ema points at the door to theater with her club; which causes the entire mob to attempt to break the door down.

Klavier lets out a long sigh. "See Herr Forehead, they see me as a freak of nature!"

"Prosecutor Gavin, for the last time: you are NOT, and I repeat NOT, a monster!" Apollo yells in reassurance.

At that moment, the skies above the theater become clear and a beam of moonlight reflects off of Klavier's head and engulfs him in a glowing orb of bright light that keeps growing by the second.

"Aaaaahhh! My eyes! I'm blind!" Apollo yells in agony as the orb of light engulfs and vaporizes him.

The blinding orb's intensity is so powerful that it vaporizes the entire theater as it grows larger, engulfing the mob and destroying them in the same fashion as it did with Apollo. As the orb grows, birds, aircrafts, and even satellites fall out of the sky and are vaporized until the orb eventually consumes the entire planet; but its consumption of Earth does not stop its growth, but has the opposite effect of making it grow at an even faster pace to the point where it consumes the universe and destroys the very fabric of time and space itself; reverting the universe to a state of nothingness. The next thing Klavier knows, he is back in his holding cell and is relieved to see that his hair has been restored.

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise. "While that punishment may make male baldness unattractive, that couldn't be any farther from the truth, y'know. Y'see, it has been scientifically proven that bald men are smarter, aerodynamic, and virile, y'know. Plus, there have been many, many famous bald men in history: Mr. Clean, Charlie Brown, Elmer Fudd, myself after I accidentally burn my hair off during my breakdown… you get the idea. Anyways, on to the next punishment.

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "Yanmegaman would like to see me put that annoying flower child Juniper Woods in her proper place by grinding her psyche into mulch…! Let the punishment commence.

Blaise then turns on a screen which shows Juniper tending to her vegetable garden outside her quaint mountain home surrounded by a sea of evergreen trees. Juniper's gardening is suddenly interrupted when she hears the sound of axes hitting against wood followed by seeing trees rapidly falling to the ground.

Worried about the state of her beloved forest, Juniper leaves her garden and goes to the source of the destruction, and to her horror, sees Apollo and Athena, who are wearing dirt-stained blue jeans and flannel shirts, Apollo wearing a red one and Athena wearing a yellow one, as they feverishly grunting while cutting down trees at an alarming rate with their hand axes.

Juniper runs over to Apollo, who is busy cutting down a particularly large tree. "Apollo, *cough* please stop this!"

"I'm Apollo and trees are not fine! I'm Apollo and trees are not fine! I'm Apollo and trees are not fine!" Apollo yells with each swing of the axe, completely ignoring Junipers pleas.

Juniper, seeing as her crush is completely ignoring her, runs over to Athena in the hopes that she can talk some sense into her childhood friend. "Athena! *cough* Why are you doing this? *cough* *cough*"

"Because I need to cut down more trees than Apollo to win the Lumberjack Games!" Athena bluntly states, not looking at Juniper as she axes away at a smaller sized tree.

"But trees are our friends!" Juniper objects, tears streaming down her cheeks as she tugs on her pigtails.

"Well if they're friends with Apollo, then they're no friends of mine! Thanks Junie, now I'm even more motivated to beat Apollo!" Athena says with a scowl on her face as she proceeds to hack away at her current tree even faster.

"Timber!" Widget yells as Athena's current tree falls to the ground with a thud; spurring Juniper to rush over to the fallen tree while Athena moves on to her next tree.

"I'm so sorry…" Juniper whispers in a sullen tone to the fallen tree.

As Juniper mourns the loss of her fallen arboreal friend, she notices how Apollo is nowhere to be seen. Maybe he saw how much his actions were hurting her and decided to stop; maybe he felt the same feelings that she felt for him; or, based on the noise coming from Juniper's garden, he found a new target.

Juniper, fearing the worst, rushes off to her garden and sure enough, right in the middle of the medium sized plot of land, amidst several smashed pumpkins, bell peppers, and sweet corn plants, stands Apollo, who is eating a tomato from a vine that he just tore out of the ground.

"I'm Apollo Justice and this tomato is fine!" Apollo says while chewing, spewing tomato juice and chunks of tomato from his mouth.

"*cough* No! Not my garden! It took me months to grow it! *cough* *cough*" Juniper falls to her knees as Apollo leaves the garden and resumes cutting down trees.

Suddenly, Juniper feels the ground shake as Redd White, who is riding on a gigantic bulldozer, plows down several trees.

White takes a big whiff of the fresh mountain air. "This place is most suitappropable for my splendiferous new strip mall!"

With a wave of his hand, White causes a massive strip mall to burst out of the ground, destroying several dozen trees in the process.

"No!" Juniper gasps, pulling at her pigtails.

"And what is a strip mall without a coffee house?" Red waves his hand, causing a Starbucks to pop out of the ground.

White rubs his chin in thought. "You know what; you can't have just one Starbucks..."

White turns to face Juniper, who is trying to calm herself by breathing into the sunflower on her hat. "Little girl, how many Starbucks do you think I should conssemble? One? Two? A thousand?"

"*cough* *cough* P-Preferably none! *cough* *cough*" Juniper shrieks out.

"10,000 it is! I'm appreciatefull for your suggcomstion." Red constantly waves his hand causing Starbucks after Starbuck to burst out of the ground like the very trees that these coffeehouses are destroying.

Juniper feels lightheaded as she sees her beloved paradise of nature being destroyed by two of her dearest friends and a bizarre business mogul. As Juniper is about to pass out from the stress of the situation, she hears a light moaning coming from one of the trees that was crushed by White's bulldozer. Juniper approaches the tree, which has actually developed eyes and a mouth.

The tree sputters for air. "J-Juniper… Why…? Why have you betrayed me?"

"*cough* I didn't kill you, Mr. Tree, those other people did." Juniper lightly strokes the trees trunk as if it was a dying pet.

"But you promised to take care of me… love me… protect me… Now I am dying and it is all your fault." The tree weakly states.

Juniper hugs the tree as tears stream down her face. "You don't think that I tried!? I did my best to stop them, but they wouldn't listen!" juniper protests in frustration.

"Good intentions alone are not enough to protect me… to protect us all… Now my time in this world has come to an end. Juniper… Fare… Well…" With that last statement, the tree dies in Juniper's arms.

"I'm so sorry…" Juniper whispers to the dead tree in a ton of sadness and guilt.

"You betrayed us…!" Every fallen tree states in unison.

"No!" Juniper screams, her eyes darting around the ruined forest.

"You killed us…!" The trees state.

"It's not my fault! *cough*" Juniper falls to her knees out of shock.

"We trusted you! Why didn't you protect us…?" The trees state.

"I'm sorry! I'm so very, very sorry!" Juniper yells as she lightly sobs.

As the trees continue to scorn her, juniper is blinded by a bright light and when she regains her sight, she is back in her holding cell, where she continues to cry.

* * *

The show then focuses back on Blaise. "Y'know, like with Iris, that punishment was a real pain in the ass to come up with. Seriously, I think that I found Apollo's Iris. Y'see, both Iris and Juniper are quiet, timid girls, who live in remote areas with a single person who raised them and are accused for crimes which they are acquitted of and develop a crush on the defense attorneys who saved them. The only difference being that Iris constantly feels guilt about her sister and Juniper likes nature."

Blaise starts playing with his lighter. "I could only imagine how bland a double date consisting of Phoenix with Iris and Apollo with Juniper would be. But at least it'd be better than the dates next to theirs where Edgeworth and Athena are double dating with their respective sibling figures; Kay is clinically depressed after realizing that she has sunk to life's nadir by dating my idiot son; and I'm sitting alone in the corner with the likes of Larry Butz, von Karma, and Kristoph because no one wants to ship me with anyone!"

Blaise fake cries while tugging on his beard. "I-It brings a tear to my eye, y'know…"

Blaise empties his goggles of tears and starts playing with his lighter. "Y'know, I don't get how shippers think. Y'see, I can understand people not shipping von Karma with anyone since he has the sexual drive and charisma of a blob of mud; or Larry Butz since he's him. But how on God's green Earth am I not being shipped with anyone? Now, I know that I'm 68, but I think that I look damn good for my age with my tall, toned body, y'see. Not to mention, I have an malicious, yet whimsical, personality could make for some good exploitation work, y'know. In fact, I made some notes for my own stories while researching how people ship my idiot son."

Blaise snaps his fingers causing a few sheets of paper to appear in his hand. "Y'see, it would have to be a cold, rainy night; bad outside weather is the mark of good porn, y'know. So the woman, who I haven't established, so use your imagination, comes into my office all cold and wet to meet with me about getting her off the hook for a crime that she committed. Y'see, being the psychotic megalomaniac that I am, I'd beat around the bush and taunt her until she starts begging me to help her by promising to do anything for me. So, after some foreplay, I'd have her bludgeon Sabastian with a rusty pipe while we get it on to the beautiful sound of my worthless son's cries of pain. Then, I'd take my fist and-"

Blaise is interrupted by a beep from a nearby monitor. "Well, it appears that we're all out of time for today's episode. Maybe I'll tell you more about my idea for my love story later. As always, I am Blaise Debeste, and I thank you for watching 'Pick Your Poison!'"

A puff of smoke then appears on stage as Blaise Debeste vanishes into thin air.

* * *

 **AN:** Contrary to what is said at the end of this episode, I do not ship Blaise with anyone nor do I plan to write any fanfics revolving around him being romantic; and if I were to do a fanfic like that, it'd be more of a horror story than anything. I have nothing against any shippers and write this strictly in Blaise's character. I only did this because I believe that Blaise would be the type of guy who would want to be shipped with others, but would complain and get angry if it actually happened.


	9. Episode 8

Blaise's theme song plays as he appears on stage in a puff of smoke. "Hello viewers and welcome back to the eighth episode of 'Pick Your Poison!' Y'know, I can't believe that we're almost done with this series. It feels like just yesterday that I gained my powers and started this little sadistic show. T-Time flies by so fast. G-Great, here comes the waterworks…" Blaise sobs while he tugs on his fake beard and tears stream down his cheeks.

Blaise empties his goggles and regains his composure. "Y'see, as much as I'd like to sit here and cry my eyes out, we have a show to start."

Blaise snaps his fingers, which causes Meekins to rush onstage with the jar of notes, place it on its normal table, and scurry offstage.

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out a note. "Melody Rose Gold would like to see Athena get a new friend … Let the punishment commence."

Blaise turns on a screen which shows Athena entering the Anything Agency as she reads a letter that she just received that morning, and not looking where she was going, evidenced by her walking into Phoenix, who is busy reading a case file; the resulting run-in knocking their respective papers out of their hands.

"S-Sorry about that, Boss…" Athena sputters as she quickly picks up their papers and hands Phoenix his case file, albeit disheveled and out of order.

"Don't sweat it, Athena. It wasn't like I was that observant myself."

Athena sighs as she nervously plays with her ponytail. "G-Good…"

As Athena resumes walking towards her desk with her letter, she is interrupted by Phoenix.

"Athena, you seem kind of off today. Is something the matter?"

Athena nervously turns to face her boss as she squeezes the life out of the letter that she is holding. "No, nothing's wrong with me. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a lot of work to do."

"A pervert is after me!" Widget chimes in.

"Widget, why do you always do this to me!?" Athena yells at her device as she tries to turn it off.

Phoenix chuckles at his protégé's embarrassment. "Care to share with the rest of the class?"

"This morning I got what I think is either a love or threat letter from some creepy guy that I don't know."

"So why were you reluctant to tell me? I don't bite, you know." Phoenix says with a cold smile, reminiscent of his days as a piano/poker player.

"It's not that I don't trust you, Mr. Wright. I was just scared to tell you because the person who wrote it threatened me not to tell anyone about it. See for yourself…" Athena shows Phoenix the letter, which he begins to read out loud.

 _To my dearest Athena,_

 _Meet me behind Tres Bien, a little café near Vitamin Square, tonight at eight; make sure you're alone so that no one can hear your screams. If you tell anyone about this letter or don't come alone, I will reveal your secret to the whole world. And don't think that you can hide from me by not coming; I know where you live and I will find you._

Upon reading the letter, Phoenix slaps his forehead. "Goddammit, Larry…"

"Whose Larry?"

"Your creep and my idiot of a childhood friend. Now excuse me for a minute while I sort out your problem." Phoenix says as he pulls out his cellphone and calls Larry.

After a few seconds of silence as the phone rings, Larry picks up. "Yo Nick, can this call wait? I'm busy planning a date with a fine mamacita tonight."

"That's what I'm calling you about, Larry. Your 'mamacita' is my employee and she didn't react very well to your blackmail letter that you sent her this morning."

"I'm hurt, Nick! Why is it that every time something goes wrong in the world, everyone blames me!?" Larry indignantly responds.

"Well, from what Edgeworth's told me, you have a bit of a history of sending blackmail/love letters. That, and when something smells-"

"It's always the Butz…" Larry finishes Phoenix sentence with mocking cynicism in his voice. "Fine, you've caught me red-handed; but in my defense, that letter contained nothing but love from the bottom of my heart!"

Phoenix rolls his eyes out of irritation. "Then why did you say that you wanted her alone so that 'no one could hear her screams?'"

"I was referring to her screams of joy upon finding out that she was blessed with the chance to date the great Larry Butz."

"And what about the part where you said that you'd 'reveal her secrets to the whole world if she told anyone?'"

"I'd reveal how she is secretly madly in love with me. Duh!"

"And like the part where you said 'You can't hide from me because I will find you' was in no way threatening."

"I was merely referring to how I'd come by her apartment and pick her up if she didn't come to the restaurant. Look, if my letter bothered Athena so much, tell her to not worry because I won't be sending her anymore letters. Now if you'll excuse me, I have other plans…" Larry assures Phoenix as he ends the call.

Phoenix places a gentle hand on Athena's shoulder. "Problem solved. Now doesn't it pay to tell your boss about your problems?"

Athena startles Phoenix by giving him a bear hug. "Thank you! Thank you! THANK you, Mr. Wright! You're the best boss ever!"

Phoenix blushes a little at his subordinate's comment. "I'm not THAT great. Now can you please stop hugging me before Trucy sees us and starts asking if you're her new mommy?"

Athena stops hugging Phoenix and they resume going about their jobs as they had planned for that day, with Apollo being at the courthouse for a case while they take care of some paperwork for said case. Though unfortunately for Athena, her day doesn't stay normal; due to the fact that throughout the entire workday, she keeps getting chocolates delivered to her in those large, red heart-shaped boxes sold on Valentine's Day, which are immediately given to Trucy for the young magician to happily devour, large assortment of multi-colored flowers, and at one point, a barber shop quartet comes to serenade her.

Though the piece de resistance comes at the end of the day when Athena finally returns to her apartment and finds, much to her horror, a large, stuffed Blue Badger sitting in one of the chairs at her kitchen table. In the badger's hand, he is holding a large notecard that reads, "I wanna badger you with love!"

Athena, disturbed by not only how this creepy friend of her boss won't take 'no' for an answer, but how he had also managed to break into her home to placed that stuffed monstrosity where it is currently sitting, pulls out her cellphone to call Phoenix to get him to talk some sense into this Butz guy.

Though unbeknownst to Athena, as she is calling Phoenix, she fails to notice the Blue Badger slowly getting up from its seat, walk up behind her, and take off its head to reveal its true identity as Larry.

"So as you can see, Mr. Wright, your friend is really starting to creep me out. Can you please call and tell him that I do not love him and that there is nothing between us?"

Larry places his hand, encased in the warm, soft material of his costume, on Athena's shoulder. "Don't knock it 'till you try it, my love!" Larry whispers in Athena's ear, causing the young attorney to scream in fear as she drops her phone, breaking it as it lands on her kitchen's hard tile floor.

Larry turns Athena around so that she is face-to-face with her stalker, who is now flashing her a toothy grin as his cheeks become a rosy shade of pink.

"L-Let me go, you creep! Don't you know when to stop?" Athena whimpers as she struggles to break free of the man's grip, but to no avail.

"Not until you admit your love for me! Now kiss me, my love!" Larry closes his eyes as he moves his now-puckered lips towards Athena's.

Athena then frees herself by using her unrestrained legs to kick Larry in the one weak point that all men share: his groin, which causes him to release Athena as he reels back in pain, allowing the terrified attorney to run into her living room; as opposed to trying to unlocking her front door which would leave her vulnerable for a few seconds.

Larry quickly recovers from his injury. "Oh please, so many girls have done that to me over the years that I've lost almost all feeling down there. Now come over here so we can get it on…" Larry seductively commands as he slowly walks towards Athena, who is now hiding behind a lounge chair; licking his lips with each step towards his prey.

Athena, seeing her aggressor approaching, runs from behind her recliner and towards her fire escape; though she is stopped when Larry jumps on her back, pushing her to the ground with his body weight.

Athena violently flails her arms and legs to free herself, but finds that Larry is far too heavy to move off the center of her back.

"Why do you resist, Thena? Just give into my love and this will be more enjoyable for the both of us…" Larry seductively says as he kisses the back of Athena's neck, causing the young woman to shudder every time he places his lips on her.

Suddenly, when Athena has just about lost all hope, Apollo breaks down her front door with a mighty kick and enters the apartment; causing Larry to stop what he is doing and directs his attention to the horned attorney as he continues to lay on his beloved.

"Apollo, thank goodness you've come!" Athena proclaims with a mixture of joy and relief.

"Hey! I saw her first! Get your own girl, dude!" Larry yells as he grits his teeth and clenches his fists.

"Well, that's why I'm here. Athena, there's this really hot super model that I want to date, but she says that she only loves artists. Can you teach me how to make art like her favorite painter, Laurice Deauxnim?"

"I'm Laurice Deauxnim…" Larry whispers under his breath.

Apollo slumps his shoulders in sadness as he stares towards the ground. "And if my lack of artistic talent wasn't bad enough, she said that she will only date guys with goatees and whose last names rhyme with the word 'huts.' This really hurts because she said that she would do ANYTHING for her boyfriend; and I mean ANYTHING…."

"So, where does this girl live? I only ask because since she likes my art, I could deliver her a picture and, you know, make her day…" Larry explains as he tries to suppress his lust, only to be betrayed by his bright red cheeks and goofy grin.

Apollo gasps as he places a hand to his chest. "I would never risk losing her by telling you that she lives in the Siren's Bluff apartment building, Room 444, on 123 Grove Street. Oh no…!" Apollo quickly covers his mouth to try to hide his mistake, but the knowledge is already embedded in Larry's mind.

Larry gets off of Athena, who also gets up off of the ground. "It was real swell, Thena, but I have a super model to date. Bye!" Larry waves to Athena before rushing out of the apartment as he giggles to himself like a little schoolgirl.

Athena sighs as she dusts herself off. "Good thing you knew that super model, Apollo."

A diabolical grin spreads across Apollo's face. "I didn't send him to a super model's apartment. The address that I gave him was the home of some loud, cranky old woman who will lecture him to death for knocking on her door at this hour; but that's not our problem.

Athena gives Apollo a big hug, nestling her head in the crook of his neck. "You don't know how thankful I am for you saving me, Apollo! If there's anything that I can do for you, just tell me."

"Well, there is ONE thing…" Apollo says in a slightly seductive tone, the diabolical grin still on his face.

"Wha-" Athena is interrupted by Apollo pulling her in for a passionate kiss on the lips, which she ends by pushing him away.

"What the hell, Apollo?! What was that about?" Athena questions as she rubs her lips in disgust.

Apollo shakes his head. "Athena, Athena, Athena… Did you honestly think that Larry was the one stalking you?"

"You don't mean…"

"That's right, Athena. It was I who was stalking you this whole time. I paid Larry to send you that 'love' letter and to come here, in addition to sending you all those chocolates, flowers, and that barber shop quartet to the Anything Agency; all for the purpose of me playing the hero and having you right where I want you. Now come here and give me a kiss." Apollo approaches Athena with puckered lips.

"Not while my door is knocked down!" Athena says as she runs towards the doorless opening in her apartment wall.

"Hold it!" Apollo fires a red bolt of lightning from the horns on his head at the broken door, repairing and re-locking to prevent Athena's escape.

Athena's eyes dart between the newly repaired door and Apollo, with his hands on his hips as he triumphantly smirks at his victory. "Wha- Since when could you do that?!"

"These horns aren't just a fashion statement, you know."

"How could you do this to me? To Junie? She really likes you and you doing this to me would break her heart. Are you so deranged that you would hurt a gentle, sickly girl that has shown you nothing but love?" Athena pleas in an attempt to reason with her coworker.

"To Hell with Juniper!" Apollo yells in a voice akin to his Chords of Steel. "Do you think that I give a damn about some bland, meek flower child who dresses like she's in her 80's? I want a real woman and that's exactly what I'm going to get!"

Apollo, despite his small size, is able to quickly pin Athena's back to the cold, wooden floor of her living room; his knees digging into her stomach as he holds down her shoulders as he flashes a cold grin not all that different to the one of the young man's mentor, Kristoph Gavin.

Tears well up in Athena's eyes as a combination of terror and betrayal rush through her body. "A-Apollo, please… if you're my friend, then-" Athena's pleas are interrupted by Apollo placing his finger to her lips and shushing her.

"Don't talk; it'll only ruin the experience for both of us…" Apollo slowly leans in for another kiss while Athena tries in a futile effort to free herself from the clutches of the red cladded man on top of her.

However, before Apollo is able to kiss Athena, she is blinded by a bright light and when she regains her sight, she is back in her holding cell.

Athena breathes a sigh of relief at seeing her surroundings. "It was only a dream… I'm safe now."

Apollo pats Athena's shoulder. "Hey Athena, are you alright? It looks li-"

"Not this time, creep!" Athena interrupts Apollo as she grabs his arm and flips him over her shoulder, slamming him into the hard concrete floor of the cell.

* * *

The show focuses back on Blaise. "Y'know, that punishment took me back to my wedding night with the missus. Y'see, as you can probably guess by my delightful mannerisms, I am a sexual sadist; that is, suffering turns me on and there's nothing quite as arousing as a crying woman, y'know. Y'see, that was one reason why I married Sebastian's mother; you could make her cry over virtually anything, much like her idiot son. What's funny is that Sebastian looks very similar to mother when he cries, y'know. Yet another perk of smashing my son's self-esteem and self-worth into the ground; in addition to using it as a way to deal with his irritating personality. But enough about my turn-ons, let's move on to the next punishment."

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "Aeliren85 would like to see me and Sebastian go on a double date with Oldbag and April May" Blaise slowly claps his hands with contempt. "Oh, reeeeeeeal funny, Aeliren85. So you think that you're some smartass who can loophole their way past Rule #6? Well news flash, this is my show and I call the shots of who is punished around here, y'know. Y'see, that's why instead of me dating the crazy, old hag or the hot, yet bipolar, nutjob, I'm going to give that 'honor' to Larry Butz. Don't worry, I'll still be punishing Sebastian, so you'll at least get half of what you want. 'Win through compromise', as that Brooklyn Oompa Loompa on roid rage, Furio Tigre, would say. Without further ado, let the punishment commence."

Blaise turns on a screen which shows Larry and Sebastian sitting at a table in Tres Bien.

"So who do you think are dates are?" Sebastian asks as he nervously fiddles with his baton.

"It doesn't matter who they are as long as they're hot!" Larry says as he gives a thumbs up.

"So you want them to have a fever? That's sounds kind of mean, don't you think?"

"No, I meant 'hot' as in they're attractive."

"Oh! Now I get it!" Sebastian says with a look of pride on his face.

At that moment, Oldbag and April May enter the restaurant. Larry, who is enamored by April's… features, gets up out of his chair and walks over to greet her.

"Hello, mademoiselle, might I say that you look lovely on this fine day." Larry says as he flashes the pink-haired girl his most charming smile.

April's face immediately changes into a terrifying scowl, her left eye violently twitching. "What did you call me, hipster?!" April yells before she punches Larry square in the jaw, knocking him to the ground.

April then proceeds to yell a wide array of choice words as she proceeds to curb stomp Larry's stomach. As this is happening, Oldbag sits down at the table right in front of Sebastian.

"Hello, I'm Sebastian Debeste, the best prosecutor. What's your name?" Sebastian calmly asks.

"WHIPPERSNAPER!" Oldbag bellows at the top of her lungs. "How dare you not know the name of me, your date for the evening? Do you know who I am? I am the lovely Wendy Oldbag, but a whippersnapper like you will call me Mighty Supreme Mistress of Beauty, Grace, and Sexiness!" Oldbag huffs through clenched teeth.

Sebastian, shaken up by Oldbag's introduction, squeezes his baton as his body trembles and he struggles to hold back his tears. "I-I'm sorry Mighty Supreme Mistress of Beauty, Grace, and Sexiness, but this is a blind date and I wasn't told your name."

"Excuses! Back in my day, men would actually do their research and dig around to determine who their blind date for the evening was. Nowadays, you whippersnappers aren't even motivated to even ask for directions and immediately go to your phones and computers and slates to do it for you. You little ragamuffins can't even do basic math without your newfangled phones or calculators or whatever the impudent youth of today use. Back in my day, if we wanted to add two numbers together, we would use a slide rule and we liked it! And another thing-"

Sebastian interrupts Oldbag by clearing his throat as he raises a nervous finger. "Don't you want to know abo-"

"Whippersnapper! How dare you interrupt a beautiful woman like me when she is talking!? Back in my day, men would listen to me talk as if I was the last person on Earth and soak up every word I spoke as if it was the word of God. The youth of today have no manners whatsoever! I blame these hands-off parents who just sit their kids in front of a television all day while they do what they want. And they wonder why crime rates are skyrocketing. What else do you think will happen when you expose impressionable children to violent material like the 'Steel Samurai' and 'Donkey Kong' and Vanilla Ice! And if they're not robbing banks, then they're trying to be singers because everyone tells them how special they are and how they can do anything. Back in my day, if we did something wrong or we weren't good at something, we'd be told how we won't make anything in life and we liked it! Now, I can't say that ALL youths are bad; that would be unfair to my Edgey-poo. Now he's a real man; a rare gem in this era of rift raft and whippersnappers that embodies the qualities of my time: stoic, fashionable, courteous; not to mention he's handsome. What with that strong jaw and broad shoulders, toned legs, vibrant grey eyes that stare into my soul, and pecs so hard that I could use them as a juicer. Granted, his suit may make him look like a bit of a homosexual with that pink color, but what person doesn't have their flaws? Take me, for example. So many people I meet are under the assumption that I'm longwinded, but that's absolutely ridiculous. How could a sweet, beautiful woman like me be considered longwinded? I only say what is absolutely necessary and nothin more. I-"

Oldbag is interrupted by Larry's loud, agonized wheezing as he returns to the table with April, who is smile as if nothing happened.

"Sorry for keeping you guys waiting! We were just having a little fun!" April says with a giggle.

"O-On what planet is that considered 'fun?'" Larry wheezes out as he grips his wounded stomach.

"The planet where I will beat you within an inch of your life if you question me again. Got it?!" April grows as she raises a fist to Larry.

"Y-Yes! I understand!" Larry raises his hands in front of his face as he cowers before his date.

April, noticing that Larry is trembling and wide-eyed, tries to comfort him by patting him on the shoulder. "Why are you so nervous, you silly billy? We're gonna have fun tonight!" April says in a disturbingly sweet voice.

"S-So you're going to be nice for the rest of the date…?"

"You think that I'm not nice!? I'll show you who's not nice!" April yells out as she stabs Larry in the leg with her fork, causing the young deject of a man to cry out in pain.

Oldbag rolls her eyes at Larry's pain. "Pathetic. You whippersnappers are too sensitive. Back in my day, if I'd stab my date with a fork, they'd take it like a man and ask for more. Heck, I'd end my dates by kicking the guy in the crotch. Like this…!" Oldbag kicks Sebastian in his crotch from underneath the table, causing him to scream at a pitch five octaves higher than normal and pass out with his head on top of the table.

"See what I mean? If Edgey-poo was my date and I kicked him in the crotch, he'd smile and ask for more."

For the majority of the date, Sebastian remains passed out, allowing him to avoid any more of Oldbag's' rants or physical abuse. Unfortunately for Larry, that leaves him to endure the dual strike of his date constantly abusing him for whatever he says or does, including telling her that her hair looks nice, taking a sip of his beverage, and not talking to her for five consecutive minutes out of fear; all while having to listen to Oldbag's' longwinded tirades about the youth of today.

When Sebastian finally regains consciousness, he notices that the two women are gone and that Larry is lightly whimpering to himself.

"What happened…?" Sebastian groggily says as he rubs his now-sore neck.

"I'll tell you what happened. Those crazy bitches happened! While you were out, I was slapped, punched, and stabbed with various silverware, including a spoon; all the while your date kept rambling on about how all the real men died out except for Edgey."

"So where are they now?"

"They just went to the bathroom. Look, I don't know about you, but I'm getting out of this hellhole! I may not be all that suave with the ladies, but I demand respect!"

"Yeah! If I wanted to be told how worthless I am and get kicked in the crotch, I'd stay home with Pops!" Sebastian says as he tries to hold back the tears forming in his eyes.

Sebastian and Larry then get up from the table and proceed to rush towards the restaurant's door, but before they can reach it, Oldbag and April exit the bathroom.

"How dare you whippersnappers try to runoff on us?! I guess chivalry really is dead. Why, back in my day, men would stay until the end of the date and wouldn't even think of leaving until the very end, especially if they were on a date with me. My Edgey-poo would put you both to shame by not only staying for the entire duration of the date, like a gentleman, but he'd buy me flowers and fancy Belgian chocolates and then take me back to his place where we'd share some fancy wine, because my Edgey-poo has class, and pleasure me all night like a real man!" Oldbag yells as she pulls out a steel pipe.

"I tried to be nice, but now you've made me angry; and you won't like me when I'm angry…" April snarls with a big, toothy grin and wide, unblinking eyes as she pulls out a knife.

The two women then proceed to slowly approach their dates, who turn around to rush out the door, but to their horror, see that it has disappeared and has been replaced by a wall.

"No! No! No! Let me out! Let me out! I wanna go home!" Larry screams at the top of his lungs as he pounds on the wall with his fists. All the while Sebastian is sitting against the wall in the fetal position as he softly whimpers.

Sebastian starts to cry. "I'm too young and gifted to die!"

"Yeah, and I'm too handsome to die! Someone save us?" Larry wails as he raises his gaze and arms towards the ceiling.

At that moment, Jean Armstrong, who is wearing nothing but an ill-fitting, skintight black speedo comes out of the kitchen.

"Oh garcooooons! There is un back door in la kitchen, but it is locked and zee only key is in my thong. Would any of you like to take it?" Jean says as he stares at the two men with hungry eyes and gives them the most seductive smile that he can muster.

"We're doomed!" Larry cries out.

As the women, who are brandishing their respective weapons with each step, continue to approach Larry and Sebastian, the two men, shaking with fear, grip each other as they alternate between soft whimpering and screams for help. But before their demented dates can reach them, they are blinded by a bright light and when they regain their sight, they are back in their respective holding cells.

* * *

The show focuses back on Blaise. "Y'see, that punishment was my optimistic vision of what any date with Sebastian would be like. Though in all honesty, if any girl were to date my idiot of a son, I imagine one of two things happening: either the girl gets so fed up with Sebastian within five minutes after the date begins that she tears out his throat with her bare hands or she is so stupid that she gulps down an entire bottle of bleach, thinking it was some fancy water, and kills herself before the date even starts. Oh, I just came up with a third possibility: the girl is Lauren Paups and she forms an unholy union with Sebastian; siring a whole new generation of worthless idiots that plunge humanity into an age of darkness!"

Blaise shutters at the thought of his son reproducing as he plays with his lighter to distract himself. "Y'know, let's move onto the next punishment before I give myself nightmares with what Sebastian's wedding night would be like..."

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "Yanmegaman would like to see Apollo have a bit of an identity crisis… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise turns on a screen which shows Apollo, shirtless and with his hair spikes down, waking up and going over to his bedroom mirror for his morning pep talk.

Apollo flexes in front of the mirror as he admires his body. "I'm Apollo and I look damn fine!" Apollo says seductively to himself as he gives a kissy face to his reflection. "Trucy's crazy; how could I look like a 'flabby grandma with a deflated muffin gut' compared to Prosecutor Gavin? Then again, this is the girl who bases her career off pulling things out of her panties. I mean, how can Prosecutor Gavin compete with a man who has look, brains, and CHORDS OF STEEEEEELLL!" Apollo bellows at the top of his lungs as he flexes his muscles, or more accurately, skinny, bony arms, and flashes his 'muscular face', which consists of him gritting his teeth, causing him to look more constipated than muscular. "Speaking of Chords of Steel…"

Apollo takes a deep breath to prepare himself for his legendary Chords of Steel exercise. "I'm Apollo Justice and I'm fine! I'm Apollo Justice and I'm fine! I'm Apollo Justice and I'm fine!"

As Apollo repeats his mantra over the course of a few more minutes, he doesn't realize that his voice is slowly, but surely becoming more strained with each consecutive verse of his catchphrase until he feel a dry, burning feeling in his throat.

Apollo rubs his throat as he tries to continue his exercise. "*cough* I'm Apollo Justice and I'm *cough*… Great, my throat is sore. No matter, I'll just get some water and it'll be all better." Apollo says in a soft, raspy voice as he nonchalantly strolls into his small bathroom.

Apollo then proceeds to fill a small disposable cup with water from his sink and chugs down its contents in a heartbeat. "Great, I lost my voice. With how I sound, this will be Mr. Wright, Athena's, and Trucy's joke of the week; as if they don't give me enough grief about my hair and my Chord of Steel."

Apollo's self-loathing is interrupted by the loud, irritating beep of his alarm clock alerting him that it's time for him to leave for work.

"No! I'm late for work and I'm not even dressed yet"

Apollo rushes out of his bathroom and searches through his closet to find his normal matching red vest and pants, but to his horror, he finds that they have been torn to shreds. And due to his lack of foresight and general frugalness created by his monstrous student loans from law school, he never bought another formal outfit; but that doesn't mean that he doesn't OWN another formal outfit.

Burying his pain and sorrow for the sake of his job, Apollo reaches into the back of his closet and pulls out a suit that looks exactly like the one that Kristoph always wears, bolo tie included.

As Apollo puts on the suit, memories of how his old mentor gave it to him the first day he started working at the Gavin Law Firm to make him look more 'fashionable' come rushing back. Kristoph never liked Apollo's garish choice of suit color and would always make it a point to make a snarky remark whenever his loud, young protégé chose to wear it. Unfortunately for Apollo, upon transferring to the Wright Anything Agency, while his overall enjoyment for his line of work improved, his joke situation did not; going from passive jabs at his outfit to straight up jokes involving his hair, his Chords of Steel, and even when he refers to a 'stepladder' as a 'ladder.' Doesn't his boss, his magician/assistant, and his perky, emotion-hearing coworker have anything better to do than nitpick over the difference between a ladder and a stepladder? They're essentially the same thing. But then again, this is the same boss who obsesses over his toilet and even went as far to name his toilet brush 'Gilligan.'

As Apollo ponders over his situation, he glances over at the clock to see what time it is and lets out a faint gasp when he realizes that he is now ten minutes late for work. Apollo then proceeds to quickly finish getting dressed and rushes out of his apartment without applying his hair gel, making it where his hair is flat and not in its signature horn style.

When Apollo enters the office, he is relieved to see that the only people there are Trucy, who is sitting at his desk and playing with his stapler… again, and Phoenix, who is locked away in the bathroom cleaning the toilet.

Apollo waves to Trucy, who gives him an energetic wave in return. "Hey, Trucy, I was experiencing some personal issues this morning. So do you mind pretending that I was here the whole time and that he didn't see me because he was so busy with the toilet?"

Trucy flashes Apollo a look of confusion as she continues to repeatedly open and close his stapler while rocking back and forth in his chair. "I don't know what you're talking about, Mister. You act like you work here or something. Look, I know that it's really nerve-wracking trying to find a lawyer, but if you wait a few more minutes, my daddy will be able to help you out."

"Are you blind, Trucy? It's me, Apollo Justice, you know, your friend and-" Apollo snatches his stapler out of Trucy's hands. "For the umpteenth time, Trucy, my stapler is not a toy!"

Trucy puts her hands to her hips. "YOUR stapler? This is Polly's stapler and you're not Polly."

Apollo gestures to his face. "Trucy, look at my face; do you honestly believe that I'm not Apollo?"

Trucy takes out a photo of Apollo that was taken after Vera Misham's trial. "Well, let's see… Polly wears a bright red suit that, along with the horns on his head, makes him look like a demon. You, on the other hand, have flat hair and a suit that makes you look like Mr. Gavin; and while Mr. Gavin is the devil, I meant that Polly looked more like some harmless cartoon demon. Not to mention, Polly has this really, really loud voice that can easily damage anyone's hearing while yours is quiet and raspy."

"Those are just cosmetic differences, Trucy. My height nor facial features didn't change."

Trucy gasps in shock. "You're right! That can only mean one thing: you're a Polly Android that was created by Mr. Gavin in the future and sent here to kill Daddy!"

"WHAT?!" Apollo yells with a look containing a mixture of shock and irritation.

"It all makes sense now: why you insist on being Polly, how you knew what his stapler looks like and how he told me many times not to play with it, and how you knew who I am."

Apollo pinches the bridge of his nose in an attempt to relieve his stress. "Why would I have to be from the future in order to know who you are?"

Trucy completely ignores Apollo as she excitedly bounces up and down in the chair she is sitting in; after all, it's not every day that she can talk to someone from the future. "In the future, what kind of magic tricks are popular? It had better not be the milk/newspaper cylinder trick. That's the most cliché trick in the book that everyone and their grandma knows how to perform. Are top hats still popular in your time period? In the future, how many platinum records do I have?"

"Trucy, platinum records are for musicians, not magicians."

Phoenix comes out of the bathroom holding his toilet brush, which is now dripping toilet water on the floor. "So did you make a new friend, Trucy?"

"Hardly, Daddy. This is a robot Polly that was built by Mr. Gavin in the future and sent here to kill you!" Trucy yells as she points an accusing finger at Apollo.

Phoenix shakes his head. "Trucy, Trucy, Trucy… you've got it all wrong…"

Apollo breathes a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Mr. Wright!"

"This isn't a robot sent from the future; rather, he's a professional assassin sent by Kristoph, disguised as Apollo, to kill us both." Phoenix states as he points his toilet brush at Apollo. "Trucy, get the rope; 'Apollo' isn't going anywhere until we get some information."

"You got it, Daddy!" Trucy runs into the backroom of the office to get her rope.

Apollo, knowing very well that he will be tortured with whatever instruments of pain Trucy will pull out of her magic panties or even worse, his boss' recently used toilet brush, rushes out of the office at full speed.

As Apollo exits the office, he runs right into Athena, who is also running late for work.

"Sorry about that, Athena. You know how crazy they ca-"

"Stranger danger!" Athena yells as she clenches her fists, scowling with white, pupiless eyes as Widget's screen glows red. "I'm going to kick your ass!" Widget chimes in.

"Wha-" Apollo is interrupted by Athena grabbing his arm, flipping him over her shoulder, and throwing him down a flight of stairs.

"Body slam!" Athena yells as she jumps down the stairs and violently lands on Apollo.

After experiencing the cycle of being thrown down a flight of stairs followed by being on the receiving end of a body slam for four more floors, Apollo is finally able to exit the building.

"Stay right where you are!" Apollo hears a voice call out to him and upon looking to where it is coming from, sees that it is Ema.

"Ema, am I glad to see you. I was ju-" Apollo is cut off by Ema slapping a pair of handcuffs on his wrists.

"You're under arrest." Ema coldly states while chomping on some Snackoos.

"For what? Getting assaulted by my coworker?"

"No, for breaking and entering Apollo Justice's apartment. Some of his neighbors called us saying that some creep, who perfectly matches your description, broke into his apartment just this morning."

Apollo wriggles in his handcuffs in an attempt to free himself. "Ema, you have to believe me. I. Am. Apollo!"

Ema gives Apollo a wry smile. Yeah, sure you are… and I'm the queen of England. Just get in the squad car and we won't have any trouble." Ema states as she drags Apollo to her squad car and shoves him inside the Snackoo-scented vehicle.

When they arrive at the prison, Ema drags Apollo to an interrogation room, which contains only a chair and a table, ties him to the chair, and leaves the room. After leaving Apollo alone in the room for an hour, Ema returns with Klavier.

Klavier pounds his fist on the wall behind him to get Apollo's attention. "Achtung, Herr Criminal. Fräuline Detective and I have agreed, for your captive's wellbeing, we're going to use the ol' good cop/bad cop strategy. You know, sympathetic officer and cold officer; Happy Herr and Furious Fräuline; handsome prosecutor that everyone loves and… Fräuline Detective; Multitalented Adonis and-"

Ema throws a Snackoo at Klavier. "I think that he gets the idea, Fop." Ema huffs.

"C-Captive? I didn't kidnap anyone!" Apollo nervously exclaims as his eyes dart back and forth.

Ema throws a Snackoo at Apollo. "Who do you think you're kidding? Apollo Justice has been missing all day and being the last person seen exiting his apartment, you're the prime suspect. Now tell us where you're hiding him. CONFESS!" Ema yells as she slams her palms on the table in front of Apollo and brings her face within inches of his, giving him an icy scowl that contrasts with the look of fear in his eyes.

"You'll find that you attract more flies with honey than vinegar, or Snackoos in your case, Fräuline. Klavier states as he calmly pulls Ema away from Apollo and places his hand on their prisoner's shoulder. "Herr Criminal, unlike my 'lovely' assistant, I am a peace-loving man who only wants the truth. So if you just tell me where you are keeping Herr Forehead, I will make it where you receive a lighter sentence. A fair trade, ja?"

"Prosecutor Gavin, Detective Skye, I keep telling you both that I am Apollo Justice! Are our entire identities based entirely on our clothes and hair?"

Klavier pushes some loose hair out of his face. "Of course, Herr Criminal. Why do you think that we all wear the same outfits and hairstyles every day of the year?"

Ema pushes Klavier out of the way. "These pleasantries are getting us nowhere, Fop. For all we know, this loony could be having his minions chop up Justice's corpse as we speak!" Ema gets up in Apollo's face again. "Where is he?!" Ema throws a Snackoo at Apollo's forehead.

"OW!" The wounded attorney yells as he rubs his large, wounded forehead.

"Not pleasant, isn't it? And there's plenty more Snackoos where that one came from if you don't start singing." Ema throws another Snackoo at Apollo's forehead.

For the next ten minutes, Apollo continues to tell Ema that he is him while the angry detective throws her hard, chocolaty snacks at him; only stopping when Klavier, who left the room when both of them weren't looking, returns with a plate of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

"Achtung, Herr Criminal. I've brought cookies. Would you like one?" Klavier asks as he gestures to the plate as if he is selling a product.

"Sure, that would be nice, Prosecutor Gavin."

Klavier shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Herr Criminal, but these cookies are only for people who confess to their crimes."

"Well, I guess I won't be having any because I am Apollo."

Klavier takes a bite out of one of the cookies and does an over-the-top moan to express his pleasure. "These cookies are like a chocolaty explosion in my mouth. If you just tell us where you're hiding Herr Forehead, then you too can partake in this symphony of flavor."

Apollo gives Klavier an unamused look. "How easily persuaded do you think I am? What next? Are you going to start jingling some keys in front of my face?"

Ema pulls Klavier off to the side. "Fop, those moans were too over-the-top, even for you."

"I was just drawing upon the recollection of the moans of pleasure from the many fräulines I have pleasured in the past."

Ema shudders as she shakes her head in an attempt to forget the image of the glimmerous fop's love life that has just formed in her mind. "Look, as much as I could ridicule you on that topic, which I could do all day, we have to focus on getting this guy to tell us where Apollo is. Maybe we could make him listen to some of your songs until he loses enough brain cells to act like you." Ema smirks.

Klavier puts his free hand on his hip leans towards Ema with a smirk on his face. "Or maybe we can stuff him with Snackoos until he gains 300 pounds and looks like you." Klavier sneers, causing Ema to huff in anger.

Ema puts her pink goggles over her eyes and pulls out a spray bottle of luminol. "If he won't tell us where Apollo is, then I'll at least see how much of his blood is on this crook."

Ema storms over to Apollo and starts spritzing him in the side of the head with her trusty luminol. "Do you have blood stains?! Do you have blood stains?! How much of Apollo's blood is on you?! Huh!? HUH!?" Ema yells as she keeps on spritzing him.

Klavier whistles to Apollo and flaunts the plate of cookies to the tortured attorney. "Herr Criminal, I have cookies…!"

Ema spritzes Apollo. "Blood!"

Klavier gestures to the cookies. "Cookies!"

Ema spritzes Apollo again. "Blood!"

Klavier gestures to the cookies again. "Cookies!"

"Blood!"

"Cookies!"

"Blood!"

"Coolies!"

"Blood!"

"Co-"

"ENOUGH! Will you two stop that?!" Apollo yells in as loud a voice as he can muster, casting the room into an awkward silence; which Ema proceeds to break by nonchalantly throwing a Snackoo at Klavier.

"Keep an eye on him, Fop. I need to bring in Ol' Sally…" Ema says as she leaves the room.

"O-Ol' Sally? W-What's 'Ol' Sally'?" Apollo nervously stutters.

"Klavier chuckles a bit to himself. "A horror beyond any of your wildest nightmares, Herr Criminal; and trust me when I say this, it would be in your best interest to tell me where Herr Justice is before she gets back."

"Prosecutor Gavin, for the umpteenth time, I have always been and will be Apollo Justice."

Klavier tilts his head up to hide his grin. "Don't say I didn't warn you…"

Apollo and Klavier hear the faint sound of a motor that is gradually growing louder by the second until suddenly, Ema, who is riding a portable turret filled with Snackoos, breaks down the door.

Ema aims her weapon at Apollo. "I'm going to give you one last chance: tell us where you hid Apollo or face the wrath of rapid, high velocity Snackoo furry!"

"For the last time, I am Apollo Justice!" Apollo yells in a whinny voice as he flails his legs.

Ema then proceeds to fire her Snackoo turret at Apollo; the many hard, chocolaty projectiles hitting the young attorney with enough force to cause welts upon impact. Ema continues firing her seemingly never-ending supply of snacks at Apollo for the next few minutes; and while Apollo may be strong of will, each Snackoo that strikes his flesh takes some of his strength with them. As Apollo begins to loose consciousness from the pain, he is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell with his voice, outfit, and hair returned to normal.

* * *

The show focuses back on Blaise as he chuckles to himself. "Y'know, that punishment reminds me of when I'd used to interrogate prisoners with Gant. Y'see, he'd be the good cop who acted friendly with them and would bribe them with the chance to go swimming with him while I was the bad cop and had Sebastian ask them stupid questions until they confessed. Suffice to say, my method was the more successful of the two; though that's probably no surprise. I mean, how long could any mortal being, no matter how mentally unstable, listen to such 'brilliant' questions as: 'Is an egg a fruit?', 'Is it safe to eat an ice cube?', and the piece de resistance, 'What kind of animal is Sonic the Hedgehog?' But enough about how I'd get so many confessions, on to the next punishment…"

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "Is this a joke? DJJ680 would like to see Mia Fey in a world where everyone is obsessed with her breasts… DJJ680, you act like everyone ISN'T already obsessed with that woman's badonka-donks. Y'see, those wonder wigglers have not only been responsible for peaking the interest of many a sad, horney male fan of this series yearning for the touch of a real woman that he'll never have; but they were pivotal a pivotal part of Phoenix's success in not one, but two cases. Y'know, if you're not convinced, just ask Cody Hackins or Victor Kudo, who are probably shucking their corn on the cob as we speak to re-capture the memory of seeing Mia's Iris and Dahlia, if you know what I mean. So instead of delving any further into the sad existences lived by the men and male fans of this series, let's move on to the next punishment."

Blaise notices that the jar is completely empty. "Seems like we're all out of punishments. Don't worry, I've prepared for this sort of thing and wrote up my own punishment while I was looking up shipping, y'know… Let the punishment commence.

Blaise turns on a screen showing Edgeworth, wearing only a maroon robe, standing in a hotel room that contains only a king-sized bed, a nightstand, and a single window.

Edgeworth takes a brief moment to observe his surroundings. "A hotel room? What am I doing here? This must be another punishment whipped up by Debeste, but what is he planning…?"

Edgeworth notices the robe that he is wearing. "Why am I wearing a robe?" Edgeworth begins to untie his robe. "No matter, I'll just take it off and- AH! Where are my clothes?!" Edgeworth quickly reties his robe as his face reddens. "Debeste, when I get off of this show, I will sue you for so much that you'll be going to Gumshoe for a loan! I swear, you'll have to use that fake beard to-"

Edgeworth's threats are cut short when he hears a familiar female voice behind him; the voice of one of the last people he would want to see him dressed like this: Franziska.

"Miles Edgeworth, what foolishness are you foolishly yelling about?"

Edgeworth quickly turns to face his adoptive sister. "Franziska, I can explain, I-" Edgeworth is shocked to see Franziska standing before him wearing only a black lace bra and a tight, matching thong that shows off her curves, prompting her horrified 'little' brother to cover his eyes. "Franziska! Have you no decency?! Please make yourself decent, posthaste!"

Franziska saunters towards Edgeworth and hugs him, causing him to shudder as she lightly runs her fingers through his soft, silky hair. "And end our night of romantic lovemaking? Why would I even consider doing such a foolish thing, little brother?"

Edgeworth pushes Franziska off of him. "That's exactly why. Franziska, I am your adoptive brother who has been part of your life since you were only three years-old. Heck, von Karma had me toilet train you when you were four since he didn't have time to do so himself. So I hope you can understand why I feel that any acts of intimacy between us would be wrong."

Franziska whips Edgeworth, causing him to lose his balance and fall onto the bed. She then proceeds to jump on top of him with their faces only inches apart, holding down his wrists so that he can't escape her.

"We're practically related, Franziska!" Edgeworth yells as he tries to free himself from Franziska's grasp.

"And I would have it no other way, little brother. Perfection breeds perfection; that's why Papa and Mama were wed despite being siblings." Franziska purrs as she lays stomach-down on Edgeworth's lap, perpendicular to his body. "Now slap my ass like Papa would whenever either of us was a few seconds late to dinner!"

Edgeworth musters all of his strength to wriggle out from underneath Franziska, get off the bed, and rush out the room's door; only to end up in a room identical to the one he was just in. However, unlike the previous room, Phoenix, who is only wearing a blue speedo, is lying on the bed seductively.

Edgeworth winces. "Wright, why are lying like that while wearing that speedo? Are you having an intimate evening with Maya?"

Phoenix chuckles as he gets off the bed and slowly approaches Edgeworth. "Now, why would I want a child like Maya when I can have… you?" Phoenix whispers into Edgeworth's ear and finishes by softly blowing into said ear.

Edgeworth takes a step back. "Wright, if that's your orientation, then more power to you; but as for me, I prefer the touch of women, so I am going to have to decline being in a romantic relationship with you."

"Don't be so coy, Miles; you can't deny the unspoken fiery passion that we feel for each other in court and the lengths that we have gone to show it: the classroom trial, when I stepped up to defend you, when you chartered a private jet to get to LA when you heard that I feel into Eagle River… it all points to one single, undeniable conclusion: that you love me… and I you…" Phoenix whispers into Edgeworth's ear and concludes by lightly blowing into yet again.

Edgeworth yet again pushes Phoenix away from him. "Will you stop doing that?! Wright, even if I was homosexual, which I am not, no matter what anyone says about my sense of fashion, I think that I could do much better than you.

"Well, if that's how you feel, then how about a good, old fashion three-way between you, me, and Charley?" Phoenix points to the potted slender palm lily plant, that is wearing a condom on one of its branches, next to the bed.

Edgeworth crosses his arms as he releases a heavy sigh. "Not in a million years, Wright, not in a million years…"

"Don't be hasty now, Chili Pepper. With these branches, I can please you in more ways than any human could in their wildest fantasies; for you know what they say, once you go slender palm lily, anyone else will make you feel silly." Charley says in a deep, seductive voice.

Edgeworth just stares at the plant wide-eyed. "Okaaay… Now I have even more of a reason to leave this room. Good day, Wright, Charlie." Edgeworth bows and proceeds to walk towards a door on the other side of the room.

Phoenix extends a limp arm towards his childhood friend as sadness fill his eyes. "But-"

"I said good day, Wright!" Edgeworth yells as he exits through the door and slams it shut behind him.

"I love you…" Phoenix whimpers as tears stream down his redden face.

"Get your scrawny ass back here, boy…" Charley growls.

When Edgeworth goes through the door, he is, you guessed it, in another hotel room that is identical to the previous two he was in; only this one has Oldbag standing in the middle of the room lathering herself with lotion.

"Just in time, Edgey-poo, I need some help rubbing this lotion on my back… and other places."

"That's it! I'm leaving!" Edgeworth yells as he stomps his foot.

"To where? As you can clearly see, the only door in this entire room and it's the one that you used to get in here. So it looks like it's just you and me, Edgey-poo."

Edgeworth taps his forehead as a wry smile spreads across his face. "I didn't say that I was going to leave through the door…"

Without any warning, Edgeworth rushes over to the nearby window, uses the nightstand to break the glass, and then jumps out the window and into a dark, seemingly endless abyss surrounding the room.

As Edgeworth falls into the darkness, he is able to breathe a sigh of relief. "I don't know where this abyss will lead or even if I will survive the fall, but at least I won't end up in another hotel room with another one of my friends and/or siblings trying to seduce me."

At that moment, Edgeworth crashes through a ceiling and, not surprisingly, lands on the floor of yet another hotel room that looks identical to all the others that he has been in.

"Oh come on! Are you kidding me, Debeste?! At least add some variety to the rooms!" Edgeworth yells.

At that moment, a pair of large, thick, sweaty hands are placed over Edgeworth's eyes.

"Guess who, Mr. Edgeworth…" Gumshoe says as he kisses Edgeworth's cheek, causing the prosecutor to scream in horror.

Edgeworth wriggles free of Gumshoe's grasp and turns to face the detective, who is wearing only a pair of worn-out, torn boxers, with a glare only befitting of the Demon Prosecutor. "What is the meaning of this behavior, Gumshoe? I ought to reduce your salary to zero for this!"

"Who needs money when I have you, sir?"

"You; because you don't have me? Think about it, Detective, if I won't sleep with Wright, then why would I ever want to sleep with you?"

"Oh please, Wright may be better looking than I am, but does he have the chemistry that we share, sir? Unlike him, I work with you almost every day and as a result, we know each other inside and out and help each other out; I do chores such as clean your office, get files on the top shelf, and walk Pess while you don't fire me. We were made for each other. Now come to Gummy Bear!"

Before Edgeworth can register what's happening, the surprisingly agile Gumshoe scoops up the young prosecutor in his arms and tear off his robe. Gumshoe then quickly throws Edgeworth onto the bed, leaving the poor man stunned.

"Time for you to find out why my birth certificate says 'Richard', but everyone calls me 'Dick'…" Gumshoe says with his normal big, goofy grin as he starts the process of falling on Edgeworth with his arms spread out, like an eagle attempting to take flight; or a large dodo, to be more accurate.

"Nnnnnggghhhhoooooooooooooh!" Edgeworth screams at the top of his lungs.

But before Gumshoe can land on Edgeworth, the young prosecutor is blinded by a bright light and when his sight returns, he is back in his holding cell.

* * *

The show focuses back on Blaise. "So how'd you like that, Edgeworth? Y'know, I don't get how he's the only person in the cast that realizes that these scenarios that they're thrusted in are punishments created by me. My guess is that Edgeworth is keener to the specific details of the areas that I create. Either way, he learned about the dark side of shipping given how all those pairings presented in that punishment, with the exception of Charley x Edgeworth, are all actual ships created by the fans, y'know.

Blaise starts playing with his lighter. "Y'see, that's why I'm actually glad that I'm not shipped with anyone." A big grin spreads across Blaise's face. "Y'know, that's the good part about only being involved in two cases. My lack of exposure makes me invincible! Speaking of love…"

Blaise snaps his fingers causing a few sheets of paper to appear in his hand. "In regards to that love story that I mentioned in the last episode, it would have to have at least five dead hookers; not four; not six and a half; but five; which is five more brain cells than Sebastian has. Now, don't go thinking that I'll be killing off call girls left and right. Y'see, their deaths would be spread out over the course of the story; with the first on dying when-"

Blaise is interrupted by a beep from a nearby monitor. "Well, it appears that we're all out of time for today's episode. As always, I am Blaise Debeste, and I thank you for watching 'Pick Your Poison!'"

A puff of smoke then appears on stage as Blaise Debeste vanishes into thin air.


	10. Episode 9

Blaise's theme song plays as he appears on stage in a puff of smoke. "Hello viewers and welcome back to the ninth and penultimate episode of 'Pick Your Poison!' Now, let's get this show started!"

Blaise snaps his fingers, which causes Meekins to rush onstage with the jar of notes, place it on its normal table, and scurry offstage.

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out a note. "codeblue1001 would like Kay to see just how different her world could have become… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise turns on a screen which shows Kay lying unconscious in the 12th floor hallway of the Prosecutor's Office; though instead of it being clean and well-lit, it is bathed under the dim glow of a flickering light and looks like it was ravaged by a massive fire. Regardless, Kay makes her way to the Edgeworth's office to ask him what has happened because if anyone could explain a strange scenario like this, it would be her stoic boss.

"Mr. Edgeworth…? What happened here?" Kay nervously asks as she opens the door to her boss' office; but that nervousness turns to terror when she sees see that the place is completely empty, the floor stained black as if something was burning in there, and that the large window behind his desk is completely smashed. But before she can ponder what has happened, she hears the loud blaring of trumpets and a triumphant choir singing the Allebahst national anthem in Cohdopian.

When Kay rushes over to what's left of the window to investigate, she gazes, with her jaw gaping open and eyes widened in shock, upon Quercus Alba riding in a tank, waving to the many cheering people standing on the nearby sidewalks as a marching band and choir march behind him while singing the anthem. Behind the choir drives a truck with a cage in the back containing Colias Palaeno, who looks extremely gaunt from malnutrition and is wearing only a grungy towel around his waist.

Palaeno has a nervous smile on his face as he grips the bars to his cage. "Can someone please free me from this cage? I will make it worth your while in coupons!" Palaeno tries to bargain, but the crowd's only response is booing while throwing trash at him.

But perhaps what bothers Kay the most about this is how the entire city has been devastated by some sort of military combat, evident by the destroyed building, multiple giant gold statues of Alba lining the weathered, cracked streets, and the perpetually dark, red sky that is always present in the movies when an evil force takes over.

"Alba? What's he doing out of prison? And why does LA look like a warzone?" Kay ponders to herself; but her contemplation is cut short when several Allebahstian police officers rush into the office and aim their guns at Kay.

"Put your hands in the air and slowly turn around!" One of the guards yells as Kay quickly complies.

"W-What did I do, officer? I was just looking for my friend." Kay nervously states.

The officer chuckles to himself. "Like you don't know… It's common knowledge that anyone not attending our glorious ambassador's rally is to be immediately transferred for rehabilitation. Now come quietly or die."

A sly smile spreads across Kay's face. "You can't catch what you can't see…"

The officer cocks his head in confusion. "What do you me- *cough* *cough* cough*" The officer is interrupted as his vision, as well as those of the other officers, is clouded by a large billow of black smoke released from a smoke bomb that Kay just threw on the ground, allowing her to make her escape.

As Kay rushes out of the Prosecutor's Office, she notices that several police officers on the street are now converging towards her location, so she decides to run down the alley next to the building in an attempt to escape the pursuing law officials. Unfortunately for her, the alley leads to a dead end, causing her to put her back to the wall as the police officers slowly approach her.

Luckily for her, before the police officers can capture her, the wall behind her opens up and she is pulled into a secret area as the wall closes behind her. Before Kay can realize what is happening, a burlap sack is placed over her head, shrouding her sight in darkness as she is dragged to who-knows-where, despite her screams of terror.

When the burlap sack is removed from her head, Kay is greeted to the sight of Mike Meekins staring into her eyes with that deranged, unblinking look of his as he stands only inches away from her face. Kay, being the proactive girl that she is, responds by screaming at the top of her lungs and kicking Meekins in the crotch with as much strength as she can muster, causing the poor man to let out a loud shrill scream as he falls to the ground with a loud thud.

As Kay takes a few deep breaths in an attempt to regain her composition, Maggey Byrd, in her old police uniform, runs over to Meekins and helps him up off the ground. "Are you ok, pal?" Maggey asks with a concerned tone.

"My father… was correct… sir…" Meekins says in a strained voice through clenched teeth as he battles the intense pain that he's experiencing in his lower half.

"Where am I?" Kay asks as she looks around the large, open room which contains only a large chair in the middle of the area and a few socked gun racks with some ammo crates nearby.

"You're in Justice Rebellion's HQ. You should consider yourself lucky that you had your back against one of our secret entrances, otherwise, those cops would have caught you for sure; which, knowing my luck, would have probably happened to me if I was out there." Maggey says in a jokingly cynical tone.

"Justice Rebellion? What's that?"

"Well, ever since Alba conquered the Earth, he's used his iron fisted dictatorship to eliminate anyone who so much as looks at him funny from existence. That's why several of us ex-law enforcers have banded together to form a rebellion group with the purpose of overthrowing Alba and restoring freedom!" Maggey says with a look of pride on her face and her hands on her hips.

Kay's jaw drops out of shock. "Alba conquered the entire planet?! How did that happen?"

"Look, I'd love to answer your questions, but the Whale wants to talk to you."

"'The Whale'? Who's he?" Kay asks.

Maggey's eyes light up as a euphoric smile spreads across her face. "The Whale is our great leader who keeps our organization running strong. He is a man who has, with his wit, courage, and dedication, led us to victory on multiple occasions. He is the small spark of hope in this time of darkness and despair. He is… the Whale!"

As soon as Maggey finishes her introduction, Gumshoe, in his normal attire, comes out of a back room and stands in front of the chair.

"Hey, pal, I'm the Whale, but you can call me Detective Dick Gumshoe." Gumshoe cheerfully states.

"Gummy! It's you!" Kay squeals as she runs up to the scruffy detective and gives him a bear hug; to which he responds by slowly pushing her off.

Gumshoe scratches the back of his neck in an attempt to hide the awkwardness that he's currently feeling. "No offense, pal, but I don't think that we've ever met, and trust me, I think that I'd remember someone with a getup like that." Gumshoe gins as he takes note of Kay's unusual outfit.

Tears fill Kay's eyes as she shoots Gumshoe a look of betrayal. "B-But, Gummy! It's me, Kay! You know, the great thief Yatagarasu. Even in the depths of night, when no bird dares to take flight, one alone soars to shin the li-"

"Sorry, pal, but I've never heard of the Yataga-what's-its-name. Do you know anything about it Maggey?" Gumshoe turns to his subordinate who responds only with a simple head shake.

"But Gummy! You couldn't possibly forget all those times when I used Little Thief to help out you and Mr. Edgeworth!" Kay pouts.

Maggey, upon hearing Edgeworth's name, slowly walks out of the room as Gumshoe sits down in his chair, buries his face in his thick hands, and starts to cry.

Kay, concerned for her friend, approaches him and gently rubs his back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry, Gummy."

"M-Mr. Edgeworth! Why'd you have to die, sir!?" Gumshoe wails at the top of his lungs as tears stream down his reddened cheeks.

Kay gasps. "Mr. Edgeworth's dead?! What happened to him?"

Gumshoe releases a deep sigh as he calms himself down. "It all started a year ago… Mr. Edgeworth was in the process of investigating a smuggling ring and had managed to capture two of its members: a flight attendant who was smuggling in fake art from overseas and a mole placed in the Prosecutor's Office to bail out any of their members. Shortly after the arrest of the second member, Mr. Edgeworth and I went to an Allebahst and Babahl goodwill ceremony where two people were murdered: a thief posing as the second Mask Star Demasque and the other being the Babahlese ambassador's assistant who, after much investigation, we believed to be running the smuggling ring. However, we suddenly hit a dead end in our investigation and the trail went dark. A year later, we learned the hard way that Alba was the true leader to the smuggling ring when he launched a full-scale attack on all the nations of the world with his clone army, which he created with the funds from his smuggling ring. Yet despite the valiant effort of every nation, Alba's numbers were too great and each country fell one by one until the entire Earth was under his control."

"So how did Mr. Edgeworth die, Gummy?" Kay sullenly asks as she tries to hold back the tears welling in her eyes.

"I was just getting to that part, pal… You see, it was a month after Alba achieved world domination and he began the Legal Purge, where he sent his clone army to eradicate those with careers in the legal system so that he could further cement his power. On the day that Alba's army came to LA, many of us chose to flee, myself included, but Mr. Edgeworth would have none of that. I begged him to come into hiding with me and that he was too skilled to die now, but I should have known at that point that once Mr. Edgeworth had his mind set, there was no stopping him. That's why I wasn't surprised when he told me 'I am a prosecutor, not a coward. If those brutes wish to tear down the Justice System, then they will have to tear me down with it.' Mr. Edgeworth then chose to hold himself up in the Prosecutor's Office, which was firebombed shortly afterwards. Being his good friend, I rushed into the burning remains of that building and tried to search for him, or at least his corpse or ashes or anything for that matter so that he could receive a proper burial; but I found nothing in that building and barley escape with my own life on account of the smoke and flames. To make matters worse, after that day, Alba's army gained a powerful new commander known only as Baas, a mysterious man whose brilliant strategies and ruthless methods in battle have allowed Alba's forces to wipe out pockets of resistance left and right.

Kay cocks her head in confusion. "You keep mentioning a 'clone army', Gummy, but I haven't seen any super solders, only those cops that you saved me from."

Gumshoe shakes his head. "Those were just ordinary cops, pal. Nowadays, Alba mainly uses his clones for the Legal Purge, and believe you me; you don't want to run into them. They will do practically anything in the pursuit of victory."

At that moment, a loud explosion is heard in another section of the HQ followed by gunfire.

"What's happening, Gummy?" Kay nervously asks as she clings to Gumshoe's arm.

"Gumshoe pushes Kay behind him and pulls out a machine gun. "It's Alba's clone troupers, pal! Just stay behind me and hope for the best."

Suddenly, many solders that look exactly like Sebastian pour into the room and try to fire their guns at Gumshoe, but all fail to hit him. Gumshoe rebels by firing his own weapon at them and killing many of their troops. Though despite Gumshoe's valiant efforts, the Sebastian clones keep pouring into the room until they surround him.

Upon seeing that they are victorious, one of the Sebastian clones pulls out a walkie-talkie. "Lord Baas, we've infatuated the base and have appraised the Whale. You are free to enter."

At that moment, a man whose attire consists of a Kroenen mask, a suit of black, skin-tight body armor, and a white cravat enters the room. From a single glance, one could tell that he has been greatly injured at some point in time due to his robotic arms and the sound of labored breathing beneath his mask.

"So this is the Whale that I have heard so much about. I always thought that the commander of the ragtag group that has caused the Ambassador so much trouble would be led by someone actually intimidating like Agent Lang or Detective Badd; but then again, I shouldn't be so surprised considering how much of a throne in my side you have been over the years… Gumshoe." Baas snarls in a deep, mechanical voice.

"How do you know my name?" Gumshoe asks with a look of suspicion on his face.

"Did they ever tell you what happened to your boss, Miles Edgeworth?"

"They didn't need to tell me what happened to him, for I saw it with my own two eyes, pal! They killed him in the firebombing!" Gumshoe snaps at the masked man calmly standing before him.

Baas shakes his head. "No, I am your boss."

The shock of this news causes Gumshoe to lose his balance and fall to his knees. "No… No… That's not true. That's impossible!" Gumshoe yells.

"Search your feelings, Gumshoe, you know it to be true."

"NOOOOOO!" Gumshoe bellows at the top of his lungs.

Baas places his hand on Gumshoe's shoulder as he knells down so that he is at eyelevel with the detective. "Gumshoe, you can destroy the Ambassador. He has foreseen us. It is your destiny. Join me, and together we can rule the world as boss and underpaid subordinate."

"No, the Mr. Edgeworth I know is dead. I'll never join you!"

"Then you will die!" Baas yells as he pulls out the Samurai Spear and stabs Gumshoe in the stomach with it, effectively killing him.

Kay reels back in terror as Baas turns to face her. "And what do we have here? A child that Gumshoe hoped to train in the ways of the law?" Baas asks as he points his Samurai Spear at her.

"Mr. Edgeworth, it's me, Kay Faraday! You know, your friend who's also the great thief Yatagarasu, who steals the secrets of the corrupt and brings those above the law to justice."

"I know no one of that name; nor have I ever heard of the 'Yatagarasu'. As for that part about bringing those above the law to justice, where were you when we were unable to find out the perpetrator who really killed Manny Coachen and the second Mask Star Demasque? Nowhere, that is where you were; and when Alba's army conquered the globe, I realized that you can never defeat someone who is above the law, and if you can't beat them, join them. Goodbye, Faraday…"

Baas slits Kay's throat with his Samurai Spear and proceeds to leave the area with his Sebastian clones. As the life drains from Kay's body, she is blinded by a bright light and when she regains her sight, she is back in her holding cell.

* * *

The show focuses back on Blaise. "Y'know, I hope that I'm not the only one that notices how similar to Darth Vader Edgeworth is. Y'see, they're both cold, intimidating men who were turned to the dark side of their profession by the death of a loved one and many years later, upon learning that they were deceived by their teacher about the death of said loved one, kills their teacher and proceeds to die; though in Edgeworth's case, he didn't actually die, but rather his old self did."

Blaise starts playing with his lighter. "Then again, I see von Karma more as Count Dooku rather than Palpatine, y'know. Y'see, like von Karma, Dooku thought that he was in control, but in all actuality, he was merely a pawn by Palpatine the whole time; or me in von Karma's case. Plus, I have the overall joyfully sadistic personality needed to pull off Palpatine which von Karma sorely lacks. Now, as much as I'd love to talk about 'Star Wars' comparisons, we have more people to torture."

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "Yanmegaman would like Ema to be put under the spot light… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise turns on a screen which shows Ema carrying a file as she rushes through the Prosecutor's Office to deliver some papers to Klavier.

Ema checks her watch and sees that she is now five minutes late. "Stupid, slow cashier taking his sweet time ringing up my 50 bags of Snackoos! Does he have to deliver some stupid papers that the fop was too lazy to pick up himself? I don't think so; otherwise he'd be begging for the sweet release of death. I can just imagine it now… I get to that glimmerous fop's office and when I open that door, he'll be sitting all comfy in his big, cushy chair of his, his smelly fop feet placed on his desk, in all his foppish glory as he greets me with that smug smile that I just want to punch off his stupid face!" Ema growls as she rushes over to Klavier's door which is closed, as she predicted.

Ema sighs. "Okay Ema, just go in there, give him the file, stomach one of his snarky jabs, throw a Snak-ARGH!" Ema yells as she is bonked in the forehead by Klavier opening the door, causing her to fall to the ground and drop the file as its contents spill all over the floor.

Ema rubs her redden forehead as she lets out a low growl. "What's the big idea, Fop?! Don't you know to open a door slowly to prevent something like this from happening or is common courtesy too much for your little fop brain to handle?"

A warm smile spreads across Klavier's face as he extends his hand to Ema, which she slaps away. "My, aren't you feisty today, Fräuline Detective. Is something ailing you or is it just your time of the month?"

Ema frantically picks up the papers and returns them to the manila folder as she gets back up on her feet. "No, the disease that I'm suffering from is called fopitis. The cure: you getting the hell away from me!" Ema snaps as she slaps the file into Klavier's chest with a snort.

"Here I was about to mount a search on the town for my most favoritest fräuline in the whole world, who just so happened to be five minutes late, and this is the thanks that I get…" Klavier brushes some loose strands of hair out of his eyes. "Fräulines, you can't win for losing with them, ja?"

"Drop dead, Fop." Ema grunts as she starts to storm off, but before she can leave, she is interrupted by an over-the-top 'ooh!' from Klavier as he reads over the file.

"Oh Fräuline, I believe that this file is missing its conclusion page. Maybe it fell out when you carelessly dropped it; so please be a dear and look around for it or just print me up a new one." Klavier says as he flashes Ema a big, toothy grin.

Ema throws a Snackoo at Klavier. "I hate you so much, Fop!"

"And I love you to, Fräuline!" Klavier concludes by blowing Ema an overdramatic kiss with both hands.

Ema throws one last Snackoo at Klavier before rushing out of the building as fast as her legs can carry her. Despite this seeming like a normal conflict between her and her glimmerous fop of a boss, Ema doesn't realize that it's about to get much worse for her on account of Spark Bushel secretly videotaping their conversation from inside a large potted plant next to Klavier's office.

The next morning, Ema wakes up to the horror of seeing Lotta Hart kneeling on her bed inches away from her face, which she responds to by screaming, grabbing a bag of Snackoos from underneath her pillow, and throwing one at the energetic reporter.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?!" Ema yells as her body tenses up in fear.

Lotta scratches the back of her afro out of embarrassment. "Sorry for goin' and scaring the bejeezuses outta ya. I tend to get more excited than a jack rabbit with a coffee when I'm gettin' me a scoop."

Ema throws another Snackoo at her. "That still doesn't answer my question!"

"Right, I got my scoop to think about!" Lotta takes out a tape recorder. "So tell me, how long have you been getting' all intimate with that there girly man?"

Ema gives Lotta a look of confusion as she starts to munch on her Snackoos. "Look, I don't know where you're getting this from, but I'm not dating anyone at the moment. Sorry for the disappointment, but you'll have to look elsewhere for a 'scoop'."

"Look, I know that it can be embarassin' an' all, datin' one of those fancy, high-falootin' music folks. I remember when I had a wild fling of passion in the hay with a guy who was in a band. His name was Bodean, the famous banjo player in our little ol' mountain town's local band. Now, I am not a promiscuous woman in the slightest, but when you have the chance to do it in the butt with THE Banjo Bodean, it can earn you some mighty fine street credit amongst the 30 people in Hart County. Granted, our relationship would come off as kinda weird to a city slicker like you, on account of him bein' my brother/uncle/cousin, but our love was pure, god dangit. And Dear Lawdy Above, don't get me started on his big, long-" Lotta's now-disturbing rant is interrupted by Ema throwing several Snackoos at her.

"As much as I would love to hear about your country bumpkin hijinks, which I don't, I have to get dressed for work." Ema says as she gets out of her bed and goes over to her closet. When she slides open the door, Nicole Swift pops out and snaps several photos of the startled detective, earning her a face full of Snackoos.

"What the hell are you doing in my closet?!" Ema asks with a scowl and her Snackoos properly primed this time.

Nicole rubs her sore forehead. "Dangit, those there Snackoos really pack a punch! Anyways, so is that Euro rocker yer datin', Klavier Gavin, really one of those there closet homosexuals? I reckon he is, on account of that girly hairdo of his." Nicole states with a nod and a grin on her face.

"Hey! Get yer own scoop, Swift, 'cause this one is mine! I was here first!" Lotta yells at the younger reporter.

"You may have got here first, but I'll do it better than you, just like with everything else: square dancin', cow tippin', doin the dirty dance with Banjo Bodean in the silo." Nicole says with a look of pride on her face as Lotta flashes her a death glare.

"You told everyone that you gone and did nothin' with Banjo Bodean like you were cleaner than the Virgin Marry on bath day! What would Grandma Sister Aunt Ma say to lyin' like that?"

"Well, on account of her tryin' her darndest to get me an' Bodean hitched, I'd say that she'd be prouder than a poodle in a trench coat and wouldn't mind in the slightest."

Lotta takes off her left shoe and approaches Nicole. "Ya'll think that yer all high and mighty 'cause you went an' changed yer name to make yerself look like some fancy pants Yankee. I oughta beat some sense into you like Pa would do to us back on the farm whenever we done misbehaved!"

Lotta then proceeds to beat Nicole with her shoe, which soon enough devolves into a straight up fist fight between the two reporters. Taking advantage of the reporters' distracted state, Ema grabs her usual work outfit out of her closet and heads into her bathroom.

After getting dressed and combing her hair with her fingers, Ema is about to crack open the bathroom door just a smidge to see if the two reports are still fighting when she feels a warm puff of minty air hit the back of her neck. When Ema slowly turns around to see who or what is behind her, she emits a loud shriek upon seeing Spark Brushel, his nose glowing red, staring at her with a large, unnerving grin on his face.

"Ms. Skye, I am Spark Brushel, ace journalist, and I'm here to ask you to describe, in juicy detail, how you first met your current boyfriend/lover, Klavier Gavin?"

Ema throws a Snackoo at Spark, who has just armed himself with his pen as if he's about to record the secrets of life itself. "What? Why would I date a brainless, glimmerous fop like Gavin?"

Spark starts scribbling down some notes on his arm. "'The Nile; Not Just a River in Egypt, but a River of Love', end quote."

As Spark is busy with writing story on his arm, Ema exits the bathroom, walks past Lotta and Nicole, who are busy pulling at each other's hair, and exits her bedroom so that she is standing in her sitting room/kitchen.

Suddenly, Ema's cellphone rings, which she immediately answers. "Hello?"

"So Ema, how's it like sleeping with a 'glimmerous fop'?" Apollo playfully teases.

"Okay, what's going on here, Justice? Why does everyone think that I have some hot and heavy romance with the fop? I can barely stomach being in the building as him, let alone the same bed."

"It's all over the news. Why don't you turn on the television and have a look for yourself." A loud crash followed by Trucy crying can be heard in the background on Apollo's side. "See Trucy? This is why I kept on nagging you NOT to stand on my chair! Now I have to take you to the hospital AND buy a replacement stapler before your dad gets back from the store with more of his 'grape juice'! Sorry Ema, I have to go." Apollo ends the call.

Ema puts her phone down on her coffee table, turns on her t.v., and sets the channel to 'World News', which has just returned from a commercial break. After a golden globe with the channel's name written bellow it zooms off the side of the screen, the camera focuses on Johnny Smiles and Olivia Aldente, who are both sitting behind a wooden desk.

"Hello, viewers, and welcome back to 'World News'. I am your expert host, Johnny Smiles!" Johnny punctuates his sentence by pulling out a chocolate bar and taking a bite out of it.

"And I am your sexy Sicilian hostess with the mostest, Olivia Aldente! E si, ragazzi, sono reali…" Olivia gives a flirtatious wink to the camera. "Our top story tonight is how 'ot, 'ot rock star, Klavier Gavin, is molto colpito with his new girlfriend, Ema Skye."

An unflattering picture of Ema, dressed as Marie Currie at a Halloween party at the Prosecutor's Office, holding a cup of 'punch' while flipping Klavier off, though her middle finger is blurred out, appears on a large screen behind them.

Johnny gives the photo a quick glance. "Not too bad if I my well-trained eye has anything to say about it. I can see why Gavin would want to clean out her test tube, if you know what I mean, Olivia…" Johnny winks to Olivia, who responds with an irritated groan and a roll of her eyes.

"I will pretend that I did not 'ear that last comment, Johnny… Anyways, all over the world, women are crying enough salty tears to fill the Mediterranean Sea on account of losing Signore Gavin to that puttana!" Olivia bitterly states as she makes a show of it by spitting on Ema's picture.

Johnny leans in towards Olivia and flashes her his winning grin. "Look on the bright side, Olivia, I'm still single…" Johnny turns to face the camera. "Ladies…" Johnny takes a bite of his chocolate bar and winks to the camera.

Olivia pinches the bridge of her nose. "Johnny, guys like you are exactly why we women are crying."

Johnny shrugs his shoulders. "Your loss, Olivia. Let's move on by showing the completely unedited, undoctored video tape sent in by an anonymous reporter depicting Gavin and Skye's saucy display of public affection…"

The screen behind them then plays a video of Ema's confrontation with Klavier at the Prosecutor's Office, starting at the part where she pushed the file into his chest, with a few major differences, which consist of a robotic male voice replacing her 'dead' with 'your pants' and 'hate' with 'love'.

Johnny flicks some loose hair in his face up as his teeth sparkle. "Now, if that isn't true love, Olivia, then I don't know what is."

"Right you are, Johnny. Notice 'er push! It was filled with the passion and furry of the stormy sea, di sicuro!" Olivia does a small push with her hand to drive her point home.

The portion of the video that shows Ema throwing a Snackoo at Klavier is replayed again in slow motion. "And notice how she's throwing that Snackoo! As a lover of chocolate an expert in the ladies," Olivia rolls her eyes at the last part of Johnny's statement. "only a person intense passion in their heart can throw a Snackoo with that kind of power!"

Olivia nods. "Yes, as my dear mama would say back in Sicily, 'The way to a man's heart is with food and light violence.'"

Johnny flashes Olivia his winning smile. "Well, now I know where you get your feisty personality from, Olivia."

Olivia pulls out her large kitchen knife and flashes Johnny a scowl. "Yes, and I also got this knife from Mama!" Johnny slowly scoots his chair to his right, away from his Mediterranean knife-wielding co-anchor and earns a giggle from her. "Oh, Johnny, you are such a kidder! While we are on the topic of sharp things that can pierce your soul, we are lucky to have the chance to video chat with Signore Gavin on the topic of his romance!" Olivia says that last part with an empathized roll on the 'r' in 'romance'.

The screen behind them turns on to show Klavier sitting at his computer in his mansion.

"Ciao, Signore Gavin…" Olivia says in a flirtatious voice as she tries to seductively pose for the rock star in her chair, only to warrant a roll of the eyes from Johnny.

Klavier flashes the saucy news anchor his winning smile as he pushes some loose hair out of his face. "Guttentag, Fräuline Aldente, I appreciate you having me on your news channel."

Olivia fans herself with her hands. "Do not mention it, Signore Gavin, it is my pleasure."

"So, is there anything that you specifically want me to tell you, Fräuline?"

"How about where I can find a bag for me to barf in?" Jonny asks in a cynically snarky fashion as he takes a bite from his candy bar, earning him a swift punch on the shoulder and a dirty look from Olivia.

"I think what Johnny meant was just tell us how you came to date Ms. Skye."

Klavier leans in towards his monitor so that his smiling face is the only thing visible from his end. "Where to begin; it is such a vivid history, ja…? Well, I'll just start from the beginning… It was like one of those romantic comedies where the stiff, frumpy fräuline is forced to work with, or in our case, work for the cool, handsome prosecutor; and like the first act of any popular romcom, and yes, I watch romcoms because I am a sensitive guy, Fräuline Detective wasn't too keen on working for me. Now, as all my fans know, I acted like a complete gentleman and would give her a warm smile whenever we'd meet, but alas, she would repay my gestures of kindness with looks that could kill and Snackoos thrown in my face as she said things like, 'Eww! You're too handsome and cool to be with me! You'll never be able to love me like my 50 cats all named after famous scientists do! Blugh!' Well, after slowly wearing her down for months on end and showing my emotional side when I learned that my older brother was a serial killer, she finally confessed her feelings to me and we had a wild night of fire passion; which I videotaped and am willing to share the completely unedited, undoctored footage."

Klavier plays a sex tape over the monitor which shows him sleeping with some random groupie who has the picture of Ema's face from her I.D. card sloppily photo shopped over her head. Midway through the tape, a 'Steel Samurai' commercial starts to play over it and after Klavier whispering/yells 'Turn off that commercial, Daryan!', the bedroom footage resumes, only this time Ema's poorly photo shopped face has been replaced with a poorly photo shopped picture of Kristoph's smiling face. After a hushed shriek of disdain from Klavier, the photo of Kristoph's face is replaced with that of Ema's.

After the tape ends, Klavier appears once again on the monitor. "So, Fräuline, what did you think?" Klavier asks Olivia in a flirtatious voice.

"Signore Gavin…! That was 'ot, 'ot, 'OT! She is a very lucky ragazza to have such a passionate lover like you!" Olivia states as she heavily pants.

"So Gavin, is there anymore to your story?" Johnny curtly asks.

Klavier shakes his head. "Nein, I'm afraid not, Herr Smiles. Well, I'm sorry to be so abrupt, but I have to go; being a prosecutor is a 24-7 job." Klavier turns off his monitor.

Johnny takes a bite of his candy bar. "Well, would you look at that, we're all out of time. Like always, I'm Johnny Smiles…"

Olivia plays with her knife. "And I'm Olivia Aldente…"

"And we thank you for watching 'World News'." Both anchors say together right before Ema turns off the television and pulls out her cellphone to angrily call her fop of a boss.

"Guttentag, Prosecutor Gavin speaking." Klavier nonchalantly sates as Ema angrily pants.

"What are you doing to me, Fop?!" Ema growls as her face reddens.

"Ah, Fräuline Detective, so you watched the news. Did I look handsome or what?" Klavier casually asks, ignoring his subordinate's obvious anger.

"No, you looked like a glimmerous fop like usual which is a very bad thing. But what the hell was that poorly made sex tape and that corny story about you slowly winning me over?! And that lie about me owning 50 cats?! And don't even get me started on that campy romcom bit; like you actually watch romcoms!"

Klavier chuckles at how cute Ema sounds when she gets angry. "Is something bothering you, Fräuline? I thought that you'd be glad that I'm bringing you into the limelight; any publicity being good publicity is what I believe.

"Not if it involves me being portrayed as your girlfriend/lover! I have standards, you know! Look Gavin, I'll tell you this and tell you only once: Go to the press and make a full confession about how our relationship is completely platonic or I shall bring forth a rain of Snackoo furry upon you, your home, and your loved ones!" Ema yells.

"As compelling as that ultimatum is, I'm going to have to go with my heart and say nein to ending this; for you see, Fräuline Detective, I have always harbored feelings for you and have been waiting for the right time to ask you out; and with these rumors going on about us, the timing couldn't be any more perfect, ja?"

"You know Fop; you have a really sick sense of timing." Ema cynically states.

"Well, I guess we all have our flaws, Fräuline. I'm bad at timing and yard work while you're bad about letting things roll off your back like I do. Take yesterday, for example; had you kept your cool, there would be no scandal in the first place."

"Well, maybe if you weren't being such a fop and constantly annoying me out of my skull, then maybe I wouldn't be as on edge." Ema pouts, earning her more laughter from Klavier.

"You're so cute when you're angry, Fräuline! Well, as much as I'd love to continue this lovely chat, I have to go set up for a big party happening at my mansion in about an hour. Why don't you stop by and brighten my day with your lovely personality?" Klavier hangs up the phone.

Ema angrily shrieks at the top of her lungs as she squeezes her poor phone in her fist. "FOOOOOOOOOPPPP! That's it! I've put up with your pretty boy, showboating, shit show for the last time!" Ema goes over to her coat closet and pulls out a metal detector. "I'm going to end you just like how Mr. Wright ended von Karma: with science!"

Later inside the large, open foyer at Klavier's mansion, Klavier, who is in a purple tuxedo, is standing on a makeshift stage on the far end of the room with Daryan, who is wearing a purple suit similar to Klavier's. A long, narrow purple carpet runs down the center of the room and ten rows of folding chairs, 30 chairs in each row, can be found on either side of the carpet.

"Gavin, are you sure you want to go through with this whole thing? I mean, once you're married, that's it; game over; end-o the line. You won't have the freedom to go out when you want, you can't eat what you want, and you'll have to pretend to enjoy her hobbies." Daryan counts his points off his fingers to emphasize his point.

Klavier shakes his head. "Daryan, Daryan, Daryan… You fail to see the beauty of today; for this is the day when I can finally settle down with my beloved Fräuline Detective. Sure, I may be some big rock star/prosecutor, but I can't just hop from fräuline to fräuline for the rest of my life. I need a fräuline with her head on straight and her moral grounding firm. I need a fräuline who I enjoy being with and gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling whenever she's around; someone like my Fräuline Detective. Sure, I may have hyped up that news rumor, but I feel that little story will be the catalyst that allows our relationship to blossom into something pure."

Daryan slaps his knee as he laughs at Klavier's flowery speech. "Dude, and here I thought that bit about you watching romantic comedies was just an act!" The shark-haired detective sneers.

Klavier flashes Daryan a scowl. "Hey, do I make fun of you every time we watch 'Transformers: The Movie' and you cry at the scene where Optimus Prime dies?"

Daryan eyes the ground in embarrassment and crosses his arms. "He became one with the Matrix. How could you NOT cry?" Daryan regains his composure. "Well, I hope you have that same optimism as her older sister grinds your manhood into dust."

"I don't think her sister can be THAT bad. I mean, if I can deal with Fräuline Detective, I think that I can deal with any fräuline." Klavier says with confidence in his voice.

"Her older sister is Lana Skye, the coldest bitch to roam the Prosecutor's Office and the woman who taught Ema everything that she knows about being stand-offish."

Klavier dismisses his friend with a wave of his hand. "Trust me, Daryan; I'm more than prepared…"

Daryan shrugs his shoulders. "If you say so, Gavin… So, since I'm your best man, who am I being paired up with at the reception?"

"Unfortunately for you, no one. You see, Fräuline Detective doesn't know that this is her wedding."

Daryan cocks his head in confusion. "So let me get this straight; you're having this big, elaborate wedding, but the girl that you plan to marry doesn't know about it? This has 'failure' written ALL over it, dude. How do you even plan to get her here without arousing suspicion or getting arrested?"

Klavier grins at his dear friend and bandmate. "Knowing Fräuline Detective, she will be here in five, four, three, two, one…"

Ema bursts into the room and points her metal detector towards Klavier.

"You know Fop; you must be even more brainless than I thought if you're stupid enough to tell me where you would be!" Ema yells.

Klavier lets out a sinister laugh as he shakes his head. "Fräuline, you don't become a prosecutor at 17 by being stupid. Nein, this was all part of my plan to do THIS…!" Klavier pulls out a remote control and pushes a button on it that causes a steel claw to descend from a hatch in the ceiling and grab Ema's torso, squeezing her arms against her side as she drops her metal detector.

"What the hell do you mean by 'part of your plan', Fop?!" Ema yells as she struggles in vain to escape her restraint.

Klavier slowly walks over to Ema. "Well, Fräuline, I was completely honest about how I wanted to date you all this time, but I needed a way to get you here. That's why I didn't pick up that file. By doing that, I knew that you would come to my office all furious and would have a massive outburst; thus making a juicy story for the journalist that I hired to hide out in the hallway outside my office. Then, with the aid of the tabloids and 'World News', I was able to generate enough rage within you to make you want to kill me and rush over to my mansion as you did just now. Pretty good plan, ja?" Klavier brushes Ema's face with the back of his hand, which she rejects by jerking her head and grunting.

"So what do you plan to do with me now, Fop? Hold me hostage until I confess my non-existent love for you?"

Klavier sneers at his prisoner. "Nien, Fräuline. You see, an obscure fact about me is that I love hypnosis. There's just something arousing about the thought of stealing someone's freewill and turning them into your totally obedient servant. That's why I had it where every Gavineers' song has hypnotic frequencies interlaced in the background. How else do you think that we amassed so many loyal fans?"

"I knew that no one could listen to your horrible music by their own free will!" Ema jeers.

"Well, you're about to know how they feel because you're getting the same experience, only at an accelerated rate. Daryan, get over her, hold her head still, and keep her from blinking." Klavier calls over to his best man.

Daryan walks behind Ema, holds her head still with the sides of his hands and uses his thumbs and middle fingers to keep her from blinking. Then, with a sinister smile not all that different from that of his older brother, presses another button on his remote control which causes a screen with a rotating black and white spiral to be lowered in front of Ema's face.

"No… You won't… I like Klavier Gavin…" Ema says in monotone voice as the rotating spiral starts to numb her body; but Ema manages to break out of it with a quick shake of her head. "No, what am I saying? I don't… Ever want to spend another moment without my beloved Herr Prosecutor…" Ema states as she relapses into her trance.

The more that she looks into the spiral the more that Ema notices that she wants- no needs- to be with Klavier. All of her hatred for him, as well as her poor fashion sense and Snackoo cravings, starts to melt away as she begins to desire nothing more than to please her boss. All the while, Ema's real self tries to fight the process, but alas, it is a downward battle, for with each passing second, her personality is slowly morphing into that of one of Klavier's mindless fangirls that she despises so much.

Before Ema loses all of her free will, she is blinded by a bright light and when she regains her sight, she is back in her holding cell.

* * *

The show focuses back on Blaise, who has a look of exhaustion on his face. "Fun fact, I actually based Klavier's hypnosis fetish off of my own. Yes, I know that I am a sick, disturbing man and I love it." Blaise grins. "On a side note, I did not expect that punishment to go on for as long as it did. Ironically, I thought that it was going to be pretty short, hence why it's the second one, but it actually turned out to be one of the longest ones in the show's history. Regardless, let's move onto the next punishment."

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "DJJ680 would like to see mortal enemies being forced to work together…" A sinister smile spreads across Blaise's face. "Finally, a punishment that I can really sink my teeth into! Let the punishment commence!"

With a snap of his fingers, Blaise creates an insanely large maze with several vats of acid scattered about. In one portion of the maze, Mia, who had been put to sleep, wakes up.

Mia rubs her eyes as she surveys her surroundings. "W-Where am I? What's this?" Mia notices that there is a shackle around her left ankle with a heavy weight attached to it. When Mia looks over to see just what this weight is, she sees that, much to her disdain, it's Dahlia, who is sleeping.

"Why on Earth am I shackled to you?!" Mia angrily yells, waking Dahlia from her sleep as she rubs the side of her head.

"Will you stop that yelling? You're almost as annoying as that bitch- MIA FEY!" Dahlia glowers at her nemesis.

"Dahlia Hawthorne, of all the pieces of human filth out there, I had to be shackled to you…" Mia says in a tone of disdain as she glowers back at her evil cousin.

Dahlia snorts at Mia as her look of anger turns to one of disgust. "Oh please, this isn't a picnic for me either. Why couldn't I have been shackled to my useless sister or even that stupid ex-student of yours?

A monitor on a nearby wall turns on to reveal Blaise sitting in a comfy, red office chair.

Blaise starts to play with his lighter. "I believe I can answer that. Y'see, I decided that for this next punishment of 'Pick Your Poison!', I'd like to play a little game of 'Would you Rather…' with you two lovely women.

"What are you rambling on about, Gramps? And what the hell does this have to do with me being shackled at the ankle to HER?" Dahlia states with venom in her voice as she flashes Mia a look of anger.

Blaise flashes the two women a grin. "Y'know, I'm glad you asked, ginger snap." Blaise splits the screen in half and on the left side keeps the shot on him while the right one shows an aerial view of the maze. "Y'see those vats of acid scattered throughout the maze? Well, above two of them, I'm going to place someone or something that is most important to each of you. For Fey…" Blaise snaps his fingers and the right screen shows Maya suspended by a rope over one of the vats struggling in vain to free herself.

"MAYA!" Mia screams with a look of terror on her face.

"And for Hawthorne…" Blaise snaps his fingers and the right screen shows the two million dollar diamond that Dahlia lost all those years ago being suspended in a similar manner to Maya over another vat.

"My money!" Dahlia exclaims with a combination of giddy and nervousness in her voice.

Blaise returns the screen to just showing him. "Y'see, as soon as I end this conversation, I'm going to start lowering the things that you two love into their respective vats of acid and you'll both have to work together. Now, here's the interesting part: You'll only have enough time to save ONE of the two objects, given that the two chosen vats are on opposite sides of the maze. And f.y.i., Little Fey is to your right and the diamond is to your left. Well, let's begin…" Blaise shifts the screen from showing just him to a split screen showing Maya and the diamond being slowly lowered into their vats of acid.

"I'm coming, Maya!" Mia yells as she starts to run to their right, only to be stopped by Dahlia trying to run to their left.

Mia stops running and turns to face her cousin. "And just what do you think you're doing?" Mia objectively asks as she puts her hands to her hips.

"What does it look like, Madame Fey? I'm getting my two million dollars. Now get your fat ass moving!" Dahlia tries to pull Mia to their left, but the busty lawyer firmly stands her ground.

"I know the answer to this, but do you have ANY shred of decency? This is my sister and YOUR cousin's life that's on the line here. I think that the value of her life as a human being is worth more than a diamond that you lost because of your own carelessness."

"You know what, Madame Fey, how about I look at my options here. I can either work with my arch nemesis and save her dumb ass sister, who I also despise, or save that diamond and get two million bucks out of it. Now which option should I choose…?" Dahlia moves her hands up and down as if they were scales and pretends to contemplate it. "I know! I'll go with the one that benefits me most. But then again, unless you're a stupid bitch, which you are, you should have seen that coming from a mile away. Thus making this whole discussion pointless!" Dahlia says in a playful manner.

"I did; but I felt like giving you a chance to take the easy route of doing things. Now, things are going to have to get…" Mia cracks her knuckles. "Difficult…"

Dahlia lets out a shrill laugh. "You seriously think that you can beat me in a fight?"

"If I could take out the human trash once, I can do it again." Mia says with a smug look on her face.

"You really are a stupid bitch. I killed three people, no sweat. So how do you plan to fight me? By trying to run away only to get cornered and bludgeoned to death." Dahlia sneers.

Mia grins at Dahlia. "Oh please, you may have killed two people, but they were both caught off-guard. So now you have no element of surprise, only your fists, in a fight against a woman who is bigger, stronger, and-"

"Dresses like a five cent hooker?" Dahlia interrupts, a playful smile gracing her face. "Actually, I shouldn't say that. It's insulting to hookers everywhere to be compared to you."

"Well you're one to talk; what with how you'd play the helpless little girl card and wrap every man around your little finger."

Dahlia scowls. "Oh, and like you never tried to use your body to get whatever you want? You may tell everyone that you were so successful in your law career because you always 'searched for the truth' and 'believed in your clients', but we both know that it's because you'll show off your boobs with no restraint if it'll give you a victory? Why else would you wear an outfit that would be at home in a bad porno flick?"

"Objection!" Mia juts out her arm into her 'objection' poise and points at Dahlia. "Well, at least I have boobs, unlike those little mosquito bites on your chest!"

Mia scowls at Dahlia and lets out a high-pitched growl as she clenches her teeth. "It's on now, bimbo bitch!" Dahlia pounces on top of Mia and tackles her to the floor; where the two women begin to punch each other and pull each other's hair as they roll around on the ground.

Blaise watches the fight in the comfort of his chair as it is videotaped on of the many security cameras installed in the maze. "Now this is what I call a show! Y'know, I feel that this is more than enough compensation for me turning down your punishment last episode, DJJ680; but wait, there's more. Y'see, when deciding on which people to pair up for this punishment, I had several good picks, Mia and Dahlia being just one of them. So instead of looking through my options and picking just one of them, I decided to go with the top three pairs. Now, let's move on to the second one, shall we…?"

Meanwhile, in another section of the maze, Greggory Edgeworth and Manfred von Karma are shackled at the ankle, like Mia and Dahlia, and are glaring at each other with unblinking eyes in complete, awkward silence.

"You're awfully quiet, Edgeworth. Care to explain why? I mean, I murdered you and raised your son to be just like me. At the very least, I expect some cynical, melodramatic rant from you about how much of a monster I am." Manfred says with a sinister smile as he grips his sleeve.

"I would, but my mother taught me at a young age that if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say it at all. Plus, I feel that you're not worth the energy." Greggory says in a deadpan voice.

Manfred lets out a low growl. "Why you little fu-"

"Now, now, von Karma. Save some energy for later; you'll need it." Blaise grins as he appears on one of the nearby monitors.

"Debeste! First you have gall to blemish my perfect record with that penalty and now THIS?!" Manfred gestures at his most despised foe.

Blaise gives them a wry smile. "I know. Ain't I a stinker?"

"Excuse me, Mr. Debeste, but why exactly are you punishing us by pairing us up in what appears to be a large maze? Do you hope for us to attempt to work together in order to escape this place; all the while our differences causing much conflict and amusement for your demented sense of humor?" Gregory calmly asks?

"Well, you're half right, Edgeworth. Y'see, I'm giving you and von Karma here a little moral dilemma…" Blaise splits the screen in two halves, showing two vats of acid. "On opposite sides of this maze, there are two vats of powerful acid. Being suspended from the one on the side of the maze to your left…" Blaise snaps his fingers which causes Edgeworth to be suspended above one of the vats of acid by a rope.

"Miles…" Gregory whispers with worry as he pushes the tip of his fedora to hide the worry in his eyes.

"And to your right…" Blaise snaps his fingers which causes Santa Claus to be suspended above the other vat in the exact same manner as Edgeworth. "Now, you both will have enough time to save only one of them, y'see."

Gregory breathes a sigh of relief. "And here I thought that we'd be faced with an actual crisis. Good thing that only a fool would actually believe in-"

"S-S-Santa! You monster!" Manfred yells at the top of his lungs as his body shudders and he grips the head of his cane.

"On another note, von Karma, you're not looking so fashionable. Allow me to fix that…" Blaise snaps his fingers which causes 28 prosecutor's badges to appear on Manfred's lapel.

Manfred screams upon seeing this change in wardrobe. "No! A prosecutor's badge is meant to be kept in one's pocket, not displayed in such an overt manner. Even worse yet, now there will be a multitude of holes in my fine outfit!"

Blaise shrugs his shoulder as he sniggers. "What? Now you actually look good. Well, I'll be off now, so good luck…" Blaise turns off the monitor, leaving the two men alone.

"Despite this horrendous assault on my lapel, thus making me look almost as foolish as you, Edgeworth, we must remain ever vigilant in our obviously shared goal: to save Santa."

"Miles." Gregory says at the same time that Manfred says 'Santa'.

"You can't be serious, von Karma. 'Santa', or Rather Saint Nicholas, did exist, but died thousands of years ago. This 'Santa' that is being lowered into that acid is a creature created by Debeste for this punishment whereas the Miles that is being threatened is probably my real son." Gregory states nonchalantly with an icy glare similar to that of his son.

Manfred clenches his left arm and takes a long, deep breath. "Bite your tongue, Edgeworth, for Santa is real. As for your argument about which to save, I have been Miles guardian longer than you have and I can tell you from my personal experience that if Miles can't escape this situation on his own, then he's an imperfect disgrace and should die. And if that isn't enough of an argument for you, think of it from a utilitarian perspective; if Miles dies, what will happen? About ten people are saddened by his death and Franziska picks up the slack left behind. On the other hand, if Santa dies, then Christmas is ruined and the entire world is thrown into anarchy; countries fall, oceans dry up, people actually know what Kwanza is… It would be madness; pure, utter madness. That's why the only logical choice is to save Santa."

"Objection!" Gregory shouts with his arm pointed at the elderly prosecutor. "If your logic about Miles deserving to die because he can't free himself is valid, then the same should apply to Santa!" Gregory yells with a look of steely determination, the desire to save his son coursing through his veins.

"Objection!" Manfred shouts back. "For your information, Edgeworth, there is a reason as to why Santa is exempt from my argument."

"Explain yourself."

"Tsk tsk tsk. It is common knowledge to everyone that like many super heroes, Santa can lose his magical powers and be rendered weaker than an average human being by methods including, but not limited to, an area not having enough Christmas joy, being touched by the Tooth Fairy while she is holding a lock of the Easter Bunny's fur that has been enchanted by a leprechaun on Valentine's Day, and/or being within 40 feet of a menorah."

"Okay, I could possibly buy the first one and maybe the second one by a far stretch of the imagination, but by what absurd logic would dictate that Santa be weak to the mere presence of a menorah?"

"The menorah radiates Hanukah waves that causes negative interference with Santa's Christmas waves, thus neutralizing his powers and making him weak. It's like crossing the streams in 'Ghost Busters'; it just shouldn't be done. But why am I wasting time describing the science of Christmas with an imperfect fool such as yourself? I have to save Santa!" Manfred says with absolute certainty in his voice.

"Hold it!" Gregory bellows. "We are going to save Miles and I refuse to move from this spot until you come to that same con- AAAAAAHHHH!" Gregory screams at the top of his lungs as he falls to his back and is being dragged on the ground by Manfred, who is sprinting at full speed to their right with enough determination in him that he does not require his cane.

Blaise, seeing that Manfred is the clear winner between him and Gregory, snaps his fingers and sends both men back to their holding cell.

In another portion of the maze, Blaise appears on a nearby monitor. Okay, Phoenix and Kristoph, time for you to de-" Blaise stops midsentence as he sees Kristoph repeatedly bashing Phoenix's head against one of the walls, which is now coated in the latter's blood. As Kristoph repeatedly bashes Phoenix's now-dead head against the wall, he yells the surname of his most despised adversary.

Blaise starts to play with his lighter. "Y'know, I think punishing these two at this point would be a bit meaningless, y'see." Blaise snaps his fingers which heals Phoenix and sends both him and Kristoph to their holding cells. "Let's check in on Mia and Dahlia and see what they're up to…"

Blaise directs his attention to the video camera in Mia and Dahlia's portion of the maze where the two women are still fighting, but their clothes have been torn from their struggle as sweat glistens off of their skin.

Blaise pumps his fist in the air. "Yeah! This is the type of Grade-A magic that porn is made of! Now to add a few touches to complete the mood…" Blaise snaps his fingers which causes Mia and Dahlia to be coated in cooking oil and cheesy porno music to play in the background. "I-It's beautiful!" Blaise cries as he tugs on his fake beard.

Suddenly, Blaise is interrupted by a beep from a nearby monitor. "Well, it appears that we're all out of time for today's episode. As for sending the Mia and Dahlia back to their holding cells, I'll do it when I'm good and ready. As always, I am Blaise Debeste, and I thank you for watching 'Pick Your Poison!' and hope to see you all here for the tenth and final season of this season!"

Blaise snaps his fingers which causes a box of tissues and a bottle of lotion to appear next to him. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some business to take care of…"

Contrary to disappearing in a puff of smoke this time, Blaise just merely turns off the camera.

* * *

 **A/N:** As stated in the fanfic, for the final episode of 'Pick Your Poison!' I'm going to go all out with doing as many punishments that I can, which is to say at the more than 5; so if your punishment hasn't been included up to this point, it'll probably be found in the next episode. I'll even have a portion where Blaise reads off the punishments that weren't included in this fanfic as honorable mentions at the very end of the episode. Ergo, expect the final chapter to possibly take more than a month to upload and for it to be a novel in length.

As for Olivia's Italian bits, they translate as the following, at least according to Google Translate…

 **E si, ragazzi, sono reali:** And yes, boys, they're real

 **Puttana:** Bitch

 **Di sicuro:** For sure

 **Ragazza:** Girl


	11. Episode 10

**Disclaimer: All material used in this fanfic belong to their respective owners. I do not claim any of it as my own in this non-profit fanfic.**

 **A/N:** Here it is- the final episode of 'Pick Your Poison!' and as I promised, I went all-out in trying to giving this fanfic a proper finale by packing it to the gills in punishments; and as you can imagine, editing it was no picnic, but it was well worth it. Well, with that, I hope that you guys enjoy the finale of 'Pick Your Poison!'

* * *

Blaise's theme song plays as he appears on stage in a puff of smoke. "Hello viewers and welcome back to the tenth and final episode of 'Pick Your Poison!' Y'know, we've come a long way since I first announced this show as you've subjected a good portion of the cast to a plethora of punishments; which probably made them hate me more than they already did. However, at least they can take solace in the fact that their punishments are temporary while I have to live with the eternal pain of having an idiot like Sebastian for a son."

Blaise starts to cry as he pulls on his fake beard. "H-He's such a worthless idiot, y'know." Blaise empties the tears from his goggles and regains his composition. "But why should I even bring up the topic of my worthless son on such a happy occasion? It'll only bring me down, y'see. Anyways, we have a long show ahead of us and by long, I mean LONG; so if you have to, y'know, get a snack or have to go to the bathroom, I'd suggest you do it now. Don't worry, I'll wait…" Blaise snaps his fingers which causes a lawn chair to appear, which he proceeds to sit in.

After playing with his lighter for a few minutes, Blaise gets up and snaps his fingers which causes the chair to disappear. "Okay, I hope you're all ready to go; wouldn't want you guys to start blubbering like my idiot son during the middle of the episode because you forgot something, y'know. With that done, let's get started!"

Blaise snaps his fingers, which causes Meekins to rush onstage with the jar of notes, place it on its normal table, and scurry offstage.

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out a note. "Aeliren85 would like to see Godot experience some more loss in his life… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise turns on a screen which shows Godot strolling down the sidewalk midafternoon on his way to his favorite café so that he can restock on the fresh coffee beans that are pivotal to the creation of his many, MANY blends of coffee- ranging from mildly bitter to 'more bitter than the depths of Hell itself.' For Godot, buying these primo coffee beans fills him with excitement and makes him feel like a kid in a candy store; a feeling that he had practically lost along with his vision. However, his happiness is turned to horror when he sees the café burnt down and a small, pudgy man with a bushy mustache and wearing a large sombrero standing outside the charred remains of the building, prompting the coffee-loving prosecutor to run over to him as fast as he can.

"Pedro, what happened to El Café Pure?! Did one of the coffee brewers overheat?" Godot asks with a tone of angst.

"No, Senor Armando! The café, she was burnt down just now by some ghost girl that summoned blue flames from her hands!"

Godot gives Pedro a look of suspicion. "A ghost? Are you sure?"

Pedro furiously nods. "Si! She had hair the color of fire and a chest flatter than the leaves of my abuela's lemon tree!"

Godot's eyes widen under his visor. "Red hair… Flat chest… Uses coffee as a medium for pain… This can only be the work of-"

Godot's train of thought is interrupted when Dahlia's ghost appears before him with a sinister smile on her face. "Yes, Armando, it was I, Dahlia Hawthorne, who destroyed your precious, little café."

"Godot takes a sip of the remaining coffee in his mug. "Well, you may have destroyed my favorite coffee place, but you will not shake me; for there are other places that I can go to restock my supply."

Dahlia chuckles. "Oh, your suffering doesn't end there, my naive friend. You see, with my ghostly powers, I have destroyed every establishment that serves coffee in the world; with the exception of two: That 'French' restaurant that's across the street from here, Tres Bien…"

"No! Anywhere but that horrid place! Their coffee is tasteless and the owner makes me feel uncomfortable with the way he eyes me when I pass by. What's the other place?" Godot asks as his visor as his visor starts smoking from the stress of the situation.

With grin of pure malice and without saying a word, Dahlia points to a nearby Starbucks, which causes Godot to shudder.

"You are a sick, twisted woman, Hawthorne! Hell's too good for you!" Godot yells as he clenches his now-empty coffee mug.

"Gosh, you act like I never heard that before. Well, have fun…" Dahlia sneers in a sickeningly sweet voice as she vanishes into thin air.

Godot, with his shoulders slumped and spirit broken, takes a deep breath. "I know what I have to do…"

Godot walks into Tres Bien, which is empty, much to no one's surprise, and is greeted by Jean, who is seductively staring at the prosecutor as he undresses him with his eyes.

"Bonjour, 'andsome, welcome to Tres Bien. I am zee owner, Jean Armstrong… though you already know zat, on account of us doing le chant et la danse in zee court. Table for-" Godot completely ignores Jean as he walks past the man and over to a nearby table.

Jean follows Godot over to the table as the prosecutor calmly unfolds one of the napkins and pulls out the knife found within.

"M-Monsieur, what are you doing with zat knife…?" Jean nervously asks as he plucks the petals off the rose in his hand one by one.

"… I no longer have my sight… I no longer have my kitten… I no longer have my coffee… I no longer have a life worth living…" Godot coldly states as he splices his throat with the knife, causing blood to pour from his throat as his lifeless body falls to the ground.

* * *

The show focuses back on Blaise, who has a look of shock on his face. "Okaaay… Was not anticipating that, y'know. Y'see, I was expecting him to do something epic like storm Starbuck's corporate office and force them to grow coffee his way; y'know, blaze of glory, no pun intended, and all that. But instead of all of us being treated to a coffee version of 'Rambo', we got a visual representation of what I would contemplate doing every time I'd have to do bonding activities with Sebastian to keep Child Services off my ass. Regardless, I revived our coffee-loving friend and returned him to his holding cell so that we can play with him again if the need arises, y'see. Now, onto the next punishment…"

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note, which upon reading, causes a smile to spread across his face. "Speaking of the moronic devil, Bb7 would like to see Sebastian take a class on picking up chicks… Let the punishment commence.

Blaise then turns on a screen which shows Sebastian walking through the hallway of a community center, scanning the numbers on the doors to see if they match the one listed on the flier in his hand.

When Sebastian reaches room FU-69, he stops and looks at the flier. "According to this ad that I got in the mail, this is the class on how to pick up chicks. After I ace this class, I'll be debeste at attracting the ladies. Then, I'll be able to get a girlfriend and show Pops that I won't die a lonely virgin like he's been telling me since I was five!"

After taking a deep breath to prepare himself, Sebastian enters the room to see that the only person there is Simon Blackquill, who is tending to several baby birds perched throughout the area.

Upon seeing Sebastian enter the room, Simon puts the bird whose feathers he was brushing on a nearby desk. "Hello, I'm Simon Blackquill, your instructor for this class. Are you ready to begin?"

Sebastian's eyes nervously darts around the room as he notices that instead of women, there are only baby birds. "Umm… I think that I have the wrong room, sor-"

"Silence!" Simon yells as he gives Sebastian, who is now sanding stiff and looks like he is about to wet himself, a cold, steely look capable of unnerving even the toughest soul. "Are you Sebastian Debeste?"

"Y-Yes…" Sebastian stutters as he bends his baton. At this moment, Sebastian would like nothing more than to run as far away as he possibly can from this creepy man who's dressed like one of those anime characters that Blaise warned him would touch him in his sleep; but no matter how much he tries, Sebastian finds that he is unable to move his legs.

Simon picks up the class' attendance list. "Then you are in the right room. Come inside and take a seat so that we can begin."

"But-" Sebastian tries to complain, but he is interrupted by Simon taking out his finger blade and using it to swiftly cut the top part of his question mark hairdo off.

Upon seeing his hair fall to the ground, Sebastian starts to cry. "Hey! It took me three hours of styling this morning to get my hair just right!"

"Well, if you don't come in and sit in your seat then it'll take them at least five hours to find your missing body." Simon says with a wry grin on his face.

"Y-Yes, sir!" Sebastian nervously states as he scurries into the room and sit at a desk right in front of Simon's desk.

"Good. Time for your first lesson…" Simon carefully picks up a duckling and snuggles it in his arms. "Bonding with your bird. You see, the key to-" Simon stops upon seeing Sebastian frantically waving his raised hand. "Yes, Debeste-dono?"

"Where are all the women? Are they all hiding somewhere? Are they all going to jump out from somewhere and yell 'surprise' when I finish the course?" Sebastian asks as he looks around the room once more to make sure that he isn't missing something.

"Why would there be any women in an aviary course?" Simon sternly asks.

"Well, the flyer for this class said that we'd be picking up chicks? See…?" Sebastian says as he hands Simon the flyer, which he accepts after putting the duckling down on his desk in a gingerly fashion.

After looking at the flyer for a second or two, Simon hands it back to Sebastian. "You misread the message. You see, when I said 'learn to pick up chicks' I meant that I would teach you how to hold baby birds in a way that not only doesn't frighten them, but allows you to closely bond with them on an emotional level."

"Then why did you say that they were hot in big, bold, red letters?" Sebastian asks in a whinny voice as he points to the word 'hot' empathized on the flyer.

"Because chicks have a very volatile body temperature until they are a few weeks old, so they often need to be kept in a warm environment; hence, they can feel warm. I wrote it as a warning so that people wouldn't get startled and spook the chicks. Now, if you are done with this line of questioning, I would suggest that you listen to my lesson or you won't have any hands to pick chicks up with." Simon says as he flashes his pupil a death glare that goes right through his soul.

Sebastian puts his hands up in front of his face in the hopes that Simon will stop glowering at him. "Okay, okay… You win! So how do I handle a chick?"

"That, Debeste-dono, is your first mistake. To 'handle' a chick is to imply that they are merely objects; as in once you are finished holding them, you'll cast them aside like yesterday's trash. But if you wish to hold a chick, you must carefully pick it up by slowly cupping your hands around it and then slowly bringing it up to eyelevel. Like this…" Simon proceeds to pick up the duckling in the way that he described to Sebastian.

"See…? Now try the technique that I just showed you on that chick over there." Simon points to a baby chicken that is currently standing on the desk to his right. "His name's Oswald. Now carefully pick up Oswald and start the bonding process."

"O-Okay…" Sebastian replies as he slowly scoops up Oswald in his hands like Simon had previously done with his duckling. "Like this…?" Sebastian asks with a nervous grin, the corners of his moth twitching as Simon gives him a cold, stern look.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Simon's look softens, albeit only slightly, and a small, wry smile spreads across his face. "Good, good… Now, you must softly kiss the top of Oswald's head as if he was a sweet, little prince that you are kissing goodnight."

"B-But I don't wanna kiss birds! I don't love them like that!" Sebastian pouts, which earns him cold, stern looks from Simon, the chicks, and Taka, who has just landed on his master's shoulder.

"What do you mean by that, Debeste-dono…? And if I were you, I would pick my next words very, VERY carefully."

Sebastian looks around at the dozens of eyes, consisting of both birds and an angry samurai prosecutor, glowering at him. "I-I like birds, but I don't feel comfortable kissing them. You see, for me, when I kiss someone's head, it's like an act of intimacy and as such, I would rather share it with a lovely girl." Sebastian rubs the sweat off his forehead as he revels in the fact that he actually came up with a coherent argument for once in his sad life.

"Silence! While the touch of a young lass may be temporary, the loving embrace of a bird lasts a lifetime. Now softly kiss Oswald's head like the little prince that he is or your lifetime will end very soon!" Simon shouts as he unsheathes a katana.

Sebastian nervously kisses Oswald's head which causes the chick to chirp in satisfaction.

Simon sheathes his katana. "Good. Now kiss him again."

Tears well up in Sebastian's eyes. "But-" Sebastian's protests are cut short yet again by Simon unsheathing his katana once more.

Sebastian softly kisses Oswald's head again, earning him yet another chirp.

Simon pets Taka as he grins at his student. "Now you're starting to get it. On to the next lesson…"

Three hours later, Sebastian is sobbing as he looks down at his bleeding fingers and the pile of bloody sewing needles on the table. "Mr. Blackquill, is this lesson truly necessary?"

Simon slams his hand on his desk, startling Sebastian. "Of course it is absolutely necessary. Do you want Oswald to be cold?"

"But he has feathers, so I don't think that I needed to knit him a pair of lederhosen!" Sebastian protests as Oswald, now wearing his little green lederhosen and a little matching cap waddles across the young prosecutor's desk, chirping in delight.

"Warmth is not what this lesson is about, rather, it's about the principle of doing for your bird and forming an unbreakable bond of trust. By knitting those lederhosen for Oswald, he knows that you have his back, both figuratively and literally. Now for your final lesson, Debeste-dono…"

"Thank goodness that this is almost over…" Sebastian says with a sigh of relief.

Suddenly, a tuba appears in front of Sebastian. "You must serenade Oswald with this tuba as you march around the room for five hours." Simon states.

Sebastian bends his baton as tears well up in his eyes. "B-But I don't know how to play the tuba! That, and it's really, really heavy!"

Simon slams his palm on his desk. "For your bird, you should be willing to do anything, no matter how impossible it is, for that is the meaning of friendship! Now play!" Simon unsheathes his katana as Sebastian struggles to pick up the heavy instrument.

As Sebastian marches around the room while butchering the song 'Three Blind Mice' with his lack of skill, he lightly sobs into his tuba. Despite the odds of Sebastian likely losing his grip on his tuba and hurting his foot, he manages to hold onto it for the entirety of the five hours; which upon completion, he carefully places the tuba back in its holder, lest he incur the wrath of his mentor.

Simon lets out a dry laugh as he slowly claps his hands. "I have to say, Debeste-dono, I didn't think that you could actually do it. So now, it is my honor to say that you are officially an expert at picking up chicks. Now, complete your training by picking up Oswald and giving him one last kiss on the head."

Sebastian slowly scoops up Oswald in his hands, but before he can kiss his head, the little chick leaves a little present in the young prosecutor's hand, causing him to scream and drop his companion like a hot potato.

"Whoops…" Sebastian nervously remarks as Oswald twitches on the floor.

"'Whoops…' That's all you have to say for dropping and severely injuring your chick!?" Simon snarls as he clenches his fist.

"Well, h-he pooped in my hand, and it was really gross, so I really had no other choice…!" Sebastian notices Simon and all the birds in the room glaring at him. "But from the looks on your faces, my first-rate logic tells me that that's not a good answer, right…?" Sebastian asks as a nervous smile spreads across his face.

Simon takes a deep breath. "Debeste-dono… Run fast and run far…" Simon says in a low, menacing voice as Sebastian breaks out in a cold sweat.

Sebastian, seeing that his life could literally end any second, runs out of the room, screaming at the top of his lungs, as Simon and his flock of birds chase after him in hot pursuit.

By some stroke of luck, Sebastian is able to dodge all of Simon's bird attacks, from dive-bombing eagles to charging humming birds, as he manages to use the adrenalin rush he is currently experiencing to rush over to the airport, quickly get past security, and jump on a departing flight to Borginia.

As the plane takes off, Sebastian notices no sign of Simon or his birds and takes a sigh of relief as he reviles in his victory. After about an hour spent in the air, the intercom system plays a small jingle to signify that the pilot has a message.

"Hello passengers, this is your captain speaking. We are currently flying over the Pacific at 40,000 feet and should reach our final destination in 11 hours. In other news, a stern man, who appears to be a prosecutor, is currently riding on the back of a giant black bird that is wearing a mask and is approaching the plane from behind at an alarming rate. In other news, the movie playing tonight will be 'Aaron of the Amazon'.

"Oh no!" Sebastian yells as his eyes widen in terror.

"I know that 'Aaron of the Amazon' is a bad movie, what with it being about a toucan that wants to stop deforestation in the Amazon by promoting a logging company, but we're trying to broaden our age demographic, so please try to tolerate it, sir." Rhoda Teneiro chimes in as she walks by Sebastian's row.

Sebastian, ignoring Rhoda, looks out his window and, to his horror, sees Simon riding on the back of the Helmaroc King as he speeds towards the plane. Simon, not wanting to let his impudent student escape his grasp, has the Helmaroc King charge at the place and rip off one of its engine with its sharp talons, causing the plane to fall out of the sky.

As the passengers onboard start to panic, the jingle plays over the intercom system. "Hello, folks, this is your captain speaking. Due to some technical difficulties, we are currently decreasing in altitude at an alarming rate. We, the folks here at iFly would like to apologize for this slight inconvenience and would like to remind you that this is no way our fault. As compensation, we would like to offer you, our loyal passengers, another serving of complementary peanuts. We thank you for flying with us and hope that you choose iFly in the future."

As Sebastian starts to whimper in fear of his eminent death, Rhoda calmly wheels a cart filled with airline peanuts to Sebastian's row. "I'm sorry to inform you, sir, but we are all out of honey glazed peanuts, so you'll have to settle for unsalted. Is that fine with you?" Rhoda sweetly asks with a smile on her face, almost as if she is oblivious to their current situation.

"If the crash doesn't kill me, then my crazy bird-obsessed mentor will!" Sebastian wails at the top of his lungs as tears stream down his cheeks.

"Is this a bad time for you, sir? Because if that's the case, then I'll just leave these peanuts Riiight here…" Rhoda slowly places a bag of unsalted peanuts on Sebastian's lap before continuing down the aisle.

Suddenly, the plane is ripped in half as the Helmaroc King charges through the underside of the plane and grabs Sebastian in one of its large talons. As what's left of the plane falls into the ocean and slowly sinks to the bottom, the Helmaroc king brings Sebastian up to eyelevel before emitting a loud, angry squawk right in the poor boy's face, causing him to cry even harder.

Simon, with a sinister sneer on his face, looks down from the Helmaroc King's back at Sebastian's helpless state. "Well, well, well… Looks like the shoe's on the other foot and your life is in my feathered friend's talon."

Sebastian's body tenses up as the Helmaroc King's grip on him tightens. "M-Mr. Blackquill, I'm so, so sorry about what happened to Oswald! It was an accident and I swear on my reputation as the best prosecutor that it'll never happen again! Just have your giant bird put me on its back and we'll put this mess behind us."

Simon pets Taka as he thinks about Sebastian's fate. "You know what, Debeste-dono, I am completely certain that this will never happen again."

"Thank you, Mr. Blackquill! I promise, I'm a changed man." Sebastian jovially states with a sigh of relief.

Simon gives Sebastian a wry smile as he sets out a sinister laugh. "Oh, I think that you will change… into fish food after the Helmaroc King drops you to your doom!"

"WHAT!?" Sebastian shrieks in a voice five octaves higher than normal.

"You see, Debeste-dono, the Helmaroc King thinks that you're really gross, so his only choice is to drop you." Simon states in as he gives the Helmaroc King a thumbs down, signaling the mighty bird to drop Sebastian, which it does with pleasure.

"Whoops…" Simon sneers as he watches Sebastian screaming at the top of his lungs as he falls to his doom.

Before Sebastian can hit the surface of the water, he is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell.

* * *

The show focuses back on Blaise. "Y'know, this punishment slightly aggravated me. Not because it involved my worthless son, but because it involved birds. Y'see, birds and I do not get along- doves in particular. Y'see, whenever I'd be in my home office, the second I get started on something, this dove would start cooing outside my window. It wouldn't matter what time of day or what weather it was, that accursed dove would always be there to irritate me. Y'know, whenever I'd complain about this to anyone, they'd always remind me of how the dove is the bird of 'peace', but from my experience, they're the Sebastians of the bird world where their main goal is to constantly annoy me and make me want to go on a warpath, y'see! I better move on to the next punishment before I get really angry!" Blaise yells as he grips his lighter, causing a large flame to erupt from it.

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "Mii2U would like to see me confuse our poor friend, the Judge… more than he already is, y'see… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise turns on a screen which shows the Judge sitting at his bench preparing for his next case.

The Judge slams his gavel to silence the mumbled voices in the crowd. "Court is now in session for the trial of Apollo Justice."

"The defense is ready, Your Honor." Apollo states.

"The prosecution is ready as well, Your Honor." Apollo states.

The Judge, whose wide, shocked eyes dart between the two Apollo's before looking over at the defendant's chair, which is currently being occupied by another Apollo. "Mr. Justice…?" The Judge nervously asks.

"Yes, Your Honor?" All three Apollos ask in unison.

The Judge scratches his head. "I'm confused. How are there three of you? And more importantly, if there are three Mr. Justices, then which one do I hand out penalties to?"

"That's easy, Your Honor, the defense because the defendant is clearly guilty." Apollo says with a cocky expression.

"Objection!" Apollo yells with an outstretched finger. "The defendant, Apollo Justice is completely innocent. As I voiced to the prosecution earlier, the only person who could have committed this crime is none other than Apollo Justice!"

"Wait, but isn't Apollo Justice your client, Mr. Justice?"

Apollo shakes his head. "No, Your Honor, I suspect that this heinous murder was the handy work of Apollo Justice." Apollo points to an Apollo in the audience who is wearing Clay's jacket and a bandage over his right eye.

The judge grips his head. "I'm so confused…"

"Don't worry, Your Honor, my first witness will clear everything up for you. I call to the stand Detective Apollo Justice!" Apollo confidently states with his Chords of Steel.

Another Apollo steps up to the witness stand.

"Witness, please state your name and occupation for the court."

"I'm Detective Apollo Justice, and I'm fine! I'm a detective working in Homicide." Apollo bellows..

"Good. Witness, please tell the court what happened on the night of the murder."

"At 8:15 p.m. in the house of Apollo Justice, Apollo Justice was found dead in his foyer. The weapon that took his life was a golden statue of Apollo Justice. After dusting the fingerprints on the statue, we found one set of prints belonging to the defendant. We also have two witnesses, Mr. Apollo Justice and Mr. Apollo Justice, who saw the defendant murder Apollo Justice with the Statue of Apollo Justice. We-"

The Judge interrupts Apollo's testimony by slamming his gavel. "Before I allow this trial to proceed any further, I have to settle this once and for all: Who is the real Apollo Justice here? The defendant? The victim? One of the 100 Apollo Justices in the audience? Someone please tell me because I sure don't know!"

"I'm Apollo Justice and I'm fine, Your Honor." Prosecutor Apollo states.

"No, I'm Apollo Justice and I'm fine." Attorney Apollo states.

"Neither of you is Apollo Justice because I'm Apollo Justice and I'm fine." Detective Apollo argues.

"Hey, don't forget about me, Apollo Justice, who is also fine!" Defendant Apollo chimes in.

"I'm Apollo Justice, and I'm only fine if you can prove it to me with definitive evidence." The edgy Apollo with the eye bandage states in a forced, over-the-top gravelly voice.

Soon, every Apollo in the courtroom starts stating that they are fine with their Chords of Steel, gradually getting louder as they argue over which one is the real Apollo Justice. Soon, the intensity of their combined Chords of Steel becomes so great that it causes the courtroom's ceiling to start collapsing and crushing several Apollo's as debris starts falling. As an especially large piece of the ceiling plummets towards the Judge, he braces himself for death, but before the rubble crushes him, he is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell.

* * *

The show focuses back on Blaise, who is pinching the bridge of his nose out of stress. "Why do you people give me these sorts of punishments? Y'see, the whole 'put a character in a universe filled with someone they absolutely hate' punishment, while good on paper, is just so limited, y'know. Y'see, that type of punishment is hard to write up, not because it is hard, but because of how repetitive it gets. The only time it works is when it's done to an easily confusable character, like the Judge, y'see, but even then, it often or not comes off as repetitive and confusing…

Blaise takes out Mii2U's note. "To give you an example, I have here the note that Mii2U sent me right here, y'see. And this is what they wrote, word for word, 'Apollo Justice is murdered by Apollo Justice in the house of Apollo Justice with a statue of Apollo Justice, and the case is brought to court! Testifying are Detective Apollo Justice, Apollo Justice and Apollo Justice who saw the incident unfold. Prosecuting the case is Apollo Justice, and defending Apollo Justice for the crime is Apollo Justice.'" Blaise incinerates the note with his lighter before flicking away the ashes. "Y'know, just reading that note was enough to give me a migraine; but I chose to go through with for the reason that I stated above."

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "ItsMuffinTime would like to see Edgeworth's little lapdog, Gumshoe, have a bad commute… Let the punishment commence.

Blaise turns on a screen which shows Gumshoe, in his normal attire, sleeping on a piece of dirty cardboard in the corner of his small, dingy one-room apartment. Suddenly, he is snapped out of his blissful, dream-filled sleep and left in a groggy stupor thanks to the loud beep of a nearby walkie-talkie that serves as his phone, on account of his latest salary cut putting phone service out of his price range.

"Gumshoe, where the hell are you?!" Edgeworth yells over the walkie-talkie, fully waking Gumshoe up as the detective knows that's Edgeworth's 'your salary's getting cut' voice.

Gumshoe quickly picks up the walkie-talkie. "W-What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"My 'problem' is that it's ten o'clock in the morning, there's a big investigation going on and you're nowhere to be found!"

"Sorry, Mr. Edgeworth, I must have overslept, but that's impossible. You see, every morning, I'm woken up at exactly five o'clock by- The mold!" Gumshoe yells as he notices that his apartment is sterile.

"The mold…? Should I be worried, Gumshoe?" Edgeworth asks in a concerned tone, fearful that Gumshoe has finally snapped.

"No, sir, it's just that every morning at around five, the toxic mold coating my apartment releases a foul, deadly odor that will kill me if I stay in the area for an excess of five minutes. Good thing, otherwise I'd have to spend money that I don't have on an alarm clock. But with my apartment clean, I didn't have any indication of the time; so can you please go easy on me this time, sir?" Gumshoe begs.

"Save the excuses, Gumshoe. If you're not at my office in 15 minutes, I'm going to decrease your salary to an amount too low for current mathematics to determine. Understand…?" Edgeworth asks in a tone of suppressed wrath that he only saves for moments when Gumshoe has truly screwed up or when he is pestered by telemarketers.

Gumshoe's hand starts to tremble as he breaks out in a cold sweat. "*gulp* C-Crystal clear, Mr. Edgeworth."

Gumshoe throws the walkie-talkie off to the side as he sprints out of his apartment as fast as he can and is making good time in leaving the building; but a bit of that time is lost when Gumshoe forgets that he is on the 15th floor of his building and falls down 15 flights of stairs as a result.

After losing two minutes lying on the ground floor of his building crying because of a dislocated shoulder, Gumshoe pops his shoulder back into place and rushes out of the building to his parking spot; where, much to his dismay, he sees that his car has been gutted and is currently sitting on cinderblocks.

"No… Not now… Curse you hobos! I steal some of your empty cans so that I can sell them for instant noodle money and you attack me?! HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH ?!" Gumshoe bellows with fury at the top of his lungs as he shakes his fists in the air like an angry gorilla whose banana has been stolen from him. "Great, how am I supposed to get to Mr. Edgeworth's office in time now?" Gumshoe pouts as he kicks one of the cinderblocks.

At that moment, as if it was a sign from the heavens, Gumshoe notices a giant, glowing, neon arrow that reads 'Shortcut to Miles Edgeworth's Office This Way!' pointing into a dark alley nearby.

"Well, isn't that convenient. Maybe my lucks getting better and everything's coming up Gumshoe!" Gumshoe says with a grin as he rushes into the alley.

As Gumshoe goes deeper into the alleyway, the environment becomes darker and darker until it reaches the point where he can no longer see, but no amount of darkness, whether slight or advanced, will keep him from reaching his destination; that is, until Gumshoe feels that his shoes are gone due to the unpleasant feeling of many stones beneath his bare feet.

"Okay, who's the wise guy that stole my shoes? These are my only pair, you know!" Gumshoe says with disdain that he puts aside as the air near him fills with a peculiar aroma.

"*sniff* *sniff* What's that tangy/smoky smell? Is someone cooking something?"

At that moment, a series of tiki torches on either side of Gumshoe ignite, illuminating the area and revealing that Gumshoe is standing on a road made of burning coals.

"Yes, MEEEEE!" Gumshoe scrams at the top of his lungs as he rushes across almost a mile of burning coals.

When Gumshoe reaches the end of the road, he emerges from another alley and notices that he is in the nicer part of town that's near the Prosecutor's Office; the part of town where the people living there don't have to worry about a cheese salesman knocking on their door at around midnight.

As Gumshoe walks towards the Prosecutor's Office, he sees a little girl on roller-skates, wearing a dress with green and orange vertical stripes and a green beanie, approach him with a box of cookies and a large, unsettling smile on her face.

"Hello, sir. I'm a Rainbow Squirt. Would you like to buy a box of my delicious Rainbow Treats…?" The girls smile turns to a look of disgruntlement. "Is what I would ask if you'd actually purchase a box of cookies from us once in a while, you cheap jerk!" The girl yells.

"Hey, pal, I have to scavenge the streets for cardboard that I can burn so that I can stay warm in the winter on account of me being unable to afford heat! So excuse me if buying your cookies is the last thing on my list of needs behind things like my rent, food, and basic plumbing!" Gumshoe retorts.

The girl sneers. "Don't worry, sir, because this box is on the house!" The girl chucks the box of cookies at Gumshoe, which he quickly dodges as they land on the ground nearby and explode, creating a small crater in the spot where it landed.

Gumshoe stares at the crater with a look of horror on his face. "Those cookies explode? What's in those things, pal?!"

The girl playfully giggles. "I'm not telling you, but I'll give you a hint- one of the ingredients is cinnamon; and if you're still curious, we have plenty more cookies where those came from…"

Suddenly, several more Rainbow Squirts appear on the scene and start chucking multiple boxes of exploding cookies at Gumshoe, which he dodges by running in a zig-zag pattern. Fortunately for Gumshoe, he quickly escapes the Rainbow Squirts by running into another alley which leads him to an open area on a deserted island.

"I don't think I'm in LA anymore…" Gumshoe notes as he looks around the area.

"Now, I don't know where this 'LA' place is, but I do know that you're in Area Two of the Deserted Isle." Gumshoe hears someone tell him from behind.

When Gumshoe turns to see who it is, he sees an elderly man with a five o'clock shadow, his white hair in a bun.

"And you are?" Gumshoe asks with a look of confusion on his face.

"I'm the chief of Moga Village, a small town on this island blessed by the bounties of nature. Now, you must not be around or very brave to be wandering through these fields alone."

"Why do you say that, pal? Where I'm from, I'm a detective who has to deal with all sorts of criminals."

"Well, I may not know where exactly you're from, but I don't think that your little criminals can hold a candle to even half of the monsters we have roaming these parts."

"M-Monsters…? As in things like fire-breathing dragons?" Gumshoe asks as he starts to tremble.

"Yup, we have those. We also have monsters that fire electricity, concentrated beams of high pressure water, and even exploding slime. Not to mention-" The Chief is interrupted by some large stomping sounds coming from behind him

"Oh… Crap…" Gumshoe says with eyes like saucers as he sees that he is now eye-to-eye with a large creature that looks like a combination of a t-rex and a pickle.

The Chief turns around and sees the monster that Gumshoe is referring to. "That's a Deviljho, one of the nastiest, deadliest monster you'll ever meet. If you're not careful, it'll eat you up in no time flat." The Chief calmly states as if it's a matter-of-fact.

"If that's the case, then why aren't you more nervous, pal?" Gumshoe asks as his body tenses up.

"Look, kid, when you've lived in these parts for as long as I have, you get used to these sorts of things. That, and I have with me a farcaster that'll get me out of here in no time. Well, good luck with the Deviljho… you'll need it." The Chief throws a small capsule on the ground under him that emits a cloud of green smoke which instantly warps him out of the area.

"No, don't leave me here with that thing, pal! Take me with you!" Gumshoe yells at the area where the Chief was just standing.

The Deviljho, now clearly angry, emits an ear-piercing roar that causes Gumshoe kneel on the ground and cover his ears until it is over; at which point, the beast starts to chase after the poor detective. Fortunately, thanks to many years of constantly being on his feet, Gumshoe is able to keep ahead of the Deviljho as he runs towards a nearby cave in the hopes that it will transport him somewhere else. However, before Gumshoe can reach the cave, the Deviljho, using its powerful legs, jumps on top of Gumshoe and stares down at his terrified face as its mouth begins to water.

The hungry beast then tries to take a bite out of Gumshoe, but before it can lay a tooth on him, the scruffy detective manages to wriggle his hands free and throw his dirty, garlicy-scented coat in the beast's eyes, causing it to reel back in pain and emit a distressed grunt.

With the Deviljho off of him, Gumshoe makes a dash for the cave and upon entering it is transported to what appears to be a bedroom right next to a bathroom.

"I-I think I'm finally safe. Even if there is something here, it couldn't possibly be worse than the giant pickle monster." Gumshoe notes with a sigh of relief.

Suddenly, that relief is turned to dread when he sees Franziska, who had just taken a shower, exit the bathroom wearing only a towel with a grin on her face.

"Ah, there's nothing more soothing for a prodigy prosecutor such as myself than a nice, warm morning shower. Now, to get dressed and- AHHH!" Franziska shrieks upon seeing Gumshoe in her bedroom and brings her arms in to cover as much of her body as she can.

"M-Ms. von Karma, I can explain!" Gumshoe covers his eyes, lest he sees anything and gets whipped even harder.

"Scruffy, what foolishly foolish thoughts of foolishness would foolishly compel you to foolishly sneak into my bedroom?! Are you some foolish pervert that wishes to get a glimpse of my perfect body?!"

"N-No, Ms. von Karma! I didn't want to come in here, I swear! No offense, but I've never had any desire to look at you like that, sir, especially after you have whipped me so many times for even breathing out of line!"

Suddenly, Larry, who is holding a camera, rolls out from underneath Franziska's bed. "Yeah, and even if he was, Franzy, I was here first, so he'd have to get in line!" Larry complains.

Franziska pulls out her whip and starts brandishing it. "Scruffy, for the last time, why are you in my bedroom?!" The prosecutor growls.

"W-Well, there was this sign… an-and burning coals… and then I dodged the Rainbow Squirts and their exploding cookies… a-and then I had to run away from a Deviljho and here I am, sir!" Gumshoe says as quickly as he can.

Without saying anything else, Franziska starts to repeatedly whip Gumshoe with all the might as she can muster, causing the poor detective to scream like a little girl with each lash.

"Yes! Whip him harder, Franzy! His fear will accentuate your beauty!" Larry yells as he starts snapping pictures of the scene, which earns him a lash from her before she returns to whipping Gumshoe.

As Gumshoe starts to lose consciousness, he is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell.

* * *

The show focuses back on Blaise. "I know that the whole 'Monster Hunter' part was a bit out of leftfield, even for this show, but 'Monster Hunter Generations' just came out and it's been on my mind as of lately, y'see. What? You're surprised that I'm a fan of 'Monster Hunter'? It's a series about killing large creatures to gather their parts so that you can craft weapons and armor to kill even bigger creatures and so on and so forth, y'know. What's not to like?"

Blaise starts pulling on his beard and crying. "B-But why should I have to justify myself? C-Can't a man have a hobby in this day and age? Especially when he has to deal with a worthless idiot of a son day and night!"

Blaise empties his goggles of tears. "Seriously, Sebastian is a real handful, y'know. On several occasions, he tried to microwave his head to see what would happen; the most recent being a week before he met Edgeworth, y'know. Y'see, if I didn't play videogames, Sebastian would have disappeared a long time ago. On a side note, I can't believe that this was the first punishment in this series to feature Gumshoe. Though I guess that's understandable, considering how much crap he puts through every day. Anyways, back to the show..."

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "Please Do This, reeeal creative name there. What? Was the name 'Sebastian Deworste The Idiot Is More Creative Than Me' already taken?" Blaise snidely states. "Uncreative name choice aside, they want to see Blackquill surrounded by his arch nemeses… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise turns on a screen which shows Simon lying unconscious on the deck of a ship in the middle of the ocean.

"ADVENTURE!" A small blond-haired boy in a sailor's outfit yells in an ear-piercingly high-pitched voice in Blackquill's ear, causing him to wake up and quickly get to his feet.

Blackquill, who is rubbing his sore ear, flashes the child a death glare as the boy stares at Twisted Samurai with disturbingly huge, unblinking eyes as he takes slow, deep breaths through his mouth that is formed into an equally large and creepy smile, causing the hardened prosecutor to shudder.

"What the hell is with that face? It's bloody creepy!" Simon protests.

"You mean my smile? I can't help smiling on a beautiful day like this when there's so much wonder and adventure to be had!" The boy states in an annoyingly energetic tone.

"Yes, and if you don't stop it and shut your annoying mouth, then I'll do it for you." Simon prepares his fingers to do his cutting motion.

"Well, well, well. Looks like someone's a Mr. Grumpy Pants today." The boy, who is still smiling, says in a cutesy, patronizing voice with his hands to his hips.

"Well, maybe that's because I'm on some bloody boat in the middle of god-knows-where with some irritating brat." Simon cynically states as he pulls out a katana and holds its blade to the young boy's throat. "Normally, I'm above threatening children with violence, but for you I'll make an exception. Tell me where I am or else!"

"W-Well… I" The young boy nervously stutters.

"All's well and good, but don't you think that the boy's had enough?" Simon hears the calm, yet smarmy, voice of a man who is dressed like a stereotypical pirate, long, unkempt hair and all, as he saunters over to the pair.

Simon disengages from the boy, who runs up next to the pirate.

"And who are you?" Simon asks as he points his sword at the captain.

"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, and this is my ship, the Black Pearl." Sparrow says as he bows, as if he's in a performance of some kind. "And the second rule of my ship: I'm the only one allowed to wildly swing around a sword." The pirate states with whimsy as he slowly pushes the blade of Simon's katana towards the ground with a single finger.

"And what's the first rule? Not getting a haircut?" Simon, with a wry smile, jeers.

Sparrow takes out a large bottle. "No, the first rule is to never let my rum bottle run dry."

"Regardless of what your rules are, I am free to wave around my sword if I so please. Otherwise, my sword won't be kept still, if you know what I mean…"

Sparrow quickly snatches the katana out of Simon's hands and points the blade back towards its former wielder. "Ooh, so scary. Now how are you supposed to go around strong-arming children?" The captain playfully asks.

"Yeah!" The boy chimes in.

"You're not helping, Flapjack. Why don't you be a good lad and fetch me some more rum from the galley?" Sparrow hands the bottle to Flapjack who then quickly rushes below deck.

Simon scowls at the smarmy captain. "How dare you?! To take away a samurai's sword is to take away his very life!"

Sparrow's smarmy grin morph's into a stern scowl upon hearing the word 'samurai'. "Are you telling me that you're a samurai?"

"I'm Simon Blackquill, a.k.a. the Twisted Samurai. And while I am a prosecutor by trade, I am well-versed in the Code of the Samurai to the point where I could become one if they were still around."

Sparrow lets out a sinister laugh. "Well, Mr. Samurai, you must not be too bright considering that you're on a pirate ship, a vessel filled to the brim with your natural enemy."

"Natural enemies? The natural enemy of pirates is the ninja, not the samurai, so there is no reason for animosity between us, other than you stealing my sword. So if you would kindly give me back my sword, I'll-"

"Nay, good sir, for samurai and ninjas are both warriors from the same era with the only difference being their methods of combat. But that doesn't matter in the end, considering that both of them are pathetic when compared to pirates."

Simon, his honor besmirched, glowers at his enemy. "I'll make you eat those words, captain…!"

"Oh? And just how do you plan to do that? I have your sword? Remember?"

"A samurai is nothing if not prepared. Taka, teach this man what happens when you mess with the Twisted Samurai!"

Hearing his master's call, taka swoops down onto the ship's deck, but before he can reach Sparrow, the captain pulls out a revolver and kills the bird with one shot, causing it to drop from the air and land on the deck with a thud.

"Taka!" Simon yells at the top of his lungs in distress as he rushes over to his fallen comrade.

Sparrow blows away the smoke coming from the business end of his revolver before putting it back in its holster. "See, this is why you samurais and ninjas and the like can't hold a candle to us buccaneers because unlike you, we have superior long-range weapons."

Without saying a word, Simon uses his infamous finger swipe on Sparrow's hand, causing him to drop the katana, which the prosecutor is more than eager to reclaim. "Weren't expecting that, were you? Well, you'd best be prepared for quick thinking when facing a samurai."

"True, true… But while you samurai and ninjas may have your little tricks, we pirates know that we can easily get past that with the power of numbers. That's why we travel in bands. Speaking of which, allow you to introduce you to my crew…" Sparrow snaps his fingers which causes three pirates to come up from below deck and gather in a straight line in front of their captain.

Sparrow walks over to the pirate on the far left, a man with a thin handlebar moustache and a large hook for a left hand who is wearing a bright red suit, accentuated by a white cravat, and a large red hat with a white feather in it. "This pirate has enough barrels of fun for everyone, will get his crew treasure by the ton, there isn't a boy that wouldn't enjoy working for him: Captain Hook!"

"We'll make this scurvy samurai walk the plank and then go after that brat who cut off my hand, right?" Hook asks with excitement and a sinister undertone.

"Yes, yes. But first, we have to deal with this samurai." Sparrow walks over to the pirate in the center, a short man with white hair and a matching large, thick moustache who is dressed in blue Napoleonic outfit and a large blue hat with a yellow 'c' on it. "He's a captain with one of the best cereals on the Seven Seas: Captain Crunch!"

"A good ass kicking is always part of a balanced breakfast." Captain Crunch states as he cracks his knuckles.

Sparrow walks over to the pirate on the far right, a bright red, human-sized cartoon crab that is wearing a business-casual attire. "And last, but not least, this crustacean sells the best sandwich under the ocean for an arm and a leg: Mr. Krabs!"

"After we beat the stuffin' outta him, I claim dibs on all o' his money!" Mr. Krabs glowers at Simon as he pinches his claws.

"Well, boys, let's show him the pirate's life…" Sparrow remarks as he and his three crew members approach Simon.

The Twisted Samurai, always ready for a challenge, assumes his battle stance with his sword held outward. "You may have numbers, but I have the reflexes of a tiger."

At that moment, Flapjack returns with the rum bottle and hands it to Sparrow. "Ah, good job, boy…" The captain notes as he takes a swig of rum before throwing the bottle in Simon's face; the glass shattering upon impact, some large pieces remaining stuck in the prosecutor's cheeks as thin streams of blood flow down his face.

"BLOODY HELL! Did you just throw your dirty rum bottle in my face?!" Simon yells with fury as he grips his wounded face.

Sparrow shrugs his shoulders as if this is an everyday occurrence. "That's the other advantage that we pirates hold over samurais: we fight dirty. Get him, my hearties!"

"ADVENTURE" Flapjack yells as he jumps on and clings to Simon's face like a giant leech, causing the prosecutor to lose his balance and fall on his back.

As Simon lays helpless on the ground with Flapjack clawing his face like a cat, the other four pirates rush over to Simon and proceed to punch and kick him wherever their hands, feet or claws will hit. Yes, even parts below the belt are not deemed off-limits by these madmen of the sea.

After about five minutes of gang beating Simon into oblivion, the fighting is temporarily stopped as they see another ship sail right next to theirs.

Aboard this ship, a rugged man dressed entirely in black stares from the side of his ship over to Sparrow's. "Avast, Captain Jack Sparrow, prepare to be boarded by James Flint, the greatest pirate who has ever lived!"

Flint jumps aboard the ship and sees Simon, who has been reduced to a bloody pulp twitching on the deck. "What's the deal with that sissy man?" Flint asks as he points at Simon.

"Glad you ask, Flint. This here landlubber is actually a samurai and me and my crew are teaching him what happens to samurais that board our ship."

"Well, I was going to plunder your ship and sink it to Davy Jones' Locker, but I can put that aside for the moment to join you in beating the shit out of this samurai. Self-righteous pricks they are- what with their dogma an' 'oner and all that idealistic crap. Hell, I'll even let MY crew join in the fun as well." Flint snaps his fingers, causing his crew to emerge from below deck on his ship.

"As for my crew, we have Monkey D. Luffy…"

A young man in red shirt who is wearing a red shirt and a straw hat jumps on board the ship. "I'm gonna be the Pirate King!"

"Next, we have Captain LeFwee…" A human-sized red parrot with a peg leg, eyepatch, and a sword for a left hand, who is wearing a purple coat and a purple pirate's hat, jumps on the ship.

"Smartest man on the Seven Seas, I am." The parrot brags.

"And finally, we have Jolly Roger…" A gaunt, human-sized frog wearing a red and white striped shirt and a large, poufy blue hat carefully hops on the ship.

"Ooh, we're going to teach that nasty samurai what's what!" Jolly Roger says in an overly flamboyant tone.

"Let's have some fun, boys!" Flint states as he and his crew rush over to Sparrow and his crew and all of them resume beating the stuffing out of Simon, with the exception of Jolly Roger, who instead attacks him with a flurry of weak, slightly irritating slaps.

With each blow Simon takes, he feels a bit of his strength leave his body. Eventually, after 20 nonstop minutes of pummeling Simon into submission, the pirates feel that they've had enough fun and throw the samurai prosecutor overboard into the cold, raging ocean. When Simon hits the water, his body begins to slowly sink, as if the hands of death feel that he's had enough pain and that it's time for him to rest. As he sinks deeper and deeper, his vision starts to grow dark until he can see absolutely nothing; nothing but the darkness that surrounds him. Suddenly, he is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his vision, he is back in his holding cell.

* * *

The show focuses back on Blaise. "Yes, I know that samurais and ninjas are two completely different warrior classes. To say that they're the same is like saying that de Killer uses the same methods as the Hulk, y'see; a mistake that only idiots like Sebastian would unwittingly make. But I had to improvise for the sake of making the punishment feasible. Y'see, I had to tweak the original punishment because it stated, and I quote, 'I want Simon Blackquill to live in a world without samurais.' Newsflash, Please Do This, that world you describe is essentially the world that we live in right now, y'know. Y'see, while we do have history stating that they existed, but do you see any guys wearing thick armor roaming the streets? No? I thought so. And have you ever noticed how Blackquill doesn't freak out about the Way of the Samurai being a part of daily life?"

Blaise pulls out his lighter and starts playing with it. "Y'see, in my personal opinion, I think that he actually LIKES standing out of the crowd with his overt samurai obsession like some hipster. Yes, a dirty stinking hipster that goes out of their way to stand out from the crowd to make themselves feel like a special snowflake by dressing like a hobo, listening to bands that sound like a guy smacking a washing board against a trash can, and eating kale when, y'see, in all actuality, it makes them look like absolute douches, y'know- and this is saying something coming from the guy who had a part in negatively impacting the lives of nearly every main character in this series, whether directly or indirectly. Y'see, to me, hipsters are perhaps the one group of people even dumber than Sebastian because at least with Sebastian, if you puncture his ego enough, he'll give up for a few minutes; but with hipster's, they never stop no matter how many times you yell at them or repeatedly run them over with your motorcycle- almost as if they're a douchier version of the Little Engine that Could, y'know!" At this point, Blaise is seething with anger, squeezing his lighter as flames erupt from its top.

Blaise takes a few deep breaths to calm down as he imagines his happy place: a realm where he is able to repeatedly punch and kick Sebastian like a training dummy with no repercussions. "Okay, I'm all good now. Let's move away from that topic and onto the next punishment, shall we?"

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "Aeliren85 would like to see Edgeworth reunite with some old friends… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise turns on a screen which shows Edgeworth slowly walking through the hallways of Gatewater Land's Haunted house as he thoroughly scan the area.

"Where's Kay? She was supposed to meet me here at this time." Edgeworth shakes his head to clear his thoughts and then eyes the note with confusion. "Wait, why would Kay send me a note when she could just simply call or e-mail me? Plus, if Kay did want to meet with me, she'd choose a restaurant and make me pay the bill. No… This isn't Kay's work at all but rather one of Debeste's punishments, no doubt."

Edgeworth's breathing hastens as his body tenses, his eyes now darting from side to side so as not to be taken off-guard. "If Debeste was able to find a way to torture me in some weird hotel dimension and even my own office, then what horrors could he summon forth from that diabolically sadistic mind of his in a HAUNTED house?! The name itself implies psychological thrashing! But why am I just standing here when I can just simply leave?"

Edgeworth turns around to leave the way he came in, but to his dismay, the hallway behind him dead ends into a wall.

Edgeworth runs up to the wall and hit it with his fist to make sure that it is real, and sure enough it is, as proven by the pain rushing through his hand. "Curse you Debeste and your powers!" Edgeworth yells through gritted teeth as he squeezes his injured hand.

Suddenly, Edgeworth's loathing is interrupted by the sound of footsteps approaching him from behind a nearby corner. As Edgeworth assumes the famed stance of the Steel Samurai in an attempt to intimidate the person when they came around the corner, it is instead he who is intimidated, or rather terrified, when he sees a person in a Blue Badger Costume meandering towards him as they brandish a large, bloodstained machete.

"The Blue Badger? It's ALIVE!?" Edgeworth screams before quickly regaining his composure. "No, that's a Blue Badge Costume, probably being worn by Meekins who will then try to beat me up or something of the sort. But in my defense, I wouldn't put it past Debeste to give that THING sentience… Alright, Meekins, I know that it's you under that head, so just drop the act and save yourself the embarrassment."

The Blue Badger completely ignores Edgeworth as he continues walking towards him.

"Meekins… This-this isn't funny, you know!" Edgeworth states with apprehension as he presses his back against the wall.

The Blue Badger gives Edgeworth a dry, curt laugh as he continues his approach. "You don't remember me, do you?" The mascot, who is male from his tone, asks in a quiet, slightly high-pitched voice; a voice that one would assume belongs to a cartoon snake that is stalking his prey.

"Sorry, your voice doesn't ring any bells."

"Shame, considering how I know all about you… and that you're the reason that I'm dead." The Blue Badger cynically remarks.

"B-But I've never killed anyone! I'm just a prosecutor fighting for the truth!"

At this point the Blue Badger is right in front of Edgeworth. "Yes, you didn't DIRECTLY kill me, but you're responsible for it nonetheless…" The Blue Badger notices the look of fear and confusion on the prosecutor's face. "Perhaps this will jog up some memories in that clouded, narcissistic head of yours…" The Blue Badger removes his head to reveal the long, gaunt, pale face of a man with blond hair.

Edgeworth's head recoils in shock. "Joe Darke!? Bu-But you're-"

"Dead. I'm well aware of that and I have you to thank for it. That's why I've come here to repay the favor…" Darke remarks as he holds his machete up to Edgeworth's throat.

"I may have prosecuted the case that got you sentenced to death, but I didn't force you to kill all those people. That was your own fault!" Edgeworth yells in a weak, nervous voice."

"But it was never proven that I killed all those people. For all you know, some slasher not related to me could have killed them in their sleep. The only count of murder that I was convicted for, the murder of that cowboy guy, was brought on through your use of fake evidence."

"I was unaware at the time that the evidence was fake! I was being used!" Edgeworth objects.

"Well, from what I've heard in the afterlife, some detectives from that case were able to see through the ruse and tried to unravel it; so why wouldn't 'a prosecutor fighting for the truth', who is known for his logic, just put this case behind him and not look back? I'll tell you why: because by looking for the truth in my case, you would sully that perfect record that you cared so much about. Am I right, Demon Prosecutor?" Darke asks with a wry smile as he takes delight in Edgeworth, who is now starting to fidget.

"I will have you know, Darke, that those days are behind me and I am now a changed man."

Darke chuckles to himself. "And soon the rest of your days will be behind you as well…" The madman readies his knife. "Tell Marshall that I said 'hi'."

As Darke prepares to splice Edgeworth's throat, a burst of adrenalin rushes through the prosecutor's body allowing him to push the madman to the ground and make a mad dash down the hallway. As Edgeworth rushes around the corner that Darke came from, a trapdoor opens up beneath his feet, dropping him into another room of the Haunted House.

As Edgeworth looks around this room, he notices that this chamber has no visible exits and that the only other notable feature being a limp Proto Badger costume, probably part of the attraction as he learned during his last case at the park.

Edgeworth pants as he tries to revert to his calm state of mind. "Okay… Okay… I think that I lost him… Darke wouldn't be mad enough to jump down through a trapdoor, right? No matter, even if he would, I at least have a few seconds to recover."

As Edgeworth says this, the limp Proto Badger Costume stands up and walks over to him, causing him to scream, in a rather effeminate tone, at the top of his lungs.

"Calm down, Miles, I only want to talk." The Proto Badger says in a calm voice that reminds Edgeworth of his own.

Edgeworth's eyes widen. "No, it can't be…"

The Proto Badger removes his head to reveal himself as Gregory Edgeworth. "Glad to know that you remember your dear, old dad, Miles… Too bad I can't say the same for your memories of my teachings." Gregory remarks with a frown on his face, his voice filled with disappointment.

"But Dad, I've used your methods of finding the truth to save many people over the course of my career as a prosecutor."

"Objection!" Gregory yells as he points his arm at his son. "For 15 years of your life, you embraced the methods of von Karma, the man whose ideology was in direct contrast to mine and was my killer, and used them to strike down all in your path as the Demon Prosecutor. Every guilty verdict that you'd win, every innocent man you'd convict was equivalent to you spitting on my grave and dragging my life's work through the dirt; all culminating in the moment when you tried to convict an innocent girl for murdering her sister despite there being obvious proof of her innocence!"

Tears start to form in Edgeworth's eyes as he hears his father belittle him so. Even though he knows that this could be one of Blaise's tricks and this is just an illusion, there is the off chance that this is really his father and he is disappointed in what his son had become.

"But Dad…! I-"

"Save it, Miles. You're no son of mine!" Gregory bellows in a voice of pure anger that he would save only for those that he truly despised.

Upon hearing those words come from his father's mouth, Edgeworth feels as if the room is spinning around him as he falls to his knees. Taking advantage of his son's weakness, Gregory takes out his attorney's badge and throws in on the ground beneath Edgeworth. As the badge lands, it becomes larger and turns into a portal that warps the prosecutor to another part of the Haunted House.

In this new area of the attraction, which consists of only a single long, narrow hallway, Edgeworth is unable to take a rest because he can hear loud, thumping footsteps and the sound of a rattling chain behind him. When Edgeworth turns around to see what is behind him, he sees the Pink Badger approaching him carrying a large ball and chain, the end of which is fastened to their ankle.

"UGGA! I didn't kill nobody but you try to convict me! I kill you, though!" The Pink Badger yells in a surprisingly masculine voice as he starts swinging it around.

"That voice…! Terry Fawles! Is that you?" Edgeworth asks.

"Yes. I'm Terry! On your first case, you keep insisting that I kill Dahlia's sister when I do nuttin'! If you really honest, you would have believed Defense Lady from start and I still be here! And I kill you and will do it because I never lie!"

Edgeworth puts his hands in front of his face as he takes a few steps backwards. "Mr. Fawles, even if I did believe Ms. Fey from the start, I would have called you to the stand and, not wanting to betray that she-demon you were dating, would have killed yourself anyway. The only difference being that it would of occurred much earlier."

Terry pauses for a brief moment. "Sorry. I told a little lie; but that doesn't mean that I won't kill you! UGGA!" The death row convict then proceeds to rush at Edgeworth with his ball and chain, prompting the prosecutor to rush down the hall away from the hulking brute as fast as his legs can carry him.

Unfortunately for Edgeworth, after running for about a minute, he sees that the hallway ahead of him dead ends into a large bottomless abyss. Edgeworth, seeing no way out of this, turns around with his back to the pit of death and sees Darke, his father, and Fawles all approaching him. Crouching into the fetal position, his head tucked between his knees, as he awaits his inevitable death.

Though Edgeworth's luck turns for the better when he hears three gunshots and, upon looking up to see what had happened, sees that all three men have been shot dead on the spot. And while Edgeworth is sad to see his father killed once more, it's better than having to experience being killed by his own dad. As Edgeworth gets back on his feet, he sees the Bad Badger, smoke coming from the business end of his gun, which is actually real, walks down the hallway and approaches him.

"Are you okay, Mr. Edgeworth?" The voice, obviously belonging to Gumshoe, asks?

Edgeworth, seeing his loyal subordinate, breathes a sigh of relief. "Oh, Gumshoe… you don't know how good it is to see you! Say, I always thought that you were afraid to use your gun?"

"Well, sir, normally that's the case, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I couldn't stand to let those creeps and your father do you in… because if anyone gets to kill you, it's me." Gumshoe remarks as he points his gun at Edgeworth, causing the prosecutor to recoil in shock.

"G-Gumshoe! What's the meaning of this?! I can understand Darke, Fawles, and even my own father for resenting me, but YOU! I have been nothing but kind to you over these years!" Edgeworth argues.

"'Kind'…?" Gumshoe snickers. "Strange, I always assume that the definition of kind was a willingness to be good, not treat your detective like crap! Because not only have I stood up for you countless times over the years, but I've also cleaned your office when you're away on trips, and have always been there for you whenever you have a panic attack due to an earthquake. But how do you repay my loyalty? By cutting my salary to the point where I can barely survive!" Gumshoe cynically argues.

"Gumshoe, I only cut your pay due to acts of incompetence, which just so happens to be almost every day. But still, it can't be that bad."

"Do you know what I do for breakfast on a regular day, sir? I wake up and donate blood so that they can give me some cookies and juice. But enough about me, sir, let's focus on you…" Gumshoe cocks the gun.

"Gumshoe, please do-" Before Edgeworth can finish, Gumshoe shoots him in the chest, causing the prosecutor to fall back into the abyss as Gumshoe maniacally laughs.

As Edgeworth falls deeper into the pit, he feels the life leaving his body; but before he dies, he is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell.

* * *

The show focuses back on Blaise. "I know that one of Aeliren85's punishments was already used for this episode, but this is the final episode of the season, y'know. Y'see, I need to use the punishments that are still left. Also, have you guys noticed how that irritating monitor isn't cutting me off despite us doing six punishments?" Blaise points to the monitor that usually beeps at the end of each episode, which lies in a corner of the stage broken and smoking. "Y'see, during the time between last episode and this episode, I bashed Sebastian's head against it over and over until it was broken… and then I continued to bash Sebastian's head against it for the heck of it! So, to sum things up, there will be punishments from the same person. And with that little p.s.a. out of the way, let's get back to the show…"

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "thepudz would like to see Edgeworth face a few personal demons… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise turns on a screen which shows Edgeworth entering the Prosecutor's Office to begin his day.

Edgeworth, fearful about what Blaise will do to him next, eyes his surroundings with the utmost caution. "No murderous members of the Badger Family…. None of my friends trying to get intimate with me… No Gumshoe in general…" Edgeworth calms down as his body loosens up. "Okay, at least this can't be worse than Gumshoe shooting me or doing… other things to me."

As Edgeworth walks over to the entrance to the stairway leading up to the stairway, he is barred from entering by a sea of 'Do Not Cross' tape and a sign that reads, 'Stairway undergoing maintenance. Please use elevator.'

Edgeworth's eyes widen. "No…!"

Suddenly, Edgeworth feels a cold, imposing hand grab his shoulder from behind. "Is this a problem, Miles?"

Edgeworth turns around, and just as he fears, sees that it is none other than his former mentor/ adoptive father, Manfred von Karma, grabbing his shoulder.

"S-Sir…?" Edgeworth manages to sputter out.

"It's been a while, Miles, but we can catch up later; but right now, you have to get to your office or risk tarnishing your perfect on-time record."

"B-But the stairs… They're-" Edgeworth tries to argue as he points at the tape and sign.

Edgeworth is interrupted by Manfred grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and his rear and carrying him towards the elevator, much like how a person would carry a sad puppy. "I don't want to hear any excuses about how you fear elevators. You were raised as a von Karma and, as such, you shall be perfect without exception."

The elevator door opens and a veil of black smoke pours out and a deep, ominous laugh comes from within.

Edgeworth squirms in vain to escape Manfred. "But-But-But-"

Manfred maniacally chortles, thinking how his idealistic fool of an adoptive son will scream, cry, and wet himself, though perhaps not in that exact order, once in the elevator. "Don't worry, Miles, nothing bad will happen…"

"Nnnnnggghhhhoooooooooooooh!" Edgeworth wails as Manfred throws him into the elevator. As the doors close behind him, Edgeworth can see his former mentor waving to him with a wry smile plastered on his smug face.

"No! No Nooo! Let me out! Let out! Let! Me! Ooooouuuuuut!" Edgeworth screams as he rapidly pounds on the elevator door with his fist.

As Edgeworth quickly springs to his feet to look for the 'open' button, he notices, much to his dismay, that this elevator has no buttons.

"What kind of sick elevator is this!? How does it even move?" Edgeworth screams as he hears a 'ding-dong' come from a speaker on the elevator's wall.

"Welcome to the Prosecutor's Office's automated elevator. Preparing retinal scan…" A female voice states as a screen emerges from the wall, flashes a bright blue light in Edgeworth's eyes, and then retracts back into the wall from which it came from.

"My eyes!" Edgeworth yells out in pain as he buries his face in his hands and stomps his foot.

"Welcome… Miles Edgeworth… You shall be taken up to the… 12th… floor." The speaker says as the elevator starts to slowly move upward.

By the time Edgeworth reaches the fourth floor, he is starting to relax a bit. "You know what… Maybe this whole elevator thing isn't that bad. Sure, it flashed me with that light, which was far from pleasant, but it's a whole lot easier than taking the stairs. Maybe I have been overreacting these many years. Perhaps it's time for me to accept that not every elevator is a death trap."

Suddenly, with loud, grating sound of grinding gears, the elevator stops; followed up by the 'ding-dong' of the speaker.

"We're sorry to inform you that we are currently undergoing technical difficulties…" The voice on the speaker announces in a sugary tone as if this is a regular day occurrence.

Edgeworth's breathing starts to hasten as he tries to remain calm. "Okay.. Deep breath… Deep breath… At least the power's still on, meaning that the elevator should resume moving momentarily."

"While we work on the issue, please enjoy some soothing music…" The speaker then proceeds to play the last song that Edgeworth would want to hear; a song that Kay has forced him to listen to on an almost daily basis; a song that is the antithesis to the 'Steel Samurai': The 'Jammin' Ninja' theme song- which, unlike the epic, action-pact 'Steel Samurai' theme, is a feel-good song with a combination of swing and cool jazz; the lyrics of which go as follows.

(Brief cowbell solo)

 _He's the Jammin' Ninja!_

 _He's the Jammin' Ninja!_

 _He's the cool dude that we all like because he's got the power… the power of song!_

 _That's why he's cool!_

 _That's why he's really rad!_

 _But while he doesn't follow the rules, that doesn't mean that he's really… really all that bad!_

(Brief cowbell solo)

 _In fact, he's always there to save the day and_ _Princess Misola!_

 _He fights off crime with his guitar and songs of justice and what is truly riiiiiiiiight!_

 _So, if you're a bad guy, you had better watch your back because the Jammin' Ninja's coming for you and he won't… show any mercy!_

Edgeworth loudly groans as he uses all of his willpower to keep himself from ramming his head through the elevator's wall. "Who, on God's green Earth, thought that it would make sense to have a swing song as the theme to a NINJA show?! Even an earthquake would be better than this unholy cacophony!"

At that moment, as if on cue, the music and the power to the elevator is shut off due to a severe earthquake.

"C'mon! I wasn't serious… about… thaaaaa-" Edgeworth passes out from the intense anxiety brought on by the earthquake.

About ten minutes later, Edgeworth regains consciousness and finds that while the earthquake has ceased, the elevator is still dark and eerily silent. Edgeworth curls up in a corner as he covers his ears in an attempt to block out the memories of DL-6 from rushing back: the lack of air, the arguing between his father and Yogi, and the scream that changed his life. All of these memories rush forth from Edgeworth's subconscious with the strength of a tidal wave and the clarity as if they had happened just yesterday; causing him to start crying and calling out in vain for the father that he had lost on that fateful day.

As the seconds turn to minutes and the minutes turn to hours, Edgeworth can feel the air in the cramped space gradually growing thinner, staler, and harder to breath. As his vision starts to grow fuzzy from oxygen deprivation, he can see Manfred glowering at him with that same wry smile that he saw before the elevator's doors closed. Before Edgeworth's vision goes completely dark, he is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell.

* * *

The show focuses back on Blaise. "Y'know, had it been me and Sebastian in that Elevator during DL-6, I would have killed him within the first three minutes. Y'see, it's not just because I hate the brat with a burning passion, but because any amount of the limited air that little idiot would breathe would be immediately wasted by him screaming and asking me stupid question like if we'd share a bunkbed in Heaven. Even if, by some stretch of the imagination, a guy like me got into Heaven, I wouldn't be sharing any bunkbed with him, y'know… unless, of course, that's what they subject me to in Hell- that is, if Satan isn't already Sebastian, or even worse… my late wife!" Blaise shudders. "With that bit of disturbing imagery permanently burnt into your skulls, let's move on…"

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "Aeliren85 would like to see Edgeworth watch a little show... Let the punishment commence.

Blaise turns on a screen which shows Edgeworth in the same theater that Kristoph was held in during his 'Anaconda' punishment during episode #5 with his arms and legs restrained to a chair in the same manner as the attorney's.

Edgeworth violently struggles in his seat in an attempt to free himself, but to no avail. "Not again! What terrors from Hell is Debeste going to subject me to now?! Franziska whipping me until I'm dead? Being forced to listen to Wright torture me with horrid piano songs?" Edgeworth starts to hyperventilating, his body shuddering from the angst.

Suddenly, two spotlights shine on the stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Debeste Theater is proud to present to you today… 'Steel Samurai Meets the Pink Princes'…!" An announcer excitedly states over the theater's sound system.

"Oh great, Will Powers is going to stab me with the Samurai Spear while Maya or Kay or some other energetic girl that I know irritates me beyond all belief!" Edgeworth cynically whines.

"Though unfortunately, due to injuries sustained due to training, the original actors playing the Steel Samurai and Pink Princess are unable to perform tonight. Though worry not, for we have two actors who are more than capable of playing their roles! Playing the Steel Samurai, we have Larry Butz…!" Larry comes on stage by doing a moonwalk, which results in him tripping.

Edgeworth groans. "Why am I not surprised? Based on my previous experiences on this show, the actress playing the Pink Princess will be…"

"And playing the Pink Princess, we have Wend Oldbag!" Oldbag waltzes on stage as she waves and blows kisses to the crowd as if she's some major celebrity.

Edgeworth shudders. "Of course!"

Larry, upon seeing Edgeworth, frantically starts waving to the disgruntled prosecutor. "Hey Edgey, look at me!" Larry announces as Edgeworth tries his best to pretend that the embodiment of headaches that is his childhood friend is not there, which only results in Larry trying even harder to get his pal's attention.

"Edgey! Edgey! Hey, Edgey! Look up here, Edgey! Yo, Edgey! Edgey! Edgey! Edgey! Edgeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy!" Larry yells, earning him one of Edgeworth's famous death glares.

"WHAT?!" Edgeworth snarls through clenched teeth.

"I'm the Steel Samurai!" Larry states as he holds his arms in front of his torso, his right hand placed over his left, in the Evil Magistrate's signature pose.

Edgeworth sighs in anticipation of the long, arduous road ahead of him. "Larry, that's the Evil Magistrates pose. The Steel Samurai's pose involves him leaning forward while favoring his right side."

Larry shrugs his shoulders. "Tomato, tomatoe! You focus too much on the details, Edgey! You've gotta look at the big picture to fully enjoy life!"

"That attitude right there, Larry, is exactly why you will never be worthy of being the Steel Samurai!" Edgeworth complains.

"Oh, Edgey-poo, I love how you have such strong opinions and steadfast ideals like a real man! That's why I'm going to give you a show that you'll never forget!" Oldbag seductively states as she takes off her mask and throws it off to the side.

"That's a bit out of character..." Edgeworth whispers under his breath.

Hearing Edgeworth's whisper with her superhuman selective hearing, Oldbag waves her hand at the disgruntled prosecutor. "Character-schmaricter! With look like these, I don't need character!"

 _No, what you DO need is to get off the stage!_ Edgeworth thinks to himself as Oldbag starts to do jumping jacks in an attempt to arouse her crush, while at the same time, Larry tries to warm up by trying to touch is toes without bending his knees, which results in him falling flat on his face.

Larry then gets up and pulls out a small, wooden sword. "Behold, People of Rio Grande Banzai, the weapon of your glorious and merciless king, the Shogun Sword!" The dimwitted man yells as he proudly holds his sword above his head.

"Larry, what the hell was that? You botched up every aspect of the show, save the protagonist's name!"

"Oh, name one thing I got wrong, Mr. Steel Samurai Expert…! If you can find any, that is!" Larry yells.

"Where do I start…? First, the Steel Samurai uses a metal spear called the Samurai Spear, not a wooden sword. Second, he is not some evil king, but rather a noble warrior who fights to protect the town of NEO OLDE TOKYO! Where did you even come up with Rio Grande Banzai!? It sounds like some Japanese restaurant that you'd find in Mexico! Not to mention-"

"Alright, alright! I asked you for ONE thing, Mr. Smarty-pants! Geez!"

"Now, now, Butz. There's no need to get confrontational. Maybe Edgey-poo's mood will change once he gets a good look at THIS…!" Oldbag tears off her costume to reveal her pale, saggy body in a tight, pink two-piece bikini, causing Edgeworth to cringe.

"Scratch that, this is even worse than anything that I could imagine!" Edgeworth says in a voice reflecting the sheer amount of trauma in his mind that no amount of therapy will ever fix.

"Oh please, Edgey-poo, I'm just getting started!" Oldbag sensually states before doing jumping jacks again, causing all the wrong things to shake and jiggle.

"I think I'm going to be… *gag*… sick!" Edgeworth says as he tries his hardest to not puke at the sight of this unholy abomination that no mere mortal, no matter how sick or wicked, should be forced to witness.

Suddenly a burst of smoke appears on stage as Franziska, who is dressed in some skimpy Viking outfit, walks onto the stage to the rhythm of music that would be at home in some sleazy strip joint or Larry's apartment on a lonely Friday night.

Edgeworth's eyes widen. "Franziska?! What are you doing here…? And why are you dressed like some woman of the night?!"

Larry readies his sword. "Oh no! It's my arch nemesis, Franzy the Bisexual Barbarian! I have to smite her with my Shogun Sword before she has an orgy with everyone in Rio Grande Banzai!"

"Larry, Franzy the Bisexual Barbarian is the protagonist of your perverted book, not the Steel Samurai's arch nemesis, who is the Evil Magistrate. And how many times do I have to tell you that the Steal Samurai's weapon is the Samurai Sear! Spear! S-P-E-A-R! SPEAR! You know, a stick with a metal point on the end!" Edgeworth objects.

Larry glowers at Edgeworth as he pulls out a wooden spear. "Ok, Mr. Know-It-All! If you love spears so much, how about I take this spear and shove it up you-"

"There's no need to get so hostile, boys…" Oldbag interrupts as she saunters down off the stage over to Edgeworth and sits on his lap, causing his skin to crawl as she strokes his hair. "The reason why Edgey-poo's obsessing over spears so much is because he wants me to wield his Samurai Spear…" Oldbag winks at Edgeworth.

Knowing full well what's about to happen, a strange burst of strength rushes through the stuffy prosecutor's body, allowing him to break free of his restraints, push Oldbag off of him and make a run for the theater's exit.

However, before Edgeworth can reach the door leading out, Larry throws the spear that he is holding at Edgeworth, impaling the prosecutor in the leg as he falls to the ground and screams out in pain.

"Happy that I used the spear now?" Larry sneers with a smug look on his face.

"Larry, you bastard!" Edgeworth exclaims with a mixture of anger and fear on his face as he tries to crawl towards the doors, but is stopped when Oldbag grabs him by the legs.

"Come to Grandma!" Oldbag states with hungry eyes as she drags Edgeworth, whose fingers are digging into the carpet, towards her and flips him on his back.

"No! No! No! No! NOOOOOOO!" Edgeworth wails at the top of his lungs as Oldbag starts to remove his pants. Fortunately for him, before Oldbag can give Edgeworth even more trauma, he is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell.

* * *

The show focuses back on Blaise, who is currently puking into a trashcan. After clearing his system, Blaise gets back up on his feet and seems to be better, though he still looks a bit green around the gills. "Y'know, before anyone mentions how that punishment was the most unpleasant thing that they have witnessed on this show, take solace in the fact that even I was shaken up by that punishment. I'm probably going to have more nightmares from this one punishment than when Sebastian was about ten and was going through a phase where he was in love with the original version of the Chiquita Banana mascot, y'know, the one that was actually a banana!"

Blaise takes a deep breath as he plays with his lighter. "Yep, Sebastian has always been one ****** up little idiot, y'know... Let's move onto the next punishment before I lose my lunch again."

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "aceattorneyjrw would like to see Trucy get in touch with some old faces… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise turns on a screen which shows Trucy alone in her room practicing her magic panties trick, pulling out a full-sized space heater, a vault, and even a puppy with ease.

"Wow! This has been one of the best practice sessions yet. If I can keep this up for tonight's show down at the Wonder Bar, I'll be the bestest magician in no time!" Trucy says gleefully as she packs up her supplies for the evening in a tote bag.

As Trucy packs she is startled by someone laughing behind her. "If that's the best you've got, then you have a long way to go before you can even mention yourself in the same sentence as the great profession of magic!"

Trucy turns around to see Valant appear from a puff of smoke.

"Uncle Valant!" Trucy squeals as she attempts to hug the yellow-clad magician, but he merely responds by pushing her away with his cane.

"Back, you third-rate plebian, for I, the great Valant Gramarye, only accept hugs from the best magicians!"

Trucy recoils out of shock, tears welling in her eyes. "B-But Uncle Valant…" The magician girl tries to hug her surrogate uncle again, only to be repelled once more by his cane.

"Back, you heathenistic insulter of the magical arts! Back, I say!" Valant yells as he swings his cane at Trucy as if he was forcing a lion into a cage.

"Why are you being so mean to me all of a sudden, Uncle Valant?!" Trucy asks as she dodges his attacks.

"Very well, young Trucy." Valant stops his onslaught. "If you must know, it is because your acts are crude, pathetic, and, in a nutshell, low-grade - an insult to the Gramarye name!" The yellow-clad magician accusing points his cane at Trucy, a condescending scowl on his face.

Trucy, letting no one insult her magical prowess, not even those she considers family, puts her hands to her hips and flashes him a death glare. "And just how is my magic 'low-grade'?! I'll have you know that I'm able to pull a lot of strange things from my magic panties- like an actual car tire and even a frozen chicken to name a few!"

Valant laughs a hearty laugh at Trucy's argument. "Ha! You jest me, young Trucy! What next? Are you going to tell me about how you open up your shows with the clichéd Endless Cloth trick?"

Trucy's cheeks redden. "N-No!" She responds as she shoves a bit of rainbow clothe sticking out of her tote bag and quickly zips it up.

"Valant sighs as he tips his hat bellow his eyes to hide his sorrow. "To believe that we have gone from feats such as making entire cruise ships disappear to… magic panties…" Valant says the last part out with disgust. "If only Magnifi were here… At your age, he had already mastered his legendary feats of levitation and disappearance, started Troupe Gramarye, and won two Hattie awards!"

"Oh yeah! Well, did Grampa have Mr. Hat?" Trucy retorts as she brings out her wooden puppet.

"My magnificence takes magic to a whole new level. Woodn't you agree, Uncle. Va-" Mr. Hat is interrupted by Valant slamming his cane on the ground, causing the puppet to be engulfed in flames and burnt to ashes along with Trucy's hat.

"Mr. Hat!" Trucy screams as she tries to recover her partner's ashes, only to see then sucked into Valant's hat, which he holds near them.

After the ashes have been completely eliminated, Valant puts his hat back on his head and gives Trucy a glare worthy of the Fey Clan- eerie, pupiless eyes included. "Ventriloquism is the work of Satan! Each word and bad wood-based pun uttered from the mouth of that unholy puppet is akin to wiping your derriere with your father's cape!"

"You lie! Daddy always loved my tricks!" Trucy objects.

At that moment, Zak Gramarye, in his magician outfit, appears next to Valant. "Trust me, I never have, never did, and never will."

Trucy, with wide eyes, slowly approaches her biological father. "Daddy…? Is that really you?"

As Trucy tries to hug her father to see whether or not he is real, he calmly pushes her away with nary a word, contrary to Valant's over-the-top display.

"Glad to see that you remember who I am after you so eagerly let that Wright guy be your dad. Even going so far as to change your cape color to match his suit…" Zak cynically says as he gestures to Trucy's cloak. "But why should I care? It's not like I ever wanted to be your dad anyway. Why do you think I abandoned you in the first place?"

"N-No. You did that because you didn't want to be caught… Right?" Trucy says with a mixture of hope and confusion in her voice.

Zak utters his infamously boisterous laugh as he slaps her back. "You really think that!? Trucy, you poor, naïve, stupid girl…! If I really loved you, do you think that I'd avoid contact with you for seven long years? Of course not! The second I vanished from that courtroom, I was able to leave behind the obnoxious little girl who would always get in the way of my acts and actually enjoy my life!"

"But-But you always told me how much you loved me…" Trucy whimpers, her lower lip quivering as she tries to hold back the tears forming in her eyes.

"The first rule of being a good performer: one has to know how to hide one's emotions and cater to the audience. Your father was only pretending to love you because that's what he knew you wanted to hear!" Valant chimes in as he twirls his cane.

Zak kneels down and ruffles her hair. "Aw, c'mon! If it makes you feel better, I didn't even want to have a kid in the first place!" The red-clad magician says in a surprisingly playful tone.

"Then why'd you have me, Daddy?" Trucy sullenly asks as a few tears trickle down her cheeks.

"It was actually your mother's idea. She wouldn't shut up about the guilt she felt about giving her first child up for adoption, so she kept pestering me for a child and eventually I just gave in. So long story short, you're just the replacement for a child that your mother loved more. And- Ha ha ha!" Zak kneels as he bursts out laughing.

"What's so funny about your daddy never loving you?!" Trucy wails.

"I-I'm sorry. I just find it ironic that the brat that no one wanted would be the last remaining Gramarye! Your crabapple of a grandad is probably rolling around in his grave over this!"

"And indeed I was…" A deep, intimidating voice says as Magnifi, in his magician's outfit, appears in a puff of smoke in front of Valant and Zak.

Zak tenses up "Magnifi?! You're-"

"Great Houdini above! The great magician lives! I always knew that the greatest magician who has ever walked the Earth could never die!" Valant, being the brownnoser he is, kneels down on the floor and starts kissing Magnifi's boot, which earns him a swift kick in the face.

"Get up, Valant. You're embarrassing both me and yourself…" Magnifi growls as his student gets back on his feet. "Yes, I am alive. I originally never planned to return to the Land of the Living and enjoy my afterlife in peace, but after having witnessed my disappointment of a granddaughter soil the good Gramarye name for seven, count them, SEVEN years, I knew that I had to take action and set things straight."

Valant puts his hands to his hips as he gives Trucy a smug look. "See, now you're going to get it, young Trucy!"

Magnifi breathes a heavy sigh. "I did not come here to punish her, but rather teach her proper techniques. For how can I be angry at her when her role models in magic were such failures. That day in the hospital, the reason that I made that note so vague was that I actually hoped that one of you would shoot me in the head so that neither of you could make a mockery of my arts!"

"Hey! I was a damn good student and husband to your daughter!" Zak snarls at his mentor who doesn't even bat an eye.

"Zak, I'm not going to beat around the bush. While you do have skill as a magician, you're a proud, stubborn blowhard who is too headstrong and extroverted to understand the subtle nuances that makes magic truly great. As such, your acts have always felt incomplete and more like a circus routine.

Valant twirls his cane. "Ha! You've just been alaka-served!"

Magnifi turns to scowl at his yellow-clad student. "Oh, like you're one to laugh, Valant. If anything, I've always hated you more than Zak. That's why I chose him to go first during that little test. If Zak got the trick, I could kill myself and get you charged with murder and if Zak shot me, you'd still be out of the trick!"

Valant recoils in shock as several rabbits, doves and flowers pop out of his hat. "Alaka-no! How could you like Zak better than me? Me! Who was never late to a single lesson? Me! Who would follow your ever order to a 't'? Me! Who resisted the urge to have his way with your daughter out of respect? Me! Me! MEEEEEE!"

Magnifi waits until Valant calms down. "While Zak may be a stubborn, loudmouth douchebag-"

"Hey!" Zak objects, which his mentor ignores.

"He wasn't some sniveling little suck-up with his head so far up my ass that he could use my mouth as a hoodie and a superiority complex that has given him an ego big enough to be classified as a planet. And while Zak has always been rebellious, at least he was willing to take risks. You, on the other hand, always suffered from the exact opposite problem in that you'd get wrapped up in the details of the trick! If either one of you were even slightly capable, Thalassa wouldn't have been shot in the first place!" Magnifi squeezes the bridge of his nose. "With duds like you influencing poor Trucy, it's a wonder that she can even wave a magic wand. That's why I'm going to be teaching her… ALONE!" Magnifi bellows as he snaps his fingers and makes Zak and Valant disappear in a puff of smoke.

Trucy scratches the back of her head as she tries to get a handle on what just happened. "Grandpa, I'm happy that you stood up for me, but you didn't have to be so mean to Daddy and Uncle Valant."

Magnifi places a firm hand on Trucy's shoulder. "That attitude right there, Trucy, is why you'll never be a great magician. For you see, in order for one to become skilled in magic, one has to fully embrace it with every fiber of their being; allocating all of your passion and attention to mastering it and cutting off all ties that dare to stand in the way- including friends and family."

Trucy shakes her head. "How could you say that? Friends and family can only make you stronger! If that wasn't the case, why'd you even have kids."

"Simple. To preserve my incredible perception for future generations. You saw how sentiment had weakened your biological father and Valant. Do you want to end up like them by following in their footsteps…? But judging by that look on your face, you won't listen to reason." Magnifi shrugs his shoulders. "Fine. I guess I'll have to show you some tough love and sever the connection to your friends and family for you; but in true showman's fashion, I'll do it… in song!"

Magnifi snaps his fingers and warps himself and Trucy inside Apollo's apartment, where they are floating above him as he watches t.v. Suddenly, the Troupe Gramarye theme plays as the older magician turns to his granddaughter.

 _You see that man there?_

 _With that glassy stare_

 _And a forehead that's so large?_

 _He probably has no friends,_

 _So you don't have to make amends_

 _When we make him disappear._

 _Based on his face, his mother does not look_

 _Like anything I'd want to see._

 _With that in mind,_

 _Let's make him disappear on the count of three._

 _One, two, three, NOW!_

Magnifi snaps his fingers, causing Apollo to disappear in a puff of smoke, leaving Trucy devastated. However, before she can react, Magnifi snaps his fingers and warps himself and Trucy above People's Park where Athena is going on a jog; which prompts the older magician to start the song again.

 _What an arrogant girl_

 _Thinking she can go_

 _And read other's emotions._

 _We've had that trick down_

 _Since she was in diapers_

 _And I am very, very upset._

 _She seems like the type_

 _To be the assistant_

 _Rather than the main star._

 _So with that in mind,_

 _Let's count to three_

 _And make her disappear._

 _One, two, three, NOW!_

Magnifi then snaps his fingers and causes Athena to disappear in the same manner as Apollo. The older magician then snaps his fingers and warps himself and Trucy in the air above their final destination: a courtroom where Phoenix is facing off against Edgeworth. And Just like the last two times, Magnifi starts the music.

 _Is he your adoptive father?_

 _That guy down there?_

 _He seems pretty pathetic._

 _He looks like he's dealt with_

 _A lot over the course_

 _Of his long life span._

 _So why not let him_

 _Forget the pain_

 _And just make him disappear?_

 _I could do just that_

 _With relative ease_

 _On the count of three._

 _One, two, three, NOW!_

Magnifi yet again snaps his fingers, resulting in Phoenix disappearing in puff of black smoke, much to the shock of Trucy and everyone in the court.

The older magician then proceeds to snap his fingers and warp himself and his granddaughter back to her room.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Magnifi asks as if making everyone that Trucy cares about disappear is a simple chore like taking out the trash.

"You-You-You…!" Trucy struggles to get her words out on account of the overwhelming sadness engulfing her, with tears clouding her vision and her voice consumed with her whimpers.

"Now, now. You don't have to thank me. I'm only doing what I have to do to let you achieve your full potential." Magnifi says in a stoic voice as he gently rubs Trucy's back.

Upon being touched, Trucy's sadness morphs into anger as she slaps her grandfather's hand off of her. "'My full potential?!' Doesn't my happiness matter to you?!" The younger magician yells in her grandfather's face.

Magnifi, being the unflinching man that he is, merely takes a step back to get Trucy out of his personal space. "You may be angry now, but mark my words, you'll be thanking me one day when you're one of the greatest magicians to ever live on stage in front of hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of screaming, adoring fans."

"I don't care if the entire planet is cheering for me! It won't be worth it if I don't have my friends and Daddy at my side! I want my friends and Daddy back!" Trucy pouts as she starts repeatedly stomping her foot on the ground.

Magnifi, seeing his granddaughter in this state, just shakes his head. "You had such potential. I really didn't want it to come to this…" The older magician snaps his fingers, causing a pair of boxers to appear in his hand.

"What are those boxers for?" Trucy asks.

"If you want to be with your friends and adoptive father so badly, then I'll make you disappear as well… into my magic boxers!"

Magnifi holds open the boxers as a powerful gust of wind pulls Trucy towards the boxers; though before she can get pulled in, she grabs onto the banister of her bed and holds on for dear life as the wind starts pulling any loose objects into the boxers. Despite Trucy's valiant struggle to resist being pulled into the magic boxers, the wind increases in power and pulls Trucy, along with her entire bed, into the pocket dimension found within the boxers. As Trucy floats in the void, completely alone, she is blinded by a bright light and when she regains her sight, she is back in her holding cell.

* * *

The show focuses back on Blaise, who is currently mumbling to himself before directing his attention back to the camera. "Sorry about that, y'see, ever since I saw aceattorneyjrw's username, I couldn't help but think that I've seen it somewhere before. Y'know, I don't know why, but their name for some reason makes me think of some weird story that Sebastian would write; and knowing my idiot son, it would probably be some outlandishly ludicrous idea like Phoenix and Mia hooking up in space or something of the sort." Blaise shrugs his shoulders. "Probably just my active imagination acting up again, y'know. On to the next punishment…"

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "codeblue1001 would like to Phoenix have an encounter with an old friend… Let the punishment commence."

Blaise turns on a screen which shows Phoenix sitting at his desk in the Anything Agency as he reads a case file for an upcoming trial, which, like every past trial he's had, seems to be very much against him.

Phoenix looks at the clock on the nearby wall and notices that it's three in the afternoon. "Strange. Trucy should be back from school by now. …" Phoenix takes a sip of coffee from the 'Bestest Daddy Ever!' mug that his beloved daughter made him last Father's day.

With each passing minute, Phoenix grows more and more uneasy; his arms fidget as he clenches the now-sweat-drenched case file with pale knuckles. Eventually, the fidgeting spreads down to his legs, causing his feet to swing back and forth as if he was on a playground swing set. Unable to bear the angst, Phoenix gets up and starts to pace around the office, not unlike a lion monitoring its territory, as he takes out his cellphone and calls the one person he knows with more experience in child rearing than him.

"Maya, it's Trucy! She-" Phoenix is cutoff by a loud sigh of irritation from his now-disgruntled former assistant.

"Let me guess- a boy asked her out on a date and you need my help to sabotage it… AGAIN? Look Nick, I can understand where you're coming from and I respect that, but you're fighting a losing battle. Trucy's a cute, talented young lady who has a lot going for her; so of course guys are going to be wild for her. And as much as you don't want to believe it, she's almost at that age where she'll be off to college. And what'll you do then? Move the Anything Agency into a van and follow her around the nation with Apollo like the Scooby-Doo people?"

"I thought that was established since I filled out Trucy's adoption papers." Phoenix comments with a wry grin reminiscent of his poker days.

"Nick, I didn't take your call so you could joke around!" Maya pouts.

"Sorry, sorry…" Phoenix says as he tries to suppress his laughter of having irritated Maya for a change. "No, the reason why I called is that Trucy's still not back from school yet and I'm starting to get worried."

Maya lets out another long sigh as Phoenix can hear the distinct sound of her palm slapping her forehead.

"Don't give me that, Maya! She's my little girl who could be in distress at this very moment! For all we know, she could have been mugged and beaten within an inch of her life in some alley! Or Gumshoe finally had to resort to cannibalism to survive and is eating her leg like a drumstick! Or her math teacher could be sexually exploiting her in the school's basement in exchange for raising her failing grade! I told you that Moe Lester guy was nothing but trouble, but did you listen?! No! No, you did not! I have half a mind to-"

"Nick! Nick! You're going down that road again, but this time I'm not bailing you out of prison!" Maya yells in a patronizing voice, on that a mother uses to discipline her child, rendering Phoenix silent.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Maya resumes the conversation. "Nick, I know that Trucy's your little princess and you want nothing to happen to her, but you have to put some trust in her. As for today, she probably got out of school and chose to go over to Jinxes' place and just forgot to call you. Did you even try to call her cellphone?"

At this moment, Phoenix is so glad that he's talking to Maya over the phone so she can't see how red his face is at the moment. "W-Well, no… But in my defense, my mind was so focused on Trucy and the Mick Tractor case tomorrow."

Maya chuckles. "Well Nick, looks like you have the mind of a geezer to match your old people hobbies, attitude, and diet, Mr. Fiber Done Cereal!"

"Hey, you know that my doctor has instructed me to eat more fiber since the fruitcake that you made last Christmas made me constipation for half a year." Phoenix retorts.

The sound of a door knocking can be heard coming from Maya's end. "I have to get that. See you later tonight for burgers!" Maya cheerfully exclaims as she ends the call.

Phoenix, heeding Maya's advice, calls up Trucy's cellphone and is greeted by a disguised, muffled voice.

"Open your office door." The voice curtly sates.

"Wait, who is-" The person ends the call before Phoenix can finish. Phoenix, now nervous that something really has happened to his precious daughter, tries calling her cellphone multiple times, only to be sent straight to voicemail.

Having nothing to lose, Phoenix opens the office's door and sees a cardboard box, tightly sealed shut, with a typed note taped to the top reading 'To Phoenix Wright'. Phoenix then takes the box into his office and places it on his desk on top of the case file he was reading. Then, with a pen, he manages to pry the top of the box open, where he finds a piece paper lying on top of a bunch of tissue paper.

"A note?" Phoenix ponders as he picks up the piece of paper and reads the typed words on it to himself, which are as follows.

 _Phoenix Wright,_

 _If you are reading this note, then you are probably worried about why your daughter isn't home yet. If this is true, which, knowing your sentimentality, probably is, it will please you to know that she is with me and is unharmed… though not for long. You see, Phoenix, you have ruined my life, so I feel that it is only right to repay the favor by ruining yours; an eye for an eye, as they say. But because I love to see you suffer, I'll give you a little challenge: If you manage to find me before seven o'clock this evening, I'll let your daughter go free; but if you fail, then she won't live to see sun rise tomorrow. I hope that you don't disappoint me…_

 _With disdain,_

 _A Person Who Despises You_

 _P.S. If you want to know what'll happen to Trucy if you call the police, look under the tissue paper…_

Out of curiosity, Phoenix remove the tissue paper form the box and lets out a bloodcurdling scream upon seeing Apollo's severed head in the box.

"APOLLO!" Phoenix shrieks, clutching his chest. "Don't worthy, little buddy, I'll avenge you with the help of the one man more capable than every police officer on this planet combined!" Phoenix concludes slamming his fist on his desk.

Phoenix, knowing full well that Edgeworth would not only be able to work fast, but also with a surprising amount of stealth, knows that the 12th floor office of his childhood friend is the best place to look; though with how Edgeworth is not answering is phone, the chances of him being available to help are looking slim.

When Phoenix enters Edgeworth's office, he is horrified to see the normally tidy office thrown in to disarray, what with the chess table by the door tipped over, the Chief Prosecutor's frilly suit that he keeps framed lying crumpled on the floor, and several files strewn across the floor as if there was a fight; though the most noticeable thing in the room that shakes Phoenix to his very core is Edgeworth, whose body is beaten and bruised and eyes blank and glassy, limply laying back in his chair as the Samurai Spear that he keeps in his office for show protrudes from his diaphragm like a flagpole.

Too stunned for even screams, Phoenix approaches the corpse of his dearly departed friend and gently closes the man's eyes. "I know… Y-You wouldn't want me to cry…" Phoenix clenches his fist in an attempt to hold back his tears as he snorts back a stream of mucus. "Well, at least you're reunited with your father after all these years and- What's this…?" Phoenix notices a typed note, similar to the one he had received earlier, taped to the shaft of the spear; which he picks up and reads to himself, which reads as follows.

 _Phoenix Wright,_

 _If you are reading this note, then you are even more predictable than I thought. You see, I figured that you would try to run to your friends for help, so to make sure that they wouldn't give you an unfair advantage in our little game, I made sure to permanently silence them._

 _With disdain,_

 _A Person Who Despises You_

 _P.S. To give you a little motivation to find me faster, why don't you take a peek inside the box that I left on your friend's couch…_

Phoenix looks over to Edgeworth's couch and notices a cardboard box placed right in the middle of it. When Phoenix opens it, he is horrified to see Pearl's severed head in it this time.

"PEARLS! That's it! I'm getting the coldest, crudest, bloodthirsty person I know to put that psycho in their place!" Phoenix snarls as he storms off towards Franziska's office.

"Franziska!" Phoenix yells as he violently opens her door. "I need-" The attorney's eyes widen in terror and disbelief as he sees Franziska's corpse, her trusty whip tied around her neck, hanging from her office's light, dangling like some sick wind chime.

"Done in by her own whip… How ironic…" Phoenix, who at this point is emotionally numb from all that has happened to him, sullenly muses.

Phoenix notices yet another note taped to Franziska's shoe, which he removes and proceeds to read to himself, which reads as follows.

 _Phoenix Wright,_

 _If you are reading this note, then you are even denser than I thought. When I said that I silenced your friends, I meant that I silenced ALL of your friends. If I were you, I'd stop trying to seek help and start searching. Remember, every minute counts._

 _With disdain,_

 _A Person Who Despises you_

 _P.S. To really drive my point home, take a peek inside the curio cabinet behind Ms. von Karma…_

Phoenix slowly approaches the large, wide wooden cabinet and, as if he is ripping off a bandage, quickly opens the right cabinet, expecting to find another one of his friends' heads, but breathes a sigh of relief at seeing that there's only another note; though upon reading the note, which says _'Wrong cabinet :P'_ , Phoenix's dread is re-instilled.

Phoenix then slowly closes the right cabinet and, with a trembling hand, opens the left cabinet to see the worst possible thing that could be in there: Maya's severed head, which, by the look of its reddened eyes, was crying before it was forcibly removed.

Phoenix falls to his knees and grips his face as he cries salty tears of anguish. "No… NO…! Why'd it have to be Maya?! She didn't deserve THIS! She never did anything wrong- except bleeding my savings dry to feed her insatiable appetite; but other than that she was innocent!"

Phoenix gets back up on his feet as his rage starts to surface, his nostrils flaring as each breath of air he exhales results in a guttural grunt. "What sick monster would go to such lengths to torture me so?!"

And at that moment, the identity of the only person who could have done on this hits him like the Thinker clock: Kristoph Gavin. It was so painfully obvious that Phoenix feels disgustingly embarrassed for not coming to this conclusion sooner. For one, Kristoph, at least for as long as Phoenix had known him, always had a pension for playing games based on toying with your opponents: Stratego, Clue, Jenga- they were always Kristoph's first choices when he'd come over to the Anything Agency for game night. In addition to his over-the-top vengeance plans, as seen by him killing two, almost three, people and ruining Phoenix's career over losing a game of poker.

So with that in mind, Phoenix storms over to the local prison where he is going to make Kristoph rue the day that he tried to strike him down; because you can take away Phoenix's badge, you can scar his protégé's psyche, but when you mess with his daughter, he will claw your face off like an angry helper monkey.

When Phoenix gets to the prison and asks, or rather demands, to see Kristoph in a tone of voice terrifying enough to make the officer in charge of the front desk shudder and cry, he is taken to Kristoph's cell; where upon arrival, both he and the officer are shocked to see Kristoph lying dead on the floor of his cell with a note placed on top of him.

" _I guess I was wrong. But if Kristoph didn't kill my daughter, then who did?"_ Phoenix thinks to himself as he scratches the back of his head while the officer enters the cell and picks up the note, which he begins to read aloud.

"Phoenix Wright, if you are reading this note, then you're getting warmer. I'm the only one who gets to torture you; hence why I killed this guy so he would cause me any trouble. Since you were able to put on your big boy pants and actually get something done on your own, I'll give you a little hint: I'm currently holding your daughter hostage in the place where we first met. Hope I didn't waste that hint on you… Feenie. With disdain, You-Know-Who…"

Phoenix eyes widen as his jaw drops to the floor. "No… It can't be…!"

Phoenix rushes out of the prison and, summoning all his speed, rushes over to the Courthouse and makes his way down to the basement, which is pitch-black.

Phoenix slowly treads through the basement, arms outstretched as to not run into anything. "Where's my daughter? I know you're holding her here, Dahlia!"

Suddenly, the lights flash on as Dahlia, who is holding the back of Trucy's neck, walks up to him with her infamously angelic smile. "Bravo, Phoenix, I'm honestly impressed that you made it here- and with half an hour to spare, none the less. I'm actually impressed." Dahlia comments as she looks at a clock on a nearby wall.

"Save your praises, you horrid, vile woman! Now, I don't care how the hell you've come back to life, but I've completed your twisted challenge; so give me back my daughter or I'll give you what's I've been saving since I was 20!" Phoenix snarls as he starts cracking his knuckles.

"My, my, Phoenix, maybe if you'd shown this side of you when we first met, I would have actually respected you…" Dahlia sneers. "Well, a deal's a deal; so I'll let your daughter go…"

The redheaded she demon releases her grip on Trucy and pushes the magician girl towards her adoptive father.

"See her biological father in the afterlife!" Dahlia sneers with a wry smile as she pulls out a pistol and shoots Trucy in the back of the head.

"Daddy…" Trucy weakly states, a look of sadness on her face, as she falls face down on the ground.

"TRUCY!" Phoenix bellows as he runs over to his fallen daughter and scoops up her limp, lifeless body in his arms.

"Aww! How touching…" Dahlia mockingly coos. "So Phoenix, how does it fail to be completely worthless for the second time in our relationship?"

Phoenix gently puts his daughter down on the ground as he gets back on his feet, flashing a look of utter hate at his ex-girlfriend. "You BITCH! I go through your 'challenge' see the many ways that you've brutally murdered my friends and you go back on your promise like that! I thought that you were a demon, but I was wrong- DEAD wrong.' Demon' is too nice a term to describe you! No, you're the smelly sweat that was wiped off the armpit of Evil with a cloth of malice, wringed out into a pail of misery, and then used as bath water by the presidents of telemarketing companies!"

Dahlia laughs her usual sweet, innocent laugh. "Stop it, Feenie, you're making me blush!"

"Grrrrrrrrrr…! I'LL KILL YOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU!" Phoenix screams at the top of his lungs as he rushes at max speed towards Dahlia and tries to punch her face, only to see her body become a cloud of mist before returning to its normal form.

"Aw, how cute! You're as pathetic as your mentor was a stupid slut!" Dahlia coos.

Phoenix tries once again to attack Dahlia with a flurry of punches, only for her to dodge each one of them by turning into a cloud of mist before rematerializing. After a few minutes of this one-sided combat, Phoenix is tired, heavily panting as he tries to keep on his feet.

"Aw, what's the matter, Feenie? Tired? Don't worry, because I'll give you a nice, long sleep…!" Dahlia shoots Phoenix in the heart with her pistol, causing him to land next to his now-dead daughter.

"Trucy…" Phoenix weakly says as he struggles to keep his eyes open. "I'm sorry…"

As Phoenix feels the life draining from him, he is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell.

* * *

The show focuses back on Blaise, who is crying as he pulls on his fake beard. "T-The lengths a father would go to save their child... I-It really brings a tear to my eye, y'know…"

Blaise empties the tears from his goggles. "Fortunately, I wouldn't have to worry about that sort of thing with Sebastian because I hate him with every fiber of my being, y'know. Y'see, I'd sell Sebastian's soul for a stick of gum."

A grin spreads across Blaise's face. "Y'know, if someone was stupid enough to want to kidnap Sebastian and succeeded, I can tell you that they'd probably be paying ME ransom within the first three hours to get the little idiot off their backs. Y'see, there's only so much of that brat crying and complaining about little things like, 'Pops! Give me a hug!' or, 'Pops! Let me out of the dryer!' or my least favorite, 'Pops! Stop frogging me with an extension cord!'"

"Waa! Waa Waaaaa! I'm Sebastian and I'm an overly sensitive idiot who likes to piss off my pops by acting like a big, stupid baby all the time! Waaaaa!" Blaise cries as he pulls on his fake beard while doing an over-the-top impression of Sebastian.

Blaise empties his goggles. "Y'know, as much as I'd love to sit here all day and belittle my stupid, worthless son, we have a show to continue. On to the next punishment…"

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note. "Aeliren85 would like to see Edgeworth deal with the media… Man, four punishments in one episode- sucks to be Edgeworth. Let the punishment commence.

Blaise turns on a screen which shows Edgeworth sitting in a posh, red leather armchair in his apartment, reading a book to unwind, when he is interrupted by the sound of someone knocking at the door.

Getting up from his chair, Edgeworth opens the door and is shocked to see Kay, who is staring at him with tears in her eyes, along with Fulbright, who is glaring daggers at him.

"Is this the guy, ma'am?" Fulbright asks, pointing an accusing finger at Edgeworth.

"Y-Yeah! That's him, Detective!" Kay sniffles.

"That's all I need to hear! In justice we trust!" Fulbright proclaims as he grabs the back of Edgeworth's neck and starts repeatedly slamming his head against his door before proceeding to put his hands behind his back and slapping a pair of handcuffs on his wrists. "You're going away for a long, long time, creep!"

"This is madness! I know my rights and as such, you are required to inform me as to what crime I had committed to justify this behavior!" Edgeworth objects with a justifiable look of anger and terror on his face.

"You're under arrest for physically and sexually assaulting your assistant, Kay Faraday!"

Edgeworth's eyes widen in shock. "WHAT!? I have done no such thing, Fulbright!"

"Don't try to worm your way out of this! We have cold, hard evidence depicting your heinous crime! SEE…?!" Fulbright shows Edgeworth a newspaper, which the disgruntled prosecutor reads out loud.

"' _Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth Beats Assistant into Submission and Licks Her Good! … According to reports from Prosecutor Edgeworth's young assistant, Kay Faraday, she recently had a game night with her boss. During the evening, Edgeworth beat Kay until she cried. But despite her best efforts to fight back, Edgeworth was too strong and proceeded to lick her good until she couldn't be licked no more. That Edgeworth, always a player!'_ Detective, I am being honest with you when I say that my relationship with Kay has always been completely platonic and healthy. The closest thing I came to 'beating' her was when I defeated her in a game of Scrabble a few nights ago."

Fulbright turns to Kay. "Is this true, ma'am?"

"Y-Yes. But in my defense, he was using all these words that I don't even think were actual words! And to add insult to injury, he would always have some snappy one-liner for each word like, 'I going to play my trumpet for that strumpet.' I HAD to get back at him somehow!" Kay objects, much to Fulbright's disappointment.

"How DARE you use justice as some tool in your sick, twisted game?!" Fulbright growls, shaking his fist in fury.

"Well, I'm really sorry and I promise I won't do it again." Kay says with her best 'I'm sowy' face, big, teary eyes and quivering lower lip included.

"I'm so sorry for the disruption, sir. Please forgive me." Fulbright sullenly says as he removes the handcuffs from Edgeworth's wrists. "Here's the newspaper article that led me here." Fulbright hands the newspaper over to Edgeworth before running out of the area while crying about how he was used.

Edgeworth takes a closer look at the article to see just who wrote something that could cause him so much pain- and then he sees it at the top of the page in the area crediting the writer, the name that has been a thorn in his side since he was but a child: Larry Butz.

"Larrrryyyy…!" Edgeworth seethes as he squeezes the life out of the poor newspaper.

Edgeworth pulls out his phone and dials up Larry. After waiting for a few seconds, Edgeworth is greeted by the living, breathing pain in the ass himself.

"Yo, Larry Butz, ace reporter here. How may I help you?"

"Larry! You have a lot of explaining to do?!" Edgeworth yells.

"Yo, Edgey! How you been?" Larry nonchalantly asks, completely oblivious to those around him, like always.

"'How have I been?' 'How have I been?!' I'll tell you how I've been! I was almost arrested just now over your newspaper article!"

"Arrested? I didn't know it was illegal to beat people at board games." Larry says in a tone that Edgeworth can't tell is backhanded or legitimate stupidity.

"No, they thought that, based on the wording, that I had actually beaten and sexually assaulted Kay!"

"And just how is that my fault? I clearly said that you defeated Kay in the title." Larry asks in a tone of confusion.

"Larry, you said that I beat and lick her with no context as to what actually happened. Of course they're going to think that! Just next time, try to be a bit clearer with your stories, okay?" Edgeworth begrudgingly asks, knowing full well that yelling at Larry about his wrongdoings is about as effective as yelling at a brick wall- scratch that, at least the brick doesn't talk back.

"No problemo, Edgey!" Larry jovially responds. "I'm just glad you're not upset about the spicy photo of you that I put on the back page for all the ladies."

"W-What!" Edgeworth gags a little at almost swallowing some spit down the wrong pipe before turning the newspaper over to see, much to his dismay, a picture of him getting out of the shower reading, 'Cleaning up the long arm of the law…' Though fortunately for the disgruntled prosecutor, his numbskull friend at least had the decency to put a black censor bar over his private area.

"H-How in God's name did you even get a picture of me in the shower, Larry?!" Edgeworth yells as his face becomes red from embarrassment.

"I have my ways, Edgey, I have my ways…" Larry replies in a seedy voice as Edgeworth shoots a glare over at Kay, who is giving him a sheepish smile.

"Don't look at me like that! He gave me five dollars to shoot that pic!" Kay says as Edgeworth continues to give her his stare of death, causing the young girl to anxiously look down at her watch. "Well, would you look at the time! I have to go… feed homeless kittens!"

Kay storms out of the area as Edgeworth returns to his conversation with Larry.

"So Edgey, whatcha doin' tonight…?" Larry asks like a high school girl who's inquiring about their friend's crush.

"Well, since you ask, I'm going to meet up with Franziska tonight over some diner and reconnect with her. We don't really get to see each other that often due to our involved careers, so it's important for us to carve out some time to bond as siblings. Sure, Franziska can be a bit… difficult, but she's my adoptive little sister and I love her."

"That's all I need to know…" Larry says with giddy in his voice before ending the call.

While Edgeworth is apprehensive about what Larry's planning, he decides that it is not worth his time and instead focuses on his night with Franziska; which goes by swimmingly, with the exception of the part where his dear adoptive sister made their waiter cry because her stake was well-done and not medium-rare.

The next morning at around five in the morning, Edgeworth is enjoying a blissful sleep, filled with dreams of the Steel Samurai and him fighting crime, when he is jolted awake by the sound of loud, angry knocking at his door.

Edgeworth, with a groan of resentment, gets out of his bed and makes his way to the door, where upon opening it, he is whipped by Franziska.

"I hate you, Miles Edgeworth! I hate you with every fiber of my being!" Franziska yells as she whips Edgeworth again for good measure.

"It's good to see you too, Franziska." Edgeworth nonchalantly replies, which earns him another lash.

"I'm not in the mood to deal with your foolish remarks today, little brother! Have you read today's foolish paper?" Franziska asks with venom in her voice.

Edgeworth pinches the bridge of his nose as he lets out a heavy sigh. "Something tells me that I don't want to."

"Well, Miles Edgeworth, here it is in all its foolishly foolish glory and it's all your fault!" Franziska thrusts the newspaper in Edgeworth's face, which he reads aloud.

"' _Miles Edgeworth has Night of Passion with Sister, Franziska von Karma! … Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth has stated, on record, to this handsome and dashing reporter that he planned to take his little sister, Franziska von Karma out to dinner so that he could proclaim how much he loves her. Even though he says, 'sure, Franziska can be a bit… difficult', he hopes to reconnect with her- and probably in more ways than one… *wink* *wink*'_ LARRRYYY!" Edgeworth screams as he death grips the newspaper.

Franziska whips Edgeworth. "How could you betray me like this, Miles Edgeworth!? Now everyone at the Prosecutor's Office thinks that I'm some freak who sleeps with her brother!" Franziska snarls as she whips Edgeworth several more times.

"Newsflash, I didn't write the story, Larry did; so if you want to blame anyone, blame him!" Edgeworth objects.

"Oh, and who was the fool that foolishly told him that we would be going out for dinner last night? Oh right, YOU! Not to mention, how you foolishly hoar out your body to this foolish newspaper like some foolishly foolish nickel floozy!" Franziska rips the newspaper out of Edgeworth's hands and shows him the backside, which shows a picture of him sitting on the toilet, whipping his ass, with a caption that reads, 'Cleaning up crime'.

"KAAAYYYY!" Edgeworth bellows at the top of his lungs as he raises his fists in the air.

With one final flurry of lashes from her whip aimed at her adopted brother, Franziska storms out of the apartment.

Edgeworth, once again brimming with rage against his 'friend', calls up his cellphone.

"Yo, Larry Butz, ace reporter here. How may I help you?"

"Larry, you son of a bitch, you did it again! You made a story about me that had such bad wording that it backfired on me again- only this time, instead of almost getting arrested, Franziska came over to my apartment and ripped me a new one with that damn whip of hers!" Edgeworth snarls as he angrily grunts into the phone.

"Oooh!" Larry moans in an over-the-top, flamboyant voice. "So how was it…?"

"No! I'm through telling you things that you're going to misword in your damn newspaper which will, one way or another, come back to bite me in the ass! And while we're on this topic, why the hell am I the only person you write about? Sure, I might have some fame to my name, but there are other noteworthy people out there, you know." Edgeworth angrily questions.

"Edgey, baby! You're my main star! The fans eat up stories about you like hotcakes, especially the ladies! I can't deprive my beloved fans of their daily dose of Vitamin Edgey! I just can't!"

"Well, they'll have to do without because I'm never talking to you again! Goodbye, Larry…!" Edgeworth retorts.

"Wait!" Larry yells with a tone of desperation. "Since this bothers you so much, Edgey, I'll stop writing stories about you; but can I ask you for a little favor?"

"I'm listening…" Edgeworth asks with hesitation in his voice.

"Just tell me what you're doin tonight- but before you fly off the handle, just hear me out. I'm not writing a story about it, I'm merely creating a 'Hobbies' section where I'll just say what you're doing; no fluff, no muss, just telling the fans what they want to know about you and stuff. So, what do you say?"

"And you promise that you won't put any spin on what I tell you?"

"You have my word, Edgey. I won't put it out of context."

Edgeworth sighs, leaning towards just writing Larry off at this point, but instead choosing to be forgiving and agree. "Fine… Tonight, I'm inviting Wright, Gumshoe, and Justice over to play some board games as a way to help Wright's new protégé feel welcome in our group. From what we hear, he's never really had a game night, so we felt that it would make it all the better. There, happy?"

"Thanks, Edgey,! I won't let you down!" Larry ends the call as Edgeworth squeezes the bridge of his nose.

Later that evening, Edgeworth is reading his book while he waits for the guys to arrive for their game night when he hears a knock at the door.

Edgeworth looks down at his watch, which reads seven o'clock, as he goes to see who it is. "Strange, I didn't expect them to be so punctual. I guess there's a first time for everything." Edgeworth notes with a shrug of his shoulders.

Edgeworth opens the door and sees Phoenix, whose face is bruised, Gumshoe, and Apollo standing at his door as they glower at him.

"You've got a lot of explaining to Edgeworth!" Phoenix growls.

"Wright, how did your face get so bruised? Did you try to limit Maya to only one burger again?" Edgeworth asks his friend with a voice of concern.

"Well, Edgeworth, if you want to know, then why don't you read this article that you gave Larry…" Phoenix hands Edgeworth a newspaper, which he reads aloud.

"' _Prosecutor Edgeworth Plans Gay Game Night with Boy Friends! … This dashingly handsome, talented reporter has once again scored an interview with Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth. In said interview, the prosecutor told me how he was planning this game night as a way for him and his friends to bond with their new friend, Apollo Justice, who has never done this before; but Edgeworth doesn't care and says that it 'makes it all the better.'_ Damn it, Larry! You're dead to me!"

Phoenix is the first out of the three of Edgeworth's friends to speak on the matter. "Look, Edgeworth, we've always had our suspicions that you prefer carrots over melons, what with your frilly outfit and how you favor tea, and if you are, then more power to you; but when you start telling the whole world that we are as well, which results in Pearls slapping me like a dusty rug, that's crossing the line."

"Yeah, sir!" Gumshoe fumes. "This article could really hurt my chances of getting together with Maggey!"

"Gumshoe, if your relationship with Maggey is on the rocks, then your low salary and poor personal hygiene have probably beat this article to it." Edgeworth retorts.

"Hey, leave my salary out of this, sir! But it doesn't help when you paint me out like some closeted homosexual like Justice." Gumshoe objects.

"WHAT!" Apollo bellows. "I'm Apollo Justice, and I'm straight! Tell them, Mr. Wright!"

Phoenix remains silent as he gives Apollo a sheepish grin.

"What's with that look, Mr. Wright? You don't think that I swing that way, do you?"

"Well, Apollo, I can't say for certain… I mean, the only person you ever talk about, besides Kristoph, is your friend Clay and how you're so close with him."

"He's my best friend, do I really need to explain? As for why he's my only friend, you don't have time to socialize much when you're trying to maintain your three point five g.p.a so that you can keep your scholarship and stay in law school! But why are we focusing on me when Mr. Edgeworth's the one who started this whole mess!" Apollo yells with his Chords of Steel as he points his finger at Edgeworth, causing the three men to focus their attention on the disgruntled prosecutor.

Edgeworth puts his hands up to show that he wants no confrontation. "Look guys, you have to believe me when I say that I did not tell Larry that we were gay. I only told him that we were having a game night."

"Oh yeah, then explain why this picture is here…?" Phoenix flips the paper over to show a picture of Edgeworth, who is shirtless, posing with the Samurai Spear with the caption, 'Warming up for the boys'.

"Damn it, Kay! I swear, I need to get my windows tinted!" Edgeworth yells.

"Well, Mr. Edgeworth, we're going to teach you a little lesson just to be on the safe side." Gumshoe states as he, Phoenix, and Apollo approach Edgeworth as they crack their knuckles.

Edgeworth slowly starts backing away from his angry friends. "N-Now, guys, violence is never the answer to anything and actually cre- Aah!" Edgeworth screams as he trips over a footrest in his living room and falls on his back.

As Edgeworth helplessly lays on the ground, he puts his hands over his face to avoid any injures, but before he can be harmed, he is blinded by a bright light and when he regains his sight, he is back in his holding cell.

* * *

The show focuses back on Blaise. "On a side note, Aeliren85's mentioned how their punishment in Episode #8 was to show how I'm superior to Sebastian by having me date the hot younger woman and him dating the old windbag to prove that I'm better than him; but the main issue with that logic is that Sebastian already views me as a handsome man, so that wouldn't phase him, y'know. Not to mention, April May is bat shit insane, so I'd only be setting myself up for trouble there. Y'see, next time you want a punishment like that, pair me up with a hot, sane girl like Mia or Justine. But in regards to this punishment, you've yet again tried to screw me over. Y'know that 'link' you gave me for what inspired you for this punishment? Y'see, when I put that address in my search engine, I was greeted to an image screen containing a picture of Frederick Douglas, a woman putting paint on another woman, and the phrase 'Go **** myself' written in cursive." Blaise starts crying as he tugs on his fake beard. "N-Now, I don't know w-what you have against an old man like me, b-but it makes me want to cry! *sob* *sob*"

Blaise empties his goggles of tears. "And with that, we are finally done with the punishments for this episode. I know that this has been a long road, but we still have more to cover, y'know. Y'know, there have been many punishments that have been submitted to this show; and while I have been diligent in trying to fulfil as many as I can, y'see, there are some that I just couldn't work with. So, with this being the last episode of the season and all, I'll read my dishonorable mentions to you guys. Now, just remember, it's not that I personally dislike the people who submitted these punishments or think that their idiots, just that these specific ideas. So without further ado, I bring you my dishonorable mentions..."

Blaise snaps his fingers, which causes Meekins to bring in an open box with a picture of Sebastian's smug grin tapped to the front.

Blaise reaches into the box and pulls out a note. "A guest would have wanted me to create a world with multiple Sebastians…"

Blaise shakes his head as he utters a sound that is a mixture of laughter and whimpering. "Look. While that IS painful and all, they didn't say who I was punishing. Y'see, I can understand if they were trying to go for a whole 'punish everyone' thing, like that that Red White punishment way back in Episode #2, but multiple Sebastians is where I draw the line."

Blaise destroys the note with his lighter and flicks the remaining ashes away before pulling out another note. "Another guest would have had me put von Karma on Santa's Naughty List…Y'see, I didn't do that punishment because that already happened during von Karma's career, which resulted in what we in the legal business like to refer to as DL-6."

Blaise destroys the note in the same fashion as the first one before pulling out two notes this time. "Y'see, the reason that I'm taking out two notes instead of only one isn't because I don't know how to count to two… like a certain idiot that I know… but because these two suggestions have the same issue. and aceattorneyjrw would have wanted me to put Phoenix in a world where everyone is Kristoph and Dahlia, respectively… And like I said with the third punishment that we did this episode, those types of punishments can end up feeling cluttered and repetitive after the first few people."

Once again, Blaise destroys the notes before taking out another one. "Aeliren85 would have wanted me to give Pearl a taste of my powers so that she could get Phoenix and Maya to start dating each other… One, only an idiot like Sebastian would be foolish enough to give even a sliver of their powers to one of the participants because they could use their powers to oppose me and create problems for the show, y'see. And second, my powers don't work like that. Y'see, my powers, while vast, don't allow me to control two things: time and people. If I were able to control those things, do you think that I'd allow for myself to be convicted or for Sebastian to be born in the first place? No, of course not!"

Blaise starts to play with his lighter. "Y'know, while we're on the topic of my powers, I think that it would be as good a time as any to explain how I'd do my punishments. Y'see, contrary to what one would believe, the only things that I'd have planned from the moment that I read a punishment are the initial setting and the characters that will be present, y'know. Y'see, for the grand majority of the punishment, I watch the victim's actions and play with them a bit- like a game of cat and mouse. Y'know, sometimes I even help them a little, like when Apollo was being hunted down by Athena in Episode #6 and I gave him skateboard skills, just so that I can deliver a bigger blow in the end. As for characters involved, the victim is always the actual character whereas almost all the other characters are just powerful illusions created with my powers. The only punishment where real characters were exclusively used was the final punishment in Episode #9. Oh, and during Justine's punishment in Episode #6, the Sebastian, John, and Wocky that were thrown into the meat grinder were also the actual characters." A big grin spreads across Blaise's face. "Yep, good times… Good times…"

"So in conclusion, even if I did give Pearl some of my powers, she couldn't use them to get Phoenix and Maya to love each other which was the main intent." Blaise pulls at his fake beard as tears flow down his face. "Like the old saying goes: you can lead an idiot to good grades, but you can't make him succeed. A saying that I know all too well… *sob* *sob*" Blaise empties his goggles of tears and burns the note to ashes.

Blaise reaches into the jar and pulls out another note; and upon reading it, his eyes widen. "Okay, this punishment from FranzyPearlfan is so out there that a summary won't do it justice, y'see. The punishment reads, and I'm not exaggerating one bit, 'Anyway please have Polly the Parrot be an antagonist with Orla. PLEASE HAVE THEM RULE THE COURT!'"

Blaise immediately destroys the note with his lighter. "What drugs were you on when you came up with that punishment because even my idiot of a son couldn't come up with something THAT outlandish- not even the one time when I tried to make him disappear by forcing him to sniff glue and he was saying how the California Raisons could only eat yellow cookies on the third Tuesday of every month because the full moon would sing 'I'm a Little Teacup' and then devoir their souls on a loaf of pumpernickel! Just… WHY?! How would that even work? Would Orla flying around LA like a blimp, firing lasers from her eyes, as Polly dive-bombs her with her army of birds? Did you honestly expect me to draw that note and be all nonchalant as I brought your drug-induced fantasies to life?! Do I look like an indie producer to you!?" Blaise yells as he grips his lighter, causing a pillar of fire to erupt from it.

After taking a few deep breaths, Blaise calms down. "Okay, I'm good … I'm good… Y'know, with the dishonorable mentions done, I want to take this time to thank you all for being so supportive of this show. Y'see, without the support of the loyal fans, this show wouldn't have even made it past the preface." Blaise starts to cry and tug on his fake beard. "Y-Y'know, this season coming to a close is bringing a tear to my eye!"

Blaise empties his goggles as a smirk spreads across his face. "But why should I be so sad? I'll just simply start a second season of the show and keep the good times alive, y'see! I'm Blaise Debeste and I thank you for watching 'Pick Your Poison!' See you soon for the first episode of Season Two!" Blaise snaps his fingers, but the usual puff of smoke does not appear.

Blaise starts repeatedly snapping his fingers to activate his powers, but nothing happens. "W-Where are my powers! No, this has to be some sort of bad joke; and if it is, I'm not laughing, y'know! Y'see, if my powers are gone, then the entire cast that I'm holding in the back will-"

Suddenly, every character in the series marches onto the stage, all glowering at Blaise with looks of pure fury.

Blaise's eyes widen. "Oh no…"

"Hello Blaise." Justine states as she brandishes her gavel.

Blaise nervously clicks his lighter, which fails to ignite. "H-Hey guys, it's good that you came by. Y'see, I decided to release you all as thanks for being such good participants."

"Oh really, and here I thought it was because you lost your powers which caused the cell doors to open." Edgeworth flashes Blaise his infamous steely glare.

The mob slowly approaches Blaise, who nervously backs away.

"Y-Y'know, I hope there are no hard feelings between us. Right?" Blaise puts his hands in front of his face, tears welling up beneath his goggles.

"Debeste, if you truly think that, then you're dumber than Sebastian." Edgeworth sneers as Blaise continues to back away from the mob.

"Do unto others before they do unto you!" Meekins, who is finally free of his electric collar, yells as he tackles Blaise to the ground from behind and ensnares the former Chief Prosecutor in a headlock.

"Get off of me, you worthless idiot! Do you know who I am?!" Blaise yells as he tries in vain to struggle free of Meekins' octopus-like grasp.

"Yeah, a big bully!" Kay angrily replies as she grabs Blaise's right arm to keep him still.

"Yeah!" Maya chimes in as she grabs Blaise's left arm.

"You know what, Blaise, if you like this show so much, then why don't we just let you be a participant as well…" Justine says as she reaches into the jar and pulls out a note. "Look what we have here… DJJ680 and Seedfall would like to see all of us, the characters that you punished for all these episodes, punish you for a change…"

"Damn it, I always knew that DJJ680 would be the end of me, y'know, what with them making me play that Grumpy Pulpy 'Anaconda' song!" Blaise screams.

Justine directs her attention to the angry mob. "Alright everyone, how should we go about punishing Blaise?"

"Let's have grizzle try to rape him!" Wocky yells.

"Torture him with some evil magic show!" Apollo suggests.

"Make him listen to a musical number about how much of a failure he is!" Dahlia adds.

Edgeworth raises his hand. "Everyone, as one of, if not the most, punished people here, it is only fair for me to choose Debeste punishment and I say that we make it where everyone that he knows tries to sleep with him!"

"Ha! And just how do you plan to do those punishments without any powers?" Blaise says with a triumphant grin.

Blackquill snickers. "We don't need any powers with my idea: beating you up until you're nothing but a bloody stain on the floor."

"Yeah!" Everyone yells as they charge towards Blaise, but before they can get close to him, Sebastian steps in front of his father.

"Wait, you can't hurt Pops!" Sebastian objects, arms outstretched.

Ray gives Sebastian a look of confusion. "I don't get it. Wouldn't you want to get back at the man who made your life hell for 17 years?"

Sebastian nods. "Of course I do, but not like this! Don't you guys see? If we beat up Pops like this, then we're no better than he is!"

"Y-Y'know, Sebastian, that's the smartest thing you've ever said!" Blaise chimes in.

"Yeah, but we can't let that bastard get off scot-free!" Phoenix protests.

"You didn't let me finish. I just said that we shouldn't just leap to beating up Pops. That's why I think we should give him a verbatim." Sebastian suggests with a grin on his face.

"And what kind of 'ultimatum' did you have in mind, Sebastian?" Justine asks.

"Simple. If Pops just tells me that he loves me and is proud of me, then we'll let him go; but if he refuses to, then we'll beat him up."

Justine slams her gavel. "That sounds like a fitting punishment. Blaise Debeste, in the name of the Goddess of Law, are you proud of Sebastian?"

"Hmm… Y'know, that's a tough one… Either boost my son's self-esteem or get the crap beat out of me… Giving Sebastian joy… Getting beat up… Seeing my son happy… Bodily injury… Treating Sebastian like a human being… the strong possibility of being killed…"

Blaise ponders his choices for a few minutes. "Okay, I've made my decision… Sebastian, can I whisper this in your ear so I can, y'know, save face…?" Blaise lets out a long sigh.

"Sure, Pops." Sebastian approaches Blaise and puts his ear close to Blaise's face, excited for the day that he wanted all these years for; the moment that he would finally receive admiration from his dad.

"YOU ARE THE DUMBEST, MOST WORTHLESS IDIOT I HAVE EVER HAD THE DISPLEASSURE TO MEET!" Blaise yells at the top of his lungs, startling Sebastian and causing him to fall backwards, holding his aching ear as he cries on the cold, hard ground.

The mob then proceed to start beating up Blaise with many punches, kicks, and in Franziska's case, lashes of the whip. The only person not to beat up Blaise is Kristoph, who just stands off to the side, snickering, as a ball of light blue flames appears in his hand.

"So his powers came to me… How fitting. Time for me to have my fun!" Kristoph sneers as he snaps his fingers, causing a large portal to appear in the center of the studio and grow until it envelopes the entire area along with the cast.

When everyone regain their senses, they notice that they are back in LA, though not the one that they all know and love; for this version is devoid of life as upturned cars litter the weathered streets as many buildings are engulfed in flames, going well with the area's red sky. Suddenly, everyone's attention is directed to a large dirigible, with a flashing neon sign that reads 'KRISTOPH GAVIN, RULER OF THE EARTH', floating above them.

Kristoph, in his dirigible, takes a moment to stop gazing at the cast to turn to the camera. "Weren't expecting this, were you? Well, there's a new host in this town and he's changing up the rules, so I hope that you all come back next week for the start of my new show. I'm Kristoph Gavin, and I welcome you to 'Debauched Steel'…" Kristoph chuckles.

* * *

 **A/N:** I want to take this time to thank everyone who has commented and submitted punishments for this fanfic; for without you, there would be no 'Pick You're Poison!'. On a side note, the 'Jammin' Ninja' theme song goes to the tune of 'The Spanish Flea', by Herb Alpert. And with that, I hope that you guys enjoyed reading this fanfic as much as I loved writing it and for those of you interested, the preface for 'Debauched Steel' will be posted sometime next week.


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